Uko wapi baba?

[Kiranga]

WEWE UNAPENDA COLD FACTS. N
IPE SASA COLD FACT YA SWALI HILI:

Je baba huyu aliyemtelekeza mtoto a
najua kwa hakika kabisa
kwamba huyu mtoto ni damu yake?

Wewe Kiranga unajuaje kwa hakika
kama huyu mtoto ni damu ya huyu baba anayetafutwa?

Mimi nilidhani mwenye siri hiyo ni mama wa mtoto
na pengine hiyo ndiyo sababu kwanini hatoi ushirikiano wa kutosha katika kumtambua baba...

Haya nipe cold fact hii: una uhakika gani huyo baba anaetafutwa mtoto huyu ni damu yake?

Cold fact. Hakuna baba anayejua mtoto ni wake kwa 100%. Hata DNA test haitoi results za 100% certainty.

Kwa hiyo mfano wako uliojengwa katika swala la uhakika wa kibaiolojia umeanguka kwa sababu msingi uliojengea -uhakika wa ubaba- haupo kwa mtu yeyote duniani.

Zaidi ya hayo. Kama huyu baba si mzazi wa mtoto that's even more reason kutomsumbua.

Kwa nini mumsumbue mtu wa watu kama si baba?

Hujanipata. Whether huyu mwanamme ni au si baba is immaterial to me.

What is material is the fact that he does not want contact.

Why do you want that wish violated?

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Such a curiosity is a very human weakness. The fact that it is human does not change the fact that it is a weakness.

So what if it is a weakness?

Essentially a case is made here that one cannot exist peacefully without knowing one's deadbeat dad.

If that is how she feels then who are we to deny?

Which is the opposite of kujitambua. Huwezi kujitambua kwa kutegemea watu. Especially kama hawajakujali.

Sikubaliani na wewe hapo. Kujua unapotokea ni sehemu ya kujitambua.

 

[Highlander]

Cold fact. Hakuna baba anayejua mtoto ni wake kwa 100%. Hata DNA test haitoi results za 100% certainty.

Kwa hiyo mfano wako uliojengwa katika swala la uhakika wa kibaiolojia umeanguka kwa sababu msingi uliojengea -uhakika wa ubaba- haupo kwa mtu yeyote duniani.

Zaidi ya hayo. Kama huyu baba si mzazi wa mtoto that's even more reason kutomsumbua.

Kwa nini mumsumbue mtu wa watu kama si baba?

Haaa!!! Kama haya ambayo umeyaweka hapa ndiyo unayaita COLD FACT, hili sasa
linanipa shida kidogo kuendelea kufanya discussion na kichwa chako mkuu...

Mimi nina watoto, na watoto hawa wote nina uhakika wa asilimia 100 kuwa ni watoto wangu mwenyewe,
nimewatoa hapahapa kiunoni pangu. Mbona hujaeleweka?....

 

[Kiranga]

So what if it is a weakness?

A weakness ought to be pointed out as a weakness, lest some mistake it for a "solution", "completion" "closure" or some such mumbo jumbo.

Let's not deceive ourselves that a deadbeat dad could fill an emotional void any more than an adoptive dad could, without the awkward questions.

If that is how she feels then who are we deny?

I take it to mean "who are we to deny". If you thought my intent is denying then you thought wrong. I have neither the authority nor the inclination to play denier, much less the enforcement capability. And a law without enforcement is a joke.

Far from denying, I am analyzing. It is similar to telling someone who is overweight due to emotional/ overeating issues and contemplating overeating chocolate as part of a solution to her problems that her emotional problems are linked to overeating and overeating chocolate will not help anything. This is not denying her eating chocolate, she can eat whatever she wants, but people have to say the truth.

The truth here is that the father is a big missing link and because of that he created a void, a problem. The father does not want contact. Contacting the father will be imposing on him and just as selfish as what the father did. I am just stating the facts.

Sikubaliani na wewe hapo. Kujua unapotokea ni sehemu ya kujitambua.

Kama unafikiri "unapotokea" ni lazima ku involve a deadbeat dada then you are thinking small indeed. Huyu mtoto anapotokea hana historia yoyote ya maana na baba yake, huko kote hawezi kutafuta anapotokea mpaka amtafute baba asiyemtaka?

 

[Kiranga]

Haaa!!! Kama haya ambayo umeyaweka hapa ndiyo unayaita COLD FACT, hili sasa
linanipa shida kidogo kuendelea kufanya discussion na kichwa chako mkuu...

