Casual Conversation: DAE struggle to maintain friendships?

[Paula Paul]

Hello Guys,

I have a hard time making friends. I am not really shy or anything but it's really hard to me to stay in touch with people. It's like I quickly become bored with them. Na sio kwamba I want to be alone and enjoy my own company, Nah! I am pretty sociable and good at talking to "new" people and getting to know them, we would eat together, travel, watch movies and go out to event, party kwa kifupi kufurahia maisha but keeping them is next to impossible.

Baada ya hapo mawasiliano yanakufa kama vile hatujawahi kujuana kabla. I effort a lot but I usualy endup becaming unmotivated to even reply to people. Naweza nikaona text massage or emails ila I'll ignore it for days or a month. I really hate feeling obligated to talk to talk to people constantly unless kuna vitu muhimu ila sio "umeshindaje dear, jamani nimekumiss, shemeji ajambo? enhee nipe story, it gets annoying .

Nimejaribu kubadilika ila najikuta hata nikianza kujibu text messages naishia tuu "ha ha ha okay, fine, good, me too". Yani nakosa story za kupiga.

I had my old friends , from when I went to collage. Ila kama kawaida I am such a bad conversionalist. I Sometimes go a month or so without even massaging each other, and we just forgive eachother whenether we do see each other. Baada ya hapo tukiachana tuu najikuta siwezi tena kutuma tuma text, au kuwapigia simu, labda tuwe na kitu kingine cha kujadili mbali na mambo ya urafiki.

Nani mwingine anateseka na hii hali?

Guys is it okay not to have friends?

How do you maintain friends?

And people who don't have friends, Why don't you have friends? Is this what you want?.

G'day.

 

[Baby Doll]

Mimi naona hamna tatizo.
Kipindi cha nyuma nilikuwa na marafiki wengi ila the older I get, the less I want to interact with people. Kwa sasa sina marafiki au hata rafiki.

Sababu mojawapo ni Trust issues. Marafiki niliowaamini walinigeuka na kutenda vitu ambavyo hata adui yangu kamwe asingeweza kufanya. Tangu pale siamini mtu yoyote kuwa rafiki yangu bora niwe mwenyewe.

Nakushauri bora ubaki kama hivyo, mazoea ya kufatanafatana ndo unafiki na chuki zinapoanziaga.

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[Mnazareth]

Dah!! Aisee wewe na mimi ni kitu kimoja kabisa,,

Sijivunii hii hali,ila Ndivyo nilivyo sijui hata cha kufanya,,

Nishapoteza marafiki wengi mno yaani siwezi kuwa Keep kabisa tena masuala ya kuchat ndiyo yameshanishinda kabisa.

Nami napenda kukutana na watu wapya ila kuendeleza urafiki ni jambo ninalolishindwa...

ilhali tumegundua ni tatizo tulitafutie ufumbuzi........

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[Paula Paul]

Mimi naona hamna tatizo.
Kipindi cha nyuma nilikuwa na marafiki wengi ila the older I get, the less I want to interact with people. Kwa sasa sina marafiki au hata rafiki.

Sababu mojawapo ni Trust issues. Marafiki niliowaamini walinigeuka na kutenda vitu ambavyo hata adui yangu kamwe asingeweza kufanya. Tangu pale siamini mtu yoyote kuwa rafiki yangu bora niwe mwenyewe.

Nakushauri bora ubaki kama hivyo, mazoea ya kufatanafatana ndo unafiki na chuki zinapoanziaga.

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Pole sana Doll.
Nimekumbuka kuna msemo sijui nahau inasema "rafiki ni mkia wa fisi".
Inauma sana maana unapokuwa rafiki na mtu unaweka wazi mambo mengi sana kwake. Na siku akikugeuka hamna utakachokuwa umebaki nacho mwenyewe kama siri.

Cha msingi you learned your lesson na sasa umechagua njia sahihi ya kuepusha maumivu ya usaliti.

Asante kwa ushauri .

