Naongea naye nini?

[Dark City]

Babu naona umepata jibu hapo juu.
Hii ni topic ngumu sana kwa watu wengi. Bahati yako kama wewe na bibi na jasiri kwenye hili.

Muhimu kuliko yote Kaunga, kuwa rafiki yake. Muambie we have been through a lot together and this far we have come. I will always be your friend. Come to me when you have questions or worries. Even when you mess up, njoo coz together we can ckean the mess up faster. Hiyo ndio silaha. Muombe Mungu akusaidie usiwe unazimia ukiulizwa maswali (mamangu sijui alikuwa anastomach vipi. Imagine ur 12 yrs old gal akuambie kuna mbaba anamtaka! With details! If she was still alive ningemuuliza aisee!)

Nimeona Komando.. King'asti,

Kweli, mie na bibi hatukuwa kuwa na tatizo la kuongea na watoto wetu au wajukuu...

Ilifikia mahali anawambia kuwa hata kama ni baba anataka kukushika ikulu usikubali....Ila yeye wakawa wanaenda kumwonesha eti dudu zao zimevimba even when they were closer to 10yrs old!!

Kweli nilikuwa sijawahi mwambia kuhusu sex na pregnancy na STD.

Alishawahi kuniuliza mimba inapatikanaje, nikashindwa kujieleza na kumwambia amuulize mwalimu. That was when he was in grade 5.

Nimeshawahi kumuuliza kuhusu HIV tu na jinsi inavyoambukizwa; tough topic ni kuhusu ushoga, how do you explain jinsi gani mwanaume anakuwa na mwanaume mwenzake?

Kaunga,

Mbona mambo ya STIs wanafundishwa toka class 4?

Nahofia mtoto wako anaweza kukushangaza jinsi anavyoyayafahamu....

Hayo mambo ya ushoga si lazima umweleze sasa hivi...take your time na mtaendelea kuongea....

Ninavyoona mimi, hapa kuna tatizo lako mwenyewe na mawenge wenge yako...halafu na tatizo la kipi umweleze mtoto.

Hebu jaribu kushughulikia tatizo lako kwanza!!

Babu DC!!

 

[Dark City]

Boarding kuna michezo michafu sana. Mwambie awe mwangalifu kwa yeyote aliye nyuma yake.

Enzi zetu shule ambayo haikuwa boarding ilikuwa ni kama chekechea..hata shule zenyewe za namna hiyo zilikuwa chache mno....Kiasi kwamba watu wa day walikuwa wanajiona kama vile wana mapungufu fulani!


Duuuuuuuuuuuuu...ilikuwa raha sana kufika shule ila unaombea usiku usifike ukakutana na form 2!!

It was very exciting....ni kama raha ya JKT!!

Babu DC!!

 

[KakaJambazi]

We unamuona mdogo! Mchane laivu.
Watoto waliozaliwa wakati Jakaya yuko madarakani sio kabisa.

 

[Dark City]

EMT kanichekesha eti alipelekwa na baba na mama shule,.....kweli kabisa...??

May be kama ni hizi za siku hizi...enzi zetu ilikuwa ni nadra sana kijana wa kiume kusindikizwa hadi shule na wazazi wake. Hata wenzake wangemwambia asithubutu kufanya kitu kama hicho,

Wakati sie tuko form 4, kuna dogo aliletwa na wazazi hadi chumbani, na mama akamtandikia kitanda...The guy paid for it!! Alishughulikiwa na form 2 hadi akakoma na aliendelea kutaniwa kwa muda mrefu!!

Anyway...siku zimebadilika na mambo yamebadilika pia...siku hizi hata kwenda kuchukua matokea ya mtihani wa kujiunga na shule inaongozana familia nzima!!

Babu DC!!

