Jibu kwa The Boss (Nyumba ndogo)

[Darlingtone]

Ngoja nimjibie kidogo, nyumba ndogo nyingi za sasa ziko kisasa zaidi, na saa nyingine waume zenu wakiishiwa huwa tuwakopesha mpaka hela kula na nyingine wawalipie watoto wenu ada, hamlijui tu hilo. Hatuna muda na mume alieacha mkewe kwa makusudi kwani hata wewe anaweza kukuacha. Tuna maisha yetu tayari tunachofanya ni kula goodtime bila usumbufu.

Thanks Sarafina...

Na kitu kingine, msingi wa uhusiano lazima ujulikane tangu mwanzo... ukiniijia na ahadi ya ndoa nakumwaga...
Tushikiriane kuheshimu wale uliowaacha kwenye mansion na sisi tuendelee na ya kwetu. Halafu tulivyo wazuri siku hizi, tunawaonyesha njia ya kurudi nyumbani.

 

[Bishanga]

Najisikia kawaida tu... No regrets



Sina Mategemeo na mume wa mtu...



Hapo ndo ishu inapokuja... sina huo mpango.... si unajua "what comes around....", sitaki shida

Wakuu mkiongozwa na Kaizer,naomba tuanze utaratibu wa kutoa pihechidii za heshima za mmu,na proposi tuanze kwa kumtunuku Darlingtone,citation yake isomeke hivi:
Mimi Aspirin Chautundu,kwa mamlaka niliyopewa na chuo kikuu cha mmu,kwa kutambua mchango wako wa kuwaelimisha kinamama wenzio juu ya uhalisia wa maisha nakutunukia....

 

[Sarafina1]

Thanks Sarafina...

Na kitu kingine, msingi wa uhusiano lazima ujulikane tangu mwanzo... ukiniijia na ahadi ya ndoa nakumwaga...
Tushikiriane kuheshimu wale uliowaacha kwenye mansion na sisi tuendelee na ya kwetu. Halafu tulivyo wazuri siku hizi, tunawaonyesha njia ya kurudi nyumbani.

Hawajui tu hao nyumba ndogo sisi ni wema sana na kwa umri huu na niliyopitia kamwe siwezi msababishia mwanamke mwenzangu matatizo yeye na watoto. Tuwang'ang'anie wa nini? kama akikukimbia wewe na mimi atashindwaje kunikimbia? Kale ka utamu tu ndio tunapeana jamani mwe! mpende jirani yako.

 

[The Boss]

ngoja nimjibie kidogo, nyumba ndogo nyingi za sasa ziko kisasa zaidi, na saa nyingine waume zenu wakiishiwa huwa tuwakopesha mpaka hela kula na nyingine wawalipie watoto wenu ada, hamlijui tu hilo. Hatuna muda na mume alieacha mkewe kwa makusudi kwani hata wewe anaweza kukuacha. Tuna maisha yetu tayari tunachofanya ni kula goodtime bila usumbufu.

kumbe wanawake wenye akili mpoo....
Darlingtone na sarafina.....nna zawadi yenu aisee...

 

[Bishanga]

Dt bahati mbaya na multitask.... Namalizia and will b bak after an hour... Hopefully you will be here for u ar the only reliable


@ Bishanga... Please jibu post zangu acha kukwepa...

naogopa utanipiga makonzi!

 

[Kbd]

KBD, kila mtu na roho yake na mikakati yake ya maisha...
sijawahi kutaka kumiliki mume in the 1st place...
kwa hiyo lazima kabla mikiki mikiki haijakolea tuwekane wazi ajue position yake kwenye familia yake,
sisambaratishi ndoa ya mtu

huo ni msimamo wangu mimi...

My dia kama umenisoma vyema kwenye ile post yangu ya 509 nilisema na nanukuu "za mwizi arobaini au mipango sio matumizi" nikiwa na maana kuwa siku zote binadamu anapanga lakini na Mungu nae anamipango yake (of course kama unaamini kuna Mungu)/au sikuzote sisi tunapanga lakini mwisho wa siku necha inapangua. Sasa kwa hali kama hiyo imetokea umebambwa redi handedi (mkono mwekundu ......source Bujibuji) na kwa sababu hiyo nyumba kubwa imevunjika na mwisho wa siku watoto wako mitaani wanahangaika....... jua lao......mvua yao.......kula yao ya shida na kwa kulala ni barabarani kwenye maboksi .......wewe utajisikiaje?

