Would you marry me?

[Mwali]

Nimesoma sana posts za MMU na nimegundua kitu: wanaume wengi wanaamini kuna wife material na girlfriend material. Wife material ni mpole, mtiifu, ana background nzuri, ni msomi kiasi, future oriented etc. Girlfriend material ana sura na umbo nzuri, ni mcheshi, anapenda kwenda out, ni mtundu kiasi.

Kweli kila mtu ana definition yake ila kwa ujumla kuna tofauti kati ya wife material na girlfriend material.
Pia nimeona wanawake wanaamini kuna wanaume wasio faa kwa long term relation ila bado wanafaa kua wapenzi. Wana penda maisha, wanatoa mazawadi mbali mbali, wanapiga sim na kutuma sms kila saa, wanakutambulisha kwa marafiki etc, alafu kuna wanaume wa long term relation: wanakusupport katika mipango yako ya maisha, wanajitambulisha kwa familia yako na wanakutambulisha katika familia zao, hawachelewi kuzungumzia swala la ndoa etc. Kwa wanawake distinction haipo clear sana lakini.

Toafuti hii kati ya boyfriends-girlfriends na husband-wives material naona inaweza kua sababu ya wanaume wengine kuoa wife material ila baadae wanaendelea kua na nyumba ndogo sababu wake zao sio girlfriend material toka mwanzo, na wenyewe bado wanataka kujipa raha huko nje. Wanawake nao wanaolewa kwa tama ya ndoa ila wakisha kua ndani wanagundua kua wanaume hawana ile romance ya boyfriends sababu wanachukua life too seriously, na hii inasababisha yale mapenzi ya moto moto kuisha mapema katika ndoa.

Swali langu kubwa linakuja hapa: kwa mtindo huu nikijaribu kua the perferct girlfriend nitajitoa kwenye orodha ya wife material. Na the perfect perfect beer buddy hawezi kua perfect husband the at the same time. Hivi hakuna haja ya kubadili hizo criteria za wife material na perfect husband kwa kweli? How can we be perfect spouses if we are not perfect lovers before marriage? Kwa nini marriage isiwe continuity ya mahusiano ya girlfriend-boyfriend?

If I am just perfect as myself, would you marry me?

 

[Yegomasika]

Absolutely!.

 

[Mwali]

Absolutely!.

Absolutely nini Yegomasika?

 

[AshaDii]

Mwali my mwali..... As time goes on hivi vitu vinabadilika saana... Ni kweli wanaume huangalia certain qualities in the lady kama ulivo eleza, but kwa kazi kubwa ninayo fanya kwako auntie yako, hata kama upo exactly the way ulivo, from what I know about you.... He would marry you.... Definitely!

BTW niece au ndio usha mpata na you are worried na msimamo wake? lol.... auntie yako natoka but be sure I will get feedback from you uncle... (usichelewe kumpa chai, you know he gets mad...lol)

 

[Saint Ivuga]

Mwali my mwali..... As time goes on hivi vitu vinabadilika saana... Ni kweli wanaume huangalia certain qualities in the lady kama ulivo eleza, but kwa kazi kubwa ninayo fanya kwako auntie yako, hata kama upo exactly the way ulivo, from what I know about you.... He would marry you.... Definitely!

BTW niece au ndio usha mpata na you are worried na msimamo wake? lol.... auntie yako natoka but be sure I will get feedback from you uncle... (usichelewe kumpa chai, you know he gets mad...lol)

saint ivuga

 

[Mwali]

Mwali my mwali..... As time goes on hivi vitu vinabadilika saana... Ni kweli wanaume huangalia certain qualities in the lady kama ulivo eleza, but kwa kazi kubwa ninayo fanya kwako auntie yako, hata kama upo exactly the way ulivo, from what I know about you.... He would marry you.... Definitely!

BTW niece au ndio usha mpata na you are worried na msimamo wake? lol.... auntie yako natoka but be sure I will get feedback from you uncle... (usichelewe kumpa chai, you know he gets mad...lol)

Hapo bold tayari naskia moyo umetulia kidogo.... lol
Ila swali lang bado linahusika. Kufatana na somo unalo nipa najua nitakua perfect wife, ila nina wasi wasi naweza kua borring girlfriend... wewe mwenyewe kwa experience yako, huoni perfect husband alivo tofauti na yule anae enda kuangalia mprira bar, anakunywa bia na mishkaki huku akishangilia Man-U versus Gunners? sasa kama atakua na double life, moja ya nyumbani na moja ya huko nje, si ndio mwanzo ya kuniweka mimi kama pazia za ndani alafu huko nje atafute mwingine?

 

[Saint Ivuga]

Mwali una maana kuwa muwe na long relationship bila kufunga pingu za maisha? kama nitakuwa sijakuqoute vibaya..this one is some how againts our religions, ok wengi hawataki kuuziwa mbuzi kwenye gunia wanataka watest kwanza kabla hawajamilikishwa. nisiingie sana kiundani ..ngoja nikuambie kitu i think kwenye relations huwezi kupata mtu perfect 100% .

