Casual Conversation: DAE struggle to maintain friendships?

[Nyani Ngabu]

Here Bey is talking about being her ‘own best friend’.

Although the ballad is about a breakup of a romantic relationship, the mesage is beyond that.

 

[Paula Paul]

Asante. Naam.

Kuna rafiki zangu wazuri sana tumejuana zaidi ya miaka 20, wengine 30.

Wengine tulikuwa tunachukua likizo pamoja tunazunguka kuangalia scene ya miji kama Nairobi, Kampala etc. Miaka hiyo.

Sasa tumetenganishwa na jiografia, wao wako Tanzania, mimi niko Marekani.

Na inaweza kupita miezi hatujawasiliana, lakini tukiwasiliana moto wa urafiki uko pale pale.

Tunashirikiana kwenye misiba, harusi, watoto wanazaliwa, urafiki haujapungua kwa sababu ya umbali au kutowasiliana kila siku.

Mimi rafiki anayetaka kuwasiliana extensively kila siku sitamuweza.

Imagine una marafiki 10 halafu wote wanataka kuwasiliana extensively, one on one, kila siku. Huo utakuwa utumwa.

Kuna mambo yangu mengine mengi, maelfu ya vitabu, movies, documentaries, kaka mkubwa kwenye family mimi, mambo ya kazi manyota nategemewa mimi etc.

Uzuri au ubaya ni kwamba nilishakuwa "life of the party", literally. Yani watu walikuwa wanatangaza party kwa jina langu, kwamba Kiranga atakuwepo, watu wakisikia hivyo wanakuja kwa wingi.

Maisha ya marafiki wengi sana.

Halafu nikareject maisha yale.

Nikataka kwenda kuwa Buddhist Monk.

Nikawa na uchaguzi wa mawili, kwenda kuwa Buddhist Monk au kwenda kufanya kazi Wall St.

Nikaona kwenda kuwa Buddhist Monk itakuwa extreme isolation. Nikaamua kupunguza contact na kwenda Wall St.

Lakini baadhi ya rafiki zangu wa zamani nawasiliana nao mpaka leo.

Wengine wanachukua likizo wanafunga safari kunitembelea kutoka Tanzania.

Na mimi nikirudi Tanzania tunaendeleza parties pamoja pale tulipoziacha.



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That's exactly what I need.
Isiwe ni lazima kuwasiliana mara kwa mara hata kama hamna jambo la msingi.
Na ikitokea hatujawasiliana muda mrefu usiwe na hasira.

Ila ikitokea una tatizo, au una shughuli yako nitaonesha support yangu yote. Na tukiamua kukutana kula bata tukutane tufurahie maisha.

Sema sasa tatizo la sisi vijana changamoto sana, mtu anataka ukiamka umsalimie, ikifika mchana muongee na ikifika jioni mtakiane usiku mwema. Kitu ambacho ni kigumu. Kama kuna mmoja ameniuliza asubuhi hii mbona sijampost status na ni birthday yake. Unaona sasa vijana walivo Kiranga?

 

[Paula Paul]

Kusema kweli mm huwa sipendi marafiki nakuwa rafiki ako tunapokuwa pamoja kama vile shule au chuo au kazi au tunafanya kazi eneo nikiondoka eneo hilo sina urafiki tena mm sipendi urafiki

Hii ni nzuri, unakuta mtu hamna namna yoyote mnakuwa tena connected baada ya wewe kuondoka. Kinachobakia ni kusalimiana tuu. Inachosha.

 

[Paula Paul]

Kutesekaaa..??

That is the battle of trying not to be yourself.

That's Equal to slavery.

Ukwel ulio uchi ni kuwa, we do not have potentials of being good at everything.

Appreciating what you are not good at ni bonge la step Ahead, kwa sbb kati ya mambo yanayorudisha watu nyuma ni kubeba mizigo tusiyoiweza.

Hata katika biashara we believe the best strategy inapatikana kwa kutambua what you are not good at. The same goes to personal life ili uishi fulfilling life.

Time is so limited, tufocus in discovering our potentials, releasing and maximizing them.

Is it okay to have no friends?

Big Yes, ukiona kitu hakijawa emphasized na social norms, sheria and even the bible, kukikumbatia ni kujipendekeza tu.

