Single mums and dads come this way

[Kongosho]

Ni maisha gani yasiyo na changamoto?

Kuna taasisi yenye changamoto kama ya ndoa? Changamoto huwa zinaisha pale tu unapongia kaburini, vinginevyo lazima ziwepo. Hii ya kujiita single parent ni kujivictimise mwenyewe na kuona ulionewa na dunia, akchwali ni kuji abyuzi kisaikolojia inayopelekea self pity.

Hata walio single nao wana changamoto zao, why hawa wenye watoto bila wenza wasiwe na changamoto? That's nature, ndio maisha yenyewe.

Kongosho, ume experience kulea mtoto /watoto bila baba yao? Wajua kitanda usichokilalia.......!
Sidhani kama ni kazi rahisi, ina changamoto nyingi sana madhani. Sijui wewe mwenzangu unalionaje..!

 

[Obugwa Izoba]

Dubwana liliniachisha masomo niko sekondari akaniacha nina mimba ya miezi mi3 bila mawasiliano bila huduma,alivosikia nina mtoto akapiga simu kutoa jina daniel wakati baba yangu RIP nipo hospitali kaota mtu kaja home nakumwambia mwanao kajifungua mtoto wa kiume akasema basi jina lake ni abdulaziz na anatumia hilo na ubini nimempa jina la kakayangu,mwezi wa 4 alikuja anaejifanya ni baba yake akamuulizia mtoto nikamwambia yuko shule akasema ada ya term hii nitakupa mimi siku imefika nampigia hapokei mara aseme yuko mbali mwisho akaniblock nimemchukulia poa kwakuwa sikumuomba wala sikumuita alijileta, yote mema mwanangu yuko form3,nilimuacha mwanangu anasiku6 nikarudi shule sasa hivi nina kazi namsomesha mwanangu na hamjui baba yake . Nashukuru ananipenda sana msg anazonitumia wakati mwingine nasoma nalia anaijua dini kasoma sana qurani haishi kunisisitiza kumtegemea Mungu.Babayake yuko hapo centre police kama mpelelezi,nipo dar tangu august sijamtafuta hata hamu ya kumuona sina.

Yote kwa yote maisha lazima yaendelee. Watoto wa hivi huwa wanakuja kuwa lulu baadae hadi babake atakuja kumtaman. Endelea kumlea tu.

 

[Ukweli1]

Tatizo la watu wengi (Asprin, Kongosho, Bomandamo) ni kuzani kuwa dawa ya tatizo ni moja tu. Kwa mfano kama mtu anamalaria then Dawa ni Mseto tu fact ni kuwa kuna wanaoutumia Fansidar na kuna wanaotumia Metakelfin na wote wanapona.
Back to our issue, Solution ya single parent sio moja na haitaweza kuwa moja so please stop generalizing this issue. Miss Kim ukisoma post yake ya kwanza yeye kama mama anaona bora amwache mtoto akue "grows up enough to comprehend such things" ndio amwambie. Hujui kaona nini mpaka achukue huo uamuzi. Badala ya kuendelea kumlaumu na kuona kakosea jitahidi kumsikiliza, problem is we are too quick to talk than to put ourselves into someone else's shoes.

 

[Bomandamo]

I am proudly a single parent and i have never regretted my decision to become one. Actually becoming a mother has been one of my greatest achievements so far. Waking up each morning besides my beautiful baby is a true blessing and i always thank God for this beautiful opportunity to be called a mother.

Just to recap a bit about my past.....nakumbuka ilikua mkwa 2010 nilipokutana na huyu kaka and right from the word go i knew he was bad news ila i have always had a thing for "bad boys", huwa niko attracted to such. Basi one thing led to another and all was beautiful & dreamy, everything i would have imagined about him came true. He gave me 6 good months of nothing but pleasure & heaven on earth (hihihihihiii). Anyways to cut the long story short, nikaja gundua i was 2 weeks pregnant surprisingly i was at peace with myself. Right from the word go i knew i wanted to have this baby and one thing i was certain about was that there was no way i was getting this dude involved. So taratibu i started cutting him loose, nikaanza punguza mawasiliano, akitaka tuonane mm nampiga chenga. Kuna kipindi akawa anatamani sana tuonane but mm nikawapa natafuta visingizio, luckily tupo mikoa tofauti & didn't have common friends so interaction was minimal.

