Pongezi kwenu Single Mothers

RRONDO

JF-Expert Member
Jan 3, 2010
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Today I would like to celebrate single mothers. I may not have been raised by one but the burden of single motherhood is not lost on me.

One of my ex is a single mother. She has one lovely boy! From what i see her go through, my admiration and respect for her goes higher each day.

Single mother is a parent who stayed when things went awry and the man walked away. The single mother stood by her children and took the challenge head on! To me a single mother is the definition of wonder woman. Her salary and everything is not hers but belongd to her children.

She is the man and woman of the house, she pays the bills single-handedly, draws up family budget and ensure the salary lasts up to next pay. You can not compare a single mother to a married woman who has support of a husband from home to paedriatic win

Single mother watch over her son/daughter all by herself and still make it to work next day and whenever the children begin to ask 'where is daddy?' she has to come up with an answer solid and wise enough for the sake of peace and to protect her children

Yet the society ostracizes the single mother and 'slut-shames' her! Why is she a single mother? Cant she keep a man? And how dare she have children before marriage? We dont know maybe she left an abusive marriage to protect her children from a violent childhood. Or we dont realize she is the parent who stayed when the man walked out on her and refused even to take care of the children. We dont even think may be she is a widow!

We dont celebrate single mothers enough because their strength and tenacity intimidate us and we are left wondering how can a woman possess so much strength? And when she decides to get herself out there and meet new man we tell her she is too old, used to get a man! She is damaged goods. That she has too much buggage and she should be happy alone.Some even say she doesnt deserve dowry! We give her side eye as if single mothers do not deserve love.

We call her a loose woman for having children by one man and going out with another yet we celebrate men with children from different women! This has to stop

I SALUTE ALL STRONG SINGLE MOTHERS OUT THERE

Source: The Citizen.

Wanachama mbalimbali wakielezea mahusiano yao mazuri na Single Mothers

********** Alivyozama kimapenzi kwa Single Mother*****
Wakuu za siku nyingi aisee

Bhana kumekuwa na thread za kuwananga hawa masingle mother kwa tabia zao za kurudi kwa wanaume walio wazalisha wanasema kukumbushia enzi.

Bhana mdogo wenu ndio nimejikuta nimezama huko napata mapenzi 24/7 sijutii kuwa na huyu mwanamke kama wengi wenu mnavo wazungumzia.

Naapa sijawahi enjoy mapenzi kama wakati huu sijawahi kuwa na gf mwenye real love kama huyu, sijawahi kuwa kwenye mahusiano na mwanamke anayejielewa na mwenye mawazo chanya kama huyu.

Sijawahi pata maendeleo kama niliyo nayo kwa huyu mwanamke (nimefungua biashara kwa ushauri wake)kabla ya hapo pesa angu sikujua inapoendaa nilijua na mikosi plus gundu kumbe nilikuwa sijapata mtu sahihi kwenye mahusiano.

Kusema ukweli sijawahi enjoy ngono kama wakati huu mtu wangu yupo so open sio kama vibinti vya chuo nadekezwa mie.

Before nilikuwa najua papuchi kavu ndio nzuri lakini saivi napenda inayolowa
Huyu single mama papuchi yake inaloa hadi raha sipati tena michubuko kwenye dushe langu.

Naenjoy naona kabisa anavyofika kileleni sio zile fake organism za vibinti.

Hii iwaendee wote wanaowaponda single mothers, nyie mkiwaona wa nini kuna watu kama sie tunawahitaji.
Habari za saa hizi Wanajamvi.

Leo kuna jambo fulani nataka kushare nanyi, jambo ambalo huenda mnalifahamu au hamlifahamu lakini kwa vyovyote najua kwa mjadala huu mtafahamu zaidi.

Tunatofautiana mitazamo. Kuna mitazamo tofauti tofauti kuelekea swala la kuoa Singo maza (naomba nitohoe najua inapaswa kuwa 'Single mother' ila sipendi kuchanganya lugha).