"Tupendane tu".. na hii haina uhusiano na urafiki kabisa.

Niishie hapa.

Wow! Thank you.
Your comment is much appreciated MVB.

 

[Paula Paul]

Ukiona hivyo, ujue sasa umekua. Namaanisha kwamba, sasa hivi majukumu yameongezeka so you spend more time with the people in your circle (mostly social or economic). Pia kadri unavyokua smart upstairs, ndio unavyozidi kua na marafiki wachache.

Asante KANA kwa maoni yako.

"Pia kadri unavyokua smart upstairs, ndio unavyozidi kua na marafiki wachache" kwanini?

 

[Fendi]

Mimi naona hamna tatizo.
Kipindi cha nyuma nilikuwa na marafiki wengi ila the older I get, the less I want to interact with people. Kwa sasa sina marafiki au hata rafiki.

Sababu mojawapo ni Trust issues. Marafiki niliowaamini walinigeuka na kutenda vitu ambavyo hata adui yangu kamwe asingeweza kufanya

. Tangu pale siamini mtu yoyote kuwa rafiki yangu bora niwe mwenyewe.

Nakushauri bora ubaki kama hivyo, mazoea ya kufatanafatana ndo unafiki na chuki zinapoanziaga.

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U might be rig

Hello Guys,

I have a hard time making friends. I am not really shy or anything but it's really hard to me to stay in touch with people. It's like I quickly become bored with them. Na sio kwamba I want to be alone and enjoy my own company, Nah! I am pretty sociable and good at talking to "new" people and getting to know them, we would eat together, travel, watch movies and go out to event, party kwa kifupi kufurahia maisha but keeping them is next to impossible.

Baada ya hapo mawasiliano yanakufa kama vile hatujawahi kujuana kabla. I effort a lot but I usualy endup becaming unmotivated to even reply to people. Naweza nikaona text massage or emails ila I'll ignore it for days or a month. I really hate feeling obligated to talk to talk to people constantly unless kuna vitu muhimu ila sio "umeshindaje dear, jamani nimekumiss, shemeji ajambo? enhee nipe story, it gets annoying .

Nimejaribu kubadilika ila najikuta hata nikianza kujibu text messages naishia tuu "ha ha ha okay, fine, good, me too". Yani nakosa story za kupiga.

I had my old friends , from when I went to collage. Ila kama kawaida I am such a bad conversionalist. I Sometimes go a month or so without even massaging each other, and we just forgive eachother whenether we do see each other. Baada ya hapo tukiachana tuu najikuta siwezi tena kutuma tuma text, au kuwapigia simu, labda tuwe na kitu kingine cha kujadili mbali na mambo ya urafiki.

Nani mwingine anateseka na hii hali?

Guys is it okay not to have friends?

How do you maintain friends?

And people who don't have friends, Why don't you have friends? Is this what you want?.

G'day.

U real real need friends.. Humjui tu opportunities mnazopoteza just kwa kuamua kuishi hayo maisha.. Hasa kama ni mfanyabiashara marafiki ni muhimu sana but kama Wewe ndio wale wa maofisini wanaosubiri kukinga mwisho wa Mwezi labda marafiki hawakusaidii chochote..

 

[Paula Paul]

Nimeanza kutumia lugha laini siku hizi, baada ya kusoma soma mahali.


Hapa kuna hali mbili. Tulio wengi humu tunaonyesha uzuri wetu, hali ya kuwa wapo marafiki zetu wanajitahidi kujitenga na sisi kutokana na tabia zetu mbaya.

Hali ya pili ni kuwa kuna kuwa hakuns tatizo endapo ukijitenga na kuvunja urafiki na watu waovu ils tatizo linakuja endapo wewe ukawa ndio muovu na ukavunja urafiki na rafiki wema,aisee hapa lazima ile kwako, sababu nyoyo zetu uhitajia sana marafiki wema ili kuzilea.


Ikitokea hilo kwanza kabla napima katika mizani nikiona ni mtu wa maana mtu ambae nikisuhubiana nae nitapata faida chanya, nashikamana nae na kuhakikisha simkwazi.

Nimecheka, kwa hiyo kuna watu tunajidai hatutaki marafiki kumbe marafiki ndio hawatutaki kutokana na tabia zetu mbaya.
Hili nalo linawezekana kabisa japo ni ngumu kusema kwamba marafiki ndio wanatukimbia na sio sisi hatutaki.