 

[Scars]

Nina marafiki zaidi ya hamsini ila nachosikitika sina rafiki kama mimi

 

[Surya]

First thing you supposed to know..
what do you like to share with friends.?

I wish nipate rafik wa kufanya nae kikundi cha maombi.

We have a dreams, dunia ina mambo mengi, lakin huwezi kwenda kasi, kiasi cha kushindwa kukaa karibu na rafik
Lakin kama kuna distance imewatenganisha basi, phone call moja kwa mwezi inatosha sana, and conversation it depends na tabia ipi mmefanana na ilijionesha kipind mpo karbu.

Kwa upande wangu mim najua rafik anae nifaa na kitu cha kwanza ni Trust, kuwa huru kumwambia inshu zangu
Lakin urafik utagoma pale atakapo nipuuza au yeye kushindwa kua huru kusema mambo yake kwangu.

Pia naamin Mungu akikupa utulivu wa peke yako kuna kitu anataka ujifunze.

Kuna kipindi unaweza kuzungukwa na marafik muda mwingi, lakin kuna kipindi utajikuta uko peke yako hadi unashangaa.

 

[Paula Paul]

Dah!! Aisee wewe na mimi ni kitu kimoja kabisa,,

Sijivunii hii hali,ila Ndivyo nilivyo sijui hata cha kufanya,,

Nishapoteza marafiki wengi mno yaani siwezi kuwa Keep kabisa tena masuala ya kuchat ndiyo yameshanishinda kabisa.

Nami napenda kukutana na watu wapya ila kuendeleza urafiki ni jambo ninalolishindwa...

ilhali tumegundua ni tatizo tulitafutie ufumbuzi........

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Kabla hatujalitafutia utatuzi inabidi tujue kwanza kama ni sahihi kuliita ni tatizo au sio tatizo.

Kweli tumefanana, tunapenda kupata marafiki wapya ila kuuendeleza urafiki ni tabu.
Mimi ukikutana na mimi siku ya unaweza kusema mimi nitakuwa rafiki yako wa kufa na kuzikana. Ila baada ya hapo kuendeleza huo urafiki ndio shughuli.

Haujawahi kupokea malalamiko Mnazareth?

 

[Kiranga]

Kwanza kuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe.

Mengine yatafuata.

Ukiwa na rafiki poa.

Usipokuwa na rafiki ushakuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe.

Pia, urafiki maana yake si kuwa na constant contact. Mara nyingine watu wako busy na kazi, familia etc.

Watu wakishafika miaka ya kati ya ishirini naona inaweza kuwa vigumu kuwa na marafiki wengi wa constant contact. Hapo ndipo unaona mtu anapokua idadi ya marafiki wa karibu inaweza kupungua.

Kunakuwa na "social circles" za acquintances wa chuo, kazini, biashara, majirani n.k.

Mimi napendelea marafiki wachache. Imetokea tu marafiki zangu wamekuwa well connected kwenye community, na kwa kupitia wao, napata mengi ya community.

Inawezekana nimepoteza nafasi nyingi za ku advance socially kwa kukataa mialiko ya parties (from professional networking soirees to UN parties) kwa sababu siku fulani sikujisikia kuwa na mood ya mambo hayo tu.

Pia, watu wanavyoingia katika uchumba na ndoa, mara nyingi kujiweka zaidi katika uchumba, ndoa, familia kunachukua muda ambao vinginevyo ungeenda kwa marafiki.

Be your own best friend, the rest will follow.

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[Paula Paul]

Nina marafiki zaidi ya hamsini ila nachosikitika sina rafiki kama mimi

Marafiki 50+? Huu ni urafiki wa kushare hadi vitu binafsi au huu urafiki wenu upoje Scars? Mbona wengi sana?

 

[Mnazareth]

Kabla hatujalitafutia utatuzi inabidi tujue kwanza kama ni sahihi kuliita ni tatizo au sio tatizo.

Kweli tumefanana, tunapenda kupata marafiki wapya ila kuuendeleza urafiki ni tabu.
Mimi ukikutana na mimi siku ya unaweza kusema mimi nitakuwa rafiki yako wa kufa na kuzikana. Ila baada ya hapo kuendeleza huo urafiki ndio shughuli.

