Mapenzi: Nini Hupelekea Victims Kurudi Kwa Abusers Wao?

[Nalendwa]

Yeah kuna mahali nilisomaga kitambo, a cold hearted person was once a person who cared too much.

Not all of them brother. Kuna tofauti kubwa kati ya abuser na cold hearted person.

This's pushing me to dive into psychology. Kuna raha yake kusoma akili na behaviour ya mtu.
It's Interesting and complicated at the same time.

 

[Nalendwa]

Kuna abusers wa aina mbili. Ambaye anaweza kurekebika akienda counselling, na ambae harekebiki kwa lolote maana part ya brain yake inakuwa ina shida.

Hawa ambao hawarekebiki,ni wale ambao wamearibiwa wakiwa katika age ya miaka mitatu mpaka minne, katika hiyo age ndipo personality ya mtu hujengeka(mpole,mcheshi,mtu wa watu,mkarimu). Na mtoto hucopy hizo from mzazi mmojawapo.
Inapotokea wazazi hawamjali mtoto, wanamtesa mtoto, basi part ambayo huitwa Frontal lobe( huwa ina deal na personality ya mtu, tabia,planning ,ogranizing).
Sehem hii ya ubongo hu stop ku function vizuri.
Hii humfanya mtoto, instead ya kuweza ku feel real emotion, na kujenga personality, ashindwe kufanya hivyo instead mtoto anajifunza ku copy hisia za wengine ili wazazi wampende.

Wakija kuwa wakubwa, sehem hiyo ya ubongo bado huwa ina tatizo. Huwa inapelekea wao kuwa katili maana hawana personality halis, wanacopy tabia na hisia za watu sababu wao hawawez ku feel hisia. Na pia wanakuwa na lack of emotion, hawafeeel hisia kama za (huruma,upendo,mapenz), instead wao hujisikia raha pale watu wanapo umia au kudhurika.

Thats why wana abuse sana sana kama wapenz wao, ndugu zao wa karib maana wao husikia raha sana pale watu hao wanapokuwa katika hali za huzuni.

Na pia ndio maana abuser wa type hii, hu copy tabia za mtu ambae victim anamuhitaji, ili kumdanganya victim kuwa wao ndio "the true love". Victim akishanasa tu,ndio abusers hufungua makucha na kuanza kumtesa mtu wake wa karibu.

[emoji106] [emoji122] [emoji108] salute!..

Detective am curious. Ikitokea kwa watoto wa kike inakuwaje?
Wanaonyesha tabia gani ukubwani, wanaweza kweli kuwa abusive kwa wanaume?!

 

[Kasie]

Aww!, this's so sweet of you Kasie..

Thanks dear.

 

[Kasie]

Sorry am not a boy !!! Boys are like nyani

Why don't you talk about yourself and stop talking about other people?

Don't you have a story about your life to share...!!??? Don't feel shy just say it. ...

 

[Daby]

Kwa jamii yetu ya kitanzania sawa, maybe hizo factor zinachangia. Lakin factor kubwa ambayo watu huwa hawaioni, ni ile addiction ya hisia fulani ambazo ex ambae ndio anaweza kuziamsha.

Mfano: japo kuwa ex wako ame ku abuse vibaya mno. Mpala kaharibu kufikiri kwako, lakin kuna jamba moja tu ambalo analiwezea sana kama vile sex, kubembeleza(kukupa mapenz ya hali ya juu japo kuwa ni ya uwongo).

Sawa sawa.

 

[Detective J]

[emoji106] [emoji122] [emoji108] salute!..

Detective am curious. Ikitokea kwa watoto wa kike inakuwaje?
Wanaonyesha tabia gani ukubwani, wanaweza kweli kuwa abusive kwa wanaume?!

Yes wanakuwa abusive vibaya mno. Na hawa wakija kukuwa, wakiwa katika umri wa ujana wanakuwa wabaya zaidi.
moja ya sifa zao ni kuwa attractive, yaani kuonekana warembo zaidi, kujiona wao ndio wao katika hii dunia, wao huwa hawakosei,hawashauriki na huwa wanajijali wao tu ,kamwe hawajali walio karibu yao.