Nikiwa almost 9 months pregnant nikakutana na ndugu yake kwa bahati mbaya, huyo ndugu yake si akaenda mwambia jamaa. He flew from wherever he was to where i was to come confirm if i was truly pregnant, tena alinifanyia suprise nisijue kama anakuja. We talked a lot that evening, akaniuliza maswali mengi sana & i never gave him the answers he was looking for. Eventually akarudi zake kwao na life likaendelea. He comes to visit whenever he's around & he supports us as a friend na hadi leo hii sijawahi mwambia kama yy ndo baba wa mtoto wangu.

Ukweli ni kwamba i had my reasons for keeping him at bay about my son's father's identity, hiyo ni siri yangu & i believe that God will understand, hopefully my son will come to understand me when he finally grows up enough to comprehend such things.

Being a single parent has been a blessing in disguise, nimepata breakthroughs za ajabu mno katika shughuli zangu & my life has changed for the best. Lifestyle yangu has changed for good & if i had a second chance at life i wouldn't change a thing about it! I am happy & thankful every single day.

Mnisamehe kwa Kiswaglish changu na story ndefu..hihihihiihihhiii... bottom line is i am a proud parent to the most amazing boy under the sun & would forever be grateful to my "bad boy" for giving me such a beautiful baby, by boy is gonna go places, Mungu atupe uzima tu!

Wenzako wanakimbiwa ww unafuatwa unakimbia... lol... kweli people wapo tofauti

 

[Obugwa Izoba]

Wenzako wanakimbiwa ww unafuatwa unakimbia... lol... kweli people wapo tofauti

hapo sasa! Kweli 'We differ in differences'

 

[Bomandamo]

Thank you for your concern ila kuna mambo hutoweza kuelewa and unfortunately i cannot make you understand. Sijamdhulumu mwanangu haki yake na ipo siku atakuja elewa tu kwann it had to be this way. Namshukuru Mungu the people in my life understood my reasons for doing so & respected my decision to do so, maisha sio kama uyajuavyo tu, there's always a second side to the coin.

Hatuombei yatokee but huyo mtoto I don know ana umri gani, na kama si mkubwa ipo siku atakua na kuwa na akili ya kutambua vitu.... narudia tena ... hatuombei yatokee but ikitokea baba yake kaaga dunia na mtoto alikuwa na uwezo wa kumuona baba yake angali hai ukamficha utamwambia nn mtoto wako akuelewa... huoni ya kuwa utakuwa umemkosesha mtoto wako kitu cha muhim sana ktk maisha yake.... thing beyond

 

[Showme]

Yote kwa yote maisha lazima yaendelee. Watoto wa hivi huwa wanakuja kuwa lulu baadae hadi babake atakuja kumtaman. Endelea kumlea tu.

Sana tu dalili za kuwa msaada kwangu ni kubwa tu,najitahidi kumlea katika maadili mema na kumpa vile vya muhimu aliyofanya baba yake anayafahamu kwa hiyo hanisumbui hata kuongelea utasikia anasema mom achana nae bwana wa nini? Nashukuru sana anaakili ya kiutu uzima.

 

[Kongosho]

Kama huwezi kuzaa peke yako bila mwenza, tambua kuwa huna mamlaka ya kumnyima mtu kumjua baba/mtoto wake period.

Sababu zake sio za baba wala mtoto. Nimemsikiliza, unless kama ana maelezo mengine zaidi ya aliyosema, ambayo pia si fair kuyatoa hapa. Na akchwale nazungumzia hili suala kiujumla wake sio Miss Kim pekee.

Zamani watoto walemavu, kwa uamuzi wa wazazi tena ukute wote wawili, kwa ajili ya kuprotect watoto wao walemavu, walikuwa hawawapeleki shule, je ulikua uamuzi wa busara? Ilibidi serikali ianze kuelimisha watu kupeleka watoto wao shule, na wakati mwingine kwa nguvu.