 

[snowhite]

well huu ni wakati ambao huwa ni mgumu kwa wazazi wote!
nafkiri ni ile hali ya kushindwa kuamini kuwa watoto wetu wamepiga hatua kiasi fulani
mimi kwangu ni ngumu zaid since nilipata mtoto wangu wa kwanza nikiwa so young (still a studentu know)
so its like kila hatua ambayo anapitia binti yangu mkubwa kwangu mimi ni ishu,nahisi kama tunakimbizana hivi!sijui kama naeleweka
ambacho kinamkuta Kaunga sasa mimi kinanikuta sana tu as kila hatua anayofikia binti yangu kwangu ni mshangazo!
alipivunja ungo nilidata!naanzaje kumfundisha hili na lile
naanzaje kumweleza kuwa sasa ni binti
nilichofanya na kweli namshukuru sana MUNGU kwa hilo
mtoto wangu ni rafiki yangu sana,ni shosti kusema ukweli!so kidogo inasaidia yeye kuniuliza maswali like mama hiki kwa nini kiko hivi,mbona mwili wangu unakuwa hivi,mbona naona hiki hapa na mambo kama hayo so napitia mumo mumo natirrika na basi maisha yanaendelea kwa amani tu!
kumuamini mtoto na yeye kujua kuwa anajua unajua anaweza ni nzuri

 

[The Boss]

i hope Kikungu achukue yote ya humu aweze kusaidia...

Hii thread inaonesha jinsi single mom wanavyopata challenge ya ku raise boys..

ni ni challenge kubwa mno...since boys hawaki wawe raised as 'watoto wa mama'

so baadhi ya ushauri humu eti 'kuwa rafiki nae' vinaweza back fire..

watoto wa kiume hawapendi kuonekana ni 'watoto wa mama'
na hawapendi kurudi kwa mama na kulia kulia....wakiwa na tatizo..

baadhi ya wamama wanashindwa hapo wa handle vipi......

wajomba wanahitajika aisee

 

[EMT]

Kaunga,

Sidhani kama ni muda mzuri wa kumpakia maneno mtoto...

Kwanza ana mambo yake mengi anayoyawaza kwa sasa na unaweza ama kumwengezea anxiety au hata asikuelewe kabisa!

Here is what we used to say....

"Wewe ni very strong na tunaamini utaweza kumudu maisha ya kila aina....jiamini na usiwe na wasi wasi. Pia ukumbuke kila kitu ambacho tumekuwa tukikueleza hapa...Above all, unaenda kusoma na kuna mapambano..hakikisha unaendeleza makali yako"!!

Hayo mengine tunakuwa tulishawambia siku nyingi na kila alipoleta feedback basi tuliendelezea pale.

Plse plse...usihamishie wasi wasi wako kwa mtoto..wakati huu naye ana maghorfa yake kichwani anayohitaji kuyamalizia. Mpe nafasi kwanza arudi kwenye hali ya kawaida. May be wakati wa mid-term mnaweza kuongea zaidi kwani atakuwa na story nyingi za shule!

Hongera sana na kila la heri kwa kijana ...

Babu DC!!

Well said Mkuu. Entering a new environment filled with unfamiliar people can even cause anxiety for a child and their parents!

Umenikumbusha mbali sana. I remember usiku wa kwanza sikulala. Mixed feelings, mazingira mapya, kuwa mbali na familia for the first time, watu wapya, leaving my friends (wao walienda day school), securing my belongings at school, kuwa independent ghafla, msosi tofauti, masomo yote kugeuka ghafla na kuwa ya kiingereza except one, kupangiwa majukumu na kazi ambazo zijawahi kuzifanya, n.k.

Sasa haya yote ukijumlisha na yale aliyokuambia mzazi uyazingatie unaweza kupatwa na anxiety. Hapo kwenye red ni pa kusizitiza! A parent should not minimize the importance of easing their fears or concerns as well as their child's. If you feel worried or concerned, your child will probably sense that. The more calm and assured you are, the more confident the child will be.

Ni bora kumwacha mtoto a-integrate naturally into the school bila kufikiria kuna maagizo ya kutekeleza kutoka kwa mzazi wake. It is better kwa mtoto kuwa independent from the parents while learning to navigate a new social circle in school.

