Vituko mitandaoni. Tupia chako

[alphonce.NET]

 

[alphonce.NET]

 

[antimatter]

Honesty pays..
A woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time and asks,
"Do you have any chicken?"
The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only chicken and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs 1,5 kg.
The woman looks at the chicken and at the scales and asks,
"Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this, please?"
The butcher replies, "Yes ma'am.
He puts the chicken back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales, he craftily keeps his thumb on the scale pan.
The scales now show 2 kg.
"That's wonderful " said the woman. "I'll take both of them, please😁

 

[antimatter]

How One Professor Explained Some Marketing Concepts To A Class..
You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you walk up to her and say, "I'm very rich, marry me."
That's direct marketing.

You are at a party with your friends and you see a gorgeous girl, one of your friends goes up to her pointing at you; "He is rich, marry him."
That's advertising.

You are at a party and you see a gorgeous girl, she walks up to you and says, "you are rich, can you marry me?"
That's brand recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go up to her and say, "I'm rich, marry me," and she gives you a hard slap!
That's customer's feedback😁

You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you walk up to her and say, "I'm rich, marry me," and she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap😁

You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go up to her, before you say "I'm rich marry me," your wife arrives.
That's reconstruction of entry into a new market😁

 

[antimatter]

SALARY ACCORDING TO THE NUMBER OF KIDS..

It was announced on TV that the government would increase every male worker's salary times the number of children he has...
The following conversation took place:

HUSBAND: I have two children with my girlfriend, lemme go and bring them so that my salary will be five fold since we have three kids already.
WIFE: 😳😳 So you have children outside eh?!!
HUSBAND: Please honey, this is not the time for arguments, it's money we're talking about here!
WIFE: Okay, fine... Go and bring them...
HUSBAND: Thanks darling, that's why I love you.

TWO HOURS LATER

Husband comes back with the two kids and finds only one of his kids at home...

HUSBAND: Woman! Where are my two children?!
WIFE: Calm down dear, you're not the only father that heard the news😎

 

[DeepPond]

View attachment 2469303

 

[DeepPond]

View attachment 2469305

 

[DeepPond]

View attachment 2469313

hakyamungu

 

[DeepPond]

View attachment 2469318

 

[antimatter]

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words "COMPLETE and FINISHED"..
Some people say there's no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED, but there is:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE! When you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED! ....
And when your wife catches you with another woman, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!
And if you marry a wife who likes shopping so much, you are FINISHED COMPLETELY😁

 

[antimatter]

A good wife should be like:
Welcome my hubby, food is ready.
Will u eat b4 u eat or will u eat b4 u eat?
If u know u know😁

 

[antimatter]

See eh, Sleeping next to your new bae for the very first time can be really
tough..
You have to breath in style, not too loud and not too low 😁

 

[Chengshan]

Kulana tu inatoshaView attachment 2473499

Invasive hand

 

[antimatter]

Regrettably, the only things you can
get these days without connection are Pregnancy and STD's🙄

 

[antimatter]

"The day a mosquito lands on your testicles is the day you will know there is a better way of resolving issues without using violence." (Senegalese proverb).

 

[antimatter]

"The man who marries a beautiful woman and the farmer who grows corn by the road side have the same problem." (Ghanaian proverb)

 

[antimatter]

"The anger of a pénis doesn't destroy the vagina." (Zimbabwean proverb)

 

[antimatter]

" A child can play with it's mother's breasts but not with the father's testicles." (Ghanaian proverb)

 

[antimatter]

Please, ladies should stop wearing mini skirts at funerals..
We can't be mourning and be hórny at the same time 😁

 

[antimatter]

Stupidity is when you have a Land Rover and a Land Cruiser and you still have a Landlord 🙄