laugh out loud loooooool

Mohammed Shossi said:
Jamaa mmoja alimkuta mwanae wa miaka 6 akiwa anawaza,akamuuliza unawaza nn?yule mtoto akajibu"ninataka kuoa,"yule baba akashtuka na akamuuliza,"kwa umri utamuoa nani?"akajibu si bibi yangu.yule baba akamjibu,"utamuoa aje mama yangu mzazi?(kwa ukali)."yule mtoto akamwambia mbona mimi sijakuchimba mikwara japo umemuoa mama yangu mzazi?
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tehe tehe teheee! Hapo dingi huna swali, maneno lazima yakuishe.. Unakuwa mdogooooo!!
 
A Tourist in Kilimanjaro had a friend as an interpreter by the name of Mr.Makeke. When in a small restaurant in town interpretation English to Kiswahili went like this:
Tourist: Do you have vegetables here.
Makeke: Mnavyo vijimeza hapa.
Waiter: Vijimeza vidogo hatuna.
Makeke: No sir, they don't have.
Tourist: OK, fine, do you have hot dogs.
Makeke: Sawa, je mnao mbwa wa moto.
Waiter: Loh! Bwana we, hatupiki mbwa hapa.
Makeke: They don't cook here
Tourist: What type of snacks do you have here?
Makeke: Aina ngapi ya nyoka mnao hapa,
Waiter: We bwana we hapa hatupiki aina yeyote ya nyoka, mwache akale nyumbani kwao.
Makeke: They don't cook any type of snacks here, maybe you can go back and eat at home.
Tourist: OK, at least give us a cocktail juice.
Makeke: OK, tupatie hata juisi ya mkia wa jogoo.
Waiter: Hebu tokeni na bangi lenu hapa, tena sasa hivi kabla sijakasirika.
Makeke: Lets get out of here, I think this man is crazy!
 
Dogo janja alirudi kutoka shule asubuhi sana.
Baba: kwanini umerudi mapema hivi? hebu rudi shule huko
Dogo: Sitaki mwalimu wa hesabu kanirudisha
Baba: Kwanini? Dogo: ameniuliza 2 X 3 ni ngapi? nikamwambia ni 6
Baba: sawa kabisa
Dogo: Halafu akaniuliza 3 X2 ni ngapi?
Baba: Mwalimu f#la nini? ukamjibu ngapi?
Dogo: Hivyo hivyo (f#la)
 
Mohammed Shossi said:
Basi pata na hii.....

This seem fair what do u think? Husband & his wife agreed dat anytym dey wnt 2 v sex, dey wil cal it 'Fone call' so dat d kids wil nt knw. 1day,d husband was horny & snt his son 2 tell his mother dat he wnts 2 make a fone call.Mother replied: Tell ur father,d network is bad 2day,father says: tel ur Mother dat if dere is no network @ home I wil go 2 d 'public fone' wife replies: tell ur father dat if he dares go to a ''Public fone'' den I wil open a call center
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hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa jamani leo kazi ipo apa khaaaaaa
 
Mohammed Shossi said:
Dogo janja alirudi kutoka shule asubuhi sana.
Baba: kwanini umerudi mapema hivi? hebu rudi shule huko
Dogo: Sitaki mwalimu wa hesabu kanirudisha
Baba: Kwanini? Dogo: ameniuliza 2 X 3 ni ngapi? nikamwambia ni 6
Baba: sawa kabisa
Dogo: Halafu akaniuliza 3 X2 ni ngapi?
Baba: Mwalimu f#la nini? ukamjibu ngapi?
Dogo: Hivyo hivyo (f#la)
Click to expand...

duh! Mdingi nae mlemle
 
Mohammed Shossi said:
A Tourist in Kilimanjaro had a friend as an interpreter by the name of Mr.Makeke. When in a small restaurant in town interpretation English to Kiswahili went like this:
Tourist: Do you have vegetables here.
Makeke: Mnavyo vijimeza hapa.
Waiter: Vijimeza vidogo hatuna.
Makeke: No sir, they don't have.
Tourist: OK, fine, do you have hot dogs.
Makeke: Sawa, je mnao mbwa wa moto.
Waiter: Loh! Bwana we, hatupiki mbwa hapa.
Makeke: They don't cook here
Tourist: What type of snacks do you have here?
Makeke: Aina ngapi ya nyoka mnao hapa,
Waiter: We bwana we hapa hatupiki aina yeyote ya nyoka, mwache akale nyumbani kwao.
Makeke: They don't cook any type of snacks here, maybe you can go back and eat at home.
Tourist: OK, at least give us a cocktail juice.
Makeke: OK, tupatie hata juisi ya mkia wa jogoo.
Waiter: Hebu tokeni na bangi lenu hapa, tena sasa hivi kabla sijakasirika.
Makeke: Lets get out of here, I think this man is crazy!
Click to expand...

