Is It Possible?

[RAIM]

hapo ww 2 hisia zako, kwan kuachana ni bifu, labda mkataba wao ulikwisha

 

[Dark City]

Mdogo wangu MJ1,

Hii issue ni nzito kidogo ila inaelezeka...ingawa si rahisi ki hivyo!

Ninavyojua mimi kuna kutengana (wenzetu hapa wanatoa talaka moja au talaka rejea) na kuachana. Kama ni hali ya kutengana tu, watu wanategemea kuwa wahusika watajipa nafasi ya kutosha kutafakari kama wanaweza kulianzisha tena au ndo things fall apart...Katika hicho kipindi, nafasi yoyote ile inayoweza kupatikana, iwe kupitia kwa mtoto au accidents ambazo zinawapa nafasi ya kukutana na kuangaliana usoni at 180 degrees inaweza kuwa chanzo cha mambo mengine mazito......Hapa nashauri mwanamke awe mwangalifu sana kwa sababu kumwingiza mkenge ex-GF au ex-wife ni rahisi sana kama vile kusukuma mlevi wa gongo!!

Kama watu wameachana, tena katika mazingira ya kiafrika basi sioni kama ni possible kuwa na ukaribu wowote...Nadhani hata mambo ya kulea watoto inabidi yawe kwenye makaratasi na siyo kupitia dialogue za kila mara....Mtakuwa mnatafuta au kuonge ongea nini wakati kila mtu keshaanza maisha yake binafsi with or without a new partner??

Sorry kama sijaeleweka...

Babu DC!!

 

[Dark City]

its possible an very easy ikiwa wote mnachukulia poa na majiwivu hakuna

Binafsi sielewi ni jinsi gani hii kitu unaweza kuwa possible....Naomba unifafanulie zaidi!

 

[TIMING]

MTM

I disagree. I believe to some extent, being civil does require more. Eg Its civil to ensure a parent is invited to his/her kids sherehe.Similarly it is civil for the invited parent to have taken time to attend. However there is a huge difference when on a kids Bday party parents seat at opposite ends of a corner avoiding eachother like plagues, to a birthday where they can freely interact and conversate like real people.

kama nilimuelewa vizuri MJ1, basi ni hata kutoka for the sake of kids...

I appreciate your different point of view but i must be realistic, hasa kwenye extend cultures that we have... sipati picha nimeenda kwenye sherehe ya ex-wife na wife wangu tunasherehekea birthday ya mtoto wetu with in-laws wapo pale, none of us will be comfortable kama ni waafrika wa kweli ambao hata baba kuja kwenye send off ya mtoto wake au kumpa mkono mama mkwe inakua mwiko

Anyway, dunia is a village and probably lazima tukae pamoja na watoto kuwa civil... although i strongly believe kwamba si lazima nikae na mama mtoto kuonekana niko civil

the best thing is to make kids understand that we are in a different situation kulinganisha na tulivyoanza maisha na yeye kupatikana

I love my kids sooo much to make anyone around them uncomfortable in their special days... especially due to third party pressure

 

[TIMING]

MTM I cant imagine myself in that position but I cant also dare to put the new guy in my life in that dreadful situation either. I recently experience the same kind of situation, in a family shughuli then the unofficial Ex- aje na expectation kuwa you would entatain him, yaani ile aje, uamke ukampokee na kumkaribisha, akiopndoka umsindikize with bashasha and all that. Its hard kwa kweli na pale anapoona umeshindwa kufulfil hizo expectation zake atoke na kwenda lalamika kwa ndugu zako (Broz and Uncles) halafu wao ndio wanakuja wakwambia eti you two should be friends for the sake of the kid ilhali mmoja wenu is into more than that!!

i definitely understand you, my cousin once she broke down right before everyone and it was very sad... the ex was expecting too much and none around there could take it especially after abusive and insults traded before

 

[TIMING]

its possible an very easy ikiwa wote mnachukulia poa na majiwivu hakuna

mkuu kibongobongo inakua ngumu sana aisee, hasa ukizingatia wanandoa wanakua part ya extended families

 

[Dark City]

kama nilimuelewa vizuri MJ1, basi ni hata kutoka for the sake of kids...

