Fungukeni mliolelewa na Mzazi Mmoja

[the american dream]

ukilelewa single parent unakuwa na hasira sana usipojiangalia unaweza ukaishia kubaya eg.drug addict,alcoholism ila kwa upande mwingine u become strong

 

[Ablessed]

Kulelewa na mzazi mmoja athari zipo ingawa zaweza zisionekane kwa nje. Mimi nimelelewa na baba nakumbuka kila wakati nilipokutana na changamoto mbali mbali nilitamani awepo mama na wakati mwingine hata bila magumu nilitamani awepo tu. Athari zenyewe ni kupoteza ukaribu na mzazi mmoja wapo hasa kama hawatembelei/hamumtembelei, kutomfahamu kwa undani na pengine baadae mwaweza kuwa na migogoro kwa kutofautiana mitazamo na mzazi huyo (mzazi wa mbali). Unajua unapoishi na wazazi wote wawili kunakua na strong bond kati yenu. Athari zingine ni kutokua na history ya mzazi mmojawapo kwa mfano utakuta watu wanasimulia tabia mbali mbali za wazazi walipokua wanaishi nao wakati huo wewe unakaa kimya lbd utaongelea baba tu na step mother wako.

Kwa hiyo basi hata kama utalelewa vizuri na mzazi mmoja lkn kwa kumkosa mzazi mmojawapo kunakua na gape nafsini mwa mtoto ijapokua yaweza isionekane kwa nje au hata muhusika asijue kama kuna kitu alikikosa. Tujue kuwa malezi ya wazazi wote wawili ni muhimu sana hata inapotokea kutengana basi ni vema kuruhusu ukaribu wa wazazi wote kwa mtoto na malezi ya wazazi wote ni mpango kamili wa Mungu lbd kutokee hali iliyo nje ya uwezo wa kibinadamu.

 

[Jestina]

Mie nimeshangaa kwa nini limewagusa waafrica /carribean zaidi?what does that tell us???miafrica inapenda ngono zaidi afu haitaki rendposility and kny relationshop nying theres no transparency/openess ndio maana ukimwi uko kila mahali ila tunaokufa ni sisi zaidi

 

[Mkoroshokigoli]

Kulelewa na mzazi mmoja athari zipo ingawa zaweza zisionekane kwa nje. Mimi nimelelewa na baba nakumbuka kila wakati nilipokutana na changamoto mbali mbali nilitamani awepo mama na wakati mwingine hata bila magumu nilitamani awepo tu. Athari zenyewe ni kupoteza ukaribu na mzazi mmoja wapo hasa kama hawatembelei/hamumtembelei, kutomfahamu kwa undani na pengine baadae mwaweza kuwa na migogoro kwa kutofautiana mitazamo na mzazi huyo (mzazi wa mbali). Unajua unapoishi na wazazi wote wawili kunakua na strong bond kati yenu. Athari zingine ni kutokua na history ya mzazi mmojawapo kwa mfano utakuta watu wanasimulia tabia mbali mbali za wazazi walipokua wanaishi nao wakati huo wewe unakaa kimya lbd utaongelea baba tu na step mother wako.

Kwa hiyo basi hata kama utalelewa vizuri na mzazi mmoja lkn kwa kumkosa mzazi mmojawapo kunakua na gape nafsini mwa mtoto ijapokua yaweza isionekane kwa nje au hata muhusika asijue kama kuna kitu alikikosa. Tujue kuwa malezi ya wazazi wote wawili ni muhimu sana hata inapotokea kutengana basi ni vema kuruhusu ukaribu wa wazazi wote kwa mtoto na malezi ya wazazi wote ni mpango kamili wa Mungu lbd kutokee hali iliyo nje ya uwezo wa kibinadamu.

ua ryt mdau

 