 

[Bishanga]

Khaaaaa!!! I LOVE Bishanga neva blindly.... Mume wangu wa kwanza ni mimi niliamua sitaki tena (na nilkua nampenda) kwa ajiki ya infidelity thou zooote zilikua 'hit and run'.... Kwa taarifa yako nipo ndoa ya pili... Na akiniketea upuzi siwez vumilia.... I love having someone reliable... I love being married BUT i LOVE my self more... (hata hivo) wil b bak...

hujanijibu swali bi Asha,una ubavu wa kumwacha mwanaume hasa kama mmezaa?
Na swali la nyongeza: kwa kuwa Blackberry hapo juu amedhibitisha kuwa wanaume wote ni wazanga,sasa je kwa mtaji huo utaolewa vyuo vingapi?

 

[Kbd]

Ngoja nimjibie kidogo, nyumba ndogo nyingi za sasa ziko kisasa zaidi, na saa nyingine waume zenu wakiishiwa huwa tuwakopesha mpaka hela kula na nyingine wawalipie watoto wenu ada, hamlijui tu hilo. Hatuna muda na mume alieacha mkewe kwa makusudi kwani hata wewe anaweza kukuacha. Tuna maisha yetu tayari tunachofanya ni kula goodtime bila usumbufu.

Asante kwa kunijibu mpendwa......lakini hebu nenda kwenye post yangu ya 526 na unijibu pls kwa mtizamo wako. Halafu apo nilipo bold apo bado sijakuelewa........yaani ..............

 

[Caroline Danzi]

RR,

Ni msimamo mzuri wa kuchukia infidelity na nikuunge mkono katika hilo. However wengi humu ukiangalia vizuri ni majeruhi wa tabia hizo. Ni kweli bandiko la Boss liliwalenga zaidi wanaume. Mie nilivyomwelewa Boss ni sawa na ule ushauri wanaoutumia wale wanaopambana na virusi vya ukimwi. Kuwa ingekuwa vizuri kila mtu akawa na mpenzi mmoja mwaminifu na si vizuri kufanya fanya ngono zisizo responsible! Lakini wanamalizia na msemo kuwa - ukishindwa tumia KONDOM.

Sote twajua evil nature ya nyumba ndogo! However, wapo ambao tunaweza kusema kwenda kwao nyumba ndogo ni justifiable kutokana na kile wanachokumbana nacho huko nyumbani. Au to put it simple, sababu za kwenda nyumba ndogo aside, ukienda zingatia yafuatayo!

Sioni ubaya wowote katika hilo. Kuna wengi (hasa wanaume) wanachangia kwa ushabiki tu na nature ya wanaume iko hivyo (Angalia ni wengi sana kwenye viwanja vya mpira) yaani ni washabiki. Wanaume wengi wanasifia vitu ambavyo hawajawahi hata kuvifanya, ila huwa wanapenda wengi kujulikana misimamo yao!

The fact kwamba wewe ume-leta upande wako kama mwanamke, haina maana unawawakilisha wanawake wote! Ni mawazo yako tu. Wapo wanawake wengi sana walioko kwenye kapu hilo; hizo nyumba ndogo zenyewe au wanawake wenye wanaume nje. Ni wengi tu. Ila thread ile ilikuwa muhimu tu kama ilivyo muhimu hii ya kwako!!

Mdada mwenzetu ile thread ya the boss niliipenda. Haikuwa na promotion ya aina yoyote zaidi ya kuwaasa wale viruka njia ambao wameshindwa kuacha nyumba ndogo kuheshimu familia wanapokuwa wameshindwa kuzuia. Unajua wanawake tungekaa siku moja kusimuliana yanayotokea majumbani mwetu, kuna siku unakaa na kuomba kwamba basi kama mume anafanya asinionyeshe afanye siri.