I appreciate your different point of view but i must be realistic, hasa kwenye extend cultures that we have... sipati picha nimeenda kwenye sherehe ya ex-wife na wife wangu tunasherehekea birthday ya mtoto wetu with in-laws wapo pale, none of us will be comfortable kama ni waafrika wa kweli ambao hata baba kuja kwenye send off ya mtoto wake au kumpa mkono mama mkwe inakua mwiko

Anyway, dunia is a village and probably lazima tukae pamoja na watoto kuwa civil... although i strongly believe kwamba si lazima nikae na mama mtoto kuonekana niko civil

the best thing is to make kids understand that we are in a different situation kulinganisha na tulivyoanza maisha na yeye kupatikana

I love my kids sooo much to make anyone around them uncomfortable in their special days... especially due to third party pressure

Nadhani kuna mambo ama siyaelewi au nakuwa na mawazo ya 1947!

Hivi watu wakiachana au kutengana, watoto wanaendelea kupata malezi kama vile bado wako pamoja? Mie nilidhani maisha tofauti na yale ya zamani yanaanza baada ya kuachana au kutengana. Kwa maana hiyo, hata malezi ya watoto yataathirika kwa namna moja au nyingine!

Mie naamini ukinifanya nikutane na ex wangu mara kwa mara, lazima nitatenda dhambi tu!! To be safe...kila mtu na maisha yake na watoto watakua hivyo hivyo!

 

[Nemo]

kama nilimuelewa vizuri MJ1, basi ni hata kutoka for the sake of kids...

I appreciate your different point of view but i must be realistic, hasa kwenye extend cultures that we have... sipati picha nimeenda kwenye sherehe ya ex-wife na wife wangu tunasherehekea birthday ya mtoto wetu with in-laws wapo pale, none of us will be comfortable kama ni waafrika wa kweli ambao hata baba kuja kwenye send off ya mtoto wake au kumpa mkono mama mkwe inakua mwiko

Anyway, dunia is a village and probably lazima tukae pamoja na watoto kuwa civil... although i strongly believe kwamba si lazima nikae na mama mtoto kuonekana niko civil

the best thing is to make kids understand that we are in a different situation kulinganisha na tulivyoanza maisha na yeye kupatikana

I love my kids sooo much to make anyone around them uncomfortable in their special days... especially due to third party pressure

MTM

I hear you, and I do agree no matter what or how friendly you and your ex maybe, awkward uncomfortable situation will always be there

Ps
Ila for argument's sake, wewe kama mzazi/ex wa mama wa mwenye sherehe Ili kupreserve harmony, shouldnt u have left your new ur new wife home then,???:eyebrows:

 

[TIMING]

Nadhani kuna mambo ama siyaelewi au nakuwa na mawazo ya 1947!

Hivi watu wakiachana au kutengana, watoto wanaendelea kupata malezi kama vile bado wako pamoja? Mie nilidhani maisha tofauti na yale ya zamani yanaanza baada ya kuachana au kutengana. Kwa maana hiyo, hata malezi ya watoto yataathirika kwa namna moja au nyingine!

Mie naamini ukinifanya nikutane na ex wangu mara kwa mara, lazima nitatenda dhambi tu!! To be safe...kila mtu na maisha yake na watoto watakua hivyo hivyo!

kamanda na mie nina tatizo kama lako....

Sijui aisee, labda ndio modern life, but to me, i will do my best to "educate" my kids about our differences and the importance of minimising ile contacts on grounds like ku-move on, to set people free, kusaidia healing na kukwepa vishawishi vya kutaka kurudiana na hasa kama tumeamua kwa dhati (na si kitoto) kuachana

Sometimes, ni vyema kumeza dawa chungu ili kupisha mategemeo na misononeko; wengi huishia kumega, and if the woman has a soft sopot on mjamaa basi jamaa atapoozea na kumiliki hapoooo hadi achoke, it is not fair to women although it seems they would love tuwe more civil.

 

[TIMING]

MTM

I hear you, and I do agree no matter what or how friendly you and your ex maybe, awkward uncomfortable situation will always be there

Ps
Ila for argument's sake, wewe kama mzazi/ex wa mama wa mwenye sherehe Ili kupreserve harmony, shouldnt u have left your new ur new wife home then,???:eyebrows:

hahaha... harmony na yupi sasa? past au present???

All i care would be the present, coz the kids will always have time to be with me (if at all we want to be civil parents) and i will spend that time to compensate for the lost time.

