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Nimeipenda katuni hii, imechapishwa kwenye Daily news ya tarehe 22 octoba, 2012

Jamaa aliingia baa akiwa na bastola na kukuta baa imejaa watu , wengi wakiwa mwanaume na mwanamke. Akasimama katikati ya baa na kupiga risasi moja juu na kutamka kwa sauti. "NAMTAFUTA MKE WANGU! YEYOTE ALIYEKUJA NA MWANAMKE ASIYE MKE WAKE, ATOKE NJE HARAKA!! kama umeme wanaume wote walitoka nje...

Padri mmoja mzee alistaafu na wanaparokia walimfanyia sherehe kubwa. Katika sherehe hiyo, mbunge wa eneo hilo alipangwa kutoa hotuba ya shukurani ya kumuaga padri huyo kwa niaba ya wanaparokia wote. Bahati mbaya, mbunge alichelewa kufika, Mc akamwomba padri aseme machache wakati wanamsubiri...

Asubuhi moja, Jamaa alipofika ofisini, alifungua email na kukuta kuna email kutoka kwa jirani yake mmoja. Alipoifungua ilikuwa imeandikwa. "Hallo, umeshaona picha ya mkeo akiwa uchi?" Jamaa kwa hasira akajibu "hapana!!" na kuituma huku akifikiria kwa nini alikuwa ameandika hivyo.. Baada ya muda...

Jamaa alirudi nyumbani kwa furaha na kumwambia mkewe. Mke wangu, nimepata zawadi ya boksi la Condom za dhahabu! nimeshinda shindano la "ishi daima na condom". Mkewe aliyekuwa anataka kutoka alisema kwa furaha "tugawane basi nusunusu, nipe zangu niziweke mkobani maana nilikuwa naelekea sokoni...

Binti alikuwa anaongea na mama yake: Binti: Mama, nakuhakikishia siwezi kupata mimba katika uanafunzi wangu, mpaka nitakapoolewa. Mama: Loo mwanangu, utakuwa umenipa heshima kubwa sana mimi mama yako. Binti: Ndio maana natembea na kondom za kutosha kwenye pochi yangu.

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him "what happened?" "I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of beer."

A young bridal couple went to a local hotel on their wedding night.The next morning the bride's closest girlfriend telephoned her to ask how married life agreed with her. "Oh Mary," she replied. "I am just awfully tired,dead tired,all night long it was up and down,in and out,up and down!

Daughter : I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him. Dad: Thanks , you have saved my money & time. Daughter: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom.

Utafanyaje? unapoingia chooni na kukuta mtu kanya pembeni ya choo muda mfupi tu uliopita, unafikiria na unaamua kuahirisha, unatoka. Mara mlangoni unapishana na msichana mrembo unayemtamani siku zote hapo kazini kwenu anataka kuingia chooni. Utafanyaje?

Wana JF hebu nifahamisheni. Mimi nina rafiki yangu wa kike ambaye urafiki wetu ni katika kazi, kushaurianan kusaidiana kwa ukaribu sana, lakini sio mpenzi wangu. Jamaa yangu anakataa ati haiwezekani na analazimisha kuwa huyo ni mpenzi wangu. Kwani wana jf hiyp haiwezekani? kuwa na urafiki wa...

Waamini walikuwa kanisani, mara shetani akaingia ghafla na kusimama mbele altareni. Mlango ukawa mdogo! watu walitoka nje wakipiga makelele! Baada ya dakika 2 hivi watu wote walikuwa wametoka nje isipokuwa mwenyekiti wa kanisa hilo. Shetani akamuuliza mwenyekiti, shetani: wewe ndio huniogopi...

Two little boys, ages 8 and 6, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children...

Nakumbuka enzi za ujana wangu niliwahi kusikia kuwa, ukiota ndoto halafu unapoamka tu, igeuze shuka uliyojifunika yaani kule kichwani kuwe miguuni na miguuni kuwe kichwani, mara moja na yule uliyemuota ataanza kuiota ndoto hiyo hiyo! mimi sikuwahi kuthibitisha ukweli huu lakini kuna mtu aliwahi...

Kijana alimpeleka mchumba wake nyumbani ili wazazi wake wakamwone. Alipofika naye tu, baba yake akagundua dosari, maana binti alikuwa mweusi sana, ana matege ya ndani na makengeza makali. Msichana ili kumvutia baba mkwe akaona atabasamu kidogo. Lahaula! alikuwa na mapengo meno yote ya mbele...

Bwana mmoja aliingia chumba cha binti yake akakuta binti anafanya mapenzi na kijana wa jirani huku TV inawaka. Baba: We Joi, hujui kubana matumizi ya umeme? Tv iko on hakuna wa kuitazama. units zikiisha sinunui zingine haraka. Binti: Samahani baba, sikukumbuka kuzima.

Jamani etu kirefu cha M.O.S.H.I. ni "Mungu Onyesha Sisi Hela Ilipo?"

Fikiria wewe ni mwanaume, uko ofisini kwenu, unaingia chooni na kukuta haja kubwa imedondoshwa pembeni ya choo inafuka moshi, unashindwa kujisaidia unaamua kutoka. Unapofungua tu mlango unakutana na msichana mrembo ( au mwanaume kama wewe ni mwanamke) anataka kuingia chooni, utafanyaje ili...

Siku moja tu baada ya harusi yao, mke akagundua kuwa mume wake ni kikojozi. Akamvumilia mpaka wakamaliza wiki moja. Siku moja mke akamwambia. "Mume wangu, majirani wanaona kila siku tunaanika godoro nje na hatuna mtoto anayelikojolea. Unajua wanajiuliza sana?" "Ni kweli" alijibu mume kwa...