Uzi Maalum wa Kunyooshana kwa Punchlines

[Tumwesige senior]

Kujiamini ndo msingi
Uwe janki au dingi
Kuwa makini wasikuweke kingi
Maana wana visa vingi
Ruka vigingi
Uisake shilingi

 

[secretarybird]

Mauaji?? Mbona ni jinai
Tena usifanye Kwa kujidai
Maana tutakudai
Roho yako ukiwa hai
Maana every soul will die

Kumbuka mi ni Ayatollah kunipangia haifai,
huwa nafananishwa na ndege tai,
yaani naua yeyote yula na najidai,
Damu ya mfu ninainywa kama chai,
Asiyesikiliza yangu rai,
nampasua kama yai.

 

[secretarybird]

Kwenye mistari mi ni moto
Nawakalisha watoto
Hawanipi changamoto
Ninawapa misoto
Mpaka wanakosa uroto

Oh my God! Ahimidiwe Uloto,
Viatu avishwe Mrisho Mpoto,
kadi nyekundu apewe fei Toto,
Mike apokonywe Wilberforce Ngoto,
tusiige lafudhi ya George Marato.

Kama huna mwana elekea kokoto! 😎.

 

[Marco Seth]

Vijana fanyeni Kazi

Usiwe kama kiazi
Msipotezwe na maManzi
Msiwe na Wenge kama panzi
Fanyeni maendeleo ya kasi
Penye shida pita kama risasi
Mwache bifu msilipize visasi

 

[Tumwesige senior]

Oya nabandika logo
Kuwatambulisha mafogo
Wanaosimama na vigogo
Ukileta zogo
Nakupasua kama gogo

 

[Tumwesige senior]

Nilikuwa na mwanangu beni
Tukakutana na wahuni
Wakatuvua cheni
Hatukukompleini
Maana walikuwa kwenye misheni

 

[Al-mukheef]

Oh my God! Ahimidiwe Uloto,
Viatu avishwe Mrisho Mpoto,
kadi nyekundu apewe fei Toto,
Mike apokonywe Wilberforce Ngoto,
tusiige lafudhi ya George Marato.

Kama huna mwana elekea kokoto! 😎.

Grammy apewe Mrisho Mpoto
Pesa iwekwe kushoto
Nyevu iitwe ndoto
Mimi nitengwe na watoto

 

[Al-mukheef]

Vijana fanyeni Kazi
View attachment 3621739
Usiwe kama kiazi
Msipotezwe na maManzi
Msiwe na Wenge kama panzi
Fanyeni maendeleo ya kasi
Penye shida pita kama risasi
Mwache bifu msilipize visasi

Hakika umesema ukweli
Vijana wengi tunafeli
Tunashinda hata kununua baiskeli
Then tunajikita kwenye utapeli

 

[Al-mukheef]

Oya nabandika logo
Kuwatambulisha mafogo
Wanaosimama na vigogo
Ukileta zogo
Nakupasua kama gogo

Mkuu mimi nataka kujua
Kama gogo nani unataka kumpasua
Ili tuchukue hatua
Ya kumsanua

 

[Chacha Steven Mokiri]

Mkali hizi ishu nimekuja kwa bajaji,
Kabla ya kuja nilipiga kwanza maji,
wife alinipea kei na kunifanyia masaji,
sasa kaeni tayari kwa ya kikatili mauaji.

Dah! Hio line ya 3 😂

 

[Chacha Steven Mokiri]

Ni vile wengine hatubongi/
Ila tuna mistari fichua maovu kama Konki/
Tunapost JF kwa kutumia Nokia tochi/
Huogopi/
Chef nawapa ugali plain maana mme-lost/
Naona hamchani mnachambana ka' mashosti/
Aaargh!

 

[secretarybird]

Grammy apewe Mrisho Mpoto
Pesa iwekwe kushoto
Nyevu iitwe ndoto
Mimi nitengwe na watoto

Bakari Mwamnyeto,
kweli anapiga nyeto?
kisa kuokoa mapato?
Au anakwepa msoto.

 

[Al-mukheef]

Bakari Mwamnyeto,
kweli anapiga nyeto?
kisa kuokoa mapato?
Au anakwepa msoto.