- attention seekers : tunajua wanawake wanahitaji attention kutoka kwa wapenzi wao, lakin female abusers wanahitaji zaid ya kawaida, wanaweza kucheat kutembea na wanaume wengi ili attention iongezeke.

-Critism(kukosolewa)- female abusers hawawezi kuvumilia kukosolewa hata kama kosa ni lao liko wazi na ni bayana. Kwenye bongo zao hujiona kuwa hawana kosa, so hata kama wamekamatwa live waki cheat , watageuza na kusema sababu ya victim wao ndio wame cheat.
Mara nyingi wakikosolewa hata kiutani huwa wana respond kwa hasira isiyo ya kawaida( hata kutaka kupigana japo ni nadra) kuelekea kwa mkosoaji.

-Lack of empathy (upungufu wa hisia zamuhim kama vile upendo, kupendwa au kupenda, aibu,huruma)
Female abuser hawana hiv vitu, ndio maana wanaweza cheat kwao ni jambo la kawaida. Victim anaweza lia kuwa amesalitiwa, lakin abuser anamshangaa victim anacholia ni nn wkt yeye anaona chesting ni jambo la kawaida.

- hupata kichaa pale mtu wao wa karib lets say mpenz. Anapo kataa kufanya jambo fulani. Neno "hapana" huwa hawalipendi na wanaweza kulipuka kwa matusi makubwa sana.

-muda mwingi mkipanga kuonana, wao huvuruga mipango hiyo. sababu wanapenda iwe hivyo, wanaona raha victim anavyo teseka juu yao.

-kila mazungumzo atakayoshiriki female abuser, anataka mazungumzo hayo yamuhusu yeye. Mafano: amekuta kundi la marafiki wakiongelea urembo, maybe wanasema fulani ni mzuri, yeye akija ataanza kusema mm ni mzuri kuliko flani.

Chochote kile ilimradi aonekane kuwa yeye ndie center of attention.

- hufurahi katika mateso ya victim. Yaaan female abusers (just like man abusers) wana feed on victim pain. Wanaweza kukusaliti waziwazi ili ulie, ww ukilia wao wanacheka wazi wazi,wanasikia raha sana.
Wanapata raha ukifiwa,ukiachika,ukipata matatizo, chochote kile kitakacho kusababishia maumiv basi wao huwapa raha sana.

 

[Detective J]

And yes wanakuwa abusive to man sana sana. tofauti ni kuwa wanaume huwa tunaona aib sana kama tukiwa abused na mwanamke. Jamii ikijua , haswa jamii ya kitanzania humchukulia kuwa huyo mwanaume ni dhaifu. So ili kuepuka aib mwanaume anakubali kuwa abused huku akiumia ndani kwa ndani mpaka hapo atakapo sema basi.

Kwa wanawake ni rahis sababu si wepes wa kuficha mambo. Na sababu jamii ya kiafrika inamchukulia mwanamke kama kiumbe dhaifu, basi mwanamke akisema hayo ataonewa huruma na kusaidiwa.

 

[Mjuni Lwambo]

siungi mkono kupiga ila kuna watu wanatamanisha kudundwa...

Imagine mke anamjibu mme aliye serious katikati ya conve iliyo serious kabisa mxieeew, mfyuuu... na kesho unarudia....

Hapo sasa mmeanza kuja kwenye pointi, nilikuwa najiuliza, ina maana huyo mwanaume anampiga tu huyo mwanamke from no where tu bila sababu.... Mimi mwanamke akijibu mbovu lazima nimpe kipondo. Talk shit ... get hit.

 

[narumuk]

Why don't you talk about yourself and stop talking about other people?

Don't you have a story about your life to share...!!??? Don't feel shy just say it. ...

Hapa JF ni uwanja wa kuelezana ukweli! Lazima uelezwe kuwa unatakiwa kuheshimu umama wako. Mtu mzima kama wewe kutembea na viben10 ni aibu! Jirudi na acha kudharilisha wanawake wenzio! Naishia hapa ila ukiendelea nitakueleza unapojikwaa. Imagine unacompete na wajukuu wako. Be blessed

 

[G.Jacob]

Not all of them brother. Kuna tofauti kubwa kati ya abuser na cold hearted person.