Kuna watu tumejizatiti hatutaoa singo maza ila hii kitu ni rahisi zaidi kuzungumza kuliko kuweka katika matendo. Kwanini ?

Mara nyingi kumpenda mtu hutokea bila hiari. Bila kuamua na kupatanisha maamuzi yako na mtazamo wako hiyo ndiyo sababu baadhi yetu tumejikuta tukienda kinyume na mitazamo yetu linapokuja swala la kuoa singo maza.

Acha nieleze jinsi nilivyozama kwa Singo Maza na kujikuta napuuza mtazamo wangu.

Mwishoni mwa mwezi wa tisa nilipewa mwaliko wa kuhudhuria sherehe za harusi fulani ya swahiba wangu sana.
Ilikuwa siku ya Jumamos usiku wa hiyo sherehe, wakati sherehe inaendelea na sisi (mimi na kampani fulani ya rafiki yetu) tumekaa kwenye meza ile kwenye meza jirani palikuwa na msichana fulani. Mweupee, mzuri kweli kweli, shape kama la Wema Sepetu. Nilipomuona nikamstua nikampa hi kisha nikakausha maana niliamini sio hadhi yangu ile . Najijua life langu 'dongotee' kula kwa kuunga unga na mishe ziende vizuri ndo nivae. Watoto wazuri kama wale wanataka matunzo.





Basi nikiwa naendelea kushusha bia, nikapaliwa. Bia ikanimwagikia kwenye shati. Shati likachafuka, miongoni mwa watu waliniona hili likitokea ni yule mrembo, rafiki zangu walipoona hili walinicheka sana ila yule mrembo (acha nimwite Asha) aliinuka alipokuwa na kunifata akanipa pole akatoa kitambaa chake akanipa nijifute. Nikakataa akanibembeleza nikaona sooo nikachukua ila sikujifutia chake niliinuka nikaenda msalani. Ila mpaka hapo akawa amenigusa kwa kiasi fulani nikaanza kumuona wife material.

Niliporudi nikamuomba namba akanipa. Niliporudi home nilimpigia simu aiseee! tulizungumza mpaka asubuhi, akanambia anaomba alale nikamuacha ila nikamuomba tukutane siku hiyo hiyo (jumapili) akasema sawa tutakutana jioni. Kweli jioni hiyo tukaweza kukutana maeneo fulani hivi ya ubungo tukaenda Bar fulani hivi. Kwanza kujiamini kuliniisha maana toto zuri vile linakubali appointment na mie tena sehemu km ile ila nikajikaza mpaka nikafanikiwa kumtongoza.

Hakukataa wala hakunambia chochote ila akasema ntakujibu siku nyingine. Nikaona 'Sawa.' mazungumzo yakaendelea ila sasa katika mazungumzo yake alikuwa mwepesi sana kusema maneno fulani yakuonesha kuwa yeye ni mtu wa dini. Lakini pia alikuwa mwenye ushauri chanya sana na kuonesha uzoefu mkubwa wa maisha jambo ambalo lilinifanya nione huyu ni 'wife material.' Istoshe hakuaguza pombe wala soda ila maji tu na akanambia atalipia yeye, nikasema mke si ndo huyu sasa.
Baada ya kama wiki moja hivi toka tuanze kuwasiliana mahusiano yakawa yameanza rasmi na kwakuwa nilishazama na KUDATA kwake sana nikaona sasa ni wasaa rasmi wa kupanga maswala ya harusi maana ni wife material haswa: hana lawama, hana mizinga, ata ukimwambia njoo saa nane usiku anaweza akaja, mshauri mzuri na mzoefu sana wa maisha istoshe ni MZURI MNO wa muonekano mpaka shape yaani kama ya wema.

