Wakatisha tamaa (Downers)

I totaly agree with you; lakini ni very few have such ability. Ndio maana nikasema upbringing inajenga confidence.

Hata mi nina haters wa kutosha kwa sababu kuna watu hawapendi success of others; but I feel so happy when I know my success has made someone sick. lol.

Kuna watu BP inapanda wenzao wakifanikiwa na it can openely be read just by looking into their faces. Kuna watu wanatoa tabasamu, tabasamu zinagoma ukiwambia nimefanikiwa hiki au kile.

Kuna baba mmoja wa kabila fulani ni jirani yetu alipata BP akapalalaizi baba akawa anatuchekesha anasema Mzee (anamtaja jina) amepata stroke sababu yule kijana jirani yake ameangusha ghorofa la nguvu. Huyo Mzee ana roho ya kwa nini kila mtu anamjua. Sad ni kuwa my dad was connecting his behavior with kabila lake eti ndivyo walivyo.



 
Juzi tu nimeongeza number ya haters kwenye list yangu. Kuna kitu nilikuwa na struggle nacho nikiwa same level na mbaba mmoja wa Uganda. Kumwambia kuwa am now seeing a green light (yeye bado yuko kwenye orange) nimeona uso umemtawanyika ghafla; nka conclude he was not a true friend. I concluded that we were friends bcos we were in the same level; hataki nimzidi.
 
Niliposema kuna watoto ni leaders wengine ni followers nilikuwa nina lenga sana sana kwa wale watoto ambao kazi yao ni kuwabebea mabegi wenzao. Mwanangu hawezi kuwa kidampa wa mtoto mwenzie; kama kuna watoto walolelewa na low-self esteem waache wambebee mwanagu begi.

Nadhani wengi mshaona hii kitu mashuleni; kutukuzana. Sasa wale wanaoutukuzwa ndo leaders (wajanja) wale wanaowatukuza ndo followers (vidampa)

Nachotaka kusema ni kuwa leaders and followers are not born but are created (upbringing)
 

uso umemtawanyika........lol.........

jf is never boring.....lol
 


Hawa wapo sana kuna mdada niliwahi kuwa nae ofisi moja alikuwa ana tabia hiyo ukiripoti habari njema watu wengine watakupa hongera na kukutakia kila la heri lakini yeye hawezi kukuambia hongera ataishia kuguna tu na sura kumbadilika.Kuna wakati mwingine presha ilikuwa ikimpanda
 

Hawa watu tupo nao ofisini na mitaani.
Ofisini wakisikia unashughulikia ishu ya maendeleo wanakimbilia kwenye uongozi kuzuia.Mfano ukipata hata scholarship watakimbia kumwambia bosi kwamba wewe ni muhimu sana utakapoondoka pengo litakuwa kubwa wakati si kweli.
Mtaani wakisikia umepatwa na downfall wanafurahi sana lakini ukipata maendeleo wataumia roho na kukusema ovyo.
 
Lizzy........................naysayers are very important kwa sababu ndiyo hutupandisha midadi na kutupagawisha ya kufanya vizuri kwa kutupa changamoto.............ingawaje ni kweli wapo ambao hawajiamini na wanapokatishwa tamaa huwa wanaridhishwa na vipimo uchwara ambavyo wamepangiwa
 
Gaijin said:
Mie hadi muda huu sijakutana na hao Downers, nimekutana na Lifters tu.

Au kwa kuwa siruhusu Downer yoyote kunikaribia?!
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IMO (I may be wrong) qualities zako zipo so strong that kwa watu wengine hua zinawa
affect as a result wewe waweza kua nafasi ya Downer thou unaware... Such a character
meets are at par with pple with strong characters... wale ambao wanajijua kabisa weak
ndo hao ambao huweza feel wewe ni "downer" pia..
 
Asante Lizzy kwa thread hii. Uyasemayo ni kweli kabisa yapo..............Kama alivyosema Nyumba Kubwa, ni muhimu sana kumjengea mtoto mazingira ya kujiamini na kutokubali kukatishwa tamaa..........wazazi tuna nafasi kubwa sana katika hili. Tukifanikiwa kuwajengea watoto kujiamini, basi ni rahisi sana kuvishinda hivyo vipingamizi vinavyojitokeza katika maisha.

Namshukuru Mungu......nilikutana na vikwazo nilipoingia form one, lakini sikukubaliana na hivyo vikwazo, nilikataa kuamini kama haiwezekani msichana kufaulu.......Namshukuru Mungu alinisaidia.
 

Ndio nikapendekeza watu wafundishwe ku deal na hao Downers, maana ikiwa kuna wanaonihesabu mimi ni mmoja wao wataendelea kukabiliwa nami maana siwezi na sitaki kujibadilisha kwa ajili ya mwengine

P.S
Hii ni kwa mujibu wa nilivyofahamu bandiko lako kwa sababu nimepata tabu kuelewa hususan humo nilipoweka alama za nukuu ""
 
Lizzy said:
Unamaanisha kuwaelekeza kwenye direction ambayo iko nje ya interest ya mtoto??
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tatizo watoto wengine mpaka anafikia umri wa 14/15 haonyeshi mwelekeo wa kitaaluma,hata ukimuuliza ungependa baadae uwe nani/ufanye nini,jibu hana.vitoto vingine mapeeeeeeema vishajiamulia vinakwambia baba/mimi nataka nikikua nimiliki jf yangu.
 
ulisoma hesabu na sayansi nini? maana wasichana wengi huwa wanakatishwa tamaa wasisome masomo haya kumbe wakiwezeshwa na walimu wao wanaweza vizuri tu.
 