Mimi nina watoto, na watoto hawa wote nina uhakika wa asilimia 100 kuwa ni watoto wangu mwenyewe,
nimewatoa hapahapa kiunoni pangu. Mbona hujaeleweka?....

Mtu yeyote anayesema kirahisi rahisi "nina uhakika wa asilimia 100" ama ni mjinga au muongo.

Inawezekana vyote.

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

A weakness ought to be pointed out as a weakness, lest some mistake it for a "solution", "completion" "closure" or some such mumbo jumbo.

Even if it is a weakness, so what? Don't you have any?

Let's not deceive ourselves that a deadbeat dad could fill an emotional void any more than an adoptive dad could, without the awkward questions.

A deadbeat is alive. She doesn't know whether he is alive or not. Regardless, if she feels that meeting him or knowing what became of him would satisfy filling that void, then I see nothing wrong with it.

I take it to mean "who are we to deny".

Yes, that's what I meant but just forgot to put the preposition.

If you thought my intent is denying then you thought wrong. I have neither the authority nor the inclination to play denier, much less the enforcement capability. And a law without enforcement is a joke.

Far from denying, I am analyzing. It is similar to telling someone who is overweight due to emotional/ overeating issues and contemplating overeating chocolate as part of a solution to her problems that her emotional problems are linked to overeating and overeating chocolate will not help anything. This is not denying her eating chocolate, she can eat whatever she wants, but people have to say the truth.

This is psychobabble.

The truth here is that the father is a big missing link and because of that he created a void, a problem.

Yes, and her quest for answers is a step toward filling that void.

The father does not want contact.

Now you are assuming. What if he is dead? She said her mom says that he died in the MV Bukoba accident but obviously she's not satisfied with that. Or what if he is sick somewhere? Say he has Alzheimer's disease....

Contacting the father will be imposing on him and just as selfish as what the father did. I am just stating the facts.

There is nothing wrong with imposing on your father. He is your father. He brought you into this world. You didn't ask for it. And your logic here is funny. It's funny because in essence what you are saying is fathers who choose to be deadbeats should not even be forced to pay child support because that would be imposing. SMH!

Kama unafikiri "unapotokea" ni lazima ku involve a deadbeat dada then you are thinking small indeed.

If wanting to know where I come from is seen as thinking small, fine. So be it. But I'd be far more satisfied if I at least know where I come than not knowing at all.

Huyu mtoto anapotokea hana historia yoyote ya maana na baba yake, huko kote hawezi kutafuta anapotokea mpaka amtafute baba asiyemtaka?

Kama ana maswali ya kumuuliza baba yake je? Asimtafute apate kupata hayo majibu ya maswali yake? Hivi kuna ubaya kumuuliza baba yako mzazi 'kwa nini hukunilea'? Au 'kwa nini ulinitelekeza'?

 

[Chupaku]

Namuunga mkono Kiranga katika hili. Baba huyo alifanya alichokifanya mpaka mama kaamua kumuua katika MV Bukoba...we mtoto unacheza kamari shauri yako. Baba gani huyo hata siku moja hajajiiba kukutafuta? Unadhani baba ni genes au blood group?

Mama yako ataumiaje akijua umeenda kumtafuta huyo the so called baba? Connection? Give me a break. Endelea na maisha yako establish familia yako. Hata sikupi pole maana inawezekana kabisa angekulea ungeharibikiwa

 

[Kiranga]

Nyani Ngabu

There is nothing wrong with imposing on your father. He is your father. He brought you into this world. You didn't ask for it. And your logic here is funny. It's funny because in essence what you are saying is fathers who choose to be deadbeats should not even be forced to pay child support because that would be imposing. SMH!

This warrants a response.

The child support angle would have been relevant had she been a minor. Mnasubiri mtu kashakua ndo unataka kuleta child support angle?

That is what's funny in that assesment.

I can understand a child/ mother looking for a father for support legally while under age. Why wait until 20 when she is legally not even a minor? The mother doesn't seem to be onboard with the idea of looking for the father.

You guys are attaching too much importance to someone who de facto does not exist has little to no impact to a person's life.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Kuna academic research huko za kutafuta origin ya bantu people, I suggest we all look into that for "completeness" "closure" and "filling a void".

Talk about psychobable!

Insecurities zikipaliliwa huzaa insecurities kubwa zaidi. Mtoto awe secure tu kwa kujua mama yake kaweza kumlea mpaka kumfikisha hapo alipo.

Insecurities za kutafuta baba ili awe complete zitazaa insecurities kubwa zaidi kama zikiendekezwa.

