Vituko mitandaoni. Tupia chako

[Taavid]

 

[antimatter]

A very wealthy man was in love with 3 ladies and he wanted to marry one of them but couldn't decide which one.

So he decided to test them by giving them Us$1 million each..

The first one went and bought a car for him, the second one bought him expensive clothes and shoes and the third one invested the money and brought back the proceeds.....

He finally married the one with the biggest ass (a.k.a chura)😁
Men will always be men😊

 

[antimatter]

Husband and his wife went for Divorce at a court.

Judge: you have 3 kids... How will you divide them?

Husband had a long discussion with his wife and finally said:
Ok, sir We will come next year with 1 more kid..

9 MONTHS LATER... They got twins😁

 

[mzabzab]

A Pilot was told to carry mad men from Nairobi to London for treatment, he agreed and carried them in his plane.

On their way, the entire plane was so noisy..
Later, one of the mad men approached the pilot and said "Please can you teach me how to fly an aeroplane?"

The pilot replied, "i will teach you how to fly a plane if you'll tell your colleagues to stop making noise (knowing he won't do it).

The mad man went in, after some minutes, everywhere was so silent and calm as if an angel had entered the plane.

A minutes later, the mad man came back and told the pilot that everywhere was cool now!

The pilot became happy and asked "what did you do to them that made them to keep calm?"

The mad man replied, "I opened the door for them to go and play outside"

The pilot fainted🙄

Mwee ile decompression tuu na yeye angejikuta nje

 

[Mzee Wa Kazi Chafu]

Makato Ya Sifuri

 

[amadala]

 

[Drc congo]

,

 

[Drc congo]

,

 

[Drc congo]

,

 

[Swahili AI]

 

[Mshana Jr]

Tʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʀᴜʟᴇs ғᴏʀ WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ ᴀɴᴅ WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ Cᴀʟʟs (Vᴏɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ Vɪᴅᴇᴏ Cᴀʟʟs) ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ɪᴍᴘʟᴇᴍᴇɴᴛᴇᴅ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ: -

01. Aʟʟ ᴄᴀʟʟs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅᴇᴅ.
02. Aʟʟ ᴄᴀʟʟ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅɪɴɢs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ sᴀᴠᴇᴅ.
03. WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ, FᴀᴄᴇBᴏᴏᴋ, Tᴡɪᴛᴛᴇʀ, Iɴsᴛᴀɢʀᴀᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴍᴏɴɪᴛᴏʀᴇᴅ.
04. Yᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴇᴠɪᴄᴇs ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ Mɪɴɪsᴛʀʏ sʏsᴛᴇᴍ.
05. Tᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ.
06. Tᴇʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ, sɪʙʟɪɴɢs, ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴠᴇs, ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs, ᴀᴄϙᴜᴀɪɴᴛᴀɴᴄᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ they sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ be ᴄᴀʀᴇful ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴀʀᴇʟʏ ʀᴜɴ sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ sɪᴛᴇs.
07. Dᴏ ɴᴏᴛ sᴇɴᴅ ᴀɴʏ ʙᴀᴅ ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴏʀ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ʀᴇɢᴀʀᴅɪɴɢ ᴘᴏʟɪᴛɪᴄs ᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ sɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.
08. Iᴛ ɪs ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴀ ᴄʀɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴏʀ sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ʙᴀᴅ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴏɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴘᴏʟɪᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴏʀ ʀᴇʟɪɢɪᴏᴜs ɪssᴜᴇ, ᴅᴏɪɴɢ sᴏ ᴄᴀɴ ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀʀʀᴇsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴀʀʀᴀɴᴛ.
09. Tʜᴇ ᴘᴏʟɪᴄᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ɪssᴜᴇ ᴀ ɴᴏᴛɪғɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ᴛʜᴇɴ ʙᴇ ᴘʀᴏsᴇᴄᴜᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ Cʏʙᴇʀ Cʀɪᴍᴇ, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪs ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴇʀɪᴏᴜs.
10. Aʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀs, ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ɪssᴜᴇ.
11. Bᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴇᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ.

Bᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇ ᴏғ ᴀʟʟ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ...


Iᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛ ɪɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ's ɴᴇᴡ ʀᴜʟᴇs ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀs ...

1. = ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ sᴇɴᴛ.
2. = ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴄʜᴇᴅ.
3. Tᴡᴏ ʙʟᴜᴇ ️️ = ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅ.
Tʜʀᴇᴇ ʙʟᴜᴇ ️️️ = Tʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ.
5. Tᴡᴏ ʙʟᴜᴇ ️️ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴᴇ ʀᴇᴅ ️ = ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ.
6. Oɴᴇ ʙʟᴜᴇ️ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴡᴏ ʀᴇᴅ️️ = ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ɪs ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɪɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.
7. Tʜʀᴇᴇ ʀᴇᴅ = Tʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ʜᴀs sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢs ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ɢᴇᴛ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴜʀᴛ sᴜᴍᴍᴏɴs sᴏᴏɴ.


Bᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇsᴘᴏɴsɪʙʟᴇ ᴄɪᴛɪᴢᴇɴ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴀʀᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ...

 

[Smart911]

Tʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʀᴜʟᴇs ғᴏʀ WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ ᴀɴᴅ WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ Cᴀʟʟs (Vᴏɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ Vɪᴅᴇᴏ Cᴀʟʟs) ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ɪᴍᴘʟᴇᴍᴇɴᴛᴇᴅ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ: -

01. Aʟʟ ᴄᴀʟʟs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅᴇᴅ.
02. Aʟʟ ᴄᴀʟʟ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅɪɴɢs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ sᴀᴠᴇᴅ.
03. WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ, FᴀᴄᴇBᴏᴏᴋ, Tᴡɪᴛᴛᴇʀ, Iɴsᴛᴀɢʀᴀᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴍᴏɴɪᴛᴏʀᴇᴅ.
04. Yᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴇᴠɪᴄᴇs ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ Mɪɴɪsᴛʀʏ sʏsᴛᴇᴍ.
05. Tᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ.
06. Tᴇʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ, sɪʙʟɪɴɢs, ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴠᴇs, ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs, ᴀᴄϙᴜᴀɪɴᴛᴀɴᴄᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ they sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ be ᴄᴀʀᴇful ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴀʀᴇʟʏ ʀᴜɴ sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ sɪᴛᴇs.
07. Dᴏ ɴᴏᴛ sᴇɴᴅ ᴀɴʏ ʙᴀᴅ ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴏʀ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ʀᴇɢᴀʀᴅɪɴɢ ᴘᴏʟɪᴛɪᴄs ᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ sɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.
08. Iᴛ ɪs ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴀ ᴄʀɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴏʀ sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ʙᴀᴅ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴏɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴘᴏʟɪᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴏʀ ʀᴇʟɪɢɪᴏᴜs ɪssᴜᴇ, ᴅᴏɪɴɢ sᴏ ᴄᴀɴ ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀʀʀᴇsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴀʀʀᴀɴᴛ.
09. Tʜᴇ ᴘᴏʟɪᴄᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ɪssᴜᴇ ᴀ ɴᴏᴛɪғɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ᴛʜᴇɴ ʙᴇ ᴘʀᴏsᴇᴄᴜᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ Cʏʙᴇʀ Cʀɪᴍᴇ, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪs ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴇʀɪᴏᴜs.
10. Aʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀs, ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ɪssᴜᴇ.
11. Bᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴇᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ.

Bᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇ ᴏғ ᴀʟʟ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ...


Iᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛ ɪɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ WʜᴀᴛsAᴘᴘ's ɴᴇᴡ ʀᴜʟᴇs ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀs ...

1. = ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ sᴇɴᴛ.
2. = ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴄʜᴇᴅ.
3. Tᴡᴏ ʙʟᴜᴇ ️️ = ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅ.
Tʜʀᴇᴇ ʙʟᴜᴇ ️️️ = Tʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ.
5. Tᴡᴏ ʙʟᴜᴇ ️️ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴᴇ ʀᴇᴅ ️ = ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ.
6. Oɴᴇ ʙʟᴜᴇ️ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴡᴏ ʀᴇᴅ️️ = ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ɪs ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɪɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.
7. Tʜʀᴇᴇ ʀᴇᴅ = Tʜᴇ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ʜᴀs sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢs ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ɢᴇᴛ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴜʀᴛ sᴜᴍᴍᴏɴs sᴏᴏɴ.


Bᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇsᴘᴏɴsɪʙʟᴇ ᴄɪᴛɪᴢᴇɴ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴀʀᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ...

Depal njoo tuchat matusi whatsapp, tena yale ya nguoni...

 

[Mwl.RCT]

=
"Twala mziki na kunywa JF drink" alisikika mnywaji mmoja wa JF drink

 

[Mshana Jr]

View attachment 2372823
=
"Twala mziki na kunywa JF drink" alisikika mnywaji mmoja wa JF drink

Dah cha lini hiki

 

[Taavid]

 

[Taavid]

 

[Taavid]

What a movie

 

[Taavid]

 

[Taavid]

 

[amadala]