Husninyo
Platinum Member
- Oct 24, 2010
- 24,252
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<br />Hahaha! Mkuu kuna nyumba ya jirani hapa wanapika pilau ndio nasubiria kuzamia ingawa sijapewa kadi
Salanga kuna uwezekano "The two or both of you do not know what they want or what they need" huu kujitokeza kweli???
Na wale wanaosema kabla ya kuoa/kunioa ulinikuta hivi kwanini unataka kunibadilisha hao unasemaje??
<br />Hiyo ni kweli. Ukishakuwa kwenye ndoa kunakuwa na ka utegemezi fulani (dependency). Unahisi kuwa maisha hayawezekani bila ya yeye. Mfano hata mkigombana siku hiyo hata kazini wanaweza ku notice; kazi haziendi kabisa. Kwa hiyo ili mumeo au mkeo awe successful career wise lazima umpe peace of mind na umpe total support ya mawazo na matendo pia. Mimi naweza sema hata kama ndoa yangu si perfect the only person anayejali mafanikio yangu ni mume wangu; hata yeye nadhani ni same.<br />
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Mfano wakimuudhi ofisini wa kwanza kuja kumsimulia ni mimi; na mimi nasikiliza kwa umakini mkubwa na hata kama wakati mwingine naona kabisa kuwa yeye ndo kachemka; namwambia achana nao hao mume wangu wanakuone gere (moyoni najua nimesema uongo ila that was what he wanted to hear).
<br />Kuna uwezekano mmoja au wote wawili are behaving in a manner that suggests something else but not what one wants actually, that is not knowing what u want.
<br />The critical task is to mantain LOVE and how to have common stand during crisis.Marriage and family are informal organisation but perform functions like formal organisation then once crisises emerge in family or marriage it does not mean failure or wither of love it just benefitial to those who are in love even though most couples tend to break up because of crisises.It better to use crisises for learning hence strengthen marriage and family if not LOVE then this makes us to live as we can not as we wish,hoped,want,need,see or think.
<br />mie bado naendelea kusoma comment zenu mkwe nitakuja na comments zangu baadae ...
Nimeipenda sana hii sina cha kuongeza kwa kweliIn a successful marriage home is your favorite place to be. Not that "home" here is not the same thing as house', house is where you live; home is what you live in. A house is built by sand, cement and water while a home is built by Love, peace and joy. So, how do we go from having 'manages' to have 'marriages'? Its just not the capacity to get people to stay together that is the important thing, but also the capacity of get people to love being together. And so if we can build strong marriages, we will build strong families. It is sad some people tend to take their careers more seriously than their marriage, but the truth be told; there can hardly be any true career success if your marriage has failed. Marital changes have be know to ruin the best career opportunities
I think that in the course of marriage, there is nothing that cannot change. But to bet that something will change may be asking for much. Always ask yourself , what if it doesn't change? If the situation remains the same, what are you going to do? People after marriage they usually say, 'He/She saw me the way I was and he/she married me that way, now he/she is demanding that I change'.
This is the most critical time to stand in integrity and ask, 'Can I really live with this?'. Marriages do not fail because of the things you can live with, marriages fail because of the things you can't live with. Most times, people knew they couldn't live with certain things but they said maybe they could.
Mimi huwa najiuliza pale mnapofunga ndoa na mnakula kile kiapo na kusema kwa "SHIDA NA RAHA" hapo maana yake hata yale mapungufu na yenyewe unayakubali baada ya mwaka unasikia people nagging thou siwezi kukataa pale watu wanapoeleza matatizo ya wenza wao saa zingine inakuwa ni kwa ajli ya kupata ushauri ili wengine huwa wanaenda to the extent ya kuanza kudhalilisha wenzi wao as if hawana maana kwaoMarriages do not fail because of the things you can live with, marriages fail because of the things you can't live with
Yeah but we need a heart to tolerate anything from our partnerambacho kwa wengi ni ngumu
Kuvumilia na kukubali udhaifu wa mwenzako na kuuelewa kuwa huu udhaifu hutaweza kuuondoa kwa njia yoyote
Ni wangapi wako tayari kufanya hivyo
Je mwenza wako anafanya kusudi kutouacha au anajipa matumaini kuwa unaweza kuisha
Je kila mmoja yuko tayari kwa hilo kukubali na kuishi na madhaifu ya kila mmoja na kuyakubali
Marriages do not fail because of the things you can live with, marriages fail because of the things you can't live with
Yeah but we need a heart to tolerate anything from our partnerambacho kwa wengi ni ngumu
Kuvumilia na kukubali udhaifu wa mwenzako na kuuelewa kuwa huu udhaifu hutaweza kuuondoa kwa njia yoyote
Ni wangapi wako tayari kufanya hivyo
Je mwenza wako anafanya kusudi kutouacha au anajipa matumaini kuwa unaweza kuisha
Je kila mmoja yuko tayari kwa hilo kukubali na kuishi na madhaifu ya kila mmoja na kuyakubali
Mimi huwa najiuliza pale mnapofunga ndoa na mnakula kile kiapo na kusema kwa "SHIDA NA RAHA" hapo maana yake hata yale mapungufu na yenyewe unayakubali baada ya mwaka unasikia people nagging thou siwezi kukataa pale watu wanapoeleza matatizo ya wenza wao saa zingine inakuwa ni kwa ajli ya kupata ushauri ili wengine huwa wanaenda to the extent ya kuanza kudhalilisha wenzi wao as if hawana maana kwao
Hio belief hapo juu ndio hufanya watu wasahau kua kila binadamu lazima ana madhaifu... na kua it is best to live na madhaifu ya ulonae for tayari unayajua kuliko yule ambae humjui... na kua waweza ona mwenzio ana madhaifu saaana na kila saa ukalalama kwake - na hali huyo mwenzio anaona the same thing kwako ila sababu tu huyo mwenzio hana tabia ya kulalama na hua anamezea basi unajiona you are better that the other... Ndo unajikuta waweza achia hio Ngazi ya chuma only to find unakutana na ya mbao ilochakaa na kuvamiwa na mchwa!