Kaka kamaliza utata hapa, hatutakiwi kufanya ngono kabla ya ndoa; ila wale waroho wachache watumie CONDOM, the same applies to Nyumba ndogo kama huwezi kuacha nyumba ndogo, basi onyesha heshima kwa nyumba kubwa na ufanye siri ili asijue. Kuna laana my dear bila maombi tunatwanga maji kwenye kinu. Si kwa waume tu hata wanawake wana vidumu ili kuwe na ushindani!!

Si kwa wanaume tu kemea na wanawake wenzako wasio na hofu na Mungu. Tena wanawake tuko wengi than wanaume!

 

[Bishanga]

uko juu kama mpapai, ndoa mbili bibie??? ila pia una moyo mgumu coz mie nahisi ikinishinda huko mbele nikiachana nae baaaasi narudia ukapera wangu

be positive na ndoa yako dear,just visualize inadumu na kudumu hadi we na mmeo mfanane,si unavionaga vibau vyetu?

 

[Darlingtone]

My dia kama umenisoma vyema kwenye ile post yangu ya 509 nilisema na nanukuu "za mwizi arobaini au mipango sio matumizi" nikiwa na maana kuwa siku zote binadamu anapanga lakini na Mungu nae anamipango yake (of course kama unaamini kuna Mungu)/au sikuzote sisi tunapanga lakini mwisho wa siku necha inapangua. Sasa kwa hali kama hiyo imetokea umebambwa redi handedi (mkono mwekundu ......source Bujibuji) na kwa sababu hiyo nyumba kubwa imevunjika na mwisho wa siku watoto wako mitaani wanahangaika....... jua lao......mvua yao.......kula yao ya shida na kwa kulala ni barabarani kwenye maboksi .......wewe utajisikiaje?

Unaona KBD, mimi lawama zote nitazileta kwako... Wewe kama mama ulikubali "for better for worse", magari ulichukulia poa, mansion ulichukulia poa, watoto kusoma FM academia ukachukulia poa, sasa Darling kupewa japo kiduchu... the "worse" part unaikataa...

Nyumba ndogo tupo, tuna heshima zetu na tunawasaidia tu kuboresha na si kuvuruga... sasa inapotokea mama unakaba mpaka penati, uwe tayari kuvumilia machungu pia. Ukiondoka kwa kweli damu ya hao watoto haitakuwa juu yangu.. Ni wewe mama yao "umewatelekeza"

 

[AshaDii]

Nasema hivi kwa sababu nimeona wanawake wengi walioolewa na wana watoto, kila akiwaza kuacha watoto au kuacha mume anaona sijui aibu au huruma whatever u call it kwa muda huo, then anaamua kukaa na kuvumilia tu, after all ndoa is all about uvumilivu... (another advise, usinitoe macho..lol)

Labda nikupe sababu za kwa nini wanaovumilia wanavumilia.... (Maybe youi will understnd....) Shukuru saana umezaliwa these times... shukuru pia kua you live in these times ambazo imerahisisha saana maisha ya wanawake thou tupo wachache katika hilo kundi. - ila nakusihi kwamba always feel for you fellow woman and try to understand her... itakusaidia kukujenga belive me....

Note that hapa nazungumzia an ordinary Tanzanian woman... Acha walo jikwamua kielimu... acha walo jikwamua kujitambua... na wacha walo jikwamua kimaisha... (thou na wao mmoja mmoja aweza ingia)

Mfumo dume tulonao...

Haujaanda wanawake walo wengi kuweza jitegemea... Hii system inamnyang'anya mwanamke confidence... Kujitambua... Ama hata kujua kua she can survive regardless yupo na mumewe ama lah! Huu mfumo umenyima elimu kwa wanawake walo wengi hivo kua na a bleak future... Pia umemnyima kutambua kua ana haki ya kuongea na kuamini atakacho as long as it is for her own benefit... Akiwa kajengewa toka utoto kwamba haruhusiwi kuongea mbele ya wanaume... Akaenda unyago akaambiwa kua what ever mumewe ataongea ni "AMEN" to her... Na mengine mengi... Hapo yeye kutoa maamuzi ya kuachana na mumewe kazi ipo... labda mwanaume amuache...