Haujawahi kupokea malalamiko Mnazareth?

Inaweza kuwa Tatizo na Pia inaweza kuwa si Tatizo,,

Binafsi mara nyingi napenda kuwa mwenyewe......ila kuna muda tunahitaji marafiki wa Kupeana Moyo,Kufarijiana na kufurahia Maisha pamoja sasa kwa Tabia yetu hii kuna muda inatugharimu sana..

Watu wanaweza Kutuona kama ni watu tusiotanga ukaribu na wengine na Pengine kuonekana tuna majivuno ama maringo kwenye Jamii zetu..


Upande wa Pili wa Shilingi kuwa na marafiki sana hupoteza muda pia hasa ukikutana na Marafiki ambao hawako real..

Yes Paula nimeshalalamikiwa Mno tena mara nyingine urafiki nina uanzisha mimi halafu unanishinda ...Huwa najisikia vibaya kuna muda naweza kuomba Msamaha kwamba nitajirekebisha... Nita Keep urafiki ila baada ya Muda kidogo nashindwa tena na kuwaacha marafiki waende mie niendelee na maisha yangu niliyoyazoea !!!

Hebu sema sasa tunafanyaje aisee!!!



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[Preist incharge]

Wengi tupo hivyo na sioni kama ni tatizo tuwe na jambo la kujadili sio story tu na salamu.

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[Light saber]

I'm my own best friend
Kwa kuanza Rafiki ni nani?


Alafu ndo tuendelee Da Paula Paul

 

[Baby Doll]

Pole sana Doll.
Nimekumbuka kuna msemo sijui nahau inasema "rafiki ni mkia wa fisi".
Inauma sana maana unapokuwa rafiki na mtu unaweka wazi mambo mengi sana kwake. Na siku akikugeuka hamna utakachokuwa umebaki nacho mwenyewe kama siri.

Cha msingi you learned your lesson na sasa umechagua njia sahihi ya kuepusha maumivu ya usaliti.

Asante kwa ushauri .

Shukrani Paula.
I learned my lesson in hard way. Naumia mpaka leo. Sasa hivi naongea na kila mtu ila kuunda urafiki hapana.

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[Paula Paul]

First thing you supposed to know..
what do you like to share with friends.?

I wish nipate rafik wa kufanya nae kikundi cha maombi.

We have a dreams, dunia ina mambo mengi, lakin huwezi kwenda kasi, kiasi cha kushindwa kukaa karibu na rafik
Lakin kama kuna distance imewatenganisha basi, phone call moja kwa mwezi inatosha sana, and conversation it depends na tabia ipi mmefanana na ilijionesha kipind mpo karbu.

Kwa upande wangu mim najua rafik anae nifaa na kitu cha kwanza ni Trust, kuwa huru kumwambia inshu zangu
Lakin urafik utagoma pale atakapo nipuuza au yeye kushindwa kua huru kusema mambo yake kwangu.

Pia naamin Mungu akikupa utulivu wa peke yako kuna kitu anataka ujifunze.

Kuna kipindi unaweza kuzungukwa na marafik muda mwingi, lakin kuna kipindi utajikuta uko peke yako hadi unashangaa.

Suriya asante kwa mchango wako.

Hivi tukiwa marafiki inabidi nikuambie mambo/siri zangu nisikufiche?
Hamna njia nyingine ya kuwa rafiki bila kuambiana hivi vitu?

This point is well noted " Pia naamin Mungu akikupa utulivu wa peke yako kuna kitu anataka ujifunze." Nahisi nipo hapa.

Be blessed.

 

[Kisai]

Tatizo lugha, nilitaka niseme chochote.

Ila kuna watu naona wanasema "I'm my own best friend" na mwingine anasema ".....sina rafiki kama mimi", mwingine anasema "...kuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe". Sasa sidhani kama wanajua maama ya tamko rafiki.

Yaani kauli zao zote zinapingana na uhalisia.