Imetulia Mkuu! Mbavu zangu hoi hapa nlipo duh!
 
Husbands V/S Wives* >=)

Husband:*Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife:*No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever


Wife:*I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband:*I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.


Doctor:*Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.*
Wife:*When must I give them to him?
Doctor:*They are for you


Wife:*I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband:*You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.


Husband:*Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife:*Why Three?
Husband:*For you and your parents


Wife:*What will you give me if I climb the great*Mount Everest*?
Husband:*A lovely Push...!!
 
A little boy said: mummy do u
know that our housegirl is an angel? Mum: why do
u say that junior? I saw her naked with her
hands on the wall shouting oh god I'm coming I'm
coming I'm coming if not daddy that was holding
her tight from behind she would hav gone up to
heaven.
 
A Pakistani B̲̅☺Ỳ̗ got admission in an American School..

Teacher: What's ur name?
B̲̅☺Ỳ̗: Ahmad
Teacher: No, now ur in America ur name is Johnny ƒя̤̣̈̇òм̤̣̈̇ today.

B̲̅☺Ỳ̗ went home. Mom asked:
How was ur day Ahmad?
B̲̅☺Ỳ̗: I'm an American now call м̤̣̈̇ǝ‎​‎​​ Johnny.

Mom & Dad both got offended and beat him up.

Next day he was back τσ school, All bruised.

Teacher: what happend johnny?

B̲̅☺Ỳ̗: Ma'am , just 4 hours after i became American , I was attacked by 2 PAKISTANIS! =D =))
 
Teacher : Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happiness and peace into people lives?
Student : Smo-king, Drin-king & Fuc-king....L☺L =D=))
 
Husband (In Romantc Mood)
My Love!
Why r U Blushing Today ? ?
Wife: Whn Ur Luvly Wrds
Touch d Bundle Branches n
Conducting System Of My Heart
It Starts Beating Faster
Cause Increasing Increasing
Output
Transmited 2 Adrenals Which
Starts Secreting Glucagon To
Increase Blood Glucose Level n
Combat This Emergency Also
Increasing Pituitary Output 2
Increase Blood Estrogen Level
Cause Vasodilation n I Blush ...

Moral:
Never Marry A Doctor ,
She'll Spoil Ur Romance :p =D
 
Mchaga mmoja alidondoka kwenye kisima cha maji akapiga kelel huku anatapatapa mkewe akaja na kamba mpya akamrushia; mume akauliza umenunua sh.ngapi? Mke akamjibu, buku; akamwambia, irudishe nenda kwa Masawe anauza jero fanya fasta ntazama.
 
Kuna jamaa m1 alikua anatafuta posta akakutana na mtoto.

Akamuuliza eti posta iko wapi?
Mtoto:nyosha njia moja kwa moja halafu pinda kulia.

Jamaa:ahsante sana mimi ni padri je! Nikuonyeshe njia ya peponi?

Mtoto:njia ya posta huijui utaijua ya peponi.
 
A child flying in Emirates Airlines asked his mother:
"Eagles have baby eagles, Crows have baby crows,
why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother told him to ask the pretty Hostess & he did.

Air Hostess: "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

Boy: "Yes"

Air Hostess: "Well! Then tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Emirates Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother explain that to you!!!:p

Fly Emirates,Keep Discovering 
 
A granny asked her grandson"why is your dad & mum still in bed?boy replied,i don't no Dad asked me for vaseline last night & i mistakenly gave him super glue.=))
 
President bush tried and failed, president clinton tried and failed, present bush junior tried and failed, president obama tried and succeeded... Moral of the story, if u wana kill someone, send a nigga!!!
 
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Joe: Your secretary is very sexy. John: Thanks, it is a robot from Japan her name is Kotto. If u squeeze her right breast she takes notes and if u squeeze the left she types. You can borrow her for a day and see for yourself. Next day Joe called from the hospital and shouted: John you BASTARD, you didn't tell me Kotto's pussy is a pencil sharpener.
 
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