Kwa hiyo, sio kila mara protection ya mzazi inakuwa na tija kwa maisha ya mtoto ya baadae.

Tatizo la watu wengi (@Asprin and Kongosho) ni kuzani kuwa dawa ya tatizo ni moja tu. Kwa mfano kama mtu anamalaria then Dawa ni Mseto tu fact ni kuwa kuna wanaoutumia Fansidar na kuna wanaotumia Metakelfin na wote wanapona.
Back to our issue solution ya single parent sio moja na haitaweza kuwa moja so please stop generalizing this issue. Miss Kim ukisoma post yake ya kwanza yeye kama mama anaona bora amwache mtoto akue "grows up enough to comprehend such things" ndio amwambie. Hujui kaona nini mpaka achukue huo uamuzi. Badala ya kuendelea kumlaumu na kuona kakosea jitahidi kumsikiliza, problems is we are too quick to talk than to put ourselves into someone else's shoes.

 

[Ukweli1]

Kama huwezi kuzaa peke yako bila mwenza, tambua kuwa huna mamlaka ya kumnyima mtu kumjua baba/mtoto wake period.

Sababu zake sio za baba wala mtoto. Nimemsikiliza, unless kama ana maelezo mengine zaidi ya aliyosema, ambayo pia si fair kuyatoa hapa. Na akchwale nazungumzia hili suala kiujumla wake sio Miss Kim pekee.

Zamani watoto walemavu, kwa uamuzi wa wazazi tena ukute wote wawili, kwa ajili ya kuprotect watoto wao walemavu, walikuwa hawawapeleki shule, je ulikua uamuzi wa busara? Ilibidi serikali ianze kuelimisha watu kupeleka watoto wao shule, na wakati mwingine kwa nguvu.

Kwa hiyo, sio kila mara protection ya mzazi inakuwa na tija kwa maisha ya mtoto ya baadae.

Sielewi kwa nini umetumia hayo maelezo kama kweli umepitia comments za Miss Kim na kuzielewa, but anyway let us agree to disagree.

To you Miss Kim, I respect your decisions and you are in my prayers.

 

[NANDERA]

so sad.... thats y I promised my self sintakaa nimuache mtoto wangu alelewe na single parent..........by the way huyo kubwa jinga mpotezee tuuu hana msaada wowote sanasana ukijaribu kumtafuta atazidi kukuumiza na kukudharua onyesha kama hana msaada wowote kwenye maisha yako

I speak through experience (nililelewa na mana tuu)huyu kubwa jinga they call him my dad pu.mbavu zake alimuachisha mama masomo mzumbe university (second year) mama akapata kazi benki baadae ikaja sera ya kupunguza watu maofisini mama akapunguzwa lile kubwa jinga likamkimbia and mama had nothing alikuwa ajui aanzie wapi I can't recall asking my lovely mum about that big a.ss ladba nikiwa mdogo sijielewi huyo mwanao akikuwa atazoea tuu na hatakusumbua cha muhimu usionyeshe unamchukia huyo kubwa jinga (mama yangu hajawai kumsema vibaya huyu kiazi) na hata pale alipotaka kuniona hakunizuia

unachotakiwa ni kukubali uhalisia ukiendelea kuukataa utaumia sana na utapoteza muda wako kwenye vitu visivyo na maana yoyote jipange kumlea mwanao kwa nguvu zako zote sometimes we (children) are stubborn lakini usife moyo jitahidi kumpatia mwanao kila kitu asihisi utofauti wowote (my lovely mum gave me everything I needed)

mama hakuniambia ni kwanini huyu pi.mbi alisepa hata hivyo wala sitaki kujua lakini alishawai kuniambia "alikuacha ukiwa na miaka mitano" dada yangu hawa mbuzi hawabadiliki kama mtu alikana kiumbe chake usitegemee ipo siku ata jirekebisha remember I speak through experience huyu big a.s.s alikuja kunitafuta nikiwa 20 years nilimpa golden chance yule mzee a tegeneze makosa yake (wanasema watoto tulioleewa na mama tuu tuna huruma sana)hakuonyesha kujali alishindwa hata kumpokea kijiti my lovely mum kunisomesha na uwezo anao nikambull shit tupa kule nimekuwa na maisha yangu na vijisenti vimeanza kuja kanajipendekeza ipo siku nitamtoa miguu....