 

[Mwali]

Mwali una maana kuwa muwe na long relationship bila kufunga pingu za maisha? kama nitakuwa sijakuqoute vibaya..this one is some how againts our religions, ok wengi hawataki kuuziwa mbuzi kwenye gunia wanataka watest kwanza kabla hawajamilikishwa. nisiingie sana kiundani ..ngoja nikuambie kitu i think kwenye relations huwezi kupata mtu perfect 100% .

I do. ila swali langu haliko hapo. swali langu kwa wanaume ni hili: Kama mnaamini kuna wife material na girlfriend material, sasa unampataje wife utakae mpenda bila yeye kua kwanza perfect girlfriend? mtasababisha wanawake waanza kuwadanganya sasa...

 

[KakaKiiza]

Mwali mimi simsemaji wa MMU ila wanakuja wasemaji!ila hapo naweza kusema hizo wife,husband materia's huwa zinachange kutokana kati yenu kuwa na uhakika kuwa kila mmoja amefika na ahitaji kupalilia sana kwakuwa no where to go!hivyo kudhani kuwa kuoana kulihainisha mapenzi yaliyokuwa yakitolewa wakati wa girlfriend/boyfriend hivyo baada ya wapenzi kuoana msisitizo huwa kwenye mipango ya maisha zaidi kuliko mapenzi.

 

[Saint Ivuga]

would you marry me?

oo yeeah!!!

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

There is no such thing as a perfect spouse. The whole notion is phantasm!

 

[Mwali]

Mwali mimi simsemaji wa MMU ila wanakuja wasemaji!ila hapo naweza kusema hizo wife,husband materia's huwa zinachange kutokana kati yenu kuwa na uhakika kuwa kila mmoja amefika na ahitaji kupalilia sana kwakuwa no where to go!hivyo kudhani kuwa kuoana kulihainisha mapenzi yaliyokuwa yakitolewa wakati wa girlfriend/boyfriend hivyo baada ya wapenzi kuoana msisitizo huwa kwenye mipango ya maisha zaidi kuliko mapenzi.

Alafu kwa nini wanaume wengi wanabadilika? wakitaka kula happy wanawaacha wake zao nyumbani wakati walipo kua boyfriend girlfriend walikua wanawapeleka kote? (sio wote)
Vile vile wanawake wanabadilika, wanalalamika kua wanaume hawana yale mapenzi walio kua nayo kabla ya kuoana. wanadai wanaume wanakua borring pia.

 

[Mwali]

There is no such thing as a perfect spouse. The whole notion is phantasm!

Kama ni hivo basi kwa nini watu wanaweka hizo distinctions jamani? wanaongeza stress... mtu hujui uwempole au mtundu, vyote vina kasoro! Can I just be Mwali?

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Kama ni hivo basi kwa nini watu wanaweka hizo distinctions jamani? wanaongeza stress... mtu hujui uwempole au mtundu, vyote vina kasoro! Can I just be Mwali?

Yes you can! Matter of fact, that's the best way to be.

 

[Mwali]

Yes you can! Matter of fact, that's the best way to be.

Tell me about that... I know it is the best way to be but it never seem to work!
not that I Mwali am in the search but...
I mean, look at some couples. ni kama they are pretending because the expectation are so high depending ton the roles they want you to play in their lives... na watu wana play!

 

[Dr Lizzy]

If I was a 'dude' maybe. . .lolz

Nwy. . Binafsi nadhani mtu anaweza akawa na zote, za mke na za girlfriend, za mume na za boyfriend. Tatizo ni kwamba wengine wakishaingia kwenye ndoa hata kama mwanzoni walikua exciting, fun, sweet, caringand wild chumbani basi wanaacha kwasababu wanaona hawahitaji tena kuwa walivyokua kwasababu ndege yupo tunduni tayari. Maisha yanaanza kurevolve around 'bills' na 'pesa za matumizi'. . Simu zikipigwa/text zikitumwa sio za 'umeshakula mpenzi? Nimekumiss!! Nakupenda!! Jana ulifanya siku yangu nzuri sana!!" ni za "Ile pesa mbona hukuacha? Hao walevi wenzako ndio muhimu ehhh? Mi naenda kwa shogangu??Sitorudi nyumbani leo! Sina pesa" n.k

Maisha yanakua stressful tena bila mtu wa kusaidia kuzipunguza kwasababu mtegemewa ndie anaesababisha. Sauti (tone) ndani ya nyumba inabadilika, unyumba leo huyu akimnyima mwenzie kesho mwingine nae anakataa, mama anamwachia kila kitu housegirl wakati kipingi cha 'upenzi' alikua analazimisha akamsafishie mwanaume chumba kila wiki na kumpikia hata weekend, mama anaona kitanda hakitoshi (kidogo anabanwa) wakati kipindi cha upenzi alikua analalamika ni namna gani anahisi upweke usiku, mwanaume akitoka kazini anaenda kupata kinywaji kwanza kwasababu kukutana na mke bila kinywaji ni mwanzo wa maumivu ya kichwa wakati kipindi cha upenzi alifanana na mtu asiyekunywa na mengine kama hayo.