Waswahili wanasema usione vyaelea vimeundwa, tukiwa katika mazungumzo akanambia kuna kitu nataka nikwambie, nikamwambia niambie, basi nilijua anaomba hela(maana hivyo ndivyo nnavowajua wanawake kwa uzoefu wangu) kumbe na tofauti kabisa na hilo. "Mimi nna mtoto," unasemaje ? niliuliza "Nna mtoto ana miaka mitatu, Nimeona bora nikwambie mapema kabla hatujaingia kwenye ndoa".

Sasa ndo tunarudi kwenye mada hii, unaweza kuwa na mtazamo fulani kuhusu wanawake wenye watoto, kwamba labda hutooa mwanamke mwenye mtoto katika maisha yako lakini mi nakwambia mwanaume mwenzangu unasema hivyo kwa sababu hujawai PENDA mwanamke mwenye mtoto.
Mimi nilikuwa na mtazamo huo huo lakini mpaka kufikia hatua hii ambayo nimependa kiasi hiki, mtazamo wangu nauona wa Kipumbavu sana, najiuliza kwanini nilikuwa naona si vizuri kuoa mwanamke mwenye mtoto ? Hapa saa hizi nawaza namna maisha yatakavyokuwa nitakapokuwa na familia yangu mpya na mtoto wa nyongeza, nna mtazamo mzuri sana kuelekea singo maza wangu na nataka nimpende mwanae kama mwanangu wa kumzaa kwa sababu sasa nimebaini nguvu ya upendo.

Kama hupendi kuoa singo maza sawa huo ni mtazamo wako, ila Mtazamo wako waweza badilika siku moja ukikutana na mwanamke utakaempenda kweli kweli kama mimi ilivonitokea kwahiyo nikushauri usiseme wala kukashifu watu waliooa masingo maza kama hujui nguvu ya upendo, huenda nawe ukajikuta katika njia hii hii.

Singo maza wote jamani nyie watu mna mbinu sana maana leo nimejikuta nakana nilichokishikilia kwa mda mrefu.

Mnisamehe wote niliowakwaza kwa kushea swala hili lililonikuta kwa kweli acha tu nikiri kuwa nimedata, na nimebadili mtazamo wangu.

Ila ushauri kwa wanaume wenzangu, usikashifu wala usiweke itikadi ya SITAOA singo maza, maana utajikuta unakana mtazamo wa kukolea kwa singo maza fulani, hii imenitokea kama mipango itakwenda vizuri basi tutaalikana kwenye harusi.

Mnisamehe kwa kuandika maneno meengi. Karibuni kwa mchango wenu.
********* Mdau awaasa Wanaume wasiwanyanyase Single Mothers**********
Habarini wana jamvi.

Juzi kati ( kabla ya Eid) nilikuwa natoka zangu sokoni kutafuta zaga za Eid el Hajj nakaribia kwangu kuna mdada wa hapa kitaa ninapoishi akanisimamisha na mm nikasimama kumsikiliza kunani, dada kaumbika masha Allah yaani ana mkia wa maana japo sura ya baba. Basi yule mdada kwa upole wa hali ya juu akanisalimia na kunitaka radhi kwa kunisimamisha nikamwambia uwe na Amani.

Chakushangaza yule dada bila kupindisha maneno akaniambia najuwa hali imekuwa ngumu sana kwa kila mtu lakini amini kaka hali yangu ni mbaya zaidi. Mimi ni mjane na nina watoto watatu najitahidi kutafuta rizki ya halali ila kwa hii siku kuu hali imekuwa mbaya zaidi. Nakuomba kaka yangu nisaidie chochote watoto wangu wafurahi hata kwa hii siku moja. Kilichoniuma aliniambia nipo tayari kwa lolote kaka ilimradi watoto wangu wafurahi kama watoto wengine. Nilijikaza kiume lakini bado kidogo tu nitokwe na machozi mbele ya yule mdada.