Hao wote wanaingia kwenye kundi moja tu na wakati mwingine ni heri ukutane na abuser kuliko kuingia kwenye kumi na nane za cold heart person yaani unafanya kila kitu lakini jamaa anaku-ignore kinyama yani.
Have you ever being ignored even once? Ulijisikiaje? Yaani mtu wa muhimu kwako lakini anagoma kukupa acknowledgment unayostahili halafu wewe unabakia kujipa moyo huenda ipo siku atabadilika na kunisikiliza miaka inazidi songa tu, ukimpa kazawadi anakuwa hajali, ukimshauri hatilii maanani hadi unafikia hatua unakuwa hujiamini tena kwa lolote mbele yake.

 

[Detective J]

Hao wote wanaingia kwenye kundi moja tu na wakati mwingine ni heri ukutane na abuser kuliko kuingia kwenye kumi na nane za cold heart person yaani unafanya kila kitu lakini jamaa anaku-ignore kinyama yani.
Have you ever being ignored even once? Ulijisikiaje? Yaani mtu wa muhimu kwako lakini anagoma kukupa acknowledgment unayostahili halafu wewe unabakia kujipa moyo huenda ipo siku atabadilika na kunisikiliza miaka inazidi songa tu, ukimpa kazawadi anakuwa hajali, ukimshauri hatilii maanani hadi unafikia hatua unakuwa hujiamini tena kwa lolote mbele yake.

Yes nimesha experience and i know how it feels like.
For abusers , kum ignore mtu to tool ya kumtesa victim, huwa wanaipenda sana haswa pale wakikamatwa red handed.

Cold - heart person in other hand huwa ana ku ignore lakin not for fun. Ni ile hajisikii au haoni umuhim wako so anaona kama unamsumbua.


Yes wote wanafanana kiasi fulani.
Abuser ana enjoy sana kuignore(wao hawapendi kuwa ignored,ina wa drive crazy). Kwao ni mbinu ya mateso,kumtesa victim huku wakicheka kwa mbali.
Cold heart in other hand, ana ignore ila hapati ile sense of enjoyment kutokana na ku ignore, instead anaona powa, hapati raha wala huzni yoyote. Just hataki tu uwepo wako.

 

[Nalendwa]

Yes wanakuwa abusive vibaya mno. Na hawa wakija kukuwa, wakiwa katika umri wa ujana wanakuwa wabaya zaidi.
moja ya sifa zao ni kuwa attractive, yaani kuonekana warembo zaidi, kujiona wao ndio wao katika hii dunia, wao huwa hawakosei,hawashauriki na huwa wanajijali wao tu ,kamwe hawajali walio karibu yao.

- attention seekers : tunajua wanawake wanahitaji attention kutoka kwa wapenzi wao, lakin female abusers wanahitaji zaid ya kawaida, wanaweza kucheat kutembea na wanaume wengi ili attention iongezeke.

-Critism(kukosolewa)- female abusers hawawezi kuvumilia kukosolewa hata kama kosa ni lao liko wazi na ni bayana. Kwenye bongo zao hujiona kuwa hawana kosa, so hata kama wamekamatwa live waki cheat , watageuza na kusema sababu ya victim wao ndio wame cheat.
Mara nyingi wakikosolewa hata kiutani huwa wana respond kwa hasira isiyo ya kawaida( hata kutaka kupigana japo ni nadra) kuelekea kwa mkosoaji.

-Lack of empathy (upungufu wa hisia zamuhim kama vile upendo, kupendwa au kupenda, aibu,huruma)
Female abuser hawana hiv vitu, ndio maana wanaweza cheat kwao ni jambo la kawaida. Victim anaweza lia kuwa amesalitiwa, lakin abuser anamshangaa victim anacholia ni nn wkt yeye anaona chesting ni jambo la kawaida.

- hupata kichaa pale mtu wao wa karib lets say mpenz. Anapo kataa kufanya jambo fulani. Neno "hapana" huwa hawalipendi na wanaweza kulipuka kwa matusi makubwa sana.