Lizzy said:
Vyovyote vile...
Huo unaoongelea ni ubinafsi wa ajabu sana.Kumfanya mwenzako aamini hawezi hiki na kile eti ili asishiriki hiki au kile sio sahihi....mtu mstarabu atashauri na kuelewesha kwanini haoni itakua vizuri ushiriki na sio kukwambia huwezi.
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sasa Lizzy,nimwache aende tu kwenye ma stage halafu mapedejee wamwone waniibie? kha hata mimi ningemkatisha tamaa,ebo!
 


Gaijin dear take note kua kuna Downers wa aina tofauti.... Hili lipo katika kila jamii na halikwepeki.

Downers ambao ni Mkakusudikali kabisa....

This type huwa ni tabia yao tu, yaani kuhakikisha kua wale ambao wapo around them wajisikie vibaya ama wajisikie inferiour, na mara nyingi this type ni for the simple reason ya nursing their belief kua they are the "best" kuliko walo wazunguka (thou deep down anaweza kua na wasi na belief yake): Huyu mtu hana kabisa maneno of encouragement, hana shida kabisa na lifting up a person who is down iwe kwa lolote lile, huyu mtu kazi yake ni kukosoa tu siku zooote, yaani yeye hana mazuri kwako ni mabaya tu! Kumfanya/wafanya walomzunguka hadi wajihisi it is makosa yao or kua wana Great mapungufu - which in most cases sio kweli, kama mapungufu ni yale ya kibinadamu.

Downers ambao ni downers involuntary - hana nia but ni downer...

Huyu ndo the type ambayo umejifafanua wewe nikuunganisha discussion yako humu ndani hususan na The Boss. This type of person ana very strong traits hasa katika kukabiliana na maisha ya kila siku, katika kila sector, physically, emotionally na pschologically, this type of person never breaks down mbele za watu (labda in private). Yupo aggressive, ni "go getter" anajua ni nini anataka na jinsi gani apate hicho anataka... This type of person does not (ever) give a damn what people think about her/him... Katika macho ya majority you are almost perfect! Hii ni threat kwa wengi ambao mara nyingi wanakua hawajitambua wala hawana guts ya kuface mambo yako katika kila level hususan physically, emotionally na pschologically na hasa katika kufight na maisha.... It is worse if this type of person ni Mwanamke... She is a downer kwa wanaume na wanawake pia, if not careful this type of lady ni kazi saana kupata an equal katika mapenzi...

P.S Sikua na maaana it is a bad thing, sometimes being a downer (hasa the second) defines your character and level of achievement.
 

Kwa sehemu kubwa suala la kuwepo au kutokuwepo kwa "downers" ni suala la perception (how one takes it) zaidi kuliko uhalisia. Unaweza kuona pia dhana hii inaendana na dhana ya "inferiority" (complex?). Neno au kitendo fulani kinaweza kuwa na maana tofauti kwa watu tofauti kutegemeana na mtu mweneyewe anavyochukulia...mwingine anaweza kuona kama anachukiwa,anakuwa intimidated au anakatishwa tamaa wakati mwingine anaweza kuona anapendwa, anaambiwa ukweli au anakuwa motivated.

Tukizungumzia malezi, ni kweli wazazi tunao wajibu wa kuwajengea watoto kujiamini lakini hili halina maana kutowazuia kufanya yale ambayo wazazi tunaamini (mara nyingi kutokana na uzoefu wetu) hayana manufaa kwa watoto wetu. Cha muhimu hapa ni namna gani unamzuia ili na yeye aweze ku appreciate the retionale ya zuio/katazo lako au 'ushauri' wako.
 
Nakubaliana na wewe AD watu wengi ni downers bila kujijua. Ndio maana nikasema huwa nawapa tution ma housegirl wangu jinsi ya kulea watoto including words that they should not ever use. Nshawahi kumshuhudia h/girl wangu mmoja amekazana kumwambia mwanangu hujuhi huku anamcheka na kumzomea; mwanangu analia. The lady did not know kuwa hiyo ina effect kwa mtoto hata akikua; nikamweka chini nikasema hata kama unadhani huo ni utani jua wazi ni mbaya kwa mtoto wa miaka miwili. Mfano mtoto alikuwa anaimba huku anachapia; yeye kamgeuza kituko.

Mimi wanangu nawalea kwa full misifa; na wakifanya kitu no matter how little or foolish might look watanitafuta niwapigie makofi. Na nimekuja gundua wame grow up being very smart (at least from the feed back i get from school) na mfano huyu wa kwanza wa miaka minne ana akili ya mtoto wa miaka saba. Ni wadadisi hajabu; always wanting to suprise their mother with their inventions
 

Kwa hiyo mtu anakuwa Downer kwa sababu tu yupo successful na wengine wako insecure japo kuwa hajawahi kuwavunja moyo au kuwaambia mwengine hawezi?

Nashindwa kukubaliana na nadharia hiyo, badala yake naona kama kuhamishia lawama tu kutoka mapungufu ya kujiamini kwenda kwa mtu mwengine. Hawezi kukaa mtu na hamsini zake akaitwa downer kwa sababu tu wengine hawajiamini

PS: Kwa mujibu wa Muanzisha thread "people that are constantly trying to put others down".
 


SMU Kwa kiasi kikubwa lile ambalo ningeongezea kati the first para ya bandiko lako nimeelezea kwa kirefu hio post yangu ya mwisho...

Nimependa thou ulivooelezea malezi, sasa hio ni mojawapo tu ya sababu kwa nini mtu anakua ni victim wa kua downed... Malezi hucheza nafasi kubwa mno kama ulivoongelea na zaidi. Mengine yaweza kua Culture, makundi yalomzunga, insiparion alizo nazo na personal experience of a person.
 
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