Niliamua kurudi tena sokoni na yule dada nikamwambia chagua unachotaka dada, alikua muoga wa kuagiza nikaamua niseme mm nilimnunulia mchele wa basmat kilo tano, vitunguu, mbatata, nyanya, kiufupi zaga zote za jikoni na baadae nikampa laki na hamsini imsaidie. Alinishukuru huyo mdada yaani hadi nilihisi kama anakufuru na akaamua kunipa number ya sim ila nilikataa. Maneno yake yalinifanya niwaze siku nikifa ghafla mke wangu ataishi vipi?

Na nimejifunza kitu si kila mwanamke anaetowa papuchi kuwa anapenda wengine huwa mambo yamewafika kooni hawana option. Tujitahidi wanaume kuwa na mioyo ya huruma kwa wajane na single mothers.
Nasemaje ikome...

Kuzaa azae mwingine kukereka akereke mwingine inahusu? Wameachana, wamekataliwa, wamepata mimba kwenye starehe, wamepata kwa mume wa mtu.its non of your business!

Unakuta mwanaume mzima na kende zako kubwa ka machungwa ya supermarket kutwa umekaa kumsimanga mwanamke kisa kazaa ulitaka awe mgumba?

Kuzaa kazaa yeye, analea mwenyewe.anasomesha mwenyewe ila we kutwa kuongea kinachokukera nini hasa?

Sikiliza nkwambie..mama ni msingi! Msingi wa watoto na familia kwa ujumla. Jiulize kwanini familia nyingi mama akifa familia inayumba sana na kusambarathata?mabalaa hayaishi. Inakosa furaha na uchangamfu kama mwanzo? Mama ni msingi wa malezi mema, ulinzi, furaha, mafanikio, baraka nk. Mama akikosekana watoto wanayumba

Kama msingi wako ulisimama mpaka Leo umekomaa jibaba zima.basi usitikise wa mwenzio tafadhali.yule kichanga ni binadamu mwenzio pia.malezi mema ulopitia nae anayahitaji.

Kama we unavyompenda mamako.nae ana upendo kwa mamake. Kama unavyoombea mamako aishi umri mrefu Nae anatamani kuendelea kumuona. Inashangaza mwanamke tangu ana mimba mpaka anajifungua ni maneno tu masimango tu mpaka wanakua frustrated, wana huzuni, wanaweza pata hata magonjwa ya moyo kama si kujikaza.

Kama unavyouheshimu msingi wako.uheshimu wa mwenzio. Kama unavyoupenda wako, nae anaupenda wake. Kama hupendi kuona wako ukitikiswa tena ukiwa tayari umekomaa usitikise wa mwenzako ambae bado hata hajakomaa na anauhitaji kwa asilimia kubwa kuliko wewe.

Nadhani nimeeleweka

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fundichupi

JF-Expert Member
Jan 4, 2015
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250
Its a good article.... Imeniingia akilini na nimeielewa sana kama sio kuikubali mantiki.

Ila ikumbukwe pia kuwa a mans heart is different from that of a woman ndio maana its a rare case single mom kupata a promising relationship while a single dad can get any relationship he wants because always the kid at hand will stir pain in a man while to a woman it may stir sympathy.

all in all a single mum makes me regret my past choices.

hats down to single mum that dont depend on tips from bf or relatives.
 

RRONDO

JF-Expert Member
Jan 3, 2010
39,606
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Its a good article.... Imeniingia akilini na nimeielewa sana kama sio kuikubali mantiki.

