Wakuu, kimeumana raundii...
Bila nyenyenye wacha niwachapie form, salamu tutapeana mbele kwa lembez.
Ah! Ilikuwa mangware ivi kitu saa mbili kabando kamekata, na izi bando zikikata sku izi ni kama umebeba calculator, sio simu tena. Afu ile base nimezoea kuishia kuna kadeni ka msimbazi na ii stori ya kulipana asubuhi haileti shangwe, sa si nikaamua kutimba shola ingine apo ivyo kwa mara ya kwanza.
Eh! Lahaula! Nakutana na kitumbua flani ivi amazing, sura safi kama buku mpya ya benki, macho za usingizi, lips zinginee apo ukinyonya unakuwa maha'busu' araka upesi, alafu kako na kipin kwa mapua, kamwili size ya soda ndogo take away, smile flani ivi unaeza sahau chenye imekuleta, alafu sa iyo makalio inaweza fanya meza isikilie kiti wivu. Saio kamejipigilia hoodie, jeans flani ivi figure fitted na all stars maze! Wuuuuueh!
Buda boss! Kawaida ya me I, stakagi stress, mujidai mtu focused. Skufikiria saaaana...form ilikuwa nipate credit then nijitoe iyo base juu majaribu ka izi ndio zilifanya skuizi hatukuli matunda za Eden, na kabla mtu ukule food lazma upige works bana.
Kitu funny ni nilikuwa nimechangamka changamka ivi, na miukuwa mtu jokes sana...kiasi kiasi nikasalimia iyo totoz ka nimekunja sura vile wazazi hukuwa... "habari yako!" Eh...mbeife nayo ikawa imekunja sura juu haijawai niona na inashindwa ii kisirani sasa imetokea wapi sai. Ikajiitikia tu hapo "poa". Nikaipiga reverse psycho flani apo "eh! Ni nani uyo amekuaribia siku? Ebu niambie uone ntakamvyomfanya!"
Mbeife akakwom thru na "si ni wewe umenisalimia na hasira!" Ah! Mimi tena, si nikaipiga smile ka nimeapologize apo "ah pole! Kuna bidhaa natafuta muda mrefu sana alafu sijui inaitwaje, naona kama hapa ipo"...nikaona iyo simileh imereflecto kwa face ya fameh na pia, pay attention wakuu!!! Hiyo ni set up ndio joke ikam baadae. Nothing serious.
Basi kakaget back to business na ile swali ya "unataka nini?" Ndo uyu mimi nshachomoa msimbazi apo niko idhaa ya "voda ya buku mbili"....sasa juu ya ile set up, ikabidi kameuliza "na nini ingine"... ala!!! Nikajipata naropokwa "sasa ata sjajua jina ya bidhaa, we nipe tu iyo vocha, bidhaa zingine mtu huwezi kubeba ivi ivi".Kakareply "eh! sawa" Saio kako huko kanatry kutoa iyo vocha...nikaendelea kujaza spices "bidhaa zingine haitaki haraka, inabidi uende...." kakamalizia "mdogo, mdogo"....nikaona baaaas.
Mboga ishaanza kuiva sasa wacha tusunde chumvi kidogo, nikakauliza..."iyo bidhaa itakuwa inaitwaje?"...naona kako zile za "eh! eh! Ipi iyo?" Sai kananipea vocha...nikakaambia "ebu nipe ile kitu ya ku scratch. Alafu sasa mi ntakuambiaje bidhaa gani akati sjui inaitwaje?"....huku kananipa jero niscratch kakajibu "si mtu unaiona hapa kwa iyo unaipoint alafu unauliza utaambiwa". Checkmate!!!
Nikakapoint....afu niko serious. Eh wacha kambeife kaangue kichekodeh...iyo kicheko ilikuwa ikikam na jina by the way, saio mi naweka iyo vocha kwenye nangos.....sasa ndio kuchizi kabisa...afta nishaweka vocha niko zile za "na ni shi ngapi? Ata usiniambie, andika tu hapa." Saio nimempea system ikiwa ile place ya kutype namba. Ah! Nilikuwa natoka hapo ka fameh anacheka tu, na mimi huku siamini nishapata namba ata sjui vile ntazifanyia juu ilikuwa ni jokes bana. Nikafanya kumtext, "hii bei mbona ghali ivi? Ntafute ukiwa free nijue kama kuna discount"
Wololololo....mi nimego about na siku yangu ata nshasahau...na saa iyo kajioni kameingia, niko base area na ma homie, kamnyweso kakitembea huku dimba la mnyama akikagusia na asante kotoko likigongwa, nafeel vibrato kwa musi...eh! Kuing'ethya ivi, ni ule mroro katext "niko free" na vi emoji vya kucheka cheka....buda boss! Nikareply "woi, hahaha, nimekwisha! Uko wapi?" Kakareply "ndo namalizia niende home"...nikajiongeza, "wacha nije apo". Sai mnyama ashalamba mtu, na mi ni mdhii wa green and yellow nikaona ii ni ufala...apo ndo ile unajitoa mbele ya halaiki kimya kimya....'siunajua ile kichina'. R.i.p Ngwea.