good newz ni kuwa watoto walio lelewa na single mum wana bahati sana most of them they achieve very well in life (obama & co hata viongozi wengi wa taifa hili walilelewa na single mom)

.......hope u will get something. .........

nimejikuta nacheka sana. watu tumewahi kuchukia baba zetu ila hii ya kwako kali. yaani matusi yote ya kwake! hahahaaaaa big ass, kiazi, kubwa jinga................ Ila nakubaliana na ushauri uliompa devota.

 

[Kongosho]

Sijui ni wapi sijaeleweka au nawaumiza, ngoja nikipata sheria/muongozo huo nitauweka hapa, mtoto kumjua mzazi wake halisi ni haki yake ya msingi, hata kisheria inatambulika hivyo, achia mbali kisaikolojia tu.

Sielewi kwa nini umetumia hayo maelezo kama kweli umepitia comments za Miss Kim na kuzielewa, but anyway let us agree to disagree.

To you Miss Kim, I respect your decisions and you are in my prayers.

 

[Showme]

so sad.... thats y I promised my self sintakaa nimuache mtoto wangu alelewe na single parent..........by the way huyo kubwa jinga mpotezee tuuu hana msaada wowote sanasana ukijaribu kumtafuta atazidi kukuumiza na kukudharua onyesha kama hana msaada wowote kwenye maisha yako

I speak through experience (nililelewa na mana tuu)huyu kubwa jinga they call him my dad pu.mbavu zake alimuachisha mama masomo mzumbe university (second year) mama akapata kazi benki baadae ikaja sera ya kupunguza watu maofisini mama akapunguzwa lile kubwa jinga likamkimbia and mama had nothing alikuwa ajui aanzie wapi I can't recall asking my lovely mum about that big a.ss ladba nikiwa mdogo sijielewi huyo mwanao akikuwa atazoea tuu na hatakusumbua cha muhimu usionyeshe unamchukia huyo kubwa jinga (mama yangu hajawai kumsema vibaya huyu kiazi) na hata pale alipotaka kuniona hakunizuia

unachotakiwa ni kukubali uhalisia ukiendelea kuukataa utaumia sana na utapoteza muda wako kwenye vitu visivyo na maana yoyote jipange kumlea mwanao kwa nguvu zako zote sometimes we (children) are stubborn lakini usife moyo jitahidi kumpatia mwanao kila kitu asihisi utofauti wowote (my lovely mum gave me everything I needed)

mama hakuniambia ni kwanini huyu pi.mbi alisepa hata hivyo wala sitaki kujua lakini alishawai kuniambia "alikuacha ukiwa na miaka mitano" dada yangu hawa mbuzi hawabadiliki kama mtu alikana kiumbe chake usitegemee ipo siku ata jirekebisha remember I speak through experience huyu big a.s.s alikuja kunitafuta nikiwa 20 years nilimpa golden chance yule mzee a tegeneze makosa yake (wanasema watoto tulioleewa na mama tuu tuna huruma sana)hakuonyesha kujali alishindwa hata kumpokea kijiti my lovely mum kunisomesha na uwezo anao nikambull shit tupa kule nimekuwa na maisha yangu na vijisenti vimeanza kuja kanajipendekeza ipo siku nitamtoa miguu....

good newz ni kuwa watoto walio lelewa na single mum wana bahati sana most of them they achieve very well in life (obama & co hata viongozi wengi wa taifa hili walilelewa na single mom)

.......hope u will get something. .........

Wababa wengine wanakera sana heri
uwe na baba asiye na uwezo lakini akujali kuliko awe na uwezo halafu anakutosa,inatia uchungu sana,lakini inshaAllah Mwenyezi Mungu atufanyie
wepesi kwa kila hali..