Yani nimuache loveydovey home niende kwa exi, halafu nikae na ma-braza, aunties, shems and wakwe wamevuta sura simply becuase nimeenda kuharibu mood?? tabu kidogo... take it from me any separation is painful na si kwa wawili tu bali hata ndugu jamaa na marafiki and that healing rate differs alot, you dont want to put salt on a would for God's sake

I will always limit my ex communication to child support plan and some serious family issues such as grievances and vitu kama harusi tena kwenye ibada tu

 

[Dark City]

MTM

I hear you, and I do agree no matter what or how friendly you and your ex maybe, awkward uncomfortable situation will always be there

Ps
Ila for argument's sake, wewe kama mzazi/ex wa mama wa mwenye sherehe Ili kupreserve harmony, shouldnt u have left your new ur new wife home then,???:eyebrows:

Harmony gani unayoongelea ndugu yangu? The most important harmony was our relationship which never worked. Sasa tunatafuta harmony kwa ajili ya nani tena?

Kama ni watoto, basi ndo hivyo tena, maji yalishamwagika!!!

Kama hisia zangu hazikupewa nafasi hadi tukaachana sasa hisia za kuwatendea haki watoto zinatoka wapi. Wacha nionekane nina roho mbaya ila siku zote maslahi yangu yanapewa first priority na yale ya watu wengine yanaweza kuwa accommodated baadaye, tena kama hali inaruhusu! Katika suala hili nadhani hali hairuhusu...Hakuna sababu ya kulazimisha mambo na kujitafutia majeraha yasiyokuwa ya lazima!!

 

[Dark City]

kamanda na mie nina tatizo kama lako....

Sijui aisee, labda ndio modern life, but to me, i will do my best to "educate" my kids about our differences and the importance of minimising ile contacts on grounds like ku-move on, to set people free, kusaidia healing na kukwepa vishawishi vya kutaka kurudiana na hasa kama tumeamua kwa dhati (na si kitoto) kuachana

Sometimes, ni vyema kumeza dawa chungu ili kupisha mategemeo na misononeko; wengi huishia kumega, and if the woman has a soft sopot on mjamaa basi jamaa atapoozea na kumiliki hapoooo hadi achoke, it is not fair to women although it seems they would love tuwe more civil.

Hiyo inamaanisha nini??

 

[TIMING]

Harmony gani unayoongelea ndugu yangu? The most important harmony was our relationship which never worked. Sasa tunatafuta harmony kwa ajili ya nani tena?

Kama ni watoto, basi ndo hivyo tena, maji yalishamwagika!!!

Kama hisia zangu hazikupewa nafasi hadi tukaachana sasa hisia za kuwatendea haki watoto zinatoka wapi. Wacha nionekane nina roho mbaya ila siku zote maslahi yangu yanapewa first priority na yale ya watu wengine yanaweza kuwa accommodated baadaye, tena kama hali inaruhusu! Katika suala hili nadhani hali hairuhusu...Hakuna sababu ya kulazimisha mambo na kujitafutia majeraha yasiyokuwa ya lazima!!

DC, nimeamini kweli umri dawa, and i hope MJ1 atatuelewa.... kaa mbali na moto kuepuka kuungua!!

Mkuu nina mifano balaa, we acha tu!!

 

[TIMING]

Hiyo inamaanisha nini??

kwa kusoma hapa nimeona kuwa civil manake ni kukubali kucheza karibu na kiporo... which is tough mkuu hasa kwa wenye mioyo dhaifu kama mie, fuatilia ushauri wa Nemo page 1

 

[Nemo]

hahaha... harmony na yupi sasa? past au present???

All i care would be the present, coz the kids will always have time to be with me (if at all we want to be civil parents) and i will spend that time to compensate for the lost time.

Yani nimuache loveydovey home niende kwa exi, halafu nikae na ma-braza, aunties, shems and wakwe wamevuta sura simply becuase nimeenda kuharibu mood?? tabu kidogo... take it from me any separation is painful na si kwa wawili tu bali hata ndugu jamaa na marafiki and that healing rate differs alot, you dont want to put salt on a would for God's sake

I will always limit my ex communication to child support plan and some serious family issues such as grievances and vitu kama harusi tena kwenye ibada tu

MTM

OMG, I knew you were going to say that! Ohh boy, this is why and where kasheshe zinatokea............................except for annoying and infuriating the ex mrs exactly what purpose does loveydovey have kwenye sherehe ya mtoto wa mwenzie?And pls dont go telling utanuniwa or kugombezwa , maana as per you "You wouldnt allow 3rd party pressure..............................", Sasa basi In the case, where you wouldnt risk annoying Loveydovey, are you then going against your statement....ie allowing 3rd pressure to ruin you kids happiness?