Kidogo kidogo nakuta ashatinga shop...kananiwait tu hapo...na keroro isharegister apo upstairs na saiyo chupa kadhaa ziko kwa ndae, moja iko kwa cup holder naiangusha tu mdogo mdogo, kafegi kameshawakishwa, ka naskizia tenje sauti flani ivi kwa mbali. Walai mi nilikuwa najua tu namdrop mtaani kama favour ivi ka nimejiendea kejani. Nikapark apo kando ya shop.
Sasa hakua amenitambua juu at first sikuenda hapo na whip, so nikasema "dada, ni wewe umeita taxi?"...wacha hanye acheke...ndio uyu akakam form za, "ni wewe?" Nikamshow, "haya twende nkupeleke home bwana ako kasema nisikucheleweshe"...huku anacheka kaingia kwenye gari form za "bwana angu yupi"...nikapangua na "unamjua mwenyewe, mi nimetumwa tu, kwanza ata sjui kama ntapewa discount"...so akawa ananipea tu directions, mi nadrive na speed limit ya 1 meter per hour niki sip tu drink yangu apo ka nampigisha mastori.
Kumbe ile shola ni ya mtasis wake mbiggie na anastay nae. Kiasi yake, tushafika nje ya gate yao...naskia "karibu". Saio natry kutingua ki beer kyangu...ata skua nawaza mechi nikajikuta nareply "ah! Na dadaako usiku huu tena si atakuzingua?" Mrembo akanipea ile jibu sjawai fikiria "niko mwenyewe, sister kasafiri". Mi ni kama iyo jibu haikuwa imefanya usajili kichwani, nikajifanya nawaza hapo...kamyweso kakiendelea kuangushwa...alafu nawakisha kifegi...akanipiga zile za "njoo bwana, ata upaone" nikajidai, "sasa na mimi tayari nasmoke hapa, duh" nikapigwa na counter attack moja wazimu ya "sister mwenyewe anasmoke, ntakuonyesha mahali utasmoke mpaka uchoke"...kinyonge nikajibu "sawa"..kakaenda kumuambia jamaa wa kufungua geti, alitazame hilo.
Ndo uyu mimi symbolically nikapark gari ndani ya gate...bonge la foreshadow. Kiasi kiasi, kakanibebea chupa zangu za kamnyweso zilizobaki...kakanipeleka sitting. Apo kwa sitting corner flani naona kimini bar kimejaa zile myweso kali, alafu nikawekewa ash tray apo ivyo juu ya stuli, saiyo ashtray ilikuwa juu ya sitting table!!! Duh. Saio kanasmile tu...mi niko uncomfortable, kakaniwashia tv apo...kitu cha mtv base ka kameconclude na "apa ndio home"....kinyonge niliambulia smile tu, saiyo ni ka paka imenyeshewa...na yeye ni ka paka imecorner panya... kakanishow nikuwe comfortable na katatake kitu 5 minutes ivi. Kumbe kameenda kuoga bwuana!!
Saiyo nishaget easy...ulevi ishanikalia vizuri, mwana apolo ashadai ni muda wa kazi sasa, naona kamekam ka kamechange tu nguo...kakauliza ka nina njaa, nikakashow niko poa. Basi kakaenda nafkiri ni kitchen juu niliskia ka microwave imeakishwa...alafu kakakam kando yangu na pack of cards. Saio kananicheka kako "relax boy, tucheze some cards"....tukaplay cards apo kidogo kweli kalikuwa na a way yani...nilijikuta relaxed. Kidogo microwave si ika ping!!! Kakaenda kujiwekea msosi kakakwom nao, tukaendelea kucheza cards hapo kando ni chips na kuku! Duh! Kusema ukweli sikua na njaa ya chakula saa iyo...nadai tu kuzama, mwana polo hataki kuelewa ashabeba tindo.