[Zogwale]

pitia uzi wake kule jukwaa la siasa aliandika mwenyewe tena hilo jina la kigwangalla sio la mzee wake ni la babu mzaa mama

zamani hamisi kigwangalla alikuwa anaitwa "said bagalile"mzee akala dili la kwenda mbele akamtelekeza dogo na mama mbaya kabisa akaondoka na vyeti vya mama yake (mama alikuwa nurse) hivyo akopoteza kazi akarudi kuwa mama ntilie

mzee kasugua kucha ulaya weeeeeeee dogo akabadilisha jina akaitwa hamisi sasa mzee amefulia na sasa karudi bongo kakuta dogo ni mbunge anajipendekeza tena mbaya zaidi analalamika kwenye media dogo hamisi kamtelekeza kisa anaumwa cancer

Safi sana. Tupa kule mijiwanaume na mijibaba isiyowajibika kwa watoto na familia

 

[Dina]

Hii mitandao nayo imekuwa shida sasa....Nimelelewa na baba from the tender age of two with no interferences from a step whoever, na sikuona shida yoyote wala kujistukia until now!

Ngoja nijipitie mwaya....but very proud of the dad, because he made me to be who I am today.....thanks a lot baba, and will do anything to make him comfortable...

 

[Wickama]

Mkuu, sijui kama mawazo ya huyu mtalaam yatakufaa. Naweka article pia.


Source: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/07/22/psychological-impact-single-parenting/

The psychological impact of single parenting



By Dr. Keith Ablow
Published July 22, 2012FoxNews.com


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A new focus of psychiatry and psychology should be dedicated to understanding the impact of single parenthood on children-and trying to minimize the damage. About 41 percent of births in the United States now occur outside the context of marriage. That's up from 17 percent three decades ago.
I don't think that trend is going to change. I believe it will accelerate. For lots of reasons, including the fact that we haven't come up with a structure for marriage that pays heed to each spouse's need for independence (never mind sexual fulfillment), divorce rates will continue to rise, and marriage will continue to fall out of favor.
While the economic toll of living with one parent-far more frequently a mother than a father-is known to be negative (with childhood poverty much more likely), too little is known and even less published about the psychological effects. Depression and behavioral disturbances occur at higher rates, but that may be the tip of the iceberg.
Having talked to children and adults in my practice of psychiatry over the past twenty years, I know that there are unresolved and, often, unaddressed concerns that children harbor when they are raised largely by one parent, and even when parenting is shared by divorced spouses. These include:
• Core psychological questions (which are, of course, not rational) about whether, as the product of a sexual union that did not lead to a clear family architecture, they are not truly "good" or "worthwhile" and may represent living remnants of a storyline gone awry.
• Often unspoken, sometimes unconscious, fear for the wellbeing of the parent with whom they are not living. Children not only need protection, but feel the need to keep their parents safe, too. Without seeing them going to sleep at home and waking up safe, they can have trouble believing they are not exposed to unseen, untold dangers.
• Fear about what will happen (in terms of living arrangements and economic needs and needs for nurturance) if their primary caretaker should die-or an inability to cope with the notion of such a tragedy, with resulting exaggerated fear of the loss of loved ones. Even in divorced families, there is an underlying question, rarely raised by the children or overtly addressed by the parents, about whether either parent would willingly step in to parent full-time, in the event of a tragedy.
• Deep concerns about whether expressing loving and positive feelings about one parent to the other (particularly in cases of acrimony between the two) will be unwelcome, potentially leading to the child developing a manipulative personality style or a reticence to share loving feelings, in general, even later in life.
I am not saying that forcing couples to marry would be a solution, nor that forcing unhappy couples to stay married would be a solution. Unhappy cohabitation may be more damaging than single parenting. However, with the trend toward single parenting accelerating, it is absolutely time to decipher what messages and reassurances children should receive, in order to feel safe and loved as they grow up. It may be that the issues listed above, for example, should be directly raised and addressed at appropriate moments and ages in children's lives. I suspect this is the case.
I also suspect that our children would be well-served were we to create an architecture-short of marriage-that allows two adults to express and to codify their complete intention to love and care for their children as life partners in parenting, even if they are no longer partners in any other way. Traditional marriage-the one-size-fits-all approach to family-isn't working. Millions and millions of Americans need another choice that would allow them to parent effectively and predictably, while living alone.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team. Dr. Ablow can be reached at info@keithablow.com.