 

[msumeno]

Wengine Mola wetu alitupatia mtihani mkubwa,,, kwa uwezo wake Allah maisha yanasonga,, na watoto wanasoma Alhamdulillah japo wanakosa guidance ya mama... Halaumiwi aliye juu ya kila kitu ila it is real hard

 

[ERoni]

Ni maisha gani yasiyo na changamoto?

Kuna taasisi yenye changamoto kama ya ndoa? Changamoto huwa zinaisha pale tu unapongia kaburini, vinginevyo lazima ziwepo. Hii ya kujiita single parent ni kujivictimise mwenyewe na kuona ulionewa na dunia, akchwali ni kuji abyuzi kisaikolojia inayopelekea self pity.

Hata walio single nao wana changamoto zao, why hawa wenye watoto bila wenza wasiwe na changamoto? That's nature, ndio maisha yenyewe.

Hakuna maisha yasiyo na changamoto, hilo nakubaliana na wewe kwa asilimia zote..uwe singo, ingejdi, umeoa/umeolewa, uwe/ usiwe na watoto. Maisha ni changamoto kila kukicha.

Tukija kwenye swala la malezi, changamoto hazilosekani pia. Uwe na mwenza au usiwe nae ni lazima ukabiliane na changamoto za hapa na pale. Lakini uwepo wa wazazi wawili ndani ya nyumba, kushauriana na kusaidiana ni jambo la muhimu Sana. Ndio maana wahenga walisema kidole kimoja....! Na wala sidhani kumwita mtu singo parenti ni kumviktimaiz au kumdivalyu. Huo ndio ukweli, malezi yanayotolewa na mzazi mmoja ni usingo parenting huo.

 

[devota vijance]

nimejikuta nacheka sana. watu tumewahi kuchukia baba zetu ila hii ya kwako kali. yaani matusi yote ya kwake! hahahaaaaa big ass, kiazi, kubwa jinga................ Ila nakubaliana na ushauri uliompa devota.

Nakusubiri pm

 

[ERoni]

nimejikuta nacheka sana. watu tumewahi kuchukia baba zetu ila hii ya kwako kali. yaani matusi yote ya kwake! hahahaaaaa big ass, kiazi, kubwa jinga................ Ila nakubaliana na ushauri uliompa devota.

Hata mie Kilaza kaniacha mdomo wazi. Siwezi kuvaa viatu vyake coz wazazi wangu walikuwepo na wote walihakikisha napata malezi bora. Lakini kumtukana mzazi kiasi hicho...mmmmh!

 

[RR]

Hivi ni sababu zipi zinaweza kuhalalisha baba kumkana mwanae???
Baba kumkana mwanae ('wewe sio mwanangu', 'mwambie mamako akuonyeshe babako') ni mbaya sana kwa mtoto na mama!!! Sasa mimi naona mama kumnyima mwanae haki ya kumjua baba na baba kutojua ana mtoto ni sawa kabisa na baba kumkana mwanae!

Tatizo la watu wengi (Asprin, Kongosho, Bomandamo) ni kuzani kuwa dawa ya tatizo ni moja tu. Kwa mfano kama mtu anamalaria then Dawa ni Mseto tu fact ni kuwa kuna wanaoutumia Fansidar na kuna wanaotumia Metakelfin na wote wanapona.
Back to our issue, Solution ya single parent sio moja na haitaweza kuwa moja so please stop generalizing this issue. Miss Kim ukisoma post yake ya kwanza yeye kama mama anaona bora amwache mtoto akue "grows up enough to comprehend such things" ndio amwambie. Hujui kaona nini mpaka achukue huo uamuzi. Badala ya kuendelea kumlaumu na kuona kakosea jitahidi kumsikiliza, problem is we are too quick to talk than to put ourselves into someone else's shoes.