Nilijikuta tu nishamkula mate kabla aguse iyo chakula...saiyo nishaingiza mkono chini ya tshirt ni matiti zinagusanishwa. Kula uyo mtoto mate naona tu anajilaza kwa sofa, mkono nimewekelea juu ya mgodi...nasugua tu kwa mbali nikiachilia upako juu ya hako ka kaptula alikuwa amevaa.... mtoto hajielewi. Ah! Toka kwenye kulamba lips saiyo niko kwenye shingo...mkono mwingine umeshika nywele zake ni ka nataka kuzitoa apo kichwani. Afu kihuni nikajifanya kama akili zimerudi nikamuacha huku nasema...."f**k! Im sorry, nilizidiwa"....wueeeeeh! Bila kusema kitu, mtoto kaamka kaja juu kanisukuma, mimi ndo nikalalia kochi...kulana mate ya kujaza kisima pale huku mtoto kaingiza mkono eneo la mjulubeng! Kautoa alafu anaugusa gusa kama vile kujua urefu wa mchimba kisima. Mara tulambane shingoni, Mi mkono wangu bado nasugua tu eneo husika juu ya kaptula yake, na mwingine ndani ya tshirt yake kama nachora ramani ivi mgongoni kwake. Mara, eh! Kaanza kunyonya pipi bwuana....skuamini macho yangu.
Nakuambia mtoto kwenye mic, ni alikuwa anaweka voko za hatari, huku achezea vigololi, afu anakuangalia machoni kuda la dadaake, mara alitemee mate, mara alilambe upya...afu kaanza kujishika mgodini....sjawai pata tabu ya raha kama iyo wakuu. Wueeeh! Kidogo kidogo, kasmama huku ananikula mate kashusha vifaa vyake vya kuziba mgodi...kaniskuma nirudi kulalia kochi afu aka juu shenzi type ule mtoto! Kaizamisha mwenyewe pole pole huku kafunga macho...ukiskia mwana apolo anazamia juu, ndo hapo. Apo ndani ni joto na mvuke tupu...utelezi utelezi...naona kitu kinaenda inch by inch, mdogo mdogo...mara anarudi juu tena...mpaka baada kama dakika hivi tindo kashaizamisha yote, alafu anavyokupigia kakelele ka kurizika kwa mbali...eh! Kumbaf kabisa. Nilibaki nashangaaa tu.
Akavua kitisheti chake, vimatiti vikanesa nesa, afu kama vile uchokozi kachukua mikono yangu kajishikisha matiti, wacha aanze kucheza yondo sister hapo juu, muda wote hata haniangalii...kafunga macho anaskizia uzito, ni mwendo wa kunesa. Mi naangalia tu maajabu...nashangaa nimejikutaje hapo, siamini, sijielewi. Nilishushiwa mzigo, hapo...mara aende spidi, mara ailete mdogo mdogo, mara yuko upright, mara ainame kidogo afu akatike huku anaangalia nyuma kama vile kujipongeza anavyokatikia afu mkono wake kaweka kifuani....baada ya muda wa vituko nikaskia kama wazungu wanataka kufanya utalii...
Nikamskuma uku nimechomoa nahema kama mbwa, afu ananinicheka...yani kichaa yule mtoto...nikamgeuza kapiga magoti kwenye sofa huku namla mate, nikisubiri wazungu waache upuuzi, saio nachokonoa mgodi pole pole....bila yeye kutegemea, nikamuinamisha afu nikazamisha kitu ndani....ni ukunga tu anapiga! Sasa nikaanza kulima shamba, alafu kalivyo kahuni, kamegeuza shingo kananiangalia....mikono nimekashika kiunoni....eh! Ile kuna saa nimezidiwa eti natulia, mtoto anakatikia mwenyewe...nikamuambia "tulia". Ndo akazidisha kama kukomoa....eeeeh! Afu anasmile tu, akiniangalia...kudadeki nikawahi kuchomoa tu ivi...wazungu wakatua mgongoni kwake... wueeeh!
Kakaniagiza nikachukue tissue....nikakafuta mgongo, tukavaa tena nguo, kakaanza kula msosi...huku nami niko hoi apo nalishwa...kalivyo maliza...kakachukua glassi kakajimiminia pombe kali kakaanza kunywa mdogo mdogo huku tumekumbatiana hapo...tunaangalia tv hata hakuna nachoona...
Kilichofuatia...itakuwa siyo kimasihara tena.
Wueeeh!