 

[Mr.Junior]

Nivea focus sio waliolelewa na mzazi mmoja baada ya mwingine kufariki, ingawa wanaweza kutupa ushuhuda wa maisha yao. Lengo hapa ni mtu ambaye wazazi wake wote wawili wapo hai lakini mmoja au ikiwezekana wote wamemkataa kata kata! Je, ameathirikaje?

Wewe umelelewa na mzazi mmoja au wawili?

samahani lakini.

 

[Haika]

Mimi sio mhusika moja kwa moja ila nimeathirika kwa hili moja kwa moja.
Watoto aliowapata baba huko mitaani walikuwa ni ndugu zangu wa damu na nina waaona wameathirika kisaikolojia. Misimamo na maamuzi yao yanaendelea kuonyesha historia yao. Wanajihusisha na na hata mm najihusisha na maamuzi aaliofanya baba ujanani na hao kina dada.
Anywaay. Kuna uzazi pweke au ulezi pweke?
Mfano
watoto wenye kufiwa na mzazi mmoja wakalelewa na mwingine peke yake ndani ya nyumba ile ile
Watoto wenye kufiwa na mzazi mmoja wakatenganishwa au kuhamishwa kulelewa kwenye nyumba tofauti zenye wazazi wawili au mmoja au bibi babu au bibi tu.
Watoto ambao wazazi walikuwa kwenye nyumba moja then wakatengana na watoto kubaki au kuhama na mzazi mmoja au kupelekwa kwa mlezi mwingine kama shangazi au bibi baba mdogo etc
Wazazi wenye mahusiano ya kirafiki ila hawaishi pamoja na mtoto alizaliwa hivyo hivyo baba ana familia ingine na mama ana familia ingine au hawana. Mtoto anaishi nyumba mbili tofauti na zote zina masharti tofauti.
Mtoto aliezaliwa wakati mama anataka mtoto tu anatafuta baba mtaani, then uhusiano unakufa na mtoto anaweza asiambiwe hata baba yake ni nani. Mara nyingi mama ana uwezo wa malezi zaidi ya 110%
Mtoto anaezaliwa na mama asiejielewa au msichana mdogo mimba wanaita za bahati mbaya. kwa unyofu wa mama hajaitoa mtoto anazaliwa analelewa kwa shida na yeyote anayejitolea. Humu wapo watoto wa shule, ma housegirl, wauza maduka etc
Watoto product ya ubakaji violent hakuna historia hata kiddogo ya penzi kati ya baba na mama zaidi ya chuki.
Watoto wanaozaliwa kwa hila ya mama 100% kutaka assoçiation ya kudumu na baba.

Kwa mtazamo wangu effect kwa mtoto inategemea sana mtazamo wa wazazi na jamii inayowazunguka.
Nadhani ni muhimu ya kumfikiria mtoto wakati unapofanya maamuzi ya kumleta duniani. Usijifikirie wewe zaidi.
Nina uhakika kwa wale waliopoteza mzazi au wazazi mapema jamii inawakumbatia na athari wanayoipata mara nyingi inawasukuma kuwa bora zaidi.

 

[Simplicity.]

Wewe umelelewa na mzazi mmoja au wawili?

samahani lakini.

Wawili na mpaka sasa wananilea ingawa ni mtu mzima na najitegemea, bila samahani.

 

[jeang]

