Wadau, miaka kama mitatu iliyopita nilikuwa na bibie mmoja wa Kihispania, alikuja bongo kwa mwaka na nusu, wazungu hawanivutii but this girl was exceptional, labda kwa vile alikuwa na hips na **** flani kiana, labda ni kimo chake na black hair labda vile hakuwa ule weupe wa karatasi she was a bit dark kwa std za wazungu So I got close to her and before I knew it we were kissing muda si muda we found ourselves in bed together. Daktari huyu wa meno nilishangaa kujua we had a lot in common, hasa hasa kwenye politicias, wanamuziki na waandishi wa vitabu tunaowazimia. Ila tukakubaliana hakuna commitment vile baada ya muda she would be going back. This was a perfect arrangement for me ukizingatia hakuna nachoogopa kama commitment na kinachonitisha zaidi ni kupenda toka rohoni.
Labda nieleze historia yangu katika kupenda, kwa kweli nilipenda mara moja tu huko nyuma, binti mmoja mrembo wa haja. Nilimpenda kwa moyo na roho yote, she was my 1st love (not sex) na sikutazama wala kumfikiria msichana mwingine. Aliniambia hajawahi ku do na she didn't want to do it before marriage na mimi nikamkubali, I was true to her na nilikuwa tayari kumsubiri hadi ndoa. Tukapangiwa vyuo tofauti, miezi kama sita baada ya kwenda chuo mawasiliano yakaanza kupungua, nikaanza kusikia fununu, washkaji wakaanza kupiga vijembe kiana demu wangu kwenye chuo aliko anajamaa mwingine. Love is blind, masikio nilikuwa nimeziba, sikutilia hata shaka, nilimwamini kupita maelezo na dalili zote kuwa meli imeaanza kwenda mrama sikuziona. Then valentine moja nikaamua nimfanyie suprise, niliongea naye kwenye simu aniambie angekuwa anafanya nini valentine, akasema atasoma then akalale mapema. Nikafunga safari km zaida 500 for that suprise kufika chuo kwao straight nikaenda kwa room yake, only her met was there, yule mwanamke mhhh, kumwuliza wapi mpenzi wangu yupo, bila hiyana akanipeleka kwenye mgahawa ambapo she was having a candle light dinner with jamaa, that was shocking, niliwatazama kwa 20min kabla ya kujongea kwenye meza yao, sijui nilipata wapi ujasiri, alichanganyikiwa aliponiona, I just told her "U make a beautiful pair" akanitazama usoni then macho yakatua kwenye kazawadi nilikokuwa nimeshika mkononi, nikamwambia this is meaningless nikimwonesha ile zawadi. Nikaondoka kwa ustaarabu usio wa kawaida japo naweza kuwa mshari sana that was the painfull end of my 1st love Sikupata usingizi kwa siku kadhaa, ohh man that pain is unbearable, Baada ya hapo sijawahi ufungua moyo wangu, labda kuna ambao nimewaumiza lakini, kupenda its a risk I have never been able to take again. Bibie huyu alikuwa na ujasiri wa kuniface tena, nilitaka kujua ukweli, akaniambia she has been cheating on me for sometime, na jamaa alisha do naye so she wasn't a virgin an more, kikubwa zaidi alichonishangaza ni kuniambia bado ananipenda, yupo tayari kumwacha jamaa nikimpa nafasi eti kagundua kwamba ni mimi ananipenda, hadi kesho she insists that "I'm her only love", but that is door I closed and will remain closed forever, japo I must admit nimeshindwa kuacha kumpenda.
Turudi kwa huyu bibie wa Kihispania, so we had a relationship kwa mwaka moja plus, apart from being my mpenzi she was a friend, hakuwa kama wazungu wengine (wanawake) niliowafahamu kwa maana kutaka kuwa juu ya mwanaume and being too demanding emotionally, but on the other hand she used to challenge me the way no other woman did, alinieleza mapungufu yangu niliyoyajua na ambayo sikuyajua kabla, alinibadilisha namna yangu ya kufikiri kimfumo dume kwa kiasi kikubwa. She made me a better man, lazima nikubali.