Umenikumbusha 80 Percent vs 20 PercentHio belief hapo juu ndio hufanya watu wasahau kua kila binadamu lazima ana madhaifu... na kua it is best to live na madhaifu ya ulonae for tayari unayajua kuliko yule ambae humjui... na kua waweza ona mwenzio ana madhaifu saaana na kila saa ukalalama kwake - na hali huyo mwenzio anaona the same thing kwako ila sababu tu huyo mwenzio hana tabia ya kulalama na hua anamezea basi unajiona you are better that the other... Ndo unajikuta waweza achia hio Ngazi ya chuma only to find unakutana na ya mbao ilochakaa na kuvamiwa na mchwa!
Mimi huwa najiuliza pale mnapofunga ndoa na mnakula kile kiapo na kusema kwa "SHIDA NA RAHA" hapo maana yake hata yale mapungufu na yenyewe unayakubali baada ya mwaka unasikia people nagging thou siwezi kukataa pale watu wanapoeleza matatizo ya wenza wao saa zingine inakuwa ni kwa ajli ya kupata ushauri ili wengine huwa wanaenda to the extent ya kuanza kudhalilisha wenzi wao as if hawana maana kwao
Kuna mkasa mmoja nilikuwa nausikiliza kwenye redio fulani hivi mwanaume amezaa watoto na mwanamke katika kufarakana mwanaume akamwambia mwanamke "Kama wewe kweli ni mwanamke nionyeshe uanamke wako uko sehemu gani" hayo maneno binafsi mimi mwenyewe yaliniuma sana maana mwanamke alikuwa anaongea kwa uchungu kwamba mume wangu ataniambiaje mimi hayo maneno wakati anafahamu fika kwamba nimezaa naye watotoMkuu nafikiri kuna watu wanasome kile kiapo kama hadithi ( tena sio hadithi tuu maana kuna hadithi nilisoma nikiwa mdogo mpaka leo nazikumbuka)
Nafikiri wanasome kama wajibu kutimiza kile wanachoambiwa kufanya ila ukweli halisi haumo moyoni mwao na hawajui wanaapa nini
Unaposema kwa "Shida na Raha" unamaanisha kwa kila kitu shida za mwenzako na raha zake zote ikiwa ni pamoja na mapungufu yake. Kama unajikuta mwenza wako ana shida suluhisho sio kwenda kuwatangazia watu wa pembeni ila ni kukaa nae mjaribu nyie wenyewe kwanza kusolve lile tatizo na mkiona hakuna mafanikio mnawaona wataalam husika sio kwenida kukimbilia kwa washkaji zako unaenda kumtangaza mkeo kuwa ana mapungufu haya na haya
Unategemea kwa washkaji zako watakupa nini au watakusaidia nini (ambapo washkaji zako asilimia sifuri ni rafiki kweli wengine waliobaki ni wanafiki wa kutupwa wanatafuta habari za kukusema na kukuharibia)
Tufike mahali tuseme kuwa zile habari za ndani ya kuta nne za kile chumba unakiita master bed room ziwe za mle mle na tujifunze kutatua mambo ya ndani ya nyumba kabla ya kuwafaidisha watu wa nje
Ndo maana wengi wa wanandoa hata wakiwa na differences huwezi elewa muda wote wana raha na wanajitahidi kumaliza tofauti zao kabla jua kuzama wakiwa ndani ya chumba chao bila watu wa nje kujua ni nini kinaendelea mle ndani
Kabisa nakubaliana na wewe
tatizo linalotokea ni kuwa watu wanashindwa kukubaliana na madhaifu ya kila mmoja na kuchukua madhaifu hayo kama challenge ya kusonga mbele
Yaani kujikubali na kukubali yale ya mwenzako na kuyaona kama ni njia moja ya kuweza kusonga kwenye mafanikio zaidi