Watu hua wanadai kwamba majukumu ndio yanayowabadilisha ila mimi nasema hapana. Majukumu yanaweza yakambadili mtu kidogo na sio kumfanya awe mtu mwingine kabisa kama ilivyo kwa baadhi ya watu.

Maintain a lil bit of you crazy self, your silly self, your sweet self, your charming self, your caring self, your wise/smart self, your generous self and enjoy life. That way your man/woman will enjoy having you just aswell.

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Tell me about that... I know it is the best way to be but it never seem to work!
not that I Mwali am in the search but...
I mean, look at some couples. ni kama they are pretending because the expectation are so high depending ton the roles they want you to play in their lives... na watu wana play!

Pretending all is hunky-dory in a marriage (when it's really not) is one of the reasons why marriages fail.

Because, realistically who is getting fooled when married couples put on and preserve the facade of a happy marriage?

 

[Chamoto]

Marriage is a commitment (a covenant to be precise) it's not some easy peasy Japanesey, it's work and aint no such a thing as a perfect spouse.

 

[Mwali]

If I were a 'dude' maybe. . .lolz

Nwy. . Binafsi nadhani mtu anaweza akawa na zote, za mke na za girlfriend, za mume na za boyfriend. Tatizo ni kwamba wengine wakishaingia kwenye ndoa hata kama mwanzoni walikua exciting, fun, sweet, caringand wild chumbani basi wanaacha kwasababu wanaona hawahitaji tena kuwa walivyokua kwasababu ndege yupo tunduni tayari. Maisha yanaanza kurevolve around 'bills' na 'pesa za matumizi'. . Simu zikipigwa/text zikitumwa sio za 'umeshakula mpenzi? Nimekumiss!! Nakupenda!! Jana ulifanya siku yangu nzuri sana!!" ni za "Ile pesa mbona hukuacha? Hao walevi wenzako ndio muhimu ehhh? Mi naenda kwa shogangu??Sitorudi nyumbani leo! Sina pesa" n.k

Maisha yanakua stressful tena bila mtu wa kusaidia kuzipunguza kwasababu mtegemewa ndie anaesababisha. Sauti (tone) ndani ya nyumba inabadilika, unyumba leo huyu akimnyima mwenzie kesho mwingine nae anakataa, mama anamwachia kila kitu housegirl wakati kipingi cha 'upenzi' alikua analazimisha akamsafishie mwanaume chumba kila wiki na kumpikia hata weekend, mama anaona kitanda hakitoshi (kidogo anabanwa) wakati kipindi cha upenzi alikua analalamika ni namna gani anahisi upweke usiku, mwanaume akitoka kazini anaenda kupata kinywaji kwanza kwasababu kukutana na mke bila kinywaji ni mwanzo wa maumivu ya kichwa wakati kipindi cha upenzi alifanana na mtu asiyekunywa na mengine kama hayo.

Watu hua wanadai kwamba majukumu ndio yanayowabadilisha ila mimi nasema hapana. Majukumu yanaweza yakambadili mtu kidogo na sio kumfanya awe mtu mwingine kabisa kama ilivyo kwa baadhi ya watu.

Maintain a lil bit of you crazy self, your silly self, your sweet self, your charming self, your caring self, your wise/smart self, your generous self and enjoy life. That way your man/woman will enjoy having you just aswell.

Lizzy umenipa akili... Ila hiyo balance sio rahisi kupata...
Hapo juu ulipo sema kuhusu majukumu ni kweli kabisa.
Mi naona siri ya mapenzi ya kabla ya ndoa ni ile spontaneity na kule kufurahia the moment you live, hata kama hamna chochote. bahati mbaya mkisha oana basi, yanaisha. spouses wengi wanakua focused sana kwenye pesa, na mara nyingi wenye future. Hakuna ubaya ila usipo furahia tulicho nacho sasa hivi hata hicho unacho vizia kutata kesho huto furahia. Na hapo ndipo unaona mmoja anaanza kutafuta a spontanious friend wa kupoteza mawazo...
BTW, if I was a dude I would marry you too, I love challenging minds. lol

 

[Mwali]

Pretending all is hunky-dory in a marriage (when it's really not) is one of the reasons why marriages fail.
Because, realistically who is getting fooled when married couples put on and preserve the facade of a happy marriage?

Nakuelewa, na sijasema kua lazima iwe perfect. Ila jamani usichukie kama nitaendelea kua the girl you met and fell in love with. Kama ulimpenda your girlfriend, mpende hata baada ya kumuoa. Usitegemee kua ndoa itamfanya kua perfect wife. and vice versa.

Marriage is a commitment (a covenant to be precise) it's not some easy peasy Japanesey, it's work and aint no such a thing as a perfect spouse.

Kama hakuna perfect spouses angalau kuna ideal spouse na unamtafuta yule alie karibia ideal wako, au? na huto hatakiwi kua leo mcheshi na mtundu, anapenda kutoka na rafiki zake au zako, anapenda club, alafu ghafla kesho awe wa ndani tu sababu ya ndoa.