Mtoto atakuwa na tabia ya kujiona anapwaya popte alipo, akimuona baba yake kama yupo basi baba yake ata fall short of expectations. Hata aki meet expectations itabidi a play catch up ya miaka 20.

The drama is simply not worth it.

Insecurity dawa yake si kuipalilia, ni kuikata.

And as for one's right to impose upon one's father, I thought I made it clear that this isn't about rights and denials, it is above that.It is propriety and etiquette, a lost art in today's world.

Kikwete ana constitutional rights kupokonya ardhi yoyote Tanzania by eminent domain, lakini does that mean it is proper kutumia haki hiyo kujitajirisha yeye mwenyewe?

This ilk truly will not understand that.

Habari hii imeanza kwa mtu mmoja kuwa selfish na kumkimbia mtoto.

Tusitake kuimaliza kwa kuongeza namba ya watu selfish kutoka mmoja kwenda wawili.

Mtoto kuji impose kwa baba wakati baba hajamtafuta is as selfish as baba kumkimbia mtoto.

 

[gakato]

Wengi hapa wanashauri kimjinimjini, binti mtafute baba yako kwa gharama yoyote ile pls

 

[Highlander]

Namuunga mkono Kiranga katika hili. Baba huyo alifanya alichokifanya mpaka mama kaamua kumuua katika MV Bukoba...we mtoto unacheza kamari shauri yako. Baba gani huyo hata siku moja hajajiiba kukutafuta? Unadhani baba ni genes au blood group?

Mama yako ataumiaje akijua umeenda kumtafuta huyo the so called baba? Connection? Give me a break. Endelea na maisha yako establish familia yako. Hata sikupi pole maana inawezekana kabisa angekulea ungeharibikiwa

kwa nini hakuna mtu ana discuss mchango wa mama katika tatizo hili? What if the mother is telling some kind of lie na mtoto ana mashaka kuna kauongo fulani kanatoka kwa mama hapa? Why is the mother protected so much from any possible wrong doing na hii ikawa ndo chanzo cha tatizo lote hili? What makes you think only the father is to blame?

 

[makoye78]

Inawezekana suluhisho ni ku move on. Mbona watu wanafiwa na wazazi wakiwa wadogo na wanastawi vizuri tu?

Kwa nini mtu awe tegemezi kwa baba ambaye hakumjali?

Identity yoyote utakayotafuta bila kujali values za uwajibikaji itakuwa haifai kwa hilo. Na huyu baba hajawajibika.

Halafu kwa nini mumuingilie maisha yake kama yeye hataki kumtafuta mwanawe?

Akimkataa si mtapata heartbreak zaidi?

Kama mtoto kaweza kuishi miaka 20 aendelee kivyake tu. Obviously baba hana time naye. Angekuwa na time naye angemtafuta.

Sasa kwa nini kuji impose kwa mtu hana time na wewe?

Mkuu samahani, why should you speak someones' mind, yeye anamtaka baba yake, hajakuomba ushauri wa aidha atamfaa ama la! Na Mkuu hujui hisia na malengo yake, kama hauna msaada kaa kimya umuache mweziyo autafute mzizi wake ili nafsi yake itulie! Hata kama baba ana makosa, lakini akishamfahamu, atawajua pia shangazi, pia baba zake wadogo ambao pia ni mhimu kwake, hata watoto wake huenda nao watahitaji kumjua babu yao.

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Hili ni suala binafsi sana. Kama mtoto anataka kumtafuta baba yake mzazi kwa ajili ya kumjua na labda kumuuliza maswali ili akidhi kiu yake basi sioni ubaya kabisa.

Na asiyetaka kumtafuta wala kujua kuhusu baba yake, naye sawa tu kwa sababu hivyo ndivyo anavyotaka yeye.

Ingekuwa mimi nipo kwenye hali aliyonayo huyu binti ningefanya hivyo hivyo kama anavyotaka kufanya yeye kwa lengo la kujua na kujaribu kupata majibu kwa maswali ambayo yananisumbua.

 

[Highlander]

Nyani Ngabu



This warrants a response.

...I can understand a child/ mother looking for a father for support legally while under age. Why wait until 20 when she is legally not even a minor? The mother doesn't seem to be onboard with the idea of looking for the father.
....

I like that line of thought. Now ask the Question, WHY?.......