Ina maana Zurri hamna wakati unashidwa ku maintain urafiki?

 

[Paula Paul]

Ndomana mtu akiwa mbali na mimi hata namba yake staki, nataka mtu tukichati leo kesho tunaonana (NOT SEXUALLY)

Unaweza ukawa na namba yake na siku ikitokea ukaenda eneo alilopo unamtafuta.

 

[Kisai]

Ina maana Zurri hamna wakati unashidwa ku maintain urafiki?

Wakati huo sina, sababu kiuhalisia urafiki hauombwi kama watu wanavyoupa kazi ambayo sio yake wala si asili yake,leo hii unakuta watu wanaomba urafiki unajiuliza,hawa wanaujua urafiki au ? Urafiki huja tu na huu ndio asili na ndio huwa wa kweli, sisi Waswahili tunasema hivi "Ndege wafananao ndio huruka pamoja" ukiona hufanani na wenzako ujue watakuacha tu.

Sasa naanzaje ku "maintain" urafiki wakati sijaomba urafiki, nikiona hatufanani "autimatically" urafiki unakufa.

 

[Fendi]

Paula Paul

Unakosa fursa nyingi sana kwa kutokuwa na marafiki.. Friends ndio wanaleta connection.. Friends ndio Watakupa idea.. Labda kama wew ni muajiriwa ambaye ni wew kazi na bos wako tu

 

[Paula Paul]

I'm so good at making new friends, Mimi ni aina ya watu ambao siwezi kaa pahala kwa muda mrefu bila kujenga urafiki na watu.! Lakini tatizo huanza nikitoka pale tu naweza hata kusahau kukutafuta, na siyo kwamba thamani imeshuka, Hapana..!

Huwa naona ni muhimu zaidi tukiwasiliana pale tu kuna umuhimu wa kufanya hivyo.! Different from that kila mtu ashinde match zake, but we are very good.!

Tatizo linaanza pale mtu anakutafuta anaanza kulalamika mbona kimya, mara umenisusa, jamani..! Huwa napata shida mno, sasa tuzungumzie nini? tusalimiane kila siku, ndiyo zile za 'niambie', nipo kimya sababu sina cha kukuambia, habari ya kufuatana kila muda wakati maisha yenyewe yanatupeleka mbio, ni ngumu sana.!!

Enwei, kwa point yako huwa inatokea, nina watu nilikuwa naongea nao saaana yaani ile sana ila kiukweli sahii hata namba zao sina..! Na naona it's very okay with Me sababu najua hatuna ugomvi siku ikitokea tukakutana tutaendelea na maisha vyema kabisa..!

Baby Doll umenigusa sana, mpaka nilihisi nina tatizo ama naamini sana hawa binadamu, marafiki niliowaamini wamenipiga matukio jamani mpaka siyo poa.!
there are some people outta there believes that I am their friend, but deep down I know I got none of them in my list.! L.I.F.E..!

Asante kwa maoni yako Carleen.
Hizi lawama za kwanini haujanitafuta kwa mtu mwenye hiyo tabia ikitokea nimekaa muda mrefu sijamtafuta ndio ticket ya kutokumtafuta kabisa. Kwa sababu sipendi kujiona I owe someone explanations kwanba kwanini sijamtafuta.

Pole kwa kupigwa natukio dear.

 

[Paula Paul]

hapa umeni-describe mimi openly!........ atleast baadhi ya wadada niliowahi kudate nao walinifanya nipende kuchart chart, otherwise huwa nashindwa kabisa!......

niliosoma nao almost wote, katika level zote mpk chuo sina mawasiliano nao ya karibu isipokua huyu mmoja ndio huwa tunawasiliana mara moja moja kwa mwezi!......

aiseee, sijui tatzo ni nini!

Kutokana na maoni mengi ya watu mpaka hapa yanaonesha kwamba sio tatizo.
Ngoja tuendelee kusoma.