 

[Kaunga]

snowhite, nakuelewa my dearest nafikiri kwako being a teacher inasaidia kiasi; halafu nafikiri kwa mtoto wa kike is much easy kuliko mkaka.

Ila nashukuru michango ya wadau humu, nafikiri nimejua nini cha kuongea naye na jinsi ya kuongea naye.

Blessed is the day l came to know JF.

 

[Dark City]

well huu ni wakati ambao huwa ni mgumu kwa wazazi wote!
nafkiri ni ile hali ya kushindwa kuamini kuwa watoto wetu wamepiga hatua kiasi fulani
mimi kwangu ni ngumu zaid since nilipata mtoto wangu wa kwanza nikiwa so young (still a studentu know)
so its like kila hatua ambayo anapitia binti yangu mkubwa kwangu mimi ni ishu,nahisi kama tunakimbizana hivi!sijui kama naeleweka
ambacho kinamkuta Kaunga sasa mimi kinanikuta sana tu as kila hatua anayofikia binti yangu kwangu ni mshangazo!
alipivunja ungo nilidata!naanzaje kumfundisha hili na lile
naanzaje kumweleza kuwa sasa ni binti
nilichofanya na kweli namshukuru sana MUNGU kwa hilo
mtoto wangu ni rafiki yangu sana,ni shosti kusema ukweli!so kidogo inasaidia yeye kuniuliza maswali like mama hiki kwa nini kiko hivi,mbona mwili wangu unakuwa hivi,mbona naona hiki hapa na mambo kama hayo so napitia mumo mumo natirrika na basi maisha yanaendelea kwa amani tu!
kumuamini mtoto na yeye kujua kuwa anajua unajua anaweza ni nzuri

Nakuelewa sana snowhite,

Wazazi wenye mabinti wanapata shida sana ikifika kipindi hiki....

Kuna mmoja (mwamke) nilimtania kuwa anajisikiaje binti yake kwend form 1 (boarding) akaanza kulia....

Mwingine ambaye ni mwanamume (mtoto wake yuko mwaka wa 2 chuo), ukiongelea mambo ya watoto wa kike anakosa amani kabisa!!

Naamini ukienda nao taratibu wanaweza kuvuka hiki kipndi kigumu salama!!

Babu DC!!

 

[Kongosho]

kaunga, nakubaliana na wewe
ushoga ni topik ngumu, ila si lazima uingie kwenye details sana kiasi cha kumshawishi kujaribu.

Unaweza mwambia tu, usikubali mwanamme aguse sehemu zake ni lazima azilinde. Kumpa details nyingi sana napo ni ngumu.
Unaweza anzia hapo.

Kuna mfano ntakupa niliukuta shule ya boarding, japo sikuelewa sana sasa ndio nagundua ilikuwa ni mchakato wa kwenda magharibi.

 

[EMT]

Enzi zetu shule ambayo haikuwa boarding ilikuwa ni kama chekechea..hata shule zenyewe za namna hiyo zilikuwa chache mno....Kiasi kwamba watu wa day walikuwa wanajiona kama vile wana mapungufu fulani!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuu...ilikuwa raha sana kufika shule ila unaombea usiku usifike ukakutana na form 2!!

It was very exciting....ni kama raha ya JKT!!

Babu DC!!

Kweli kulikuwa na raha yake. Ila hawa form two walikuwa wanakuja kwenye bweni usiku kama vibwengo. Eti... wee amka kuja hapa.... anakupa noti ya sh. 10 ukamnunulie mihogo, ndizi za kisukari na sigara pakti moja (halafu ole wako ukamatwe na mwalimu wa zamu) urudishe na change. Hapo lazima uongezee pesa yako tuu.

Kuna jamaa alikuwa anaandika chini kila alivyokuwa anaongezea pesa yake, alivyoingia form two akarudisha pesa yake yote kwa staili hiyo hiyo na faida juu. This is bullying. Isn't it?