-muda mwingi mkipanga kuonana, wao huvuruga mipango hiyo. sababu wanapenda iwe hivyo, wanaona raha victim anavyo teseka juu yao.

-kila mazungumzo atakayoshiriki female abuser, anataka mazungumzo hayo yamuhusu yeye. Mafano: amekuta kundi la marafiki wakiongelea urembo, maybe wanasema fulani ni mzuri, yeye akija ataanza kusema mm ni mzuri kuliko flani.

Chochote kile ilimradi aonekane kuwa yeye ndie center of attention.

- hufurahi katika mateso ya victim. Yaaan female abusers (just like man abusers) wana feed on victim pain. Wanaweza kukusaliti waziwazi ili ulie, ww ukilia wao wanacheka wazi wazi,wanasikia raha sana.
Wanapata raha ukifiwa,ukiachika,ukipata matatizo, chochote kile kitakacho kusababishia maumiv basi wao huwapa raha sana.

Wau!, [emoji120] [emoji120] [emoji120]

Wa hivi mbona tunao kadhaa! [emoji2]

On a serious and sad note..
Niliuliza cos, kuna mtu nilikuwa namfikiria, yale maelezo yalifanana na mtu ambae I thought that what she went through when growing up. She comes from a huge family of almost 10.
I doubt she got enough one on one attention ya wazazi. Fast forward..
Sasa hivi ndo anaonyesha hizi tabia.

 

[Detective J]

Wau!, [emoji120] [emoji120] [emoji120]

Wa hivi mbona tunao kadhaa! [emoji2]

On a serious and sad note..
Niliuliza cos, yale maelezo yalifanana na mtu ambae, I thought that what she went through when growing up. She comes from a huge family of almost 10.
I doubt she got enough one on one attention ya wazazi. Forward..
Sasa hivi ndo anaonyesha hizi tabia..

Thats it brother, kama ana fit hiz character basi the chances are she is one of them. She is dangerous, na yoyote atakaenasa kwenye mtego wake (iwe kimapenzi, au kwa njai yoyote) mwisho wake ni maumivu. Na yeye anaona powa tu

 

[Nalendwa]

And yes wanakuwa abusive to man sana sana. tofauti ni kuwa wanaume huwa tunaona aib sana kama tukiwa abused na mwanamke. Jamii ikijua , haswa jamii ya kitanzania humchukulia kuwa huyo mwanaume ni dhaifu. So ili kuepuka aib mwanaume anakubali kuwa abused huku akiumia ndani kwa ndani mpaka hapo atakapo sema basi.

Kwa wanawake ni rahis sababu si wepes wa kuficha mambo. Na sababu jamii ya kiafrika inamchukulia mwanamke kama kiumbe dhaifu, basi mwanamke akisema hayo ataonewa huruma na kusaidiwa.

Umenikumbusha majirani wa nchi jirani.
Ambao wanaume imebidi wafungue kabisa chama chao cha kujitetea kutokana na haya! [emoji1]

 

[Daby]

Hapo sasa mmeanza kuja kwenye pointi, nilikuwa najiuliza, ina maana huyo mwanaume anampiga tu huyo mwanamke from no where tu bila sababu.... Mimi mwanamke akijibu mbovu lazima nimpe kipondo. Talk shit ... get hit.

But not to that extent sir.

 

[Nalendwa]

Yes wanakuwa abusive vibaya mno. Na hawa wakija kukuwa, wakiwa katika umri wa ujana wanakuwa wabaya zaidi.
moja ya sifa zao ni kuwa attractive, yaani kuonekana warembo zaidi, kujiona wao ndio wao katika hii dunia, wao huwa hawakosei,hawashauriki na huwa wanajijali wao tu ,kamwe hawajali walio karibu yao.

- attention seekers : tunajua wanawake wanahitaji attention kutoka kwa wapenzi wao, lakin female abusers wanahitaji zaid ya kawaida, wanaweza kucheat kutembea na wanaume wengi ili attention iongezeke.

-Critism(kukosolewa)- female abusers hawawezi kuvumilia kukosolewa hata kama kosa ni lao liko wazi na ni bayana. Kwenye bongo zao hujiona kuwa hawana kosa, so hata kama wamekamatwa live waki cheat , watageuza na kusema sababu ya victim wao ndio wame cheat.
Mara nyingi wakikosolewa hata kiutani huwa wana respond kwa hasira isiyo ya kawaida( hata kutaka kupigana japo ni nadra) kuelekea kwa mkosoaji.