 

[Paula Paul]

Huwa natamani sana kuwa na marafiki wa maana. Hii nimekuja kuiona hasa wakati wa shida maana wakati wa furaha unaweza beba mtu yeyote mkafurahi pamoja.
Nimeona wazee wana marafiki kadhaa wakuaminiana lakini vijana wenzangu kila siku tunazingatia connection. Kila mtu anataka connection kwenye kitu flani wala hazingatii marafiki. Hapa nilipo sijui rafiki yangu nani, ninaotamani wawe rafiki naona kama hawana nia. Na wanaoniita mimi rafiki yao, wao sio marafiki kwangu.

Nachoweza ni kusema na kila mtu na kuchukua watu kadhaa wa kujadili mambo flani au kushauriana.

Kwanini hao unaotamani wawe rafiki zako hawana nia? Au mnaishi maisha tofauti?.
Unaweza ukawaomba urafiki kama unatamani kuwa rafiki yao. Haujaliwaza hili?

 

[Dangotte Junior]

tafuta ule uzi wa "introverts & shy people" utajua kwa nn upo hvo

link yake hii hapa

Kwa wale introverts, anti social, na shy people maisha yako ya chuo yalikuwaje? Vipi mtaani kukoje?


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[miss pablo]

Yaani you are another version of me.

Kwanza kabisa mimi nina marafiki wengi.

I love them . Ila i have 3 best friends. And i love them for no good reason. 2 men and one lady. In my life i really hate kufatana kila mahali na a soo called best friend. Kwanza wote kama yaani sina muda. Yaan sipendi kugandana na mtu. And thats why our bond is still. Tunaweza kaa hata mwezi ama zaidi hatujasalimiana. Ila the day we talk tutaconversate sana. After there ni kama hatujuani

Kugandana kila mahali sucks. I love freedom. Ni marafiki wa moyoni mwangu na si wa kuchat kila saa. And as i grow older ndo cycle yangu imepungua balaa. And this is the best. U dont have to feel bad about it hun. Kula siku kuchat same thung lazima ibore. Just keep being u. Do what makes ur heart happy. Travel a lot. Drink, dance etc. Marafiki sometimes can turn ur life into a grave yard.

Keep being u hun

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[Dangotte Junior]

MLEVi Mmoja tia neno tafadhal

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[Mcqueenen]

Kwanini hao unaotamani wawe rafiki zako hawana nia? Au mnaishi maisha tofauti?.
Unaweza ukawaomba urafiki kama unatamani kuwa rafiki yao. Haujaliwaza hili?

Hivi unamuombaje mtu urafiki?

 

[Dangotte Junior]

Kusema kweli mm huwa sipendi marafiki nakuwa rafiki ako tunapokuwa pamoja kama vile shule au chuo au kazi au tunafanya kazi eneo nikiondoka eneo hilo sina urafiki tena mm sipendi urafiki

mods mnasemaje kuhusu hii ID??
this man scare us,,,,yoh mods u must du samthing

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[Don Clericuzio]

Nafikiri ni aina fulani ya ubinafsi, kwa kizungu inaweza kuwa na maana nyepesi zaidi tofauti na kiswahili.

Kwa sababu, kuna yule mtu au rafiki unampenda, huyu unaweza hata kuongea naye masaa 2 ujinga ujinga na usione kama unapoteza muda.

Ila wengine hata kujibu SMS tu ukaona kazi.

 

[Paula Paul]

Yah rafik wa kiroho i wish nimpate, mfano nakutana nae, ananipa habar za neno la Mungu au mafundisho fulani ya neno la Mungu, but i think haitozuia kushare na vitu vingine pia.

Nishasahau kama nimewahi kukaa na mtu nikaanza kumwambia siri fulani about me,
Inshort sina siri.
Wanaume tunaita kausha/mute kitu fulani, mchongo fulani utembee.
Kama ni jambo ambalo najua ni weekness kwangu, lazima nitaikataa hiyo weekness na nipo tayari kuaibishwa na udhaifu wangu.

Inshort kumkomesha binadamu ni kitu kimoja, akikupaka mavi ya ng'ombe, wew unampaka mavi ya kuku.
Simple kuishi na watu hivo.

Sema wengi wanapenda siri kwahiyo hata ukimpa habari zako hato kujibu kitu, kwani itapelekea na wew kumuuliza habar zake.

Inaonekana wewe ni mtu wa maombi sana Suriya. Inapendeza sana. Huo urafiki unaitwa "wapendwa".
Asante sana.