 

[Kiranga]

Mkuu samahani, why should you speak someones' mind, yeye anamtaka baba yake, hajakuomba ushauri wa aidha atamfaa ama la! Na Mkuu hujui hisia na malengo yake, kama hauna msaada kaa kimya umuache mweziyo autafute mzizi wake ili nafsi yake itulie! Hata kama baba ana makosa, lakini akishamfahamu, atawajua pia shangazi, pia baba zake wadogo ambao pia ni mhimu kwake, hata watoto wake huenda nao watahitaji kumjua babu yao.

Anything posted on JF is subject to a public debate.

Inawezekana kabisa anachotafuta kutoka kwa baba yake akipate kutoka ndani yake.

Halafu unasema hajaomba ushauri umesoms original post? Unajua kusoma au ndo kati ya wanaoandika bila kujua kusoma?

 

[Kiranga]

I like that line of thought. Now ask the Question, WHY?.......

Why ask why?

 

[Kiranga]

Hili ni suala binafsi sana. Kama mtoto anataka kumtafuta baba yake mzazi kwa ajili ya kumjua na labda kumuuliza maswali ili akidhi kiu yake basi sioni ubaya kabisa.

Na asiyetaka kumtafuta wala kujua kuhusu baba yake, naye sawa tu kwa sababu hivyo ndivyo anavyotaka yeye.

Ingekuwa mimi nipo kwenye hali aliyonayo huyu binti ningefanya hivyo hivyo kama anavyotaka yeye kwa lengo la kujua na kujaribu kupata majibu kwa maswali ambayo yananisumbua.

Ni suala binafsi. Likiletwa JF linaisha ubinafsi. Complication inakuja kumtafuta baba asiyejulikana alipo kuna involve media zilizo very public katika suala lililo very private.

Watu weak wanaotafuta kukamilishwa na watu wasiowajua wala kuwataka watataka kumtafuta baba.

Watu strong wanaoelewa the inner strength of an individual and the sanctity of privacy watataka kuendelea kivyao.

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Ni suala binafsi. Likiletwa JF linaisha ubinafsi.

Mwisho wa siku litaishia kuwa suala lake yeye mwenyewe. Na ataamua kulingana na anavyoona yeye kuwa ni sawa.

Watu weak wanaotafuta kukamilishwa na watu wasiowajua wala kuwataka watataka kumtafuta baba.

Sioni weakness yoyote katika kumtafuta/kutaka kujua zaidi kuhusu baba mzazi. He will forever be part of you.

Watu strong wanaoelewa the inner strength of an individual and the sanctity of privacy watataka kuendelea kivyao.

I don't look at it the way you look at it. To me having the courage, desire, and curiosity to try to know where you come from is a strength.

 

[Highlander]

Why ask why?

Ni suala binafsi. Likiletwa JF linaisha ubinafsi. Complication inakuja kumtafuta baba asiyejulikana alipo kuna involve media zilizo very public katika suala lililo very private.

Watu weak wanaotafuta kukamilishwa na watu wasiowajua wala kuwataka watataka kumtafuta baba.

Watu strong wanaoelewa the inner strength of an individual and the sanctity of privacy watataka kuendelea kivyao.

Wewe Kiranga inaelekea umekaa mahali na Kilaptop unakunywa pombe na kunasafu Jamii Forum. Haya majibu ya ajabu ajabu mbona hayafanani na Kiranga ninayemjua? Umelewa?

 

[Kiranga]

Wewe Kiranga inaelekea umekaa mahali na Kilaptop unakunywa pombe na kunasafu Jamii Forum. Haya majibu ya ajabu ajabu mbona hayafanani na Kiranga ninayemjua? Umelewa?

Nitake radhi.

I doubt you understood.

Umeniomba nikuulize kwa nini, na mimi nimekuuliza kwa nini nikuulize kwa nini?

Sijagusa pombe tangu December 30 2012. Kutokunywa pombe kulikuwa ni New Year's resolution ninayoitekeleza mpaka sasa.

Kama unafikiri Kiranga wa jana ni wa leo utashangaa ukigundua Kiranga anabadilika kila nanosecond.

 

[Kiranga]

Mwisho wa siku litaishia kuwa suala lake yeye mwenyewe. Na ataamua kulingana na anavyoona yeye kuwa ni sawa.



Sioni weakness yoyote katika kumtafuta/kutaka kujua zaidi kuhusu baba mzazi. He will forever be part of you.



I don't look at it the way you look at it. To me having the courage, desire, and curiosity to try know where you come from is a strength.

To me courage is facing the cold fact that the biological father doesn't/didn't care enough to initiate contact. And charting a way without him.

Courage is sacrificing personal curiosity for a deeper truth. Respecting facts.

The fact here is that the so called father neither showed interested nor initiated contact, even by proxy.