 

[Showme]

Hata mie Kilaza kaniacha mdomo wazi. Siwezi kuvaa viatu vyake coz wazazi wangu walikuwepo na wote walihakikisha napata malezi bora. Lakini kumtukana mzazi kiasi hicho...mmmmh!

Usimlaumu wa kumshangaa Kilaza huwezi jua maumivu yake alivyoona mama kakimbiwa hana pakuanzia na watoto wanasubiri malezi wakati baba anahangaika
na wanawake wengine,ana uchungu jinsi mama yake alivyoteseka wakati mtu wa kumsaidia alikuwepo.Kilaza sikuhukumu katika hili ila najua umejifunza kitu,pole sana na Mungu atazidi kumbariki mama Kilaza.

 

[Babynice]

Poleni single mom's wote nikiwemo na mm.ila mm ckutendwa ila Allah alinipa mtihani mkubwa alimchukua baba Wa mtoto mapema Sana maskini mwanangu hajui hata Mapenzi ya baba yakoje! ila namshukuru Mungu ajaniacha najitahidi kumtimizia mwanangu akitakacho ili asione pengo la baba.Ana 12 yrs sasa yupo std six Mdada tayari.ila nimepitia changamoto nyingi zenye kuumiza na kukatisha tamaa ila nimesimama imara.wakati Mwingine humu ndani ndiyo mabingwa Wa kutuponda single mom's bila kujua ilikuaje mpaka tukawa single mom.

 

[NANDERA]

Halafu hajajua tu, marginal utility is real.

The more unamnyima mtoto nafasi ya kuonana na baba yake, the more anakuwa troubled na kutaka kumjua. Lakini akishamjua na kumuona ni mtu wa kawaida, wala anaweza asiwe na habari naye, hasa watoto wa kiume.

Mtoto kuja kuelewa baada ya miaka 20 ni A, lakini memmory uliyompokonya ya utoto wake ni B.


Nikupe mfano: Mwanamme mtu mzima kanywa viagra akitegemea mpenzi wake anakuja. For some reason mpenzi hajaja, viagra imefanya kazi haswaaa. Yule mtu anazidiwa, anatoka nje na kukuta binti wa miaka 18, bikra, anaamua kumbaka ili kujinusuru na kweli yule baba anapona. Familia ya binti inagundua kitendo hicho, inamuuliza mwanamme, anakubali kuwajibika kwa kumuoa na binti anaridhia kuolewa.

Je hiyo ni justification ya binti kubakwa? Kovu la kihisia/saikolojia litapona? Utajuaje limepona na halijaathiri maisha ya binti ya kimapenzi?


Kuna mambo hayana majibu marahisi, let nature take care of its course. Ulinzi wa binadamu una limitation, kuna vitu viko nje ya uwezo wetu kabisa.

mi naona tuwaache watu wafanye wanayoona ni sawa maana kitu kisipokuwa sawa kwa wote hakiachi kuwa sawa. hizi habari za haki haki wakati mwingine hazina maana. watu wengi hapa wameonyesha walijaribu kutekeleza huo wajibu wa kuwataarifu wazazi wenzao juu ya watoto lakini walichoambulia ni maumivu tu. baba hataki kumtambua mtoto lakini mama bado anang'ang'ana kumtambulisha japo kwa ndugu wa baba. haki ya mtoto kufahamu mzazi. nilishawahi kutoa mfano wa ukweli hapa juu ya binti aliyeamua kumtafuta babaye ukubwani baada ya kufichwa na mamake. yaliyomkuta yule binti hatakaa asahau. aliponea kubakwa na babake siku ya kwanza tu waliyoonana. Inawezekana kabisa mama alijua amezaa na kichaa wa ngono - si ajabu naye alibakwa. Hatujui yanayoendelea kwenye vichwa vya watu, ikiwezekana tuwaache tu. Halafu unavyodai ni haki ya mtoto kufahamu wazazi wake mbona kule juu ulimponda mama anayedai haki ya matunzo ya mtoto mpaka mahakamani kwa kusema malezi si material tu??? Kwa hiyo mzazi wa kiume ana haki ya kumjua mwanae ila ana uchaguzi wa kulea au kuacha?