Nadhani ni moja ya watu wachache walionisoma na kunifahamu sana, bila kujua na mimi nikajikuta nimemfahamu sana japo tulikuwa kwenye uhusiano kwa kipindi kifupi. She was a true friend na tulishare vitu vingi, I believe aliniambia vitu ambavyo hakuwahi kushare na mtu mwingine and she once said akiwa na mimi anakuwa huru mno, she didn't know why. Kwangu vile vile nilimwambia vitu ambavyo sikudhani kama ningeviweka wazi kirahisi. The other thing about her was her cookings. No other woman makes such delicious meals, kama mara tatu alinisuprise na vyakula vya kibongo, alijifunza kupika vya kibongo ili anisuprise, I was touched by the way she went out of her way to suprise me! I gave her a few suprises as well. Hakuwahi kunitamkia ananipenda, wala sikuwahi kumwambia nampenda. Sijui kama then nilikuwa na hisia za mapenzi kwake, I really do not know
Muda wake huyu bibie ukaisha akarudi kwao, duuh nikamisi kishenzi ila vile tulikubaliana uhusiano ule ni wa muda ikawa poa, nikajua ntamsahau tu kama mademu wengine niliowahi kuwa nao ukiacha my 1st love Tukawa tunaandikia mara chache chache na simu mara chache zaidi lakini ikawa kama siku zilivyozidi kwenda ndio nikawa nam mis zaidi, ikawa nikikumbuka vitu alivyonifanyia na tulivyofanya pamoja anazidi kujikita moyoni, kushtuka nikabaini I'm in love! Huyu ni msichana wa pili kuushika moyo wangu, seems like the shield I covered my heart with did not help. Nikajidanganya to deal with such feeling I should find my self another girl, August last year alinipigia nikamweleza nina demu, akapunguza sana mawasilino (she would send brief e mail once in two/three months) lakini sijafanikiwa kumtoa moyoni mwangu, ni kama kila siku inayopita anazidi kuingia.
Last Sunday she sent a very long e mail, anataka kujua hisia zangu kwake, ameniambia wazi she is in love with me! Hajui limetokeaje ila ni hisia ambazo amekuwa akizikabili kwa kipindi, she says she belives its love since she doesn't know why she feels the way she does, kwamba she has had a couple of dates toka atoke huku zinashindwa kwenda mbali, I'm too much in her mind! yupo tayari kurudi bongo tuanze upya. She made it very clear haoni hatia kuandika hivyo wakati nilimwambia I'm in a relationship since she is almost certain I'm not in love with the girl. if I feel the same yupo tayari kurudi bongo
Hofu yangu ni kupenda kwa dhati kwa mara nyingine, nilipenda huko nyuma hadi leo nina kajeraha, hisia zangu kwa huyu mrembo zinashika nguvu kila kukicha, should I open my heart again au nimchinjie baharini, nijifanye sina hisia zozote kwake.
Hadi leo J5 sijamjibu!
Labda nieleze historia yangu katika kupenda, kwa kweli nilipenda mara moja tu huko nyuma, binti mmoja mrembo wa haja. Nilimpenda kwa moyo na roho yote, she was my 1st love (not sex) na sikutazama wala kumfikiria msichana mwingine. Aliniambia hajawahi ku do na she didn't want to do it before marriage na mimi nikamkubali, I was true to her na nilikuwa tayari kumsubiri hadi ndoa. Tukapangiwa vyuo tofauti, miezi kama sita baada ya kwenda chuo mawasiliano yakaanza kupungua, nikaanza kusikia fununu, washkaji wakaanza kupiga vijembe kiana demu wangu kwenye chuo aliko anajamaa mwingine. Love is blind, masikio nilikuwa nimeziba, sikutilia hata shaka, nilimwamini kupita maelezo na dalili zote kuwa meli imeaanza kwenda mrama sikuziona. Then valentine moja nikaamua nimfanyie suprise, niliongea naye kwenye simu aniambie angekuwa anafanya nini valentine, akasema atasoma then akalale mapema. Nikafunga safari km zaida 500 for that suprise kufika chuo kwao straight nikaenda kwa room yake, only her met was there, yule mwanamke mhhh, kumwuliza wapi mpenzi wangu yupo, bila hiyana akanipeleka kwenye mgahawa ambapo she was having a candle light dinner with jamaa, that was shocking, niliwatazama kwa 20min kabla ya kujongea kwenye meza yao, sijui nilipata wapi ujasiri, alichanganyikiwa aliponiona, I just told her "U make a beautiful pair" akanitazama usoni then macho yakatua kwenye kazawadi nilikokuwa nimeshika mkononi, nikamwambia this is meaningless nikimwonesha ile zawadi. Nikaondoka kwa ustaarabu usio wa kawaida japo naweza kuwa mshari sana that was the painfull end of my 1st love Sikupata usingizi kwa siku kadhaa, ohh man that pain is unbearable, Baada ya hapo sijawahi ufungua moyo wangu, labda kuna ambao nimewaumiza lakini, kupenda its a risk I have never been able to take again. Bibie huyu alikuwa na ujasiri wa kuniface tena, nilitaka kujua ukweli, akaniambia she has been cheating on me for sometime, na jamaa alisha do naye so she wasn't a virgin an more, kikubwa zaidi alichonishangaza ni kuniambia bado ananipenda, yupo tayari kumwacha jamaa nikimpa nafasi eti kagundua kwamba ni mimi ananipenda, hadi kesho she insists that "I'm her only love", but that is door I closed and will remain closed forever, japo I must admit nimeshindwa kuacha kumpenda.