Ila ikumbukwe pia kuwa a mans heart is different from that of a woman ndio maana its a rare case single mom kupata a promising relationship while a single dad can get any relationship he wants because always the kid at hand will stir pain in a man while to a woman it may stir sympathy.

all in all a single mum makes me regret my past choices.

hats down to single mum that dont depend on tips from bf or relatives.
This is more a stereotype/culture thing than a 'heart'
 

Heaven Sent

JF-Expert Member
Sep 27, 2013
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Mmmh tungekuwa tunawaappreciate hivi kila siku, daah mbona Ingekuwa poa sana. Some shoes are too big to fill, regardless waliamua kuwa single mothers or whatever. Kulea mtoto/ watoto on your own isn't a joke. Kuna muda hata uwe na pesa kiasi gani, unawish angekuwepo mtu tu wa kukushika mkono. Imagine una mtoto usiku kazidiwa ghafla unamkimbiza hospitalini Peke yako, unakesha alone hadi asubuhi, unatamani angekuwepo mtu (baba) hata akuhug tu na kukutia moyo but ndo hayupo

Heshima hizi za kipekee kabisa ziwaendee pia wanawake wote ambao wameolewa na " zaidi ya married singles". Mtoto anachokijua kuhusu baba yake ni surname aliyompa na sura ya mzee wake anayoiona akiamka asubuhi na akirudi kalewa chakari au kahamia kwa mama mdogo. Mama ndo anajua watoto wanakula nini, wanavaa nini, ada ya shule, wakiumwa na Kila kitu. Mama akitetereka tu kidogo, basi watoto imewacost. Ila angalau hata hawa watoto wamepata neema ya kumuita mtu "baba". Respect to our mothers
 

fundichupi

JF-Expert Member
Jan 4, 2015
387
250
This is more a stereotype/culture thing than a 'heart'
unasema hivo kwa experience au mada za kusoma gazetini tu....

Uzi wako ni mzuri ila hizi opinion sasa zitaboa na kuharibu uzi, ukiona mwanaume anakaa/anaishi full time sio kuwapeleka watoto boarding school na likizo kuwapeleka wakatembee kwa ndugu, ila ni analea full time watoto ambao sio wa damu yake mheshimu maana hujui anashindana vipi na odds anazokumbana nazo kisaikolojia na kihisia ili awe an idol to the kids na kuwapa a promising future.

ukisha experience haya na ukayaweza bila wivu,chuki na manyanyaso kwa mtoto wa kufikia ndio utajua kama ni stereotype/culture ama ni a heart thing.
 

RRONDO

JF-Expert Member
Jan 3, 2010
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unasema hivo kwa experience au mada za kusoma gazetini tu....

Uzi wako ni mzuri ila hizi opinion sasa zitaboa na kuharibu uzi, ukiona mwanaume anakaa/anaishi full time sio kuwapeleka watoto boarding school na likizo kuwapeleka wakatembee kwa ndugu, ila ni analea full time watoto ambao sio wa damu yake mheshimu maana hujui anashindana vipi na odds anazokumbana nazo kisaikolojia na kihisia ili awe an idol to the kids na kuwapa a promising future.

ukisha experience haya na ukayaweza bila wivu,chuki na manyanyaso kwa mtoto wa kufikia ndio utajua kama ni stereotype/culture ama ni a heart thing.

everyone is entitled to her/his opinion...
 

Jael

JF-Expert Member
Jul 19, 2013
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i respect women who show some respect.
Teh teh teh teh, basi respect yako ina ualakini, alafu usiniongeleshe kiinglish maana sina hela sasahivi, nikichacha kingreza huwa hakipandi bwana.
 

KATASAN'KAZA

JF-Expert Member
Jul 24, 2013
3,083
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Mmmh tungekuwa tunawaappreciate hivi kila siku, daah mbona Ingekuwa poa sana. Some shoes are too big to fill, regardless waliamua kuwa single mothers or whatever. Kulea mtoto/ watoto on your own isn't a joke. Kuna muda hata uwe na pesa kiasi gani, unawish angekuwepo mtu tu wa kukushika mkono. Imagine una mtoto usiku kazidiwa ghafla unamkimbiza hospitalini Peke yako, unakesha alone hadi asubuhi, unatamani angekuwepo mtu (baba) hata akuhug tu na kukutia moyo but ndo hayupo