Kaunga usiogope. Hakuna hiyo siku hizi.

EMT kanichekesha eti alipelekwa na baba na mama shule,.....kweli kabisa...??

May be kama ni hizi za siku hizi...enzi zetu ilikuwa ni nadra sana kijana wa kiume kusindikizwa hadi shule na wazazi wake. Hata wenzake wangemwambia asithubutu kufanya kitu kama hicho,

Wakati sie tuko form 4, kuna dogo aliletwa na wazazi hadi chumbani, na mama akamtandikia kitanda...The guy paid for it!! Alishughulikiwa na form 2 hadi akakoma na aliendelea kutaniwa kwa muda mrefu!!

Anyway...siku zimebadilika na mambo yamebadilika pia...siku hizi hata kwenda kuchukua matokea ya mtihani wa kujiunga na shule inaongozana familia nzima!!

Babu DC!!

Hhahahaaa. Hapana bana. Mama alisikitika sana wakati ananiaga home. Hakunipeleka. Nyie wa miaka ya 70s na 80s si mlikuwa mnapanda treni free of charge?

 

[Dark City]

i hope Kikungu achukue yote ya humu aweze kusaidia...

Hii thread inaonesha jinsi single mom wanavyopata challenge ya ku raise boys..

ni ni challenge kubwa mno...since boys hawaki wawe raised as 'watoto wa mama'

so baadhi ya ushauri humu eti 'kuwa rafiki nae' vinaweza back fire..

watoto wa kiume hawapendi kuonekana ni 'watoto wa mama'
na hawapendi kurudi kwa mama na kulia kulia....wakiwa na tatizo..

baadhi ya wamama wanashindwa hapo wa handle vipi......

wajomba wanahitajika aisee

Hili jambo wanawake wengi hawaliewi na linawapa matatizo sana. Ni kazi ngumu kwa mwanamke kumpitisha kijana wa kiume kwenye kipindi cha teen kwa sababu vijana wenyewe hawatamani kabisa kuonekana wako karibu na mama zao.

Nani apenda kila siku kukandiwa kuwa ni mtoto wa mama??

snowhite, nakuelewa my dearest nafikiri kwako being a teacher inasaidia kiasi; halafu nafikiri kwa mtoto wa kike is much easy kuliko mkaka.

Ila nashukuru michango ya wadau humu, nafikiri nimejua nini cha kuongea naye na jinsi ya kuongea naye.

Blessed is the day l came to know JF.

Hayo ndiyo anayoyasema The Boss,

Ni rahisi kwa akina mama kuhandle vibinti ila vidume inakuwa ngumu kidogo...especially shamba la kule chini likianza kutema na sauti kutingisha nyuzi za gitaa!!

Ila ukweli ni kwamba ni "upepo"...ukienda naona mdogo mdogo utapita salama!!

Babu DC!!

 

[Kaunga]

Aisee ninacheck tamthilia Star TV kuna mkaka mmoja ameact kama shoga, nikasema "huyo ni kama shoga eeh", my son kaitikia "ndiyo".

Before kulikuwa na tangazo la Dume, nikamuuliza hiyo ni nini? Akanijibu "condom ya kiume.... kwani wewe hujui?".

It seems he know a lot more than l thought, some how l how l feel my job has become somewhat easier. Ni kujazia Mungu anasema nini juu ya nini, ngoja nitafute verse kwenye biblia about ushoga. Kuna mtu anayo kichwani?

 

[Dark City]

Well said Mkuu. Entering a new environment filled with unfamiliar people can even cause anxiety for a child and their parents!

Umenikumbusha mbali sana. I remember usiku wa kwanza sikulala. Mixed feelings, mazingira mapya, kuwa mbali na familia for the first time, watu wapya, leaving my friends (wao walienda day school), securing my belongings at school, kuwa independent ghafla, msosi tofauti, masomo yote kugeuka ghafla na kuwa ya kiingereza except one, kupangiwa majukumu na kazi ambazo zijawahi kuzifanya, n.k.