Turudi kwa huyu bibie wa Kihispania, so we had a relationship kwa mwaka moja plus, apart from being my mpenzi she was a friend, hakuwa kama wazungu wengine (wanawake) niliowafahamu kwa maana kutaka kuwa juu ya mwanaume and being too demanding emotionally, but on the other hand she used to challenge me the way no other woman did, alinieleza mapungufu yangu niliyoyajua na ambayo sikuyajua kabla, alinibadilisha namna yangu ya kufikiri kimfumo dume kwa kiasi kikubwa. She made me a better man, lazima nikubali.
Nadhani ni moja ya watu wachache walionisoma na kunifahamu sana, bila kujua na mimi nikajikuta nimemfahamu sana japo tulikuwa kwenye uhusiano kwa kipindi kifupi. She was a true friend na tulishare vitu vingi, I believe aliniambia vitu ambavyo hakuwahi kushare na mtu mwingine and she once said akiwa na mimi anakuwa huru mno, she didn't know why. Kwangu vile vile nilimwambia vitu ambavyo sikudhani kama ningeviweka wazi kirahisi. The other thing about her was her cookings. No other woman makes such delicious meals, kama mara tatu alinisuprise na vyakula vya kibongo, alijifunza kupika vya kibongo ili anisuprise, I was touched by the way she went out of her way to suprise me! I gave her a few suprises as well. Hakuwahi kunitamkia ananipenda, wala sikuwahi kumwambia nampenda. Sijui kama then nilikuwa na hisia za mapenzi kwake, I really do not know
Muda wake huyu bibie ukaisha akarudi kwao, duuh nikamisi kishenzi ila vile tulikubaliana uhusiano ule ni wa muda ikawa poa, nikajua ntamsahau tu kama mademu wengine niliowahi kuwa nao ukiacha my 1st love Tukawa tunaandikia mara chache chache na simu mara chache zaidi lakini ikawa kama siku zilivyozidi kwenda ndio nikawa nam mis zaidi, ikawa nikikumbuka vitu alivyonifanyia na tulivyofanya pamoja anazidi kujikita moyoni, kushtuka nikabaini I'm in love! Huyu ni msichana wa pili kuushika moyo wangu, seems like the shield I covered my heart with did not help. Nikajidanganya to deal with such feeling I should find my self another girl, August last year alinipigia nikamweleza nina demu, akapunguza sana mawasilino (she would send brief e mail once in two/three months) lakini sijafanikiwa kumtoa moyoni mwangu, ni kama kila siku inayopita anazidi kuingia.
Last Sunday she sent a very long e mail, anataka kujua hisia zangu kwake, ameniambia wazi she is in love with me! Hajui limetokeaje ila ni hisia ambazo amekuwa akizikabili kwa kipindi, she says she belives its love since she doesn't know why she feels the way she does, kwamba she has had a couple of dates toka atoke huku zinashindwa kwenda mbali, I'm too much in her mind! yupo tayari kurudi bongo tuanze upya. She made it very clear haoni hatia kuandika hivyo wakati nilimwambia I'm in a relationship since she is almost certain I'm not in love with the girl. if I feel the same yupo tayari kurudi bongo
Hofu yangu ni kupenda kwa dhati kwa mara nyingine, nilipenda huko nyuma hadi leo nina kajeraha, hisia zangu kwa huyu mrembo zinashika nguvu kila kukicha, should I open my heart again au nimchinjie baharini, nijifanye sina hisia zozote kwake.
Hadi leo J5 sijamjibu!