Utamaduni...

Utamaduni in most case umemkandamiza mwanamke... Nitolee mfano wa mahari ambayo katika makabila mengine hutolewa kama vile huyo mwanamke anauzwa... (which could be true maana tayari mwanamke unakua considered you are no longer part of your original family) Yaani hata ukifariki kama kwenu Moshi umeolewa na mwanaue wa Sumbawanga basi utazikwa huko Sumbawanga... Hizi tamaduni pia zinavi element ambavo vinamkuza mwanaume na kushusha mwanamke.... Hivo basi Darling tone usiwashangae wala usiwa judge for walikua wamesukwa toka hivo toka utoto....

Utegemezi..

Hii hutokana na the fact kua wanawake walo wengi wanategemea waume zao... (thou inabadilika kwa kasi sasa) Unakuta mwanamke anamtegemea kila kitu mwanaume... Mwingine hudiriki hata kuacha career yake just because huyo mumewe ka-demand hivo na kaahidi to take care of her... hivo inapotekea yameumana ndani ya ndoa hana pa kukimbilia (hivo usishangae sometimes kwa nini wajane ni wengi - sio ajabu wanawake wengine huua hata waume zao...) anajua hawezi ondoka but hamtaki mume...

Watoto...

Only a mother can understand this... Mtoto sio kigezo cha kukaa.... ila inakuja tu kwamba wanawake tunaelewa jinsi most wanaume walivo... Akikuacha wewe kaacha na wanao (sijui hii species ikoje kwa kweli naona sababu hawabebi wao mimba); inapotokea mwanamke hana uwezo wa kuwalea wanae kama yupo kama single parent... anavumilia for she wants what is best for the child... Only a mother aweza elewa what i mean hapa..

The above ni baadhi tu ya sababu zipo nyingi....

 

[EMT]

kuna born fighters na born followers. I am of the first nature. Naamini the change starts somewhere na kwa vile kuna watu wengi hawaipendi hiyo tabia nimeona na sisi tutoe mtazamo wetu baada ya the boss kutoa mtazamo wao.

Tunaweza kutoa mitazamo yetu but they won't change the reality. Hate or love it, nyumba ndogo is now part ya maisha ya Watanzania. It is part of our culture now. I agree with you changes starts somewhere but there are things which cannot be changed. Pia nakubali kuna ku-born as a fighter. However, a good fighter is not the one who was born as a fighter but the one who choose not to fight for a loosing battle.

Halafu umejuaje kuwa kuna watu wengi hawaipendi hiyo tabia? Kwa kusoma tuu post za wachangiaji? Kuna watu hapa wanapinga nyumba ndogo kwa brains zao lakini in their heart, they're gagging for it! Sema tuu they have not got that chance. Hata tafiti za kisayansi zinasema nyumba ndogo is here to stay.

Nirudi kwenye post yako ya mwanzo ambapo umesema huoni sababu ya kumlaumu The Boss kwa kuanzisha ile thread on the ground that inahalalisha kitu kilicho haramu. Nani amekuambia nyumba ndogo ni haramu Tanzania? Kwanza kabisa polygamy inakubalika kisheria Tanzania. Wapo watakaotaka kutofautisha kati ya polygamy na nyumba ndogo. Lakini nyumba ndogo inaweza isiwe tuu extra-marital affairs but also part and parcel of a polygamous marriage.

Pia umesema kuwa kitu kinachikukwaza zaidi na thread The Boss ni heshima ndogo ya utaratibu mzima kwa wanawake. Nakubaliana na wewe kwa hili. Lakini katika jitihada zote zinazofanyika kumkomboa mwanamke wa Kitanzania (women emancipation) sijawahi kusikia kampeni yoyote ya hizo NGOs za kina mama dhidi ya nyumba ndogo. In fact, inasemekana nyumba ndogo nyingi zinahusisha zaidi wanawake na wanaume ambao social status yao sio mbaya. Hii inanikumbusha kipindi fulani Uingereza ilitaka kupitisha sheria kuwa mwanaume akifanya ngono na mwanamke ambaye amelewa pombe then, automatically ni ubakaji. Wanawake walipinga huo mpango na sheria haikupitishwa.