Embu tuishi katika kauli hizi chache huenda tukajua urafiki ni nini na je unaweza kuepuka kutokuwa na rafiki.

Husemwa :

1. Ukitaka kumjua mtu fulani angalia watu anaosuhubiana nao (Marafiki hao)

2. Ndege wafananao ndio huruka pamoja (Hapa wanazungumziwa marafiki)

3. Ukisuhubiana na mfua chuma kama sio harufu ya chuma utakuwa nayo basi hata zile zicheche zitakupata tu,na ukisuhubiana na muuza mafuta ya misk, kama hutanukia harufu ya misk basi lazima utavutiwa na bidhaa ile kisha ununue.

Naendelea ....

 

[Paula Paul]

Kwanza kuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe.

Mengine yatafuata.

Ukiwa na rafiki poa.

Usipokuwa na rafiki ushakuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe.

Pia, urafiki maana yake si kuwa na constant contact. Mara nyingine watu wako busy na kazi, familia etc.

Watu wakishafika miaka ya kati ya ishirini naona inaweza kuwa vigumu kuwa na marafiki wengi wa constant contact. Hapo ndipo unaona mtu anapokua idadi ya marafiki wa karibu inaweza kupungua.

Kunakuwa na "social circles" za acquintances wa chuo, kazini, biashara, majirani n.k.

Mimi napendelea marafiki wachache. Imetokea tu marafiki zangu wamekuwa well connected kwenye community, na kwa kupitia wao, napata mengi ya community.

Inawezekana nimepoteza nafasi nyingi za ku advance socially kwa kukataa mialiko ya parties (from professional networking soirees to UN parties) kwa sababu siku fulani sikujisikia kuwa na mood ya mambo hayo tu.

Pia, watu wanavyoingia katika uchumba na ndoa, mara nyingi kujiweka zaidi katika uchumba, ndoa, familia kunachukua muda ambao vinginevyo ungeenda kwa marafiki.

Be your own best friend, the rest will follow.

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Asante sana Kiranga.
Nimejifunza jambo kubwa sana kupitia huu mchango wako.

 

[Surya]

Suriya asante kwa mchango wako.

Hivi tukiwa marafiki inabidi nikuambie mambo/siri zangu nisikufiche?
Hamna njia nyingine ya kuwa rafiki bila kuambiana hivi vitu?

This point is well noted " Pia naamin Mungu akikupa utulivu wa peke yako kuna kitu anataka ujifunze." Nahisi nipo hapa.

Be blessed.

Nimekupata.

But mim mtizamo wangu katika maisha.. kila rafik ana percent zake za kujua mambo yangu, kulingana na hekima zake.

Ukiwa na rafik mwenye hekima nyingi si jambo la ajabu kumshirikisha mambo yako.

 

[Kiranga]

Asante sana Kiranga.
Nimejifunza jambo kubwa sana kupitia huu mchango wako.

Asante Paula.

Ningependa kujifunza kubwa ulilojifunza.

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[Paula Paul]

I'm my own best friend
Kwa kuanza Rafiki ni nani?


Alafu ndo tuendelee Da Paula Paul

Nikijaribu kuangalia maana ya urafiki kwenye dictionaries zangu haitoi maana halisi ya urafiki ambao wengi tunajua ndivyo urafiki unapaswa kuwa.

Nikiongelea urafiki inamaanisha ni mtu ambaye ni wa karibu, mnashirikiana mambo mengi, mnasikilizana, mnaambizana mambo mengi. Ambapo sasa kwenye njia ambayo tunaamini ni sahihi kuutunza urafiki ni "mawasiliano" na "ukaribu" ambapo hapa sasa mimi ndipo nilipokwama.

 

[Chaliifrancisco]

There are so many reasons that might be the cause of all this. For instance, if you are shy and uncomfortable around others it makes the people around you feel uncomfortable too. Do you feel like you can't measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and others.

Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they're around you?

Have you ever had difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Living in an area where it is difficult to connect with others might also be a reason. This might include living someplace where there are few people or, because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider or even feeling the distance between you and your close friends if you dont live in the same area.