Sasa haya yote ukijumlisha na yale aliyokuambia mzazi uyazingatie unaweza kupatwa na anxiety. Hapo kwenye red ni pa kusizitiza! A parent should not minimize the importance of easing their fears or concerns as well as their child's. If you feel worried or concerned, your child will probably sense that. The more calm and assured you are, the more confident the child will be.

Ni bora kumwacha mtoto a-integrate naturally into the school bila kufikiria kuna maagizo ya kutekeleza kutoka kwa mzazi wake. It is better kwa mtoto kuwa independent from the parents while learning to navigate a new social circle in school.

That's exactly my word....

May be sikujua jinsi ya kuyaweka vizuri.....You made it easy and soft for me...

Ahsante sana EMT!!

Babu DC!!

 

[snowhite]

snowhite, nakuelewa my dearest nafikiri kwako being a teacher inasaidia kiasi; halafu nafikiri kwa mtoto wa kike is much easy kuliko mkaka.

Ila nashukuru michango ya wadau humu, nafikiri nimejua nini cha kuongea naye na jinsi ya kuongea naye.

Blessed is the day l came to know JF.

yah kwa kweli inanisaidia big tyme
ananiuliza maswali vry challengin wakt mwingne nabaki OMG lakini nikimiksi na za ualimu ah mambo yanaenda poa!

 

[Dark City]

Kweli kulikuwa na raha yake. Ila hawa form two walikuwa wanakuja kwenye bweni usiku kama vibwengo. Eti... wee amka kuja hapa.... anakupa noti ya sh. 10 ukamnunulie mihogo, ndizi za kisukari na sigara pakti moja (halafu ole wako ukamatwe na mwalimu wa zamu) urudishe na change. Hapo lazima uongezee pesa yako tuu.

Kuna jamaa alikuwa anaandika chini kila alivyokuwa anaongezea pesa yake, alivyoingia form two akarudisha pesa yake yote kwa staili hiyo hiyo na faida juu. This is bullying. Isn't it?

Kaunga usiogope. Hakuna hiyo siku hizi.

Hhahahaaa. Hapana bana. Mama alisikitika sana wakati ananiaga home. Hakunipeleka. Nyie wa miaka ya 70s na 80s si mlikuwa mnapanda treni free of charge?

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu,

EMT umenikumbusha mbali sana na mambo ya government travel warrant!!

Ilikuwa na raha yake...behewa la wanafunzi lilikuwa linaogopwa zaidi ya FFU...!!

Jamaa mmoja ambaye alikuwa Form 5 Iringa miaka ya 87 alikumbwa na kashfa ya kuua mtu aliyevamia behewa lao kwa kumrusha dirishani!!


Halafu jambo la kushangaza...baadhi ya walimu walikuwa wanafagilia sana huo mfumo wa bullying wa form 2 dhidi ya form 1!!

Babu DC!!

 

[EMT]

kaunga, nakubaliana na wewe
ushoga ni topik ngumu, ila si lazima uingie kwenye details sana kiasi cha kumshawishi kujaribu.

Unaweza mwambia tu, usikubali mwanamme aguse sehemu zake ni lazima azilinde. Kumpa details nyingi sana napo ni ngumu.
Unaweza anzia hapo.

Kuna mfano ntakupa niliukuta shule ya boarding, japo sikuelewa sana sasa ndio nagundua ilikuwa ni mchakato wa kwenda magharibi.

Sidhani kama kuna haja ya kumwambia hayo. Kwanza anawezadhani kama unamhisi au una wasiwasi nae. Unadhani kwa mazingira ya sasa mtoto wa miaka 12 hajui? 12 years old is a big boy. Empirical evidence hiyo hapo chini.

Aisee ninacheck tamthilia Star TV kuna mkaka mmoja ameact kama shoga, nikasema "huyo ni kama shoga eeh", my son kaitikia "ndiyo".