Bakari Mwamnyeto
Sijui kama anapiga nyeto
Au anapiga mseto
Au anapata mchecheto

 

[Xi Jinping]

Leo nataka niwachane keyboard warriors wa JF kmmk zao. Distrack nimelidrop message #35

 

[Xi Jinping]

Mitandaoni mnawaka moto, lakini offline mnazima
Big words kwa keyboard, real talk mnabima
You type like a king, lakini actions ni zero
Online superhero, offline hujui hata “hello”
Comment section warrior, kila post ni debate
But in real conversations, unakaa late or una-skip gate
Typing “facts” kila saa, lakini hakuna proof
Your whole identity built on WiFi roof
Mnajifanya deep thinkers, lakini ni shallow streams
Reality check ikifika, mnaanza kusema “it seems…”
Screens zinawafanya brave, lakini siyo kweli ni mask
Uki-remove data bundle, unashindwa even basic task
Talk less, show more—hiyo ndo real equation
Not every opinion deserves online rotation
Ukishuka ground level, utaona tofauti ni clear
Real ones move in silence, fake ones disappear

 

[traore]

Huwezi kuspend bila vumba !
Kama Teja stend , mwanangu unayumba!
Iwe kwa Tsh ama rand, nawachanisha misamba!
Me ndio mamba ndani ya jf !
Nasukuma puli kwa vinabo kina mmkangafu!
Wananiita mwehu ila akili zao chafu !
Nawapiga denda wanadai nacheza rafu!

Mamba wa JF gani unaishi kwenye dimbwi la sifa?
Mistari feki, unalialia kama mtoto aliyekosa keki!
Unataja rand na Tsh, mfuko wako una nzi na vumbi,
Puli unayosukuma inakuacha chali, huna hata kundi.
JF hawakujui, huko umejificha nyuma ya keyboard,
Ukisogea mtaani unajikunyata kama ubao wa clipboard

 

[traore]

Kumbuka mi ni Ayatollah kunipangia haifai,
huwa nafananishwa na ndege tai,
yaani naua yeyote yula na najidai,
Damu ya mfu ninainywa kama chai,
Asiyesikiliza yangu rai,
nampasua kama yai.

Ndege tai gani usieruka umbali wa futi mbili juu ya kiwanda cha tofali?
Unajidai unaua, kumbe hata mbu wa malaria humuwezi kwa ukweli!
Hiyo damu unayokunywa labda ni juice ya ukwaju iliyochacha stendi,
Ayatollah wa mchongo, kwenye gemu hii wewe ni bendera inayofuata upepo usio na mwelekeo.
Mistari yako myepesi kama pamba ya masikioni,
Unajiona mbabe mtandaoni, kumbe kwa shemeji yako unalala sebuleni.

 

[traore]

Mitandaoni mnawaka moto, lakini offline mnazima
Big words kwa keyboard, real talk mnabima
You type like a king, lakini actions ni zero
Online superhero, offline hujui hata “hello”
Comment section warrior, kila post ni debate
But in real conversations, unakaa late or una-skip gate
Typing “facts” kila saa, lakini hakuna proof
Your whole identity built on WiFi roof
Mnajifanya deep thinkers, lakini ni shallow streams
Reality check ikifika, mnaanza kusema “it seems…”
Screens zinawafanya brave, lakini siyo kweli ni mask
Uki-remove data bundle, unashindwa even basic task
Talk less, show more—hiyo ndo real equation
Not every opinion deserves online rotation
Ukishuka ground level, utaona tofauti ni clear
Real ones move in silence, fake ones disappear

Eti Real ones move in silence ,asa mbona wewe unapiga kelele kama kasuku?
Unapost 'equation' za maisha huku mfuko wako una error tupu!
Unajiona deep thinker wakati akili yako haina hata gauge ya mawazo,
Mistari myepesi, haina uzito, imepwaya kama piston kwenye ringi mbovu.
'Online superhero' ni wewe unayevizia bando la usiku uje upige kelele,
Ground unayoijua wewe ni ya kwenda kununua mshikaki mmoja na vijiko kumi vya supu,

 

[ndege JOHN]

shule zimefungwa
hawa watoto wa jf kujikuta wanatunga
wakati me ndo mchunga
wao ni mbuzi AKA mapunga

 

[ndege JOHN]

nyote nawaona ka ma pussy
na me ndo dildo nyie mnabakia kuwa ma lucy
nawapa buku ten mwende kwa msusi
na msisahau kutinda nyusi