-Lack of empathy (upungufu wa hisia zamuhim kama vile upendo, kupendwa au kupenda, aibu,huruma)
Female abuser hawana hiv vitu, ndio maana wanaweza cheat kwao ni jambo la kawaida. Victim anaweza lia kuwa amesalitiwa, lakin abuser anamshangaa victim anacholia ni nn wkt yeye anaona chesting ni jambo la kawaida.

- hupata kichaa pale mtu wao wa karib lets say mpenz. Anapo kataa kufanya jambo fulani. Neno "hapana" huwa hawalipendi na wanaweza kulipuka kwa matusi makubwa sana.

-muda mwingi mkipanga kuonana, wao huvuruga mipango hiyo. sababu wanapenda iwe hivyo, wanaona raha victim anavyo teseka juu yao.

-kila mazungumzo atakayoshiriki female abuser, anataka mazungumzo hayo yamuhusu yeye. Mafano: amekuta kundi la marafiki wakiongelea urembo, maybe wanasema fulani ni mzuri, yeye akija ataanza kusema mm ni mzuri kuliko flani.

Chochote kile ilimradi aonekane kuwa yeye ndie center of attention.

- hufurahi katika mateso ya victim. Yaaan female abusers (just like man abusers) wana feed on victim pain. Wanaweza kukusaliti waziwazi ili ulie, ww ukilia wao wanacheka wazi wazi,wanasikia raha sana.
Wanapata raha ukifiwa,ukiachika,ukipata matatizo, chochote kile kitakacho kusababishia maumiv basi wao huwapa raha sana.

Kitu kingine. Hii imenifanya niwafikirie Lesbians ambao wanajivika Uanaume.

You'd think they want to feel more powerful, dominant and get more attention. Kutokana na kukosa affection ya kutosha wakati wa utoto.
Am not sure kama inaweza kuwa sababu lakini hizi tabia zao zinafanana.

 

[Kasie]

Hapa JF ni uwanja wa kuelezana ukweli! Lazima uelezwe kuwa unatakiwa kuheshimu umama wako. Mtu mzima kama wewe kutembea na viben10 ni aibu! Jirudi na acha kudharilisha wanawake wenzio! Naishia hapa ila ukiendelea nitakueleza unapojikwaa. Imagine unacompete na wajukuu wako. Be blessed

Hii ndo mara ya mwisho najibu uzi/ujumbe wako.

Sikumbuki lini nilijibizana na mtu humu JF, waonekana unataka tuanze kujibizana. Siko tayari na sitofanya hivo. Ntaendelea kuongea yanayonihusu tuu na wala hatoniona kuongelea mtu humu wala kumfatilia anaandika nini na kumhusu nani.

Ukiona kuna watu unawapenda unawaambia wazi na moyo wako utatulia pia kama uwepo wao unakukwaza, unapita pembeni au hama hapo walipo na uendende kwa amani.

Kasie.

 

[Nalendwa]

Thats it brother, kama ana fit hiz character basi the chances are she is one of them. She is dangerous, na yoyote atakaenasa kwenye mtego wake (iwe kimapenzi, au kwa njai yoyote) mwisho wake ni maumivu. Na yeye anaona powa tu

Exactly, she would care less.
Mwanzo nilifikiri it's just cold-heartedness. Lakini kuna mengine.

 

[Nalendwa]

But not to that extent sir.

D..kuna watu wanaogopesha aseh!

Mdada akileta za kuleta anaweza kujuta maisha.

 

[Mjuni Lwambo]

But not to that extent sir.

Which extend?!, imagine unamtuhumu kufanya kosa fulani, badala ya kujibu kwa adabu, yeye anakushikia kiuno kama mke mwenzie na kukuuliza, kwa hiyo ulikuwa unasemaje?! Unamuacha tu unaenda kulala kwa kuogopa utakuwa "abusive"? Aroo mi namrarua brother! Hujakutana nao wa hivi?