Sina maana kuwa wanaume should not also be blamed; I am trying to be objective. Sababu zinazosababisha tatizo hili ni nyingi sana Nyingine ni za kijamii, kitamaduni, kibayolojia na kimaadili. Na sidhani kama kuna njia ya mkato katika utatuzi wake. It will take centuries to eradicate Nyumba ndogo Tanzania.

In broader sense, inawezekana thread ya The Boss inajaribu kutoa temporary solution especially where the children are involved whilst looking for a permanent solution, which still looks impossible at the moment. Thus, for the foreseeable future, nyumba ndogo ni kitu ambacho mama na dada zetu itabidi waishi nacho as a fact of life.

Sorry kama nimekuwakwaza wewe na wengine kwa kuandika huu uhalisia.

 

[Bishanga]

haya mambo hayana utabiri russian.... cha muhimu wala sio kubishana nao, hakikisha unaboresha kwako yasikukute haya, na kama hujayajua kwako wala huna haja ya kuyachokonoa sababu tu wamesema, nawatakia kila la heri wanandoa wote jamani muishi kwa upendo na wenzenu

wea wea yu mpaka ukawekwa kwenye wanted list na Ashadii?

 

[AshaDii]

AshaDii bwana... Am between 35 - 45

Darling tone kama upo between that age... UMEKOMAA tayari... wee sio nyumba ndogo tena you do not qualify... Wee ni mke wa pili... na kwa taarifa yako tayari nyumba ndogo yako ipo....

 

[Sarafina1]

My dia kama umenisoma vyema kwenye ile post yangu ya 509 nilisema na nanukuu "za mwizi arobaini au mipango sio matumizi" nikiwa na maana kuwa siku zote binadamu anapanga lakini na Mungu nae anamipango yake (of course kama unaamini kuna Mungu)/au sikuzote sisi tunapanga lakini mwisho wa siku necha inapangua. Sasa kwa hali kama hiyo imetokea umebambwa redi handedi (mkono mwekundu ......source Bujibuji) na kwa sababu hiyo nyumba kubwa imevunjika na mwisho wa siku watoto wako mitaani wanahangaika....... jua lao......mvua yao.......kula yao ya shida na kwa kulala ni barabarani kwenye maboksi .......wewe utajisikiaje?

Kwa mwanamke kama mimi haiotokaa nyumba kubwa inikamate kwani sina mipango mibaya na huyo mumewe, kama mwanamke mwenye akili najua mida hii anatakiwa awe na familia yake nyumbani na nahakikisha anatimiza mahitaji yote ya familia. Nakumbuka kuna mtu nilimtimua mpaka aniletee risiti za ada ya watoto hakuamini. Siku niliyokuja mwambia mimi na wewe basi nusu anitoe roho kifupi ananisaka mpaka leo imagine mtu ana mkewe nilimshindwa tu kwani alikua na hasira za ajabu ukimuudhi kidogo unakula kibao hata bar kisha anaomba msamaha kha wanini nikajisogeza pembeni.

Kama huyo mama anaamua kuondoka wakati mumewe alikua anamuona kwa wakati, hadharauliwi na mimi nyumba ndogo, anapata huduma zote muhimu yeye ndio atakua ameharibu maisha ya watoto wake na si mimi. Maana kuna wanawake wengine hawana kazi za kufanya kazi kupekua pekua waume zao hata kusikopekulika.

 

[klorokwini]

hehehe Dah! sasa nadhani kimeeleweka.

 

[Tabutupu]

Tunaweza kutoa mitazamo yetu but they won't change the reality. Hate or love it, nyumba ndogo is now part ya maisha ya Watanzania. It is part of our culture now. I agree with you changes starts somewhere but there are things which cannot be changed. Pia nakubali kuna ku-born as a fighter. However, a good fighter is not the one who was born as a fighter but the one who choose not to fight for a loosing battle.

