Short Jokes

[komedi]

Sharobaro wa Town VS Sharobaro wa Bush

Town sharobaro anaficha hirizi kiunoni lakini simu nje nje...sijui black berry, iphone 4, Bush sharobaro anaficha simu kiunoni lakini hirizi nje nje...

Niulizie hirizi iphone 4 kama zimetoka huko bush jamani!!!

 

[Mpita Njia]

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "oneslice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

 

[komedi]

Mwandishi: ''Tunasikia pamoja na yote unagombea urais 2015''

Kalowa: ''I would rather fall standing than standing the fall''

Mwandishi: ''Don't you see there is no way back?''

Kalowa: ''He will make a way back where there seem to be no way back''

Mwandishi: ''hawa watu wenye siri zako nzito unadhani wanazipata wapi?''

Kalowa: '' Aah! bwana we si unajua... a lizard is born to tresspass, huwezi kuzuia''

Mwandishi: ''Una ushauri gani kuhusu chama chako juu ya CDM?''

Kalowa: ''If a bomb offends you, don't kick it in anger''

Mwandishi: ''Unasemaje kuhusu mtandao wa JF?''

Kalowa: '' You mean faceless book, nikiingia tu naanza nao''

Mwandishi: ''Unaanzaje nao?''

Kalowa: ''They will have to put their true faces and true adress to avoid a ban''

Mwandishi: '' Wewe unataka nini na faces zao na adress zao?''

Kalowa: '' Kwa matumizi ya ofisi...wewe haikuhusu''

Mwandishi: ''Vipi kuhusu uhusiano wako na Do Once, Rosti tamu na Mzizi?''

Kalowa: '' Wewe kweli umepitwa na wakati, sasa tunacheza cd ya babu wa loliondo''

Mwandishi: '' Unasemaje kuhusu tuhuma za maandalizi ya loba za mbao?''

Kalowa: '' That Kyela boy is a pain in ass of the century...I wish I could.......''

Mwandishi:'' Lets carry on Mkuu...''

Mwandishi: ''Je una lolote la kutueleza juu ya muafaka wa.....''

Kalowa: ''Aaaghh, umeishiwa maswali?.. 2+2=5 tunaita synergy si ndio?''

Mwandishi: '' ndio mkuu"

Kalowa: '' na 1+1=0 tunaitaje?

Mwandishi: ''Enh una maanisha nini mkuu?''

Kalowa: '' My time is over, haya you can now go''

Mwandishi: ''Neno la mwisho kwa Wapiga kura mheshimiwa tafadhali''

Kalowa: '' You can never see me with your eyes open''

Hivi kuna mtu anafaamu 1+1=0 ni theory gani? kwa sababu mimi hapa sikumwelewa Kalowa kabisa.

 

[Mpita Njia]

Politics
Just in time for the elections, a group of etymologists has discovered the two root words of the word 'politics'.

Greek polu-, from polus, much, many

Tick: Any of numerous small bloodsucking parasitic arachnids of the family Ixodidae, many of which transmit febrile diseases, such as Rocky Mountain spotted fever and Lyme disease.

Make your own conclusions.

 

[mikatabafeki]

no body remain virgin,life fu...cks every one

 

[Jaguar]

no body remain virgin,life fu...cks every one

Duh!punguza hasira mikatabafeki

 

[komedi]

Wakili na Padre

Wakili: ''kwa hiyo kwa kipindi chote cha maisha yako umekua ukiishi Tanzania

Padre: '' Hilo nitalijibu siku ya kiama''

 

[komedi]

Listen Carefully
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mummy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."




Source: Copied copies.com

 

[komedi]

Wakili na daktari kwenye kesi ya ubakaji

Wakili: '' kwa hiyo kutokana na vipimo vyako, huyu binti ni mjamzito?''

Daktari: '' Binti ni mjamzito ndiyo, lakini hakuupata kutokana na vipimo vyangu''

 

[komedi]

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!”

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

 

[komedi]

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.

The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 

[komedi]

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."

So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.





Kopi kutoka: Blue donut.com ( by Jackie Mason)

 

[komedi]

Kiu ya kilaji mpaka ahera

Jamaa mmoja wa mererani Arusha akiwa amelewa chakari aligongwa na gari akafariki. Ghafla akajikuta katokea mbele za mjumbe wa mola na ndipo akamuuliza swali ''Enhe karibu sana huku, sasa kabla sijakupeleka kusomewa hukumu una la kujitetea?"

Yule mlevi akajibu '' kwanza naomba Tusker bariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidi, nina kiu kinyama eti''

 

[Husninyo]

no body remain virgin,life fu...cks every one

mmh! hiki nacho kichekesho au?