Malezi ya mzazi mmoja si malezi bora kwa watoto. Mfano mtoto anayelelewa na mama aliyeachana na baba psychologically atamlea mtoto huyo in a negative perception kama vile baba yako ni mbaya sana , aliniacha nikiwa na mimba yako hakupendi , hajawahi kuonyesha upendo wake kwako mwanangu, ni mtu mbaya sana n.k hata kama mama naye alikuwa na kosa Fulani nitoe mfano: mwanamke ana lovers 6 na yawezekana imefika hatua hata hajui yupi ndo aliyempatia mimba, then after anamuibukia mmoja wapo ambaye siku si nyingi alimshuhudia akiwa na wanaume wengine na kumwambia kuwa mimba ni ya kwake what do you expect ? Ushauri tulia na mwanaume mmoja mnayependana na kuaminiana. Mimi binafsi nimelelewa na mama baada ya baba kufariki , anajitahidi kwa mambo mengi but still kiongozi wa nyumba ni muhimu sana na hii husababisha uongozi thabiti usio na malalamishi everyday na maamuzi kigeugeu .Katika maisha yangu nimegundua kuwa majukumu yanapokuwa mengi watu wengi huwa na malalamishi hata mahali pasipohitajika kufanya hivyo so kwa malezi bora ya watoto wako simama tabiti kama msaidizi wa familia na baba naye asimame kama kiongozi kwa kuiongoza vyema familia yake Single baba's wengi nao wamejitahidi katika malezi bora japo kwa kutumia nguvu nyingi though shida ipo pale wanapopata mwanamke wa ku spend naye wengi wanajisahau kabisa na wengi huishia kuwa wanywaji pombe sana kujisahaulisha changamoto zilizopo hata hivyo katika familia nyingi mwanamke ndo amekuwa mhimili mkubwa wa malezi ya watoto.Hivyo kwa wababa malezi utakayoyatoa peke yako bila mama itafika mahali yatakuzidi nguvu tu. Kumbuka: Uaminifu+ kutimiza Majukumu yako = LOVE

 

[jeang]

Wapo wababa walio na negative perception importation kwa watoto wao but wanawake wana high rank katika hilo .Wababa hawana hulka ya kukiri udhaifu so watalea watoto wao bila kuwaeleza everyday habari mbaya kuhusu mama yao aliyewatelekeza

 

[Sara]

Naenda mbali kidogo watu weusi tuna matatizo sana kwakweli,wao wanalichukulia swala la single4 parents kama mama/baba alikuwa mlaya akazaa akalea mwenyewe,na kwa asilimia 90 wanalirelate na wanawake tu kwamba kazaa kabla au kaiba mume wa mtu akazaa huko au alipachikwa mimba akakataliwa hii ndio maana halisi yao ya single parents.

Kongosho kuna watu wanafiwa na mzazi mmja,wengine wamebakwa akapatikana ,wengine wamekataliwa na wababa wao,wengine mama alipoachika alimpeleka kwa baba au alimtupia baba mtoto,wengine aliiba mume wa mtu ikawa ndio zawadi yake.

KAMA KABLA YAKURAISE HII MADA KWENYE UBONGO WAKO KUH SINGLE PARENTS WANGEKUWA WANAWAZA MAMBO HAYO WASINGELETA HIZI MADA ZA KIJINGA HUMU NDANI.SHUKURU MUNGU TU AWE KALELEWA NA KAKUA NA UHAI UPO PIA HATA KAMA AMELELEWAJE NI KUSHUKURU MUNGU HAKUUWAWA UHAI UPO,HAYO MENGINE YATAJISETI TU MBELE YA SAFARI.
JAMANI FIKIRINI NJE YA BOX.MMIMI NILIFIWA NA MAMA YANGU TUKIWA WADOGO BABA YETU ALITURAISE HUKU ANAHANGAIKA TUTASOMAJE MAANA NI WA KIPATO CHA WASTANI ANA AMEHAKIKISHA TUMEPATA DEGREE WOTE WATANO HUYO BABA MWENYEWE ,JE LEO HII MIMI NIMEHARIBIKA KWAKUKUZWA NA BABA TU MTAMLAUMU BABA YANGU BADALA YA KUSHUKURU KUWA KATUFIKISHA HAPA?????

Hawajui uhalisia wa wakiandikacho' hawajui ni jinsi gani wanaumiza hisia za watu
Ila tunaojua uhalisia wa maisha hayo tunashukuru japo huyo mzazi mmoja Mungu alietubariki nae. Maana kuita watoto wa single parents kwa isilimia kubwa wana laana?! ki kweli nilivosoma ile Uzi ulinipa mawazo sana.

 

[naa]

daah nimelelewa na mama naona faida kubwa ni najiamini sana yaani i can stand alone popote pale hasara ni kwamba i lost my trust kwa wanaume ni ngumu hata kua na stable relationship niko over protective ikija kwenye suala la wanaume n i don't believe in marriage

 

[Kilaza]

daah nimelelewa na mama naona faida kubwa ni najiamini sana yaani i can stand alone popote pale hasara ni kwamba i lost my trust kwa wanaume ni ngumu hata kua na stable relationship niko over protective ikija kwenye suala la wanaume n i don't believe in marriage

but u believe in sex ......