 

[Dark City]

DC, nimeamini kweli umri dawa, and i hope MJ1 atatuelewa.... kaa mbali na moto kuepuka kuungua!!

Mkuu nina mifano balaa, we acha tu!!

Unajua nini Brother,

Wanawake Mungu aliwaumba kwa namna ambayo wanaume wanaijua zaidi kuliko wanawake wenyewe!!

Kwenye ile mada ya who is number one btn a husband/wife and kid, wanawake wote walisema bila kumung'unya maneno kuwa namba one kwao ni mtoto!!

Ndio maana baada ya matukio kama kuachana wanaume wanatumia hao hao watoto kufanya lolote wanalotaka....

Kama wasipostuka wasije kusema hatukuwaambia...Ukweli ni kwamba mwanamume hata akimwacha mwanamke, haachi kutamani kumuonja tena. Labda kama alimkera zaidi ya kituo cha polisi!

 

[Dark City]

kwa kusoma hapa nimeona kuwa civil manake ni kukubali kucheza karibu na kiporo... which is tough mkuu hasa kwa wenye mioyo dhaifu kama mie, fuatilia ushauri wa Nemo page 1

Ahsante sana mkuu

Hata mimi nilihisi hivyo ila nilitaka ufafanuzi wako.

Wanawake wanachukulia kirahisi rahisi ila huo mchezo mara nyingi unawaumiza wao!!

 

[TIMING]

Unajua nini Brother,

Wanawake Mungu aliwaumba kwa namna ambayo wanaume wanaijua zaidi kuliko wanawake wenyewe!!

Kwenye ile mada ya who is number one btn a husband/wife and kid, wanawake wote walisema bila kumung'unya maneno kuwa namba one kwao ni mtoto!!

Ndio maana baada ya matukio kama kuachana wanaume wanatumia hao hao watoto kufanya lolote wanalotaka....

Kama wasipostuka wasije kusema hatukuwaambia...Ukweli ni kwamba mwanamume hata akimwacha mwanamke, haachi kutamani kumuonja tena. Labda kama alimkera zaidi ya kituo cha polisi!

you can say that again bro... with a woman you always have to prove something but with a man all you need is happiness

Sasa kuna cha pili which is the most important: Men respect wanaume wengine so they wouldnt want to be in between the exes, but i doubt if that is true for women, (msinipige mawe) coz i dont see them respecting or at considering "the other woman"

Back to topic, it is very rare kutommega tena ex wife, very rare especially kama bado mnaonana

 

[Dark City]

MTM

OMG, I knew you were going to say that! Ohh boy, this is why and where kasheshe zinatokea............................except for annoying and infuriating the ex mrs exactly what purpose does loveydovey have kwenye sherehe ya mtoto wa mwenzie?And pls dont go telling utanuniwa or kugombezwa , maana as per you "You wouldnt allow 3rd party pressure..............................", Sasa basi In the case, where you wouldnt risk annoying Loveydovey, are you then going against your statement....ie allowing 3rd pressure to ruin you kids happiness?

Kwa nini watu wahanajihangaisha na kids' happiness baada ya kuachana wakati wangeweza kuifikiria na kuipa nafasi kabla ya kufanya maamuzi mazito ya kuachana??

 

[Nemo]

Harmony gani unayoongelea ndugu yangu? The most important harmony was our relationship which never worked. Sasa tunatafuta harmony kwa ajili ya nani tena?

Kama ni watoto, basi ndo hivyo tena, maji yalishamwagika!!!

Kama hisia zangu hazikupewa nafasi hadi tukaachana sasa hisia za kuwatendea haki watoto zinatoka wapi. Wacha nionekane nina roho mbaya ila siku zote maslahi yangu yanapewa first priority na yale ya watu wengine yanaweza kuwa accommodated baadaye, tena kama hali inaruhusu! Katika suala hili nadhani hali hairuhusu...Hakuna sababu ya kulazimisha mambo na kujitafutia majeraha yasiyokuwa ya lazima!!

Harmony btn you, and your ex when forced in uncomfortable situation i.e sherehe ya mtoto wenu. Na hapo nilipo bold, you my friend are very wrong kids should come first,!!! Hasira zako kwa mama yao does not absolve you from your responsibility as their parent!!!!!!