Heshima hizi za kipekee kabisa ziwaendee pia wanawake wote ambao wameolewa na " zaidi ya married singles". Mtoto anachokijua kuhusu baba yake ni surname aliyompa na sura ya mzee wake anayoiona akiamka asubuhi na akirudi kalewa chakari au kahamia kwa mama mdogo. Mama ndo anajua watoto wanakula nini, wanavaa nini, ada ya shule, wakiumwa na Kila kitu. Mama akitetereka tu kidogo, basi watoto imewacost. Ila angalau hata hawa watoto wamepata neema ya kumuita mtu "baba". Respect to our mothers
Penda sana wewe mwanamke ubarikiwe...! Shida wakisifiwa mibichwa inawavimba waache kuwa desperate wakijipanga waweza kuwa na wenza shida yao wazazi wenzao wengi wao ni michepuo yao...! NDOA NA IHESHIMIWE NA WATU WOTE ATA WALIO IKOSA...
 

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Illovo

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Feb 21, 2015
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Teh teh teh teh, basi respect yako ina ualakini, alafu usiniongeleshe kiinglish maana sina hela sasahivi, nikichacha kingreza huwa hakipandi bwana.


hahahaha! wee atoto unachekesha mchungaji!!! usingle mother ni ajali, ingawa sasa ivi mabinti hawajitambui wanajingiza kwny mahsiano bila utaratibu
 

Jael

JF-Expert Member
Jul 19, 2013
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hahahaha! wee atoto unachekesha mchungaji!!! usingle mother ni ajali, ingawa sasa ivi mabinti hawajitambui wanajingiza kwny mahsiano bila utaratibu
Na wengine wanaamua kabisa kuwa single moms maana hata wanaume nao hawajitambui, so unaamua tu kuwa na kababy kako maisha yasonge.
 

RRONDO

JF-Expert Member
Jan 3, 2010
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Na wengine wanaamua kabisa kuwa single moms maana hata wanaume nao hawajitambui, so unaamua tu kuwa na kababy kako maisha yasonge.
Huo ndio u selfish ambao akina mzabzab wanausema....unajali matakwa yako tu, vipi haki ya mtoto kulelewa na baba na mama?
 
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Kasie

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Dec 29, 2013
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What if I said after reading the article in the Citizens Newspaper it reminds you of your ex lover who is a single mother and this leads you to feel sorry for her (kumuonea huruma au have sympathy with her) sijui kama nimepatia tafsiri maana transaltion ya lugha ni shiida. Hence decide to share with us, its no harm but what I wanted to say is, its not right to think that this single moms wanahitaji kuonewa huruma au walionewa before na wanaume (not all the time). Instead you would have bring the topic and let people discuss single moms in every angle as everyone sees them.

Still I do not have the right kukukosoa but it is just my thoughts.

Back to the topic: I have bad experience of single moms, this mom was using us the relatives of the father of her child as a source of earning money. It reached a point she was teaching her child to call us and tell us that her mom needs help to raise her WHILE we were taking every care of her child every bill you know for a child.
Ilifika kipindi tukatamani kumchukua mtoto tukae nae coz tuliona anamfundisha tabia mbaya mtoto bu haikuwa rahisi. For that naona single mom ana behave vibaya.

In other way, kuna single mom wako perfect hadi unasikia raha, yaani mtoto ana adabu, respect na mama ana respect mahusiano yake bila ku effect mtoto. Mama anajituma na ni mchaparikaji akikwama anaomba msaada wa ku boostiwa sio kumtumia mtoto kuomba kila kitu khaaa .

HELLO to all single moms sina uzoefu nao hivo siwahukumu ila napenda wa behave mbele ya watoto na kuwafundisha watoto tabia njema regardless what.

OUT OF TOPIC: I respect single Dads as inajulikana malezi ni ya mama, ukikuta baba analea mtoto wake bila mama na mtoto yuko vizuri in tabia na kila kitu. I give BIG RESPECT.

Kasie.
 
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