Before kulikuwa na tangazo la Dume, nikamuuliza hiyo ni nini? Akanijibu "condom ya kiume.... kwani wewe hujui?".

It seems he know a lot more than l thought, some how l how l feel my job has become somewhat easier. Ni kujazia Mungu anasema nini juu ya nini, ngoja nitafute verse kwenye biblia about ushoga. Kuna mtu anayo kichwani?

 

[snowhite]

Aisee ninacheck tamthilia Star TV kuna mkaka mmoja ameact kama shoga, nikasema "huyo ni kama shoga eeh", my son kaitikia "ndiyo".

Before kulikuwa na tangazo la Dume, nikamuuliza hiyo ni nini? Akanijibu "condom ya kiume.... kwani wewe hujui?".

It seems he know a lot more than l thought, some how l how l feel my job has become somewhat easier. Ni kujazia Mungu anasema nini juu ya nini, ngoja nitafute verse kwenye biblia about ushoga. Kuna mtu anayo kichwani?

yani wanajua i see!
wanajua kuliko tunavoweza kufikiri!
kuna siku binti yangu mdogo akiwa na miaka mi5 akaniambia mama nataka mdogo wangu,nikamwambia mbona una mdogo wako ....... na ......... (nataja majina ya watoto wa dada yangu na wa wifi yangu)
akaniambia hapana hao sio wadogo zangu kabisa kabisa nataka ambaye atakaa tumboni kwako halafu umzae anyonye kwenye maziwa yako ndo atakuwa ni mdogo wangu kabisa kabisa!''
nilibaki na ghaaa!mi nilikuwa namuona ni mdogo sana kujua hayo lakini kumbe lol!

 

[Kongosho]

sikumbuki kitabu gani, lakini story ya ibrahimu, Ruth na kuchomwa Sodoma na Gomora.

Usimjaze mambo mengi sana kwa leo, kama alivyosema Babu DC. Kumweleza mtoto haya mambo ni mchakato, mie sijawahi mwambia ushoga, japo anajua anatakiwa kulinda hifhadhi zake kwa nguvu zote.

Na si lazima uongee naye leo, hata kesho ukiwa umeshapanga maneno yako usiku kucha.

Mpe na hint kidogo ya balehe, isije mkuta akiwa shule akashangaa. Mambo madogo kama sauti kubadilika na dudu kuganda maana hili huwashangaza watoto.

Aisee ninacheck tamthilia Star TV kuna mkaka mmoja ameact kama shoga, nikasema "huyo ni kama shoga eeh", my son kaitikia "ndiyo".

Before kulikuwa na tangazo la Dume, nikamuuliza hiyo ni nini? Akanijibu "condom ya kiume.... kwani wewe hujui?".

It seems he know a lot more than l thought, some how l how l feel my job has become somewhat easier. Ni kujazia Mungu anasema nini juu ya nini, ngoja nitafute verse kwenye biblia about ushoga. Kuna mtu anayo kichwani?

 

[Dark City]

Aisee ninacheck tamthilia Star TV kuna mkaka mmoja ameact kama shoga, nikasema "huyo ni kama shoga eeh", my son kaitikia "ndiyo".

Before kulikuwa na tangazo la Dume, nikamuuliza hiyo ni nini? Akanijibu "condom ya kiume.... kwani wewe hujui?".

It seems he know a lot more than l thought, some how l how l feel my job has become somewhat easier. Ni kujazia Mungu anasema nini juu ya nini, ngoja nitafute verse kwenye biblia about ushoga. Kuna mtu anayo kichwani?

Hivi kumbe ulikuwa unamu-underestimate mtoto wako kiasi hicho enhhhhh???

Pole sana Kaunga na atakushangaza sana huyo dogo!!

Wewe ongea naye taratibu tu ila usistuke aki-take over na kuanza kukupiga shule wewe mwenyewe!!

Babu DC!!