SMS hizi! Ungefanyaje?

[Tabrett]

Jamaa mmoja alienda kuomba kazi ya ulinzi

Bosi: Umesoma?
Jamaa: Ndio!
Bosi: Unajua kuongea kiingereza?
Jamaa: Kwani wanaokuja kuiba ni WAZUNGU?

Bosi hoi

Ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

[mo7]

Zuzu alikuwa anaumwa. Akaamua kuweka picha ya Daktari kwenye ukuta wa chumba anacholala.
Akaulizwa na Mama yake: "kwa nini umeweka picha ya Daktari ukutani?"
Zuzu akamjibu: "Nimeambiwa maumivu yakizidi nimuone Daktari!"

duu nimecheeka

 

[SMU]

Hizi kali!

 

[HP1]

WAVUTA BANGI

Wavuta bangi wawili waliona embe juu ya mti, wakaamua kulitungua. Walirusha mawe mengi lakini hawakufanikiwa kuliangusha. Mvuta bangi mmoja akasema "Isije ikawa embe lenyewe ni bichi ngoja nipande juu nikalicheki kama limeiva au bichi". Akapanda kuliangalia. Baada ya dakika kadhaa yule mvuta bangi akashuka chini akamwambia mwenzake "Nimelibonyeza limeiva vizuri kabisa, tuendelee kulitungua mwanangu...!"

 

[Isumbwile]

Dah,hiyo ya dereva kali!

 

[Frankydney]

A true story,

dogo langu lilikua na tabia
ya ku defa sugar kwenye
bottle lake na alikua na zoe
zi la akiamka tu kitu cha kwanza
ni kujifariji na spoon ya sugar.
Na hata mara kwa mara kwa siku

basi ilitokea siku mother ka msoma experience alio kua
nayo kwa fun iyo, ikatokea siku
akafanya changes :
akaweka salt(chunvi) kwe bottle
lile la zamani na sugar,
kwa kua dogo hakuwai kuwa na mashaka yoyote ilitokea time
akacheze game you know what?

Tulishtuka kusikia sauti ya huzuni
ikitokea chumbani....."mama aijakoza tpu tpu tpu " dogo kaibusha spoon ya chunvi.

 

[B'REAL]

mtoto: baba baba sheli inaunguwa
baba: kwa mshtuko akauliza sheli gani
mtoto; sheli na bela sheli na ngai ai mama
baba: pambafu

hii kalii yao

 

[ERICK KAMUGISHA]

Du kwa kukopya na kupext nimewakubali!

 

[HP1]

Panya alikwenda kanisani kusali, akiwa amepiga magoti akageuka pembeni mwake akamuona paka amekaa. Panya akamwambia paka "Humu tumekuja kusali, mambo ya kufukuzana na kulana hayafai huku". Paka akamjibu "Huku tunakula mpaka mwili wa Yesu itakuwa wewe? Maliza kusali mi nakusubiri hapa"

 

[HP1]

SIMU YA MCHINA

Njia ya kujua simu ya mchina

1. Betri inajaa baada ya dakika 3
2. Ina TV, tochi, mswaki, kiberiti cha kuwashia sigara
3. Ndege ikipita inaandika 1 MISSED CALL
4. Karibu na jiko inaandika CHARGER CONNECTED
5. Ukipita karibu na mchina MWENYEWE inaonyesha NEW DEVICE FOUND

 

[HP1]

Mtoto: Eti baba kupata na kukosa kipi bora?
Baba: Bora kupata mwanangu
Mtoto: Afadhali, NIMEPATA MIMBA!
Baba hoi

 

[HP1]

Listen to this Son

Son: Dady, what should I give to my girlfriend as a GIFT?
Dady: What does she look like?
Son: She is sweet, pretty, sexy, and also lovely
Dady: Give her my number!

 

[babumapunda]

lol,nimechekaje

 

[MR. DRY]

Zuzu alikuwa anaumwa. Akaamua kuweka picha ya Daktari kwenye ukuta wa chumba anacholala.
Akaulizwa na Mama yake: "kwa nini umeweka picha ya Daktari ukutani?"
Zuzu akamjibu: "Nimeambiwa maumivu yakizidi nimuone Daktari!"

Kweli madokta mirembe wanakazi kubwa........

Sent from my BlackBerry 9700 using JamiiForums

 

[HP1]

Walevi 3 wamelewa sana, wakakodi taxi. Mwenye taxi alipowaona wamelewa sana akawasha gari halafu akazima, akasema "tayari tumefika".
Mlevi 1 akatoa pesa akampa, wa 2 kamwambia "thank you", wa 3 akampiga kibao akamwambia "shenzi, siku nyingine usiendeshe mbio utakuja kutuua!"

 

[HP1]

WHAT IS STRESS?

You gave a lift to a beautiful girl. She fainted inside your car and you took her to the hospital. Now that's stressful - But at the hospital the Doctor said she is pregnant and congratulated you that you are going to be a father. You denied but the girl said you are .. This is getting very stressful. To prove you are not the father you requested for a DNA test. After the tests the doctor said you are sterile and cant impregnate a woman. You are extremely stressed but relieved. You suddenly remember remembered you have 3 kids at home, who the Hell is their father? NOW THAT'S "STRESS".

What's your view?

 

[HP1]

Mtwara kirefu chake ni:

M= Maarifa
T= Tunayo
W= Wazawa
A= Amkeni
R= Rais
A= Atatudhulum

Mtwara oyeee, gesi kwanza siasa baadae, Chezea Gesi wewe?

Ntu na ntu akija polichi nchale mwanajechi nchale...

 

[HP1]

Binti kapata mimba akajitetea kwa mama yake; Ilikuwa ni bahati mbaya tu, kama ajali. Mama akamwambia "acha us*nge k*uma wee! inamaanisha ulijikwaa ukadondokea mb**?

 

[Gang Chomba]

SIMU YA MCHINA

Njia ya kujua simu ya mchina

1. Betri inajaa baada ya dakika 3
2. Ina TV, tochi, mswaki, kiberiti cha kuwashia sigara
3. Ndege ikipita inaandika 1 MISSED CALL
4. Karibu na jiko inaandika CHARGER CONNECTED
5. Ukipita karibu na mchina MWENYEWE inaonyesha NEW DEVICE FOUND

Puumbav hah hah hah hah ah

 

[Adharusi]

Umade may day
"Vox popoli vox dei"