 

[naa]

but u believe in sex ......

i don't,in fact i hate sex.

 

[Kilaza]

i don't,in fact i hate sex.

stop pretending hahaha

so u have never had sex

 

[clarinto]

Hakuna kitu kinachoumiza kama kulelewa na mzazi mmoja haswa unapojua historia ya wazaz wako,,, ila imenipa kujiamin kama mwanamke bt simwamin mwanaume awe yeyote hata niweinlove kiac gan na cjui kama atakea mwanaume wakunifanya niwahamin!!

 

[Simplicity.]

Mimi sio mhusika moja kwa moja ila nimeathirika kwa hili moja kwa moja.
Watoto aliowapata baba huko mitaani walikuwa ni ndugu zangu wa damu na nina waaona wameathirika kisaikolojia. Misimamo na maamuzi yao yanaendelea kuonyesha historia yao. Wanajihusisha na na hata mm najihusisha na maamuzi aaliofanya baba ujanani na hao kina dada.
Anywaay. Kuna uzazi pweke au ulezi pweke?
Mfano
watoto wenye kufiwa na mzazi mmoja wakalelewa na mwingine peke yake ndani ya nyumba ile ile
Watoto wenye kufiwa na mzazi mmoja wakatenganishwa au kuhamishwa kulelewa kwenye nyumba tofauti zenye wazazi wawili au mmoja au bibi babu au bibi tu.
Watoto ambao wazazi walikuwa kwenye nyumba moja then wakatengana na watoto kubaki au kuhama na mzazi mmoja au kupelekwa kwa mlezi mwingine kama shangazi au bibi baba mdogo etc
Wazazi wenye mahusiano ya kirafiki ila hawaishi pamoja na mtoto alizaliwa hivyo hivyo baba ana familia ingine na mama ana familia ingine au hawana. Mtoto anaishi nyumba mbili tofauti na zote zina masharti tofauti.
Mtoto aliezaliwa wakati mama anataka mtoto tu anatafuta baba mtaani, then uhusiano unakufa na mtoto anaweza asiambiwe hata baba yake ni nani. Mara nyingi mama ana uwezo wa malezi zaidi ya 110%
Mtoto anaezaliwa na mama asiejielewa au msichana mdogo mimba wanaita za bahati mbaya. kwa unyofu wa mama hajaitoa mtoto anazaliwa analelewa kwa shida na yeyote anayejitolea. Humu wapo watoto wa shule, ma housegirl, wauza maduka etc
Watoto product ya ubakaji violent hakuna historia hata kiddogo ya penzi kati ya baba na mama zaidi ya chuki.
Watoto wanaozaliwa kwa hila ya mama 100% kutaka assoçiation ya kudumu na baba.

Kwa mtazamo wangu effect kwa mtoto inategemea sana mtazamo wa wazazi na jamii inayowazunguka.
Nadhani ni muhimu ya kumfikiria mtoto wakati unapofanya maamuzi ya kumleta duniani. Usijifikirie wewe zaidi.
Nina uhakika kwa wale waliopoteza mzazi au wazazi mapema jamii inawakumbatia na athari wanayoipata mara nyingi inawasukuma kuwa bora zaidi.

Mkuu umeshusha combinations nyingi sana za aina ya malezi. Ahsante. Hapo penye blue ni muhimu sana watu wazingatie.

 

[Simplicity.]

Hawajui uhalisia wa wakiandikacho' hawajui ni jinsi gani wanaumiza hisia za watu
Ila tunaojua uhalisia wa maisha hayo tunashukuru japo huyo mzazi mmoja Mungu alietubariki nae. Maana kuita watoto wa single parents kwa isilimia kubwa wana laana?! ki kweli nilivosoma ile Uzi ulinipa mawazo sana.

Uzi gani mkuu? Pole. Hapa tunatafuta uhalisia wa mambo.