Halafu umejuaje kuwa kuna watu wengi hawaipendi hiyo tabia? Kwa kusoma tuu post za wachangiaji? Kuna watu hapa wanapinga nyumba ndogo kwa brains zao lakini in their heart, they're gagging for it! Sema tuu they have not got that chance. Hata tafiti za kisayansi zinasema nyumba ndogo is here to stay.

Nirudi kwenye post yako ya mwanzo ambapo umesema huoni sababu ya kumlaumu The Boss kwa kuanzisha ile thread on the ground that inahalalisha kitu kilicho haramu. Nani amekuambia nyumba ndogo ni haramu Tanzania? Kwanza kabisa polygamy inakubalika kisheria Tanzania. Wapo watakaotaka kutofautisha kati ya polygamy na nyumba ndogo. Lakini nyumba ndogo inaweza isiwe tuu extra-marital affairs but also part and parcel of a polygamous marriage.

Pia umesema kuwa kitu kinachikukwaza zaidi na thread The Boss ni heshima ndogo ya utaratibu mzima kwa wanawake. Nakubaliana na wewe kwa hili. Lakini katika jitihada zote zinazofanyika kumkomboa mwanamke wa Kitanzania (women emancipation) sijawahi kusikia kampeni yoyote ya hizo NGOs za kina mama dhidi ya nyumba ndogo. In fact, inasemekana nyumba ndogo nyingi zinahusisha zaidi wanawake na wanaume ambao social status yao sio mbaya. Hii inanikumbusha kipindi fulani Uingereza ilitaka kupitisha sheria kuwa mwanaume akifanya ngono na mwanamke ambaye amelewa pombe then, automatically ni ubakaji. Wanawake walipinga huo mpango na sheria haikupitishwa.

Sina maana kuwa wanaume should not also be blamed; I am trying to be objective. Sababu zinazosababisha tatizo hili ni nyingi sana Nyingine ni za kijamii, kitamaduni, kibayolojia na kimaadili. Na sidhani kama kuna njia ya mkato katika utatuzi wake. It will take centuries to eradicate Nyumba ndogo Tanzania.

In broader sense, inawezekana thread ya The Boss inajaribu kutoa temporary solution especially where the children are involved whilst looking for a permanent solution, which still looks impossible at the moment. Thus, for the foreseeable future, nyumba ndogo ni kitu ambacho mama na dada zetu itabidi waishi nacho as a fact of life.

Sorry kama nikuwakwaza wewe na wengine kwa kuandika huu uhalisia.

Hapa sikubaliani na wewe kabisa. Labda tanzania iliyo sayari nyingine

 

[AshaDii]

Usihofu Ashadii jambazi mie nikivamia ndani kwako nakula ubwabwa tu uliobakisha jikoni kisha najiendea zangu sina shida ya redio yako wala tv vyote ninavyo ila njaa tu ilinibana.i

Kwangu huna ujanja wa kufanya ujambazi dear.... Wee vamia huko huko mtaani, ukimuona na ki-laptop na simu endelea kukwabua tu... But kwangu hugusi dear...

Ashadii usione tunasema haya ukajua bado watoto, darlingtone ana age hiyo hapo mimi niko kati ya 30 - 35 naelekea 40 hivyo tushaona mengi usidhani tumekurupuka kujibu, haya maisha haya yana mengi

No sio kwamba i am naive nakufikiri nyie ni watoto... NO! Kuna comment DT aliongea nikafikiria hivo... Hata hivo kama unakimbilia 40 narudia niloongea kwa DT... Wee sasa ni mke mdogo sio nyumba ngogo tena...

 

[Bishanga]

Maana nimejibu tokana na post ulom-mquote Sarafina... What was i to say?? Maana you have mentioned me nikiwa mmoja wapo... kana kwamba nisivunge... hivo basi Bishanga labda you tell me what you meant kwamba I should heed maneno ya Sara... Kingine mie nashangaa hizo post mnasomaje; tumieni miwani B' kama hamuoni... Nani kakwambia kua hali halisi hatuijui??

Hio lunch nakuja... Hakikisha kuna kinywaji karibu.....

ukibakwa legea,ukigangamala utaumia.