Short Jokes

[komedi]

kama kila mbuzi anakula kwa urefu wa kamba yake je asiye na kamba atakula wapi?

 

[komedi]

Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

 

[komedi]

Son and Dad


Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."

 

[komedi]

Your mama is so ugly, that she made a blind kid cry.

 

[komedi]

Teacher and Students

Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought trouble into people lives?"

Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"

 

[komedi]

The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?"

Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."

 

[komedi]

A monkey and Barman

A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:

- Do you have any bananas?

- No,I don't. ( says the barman)

- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)

- No,I have not got any bananas!!!

- Do you have any bananas?

- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!!!

- Do you have any nails?

- No,I don't.

- Do you have any bananas?

 

[komedi]

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night."

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

 

[Good Guy]

"knock knock!"
"who's there?"
"abbisin"
"abbisin who?"
"abbisin you in hospital if you dont open the frickin' door"
.
.
"Knock knock"
"who's there?"
"abbot"
"abbot who?"
"abbot time you answer the door moron."

 

[React]

Fantastic

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night."

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

 

[Raia Fulani]

kingreza kigumu bana!

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

kingreza kigumu bana!

Pole mkuu......................... kwahiyo zile documents za kesi ya dowans wanaochangi awengi huwa wanachangia tu bila ya kuzisoma hahahahaha...............

 

[komedi]

Mwandishi: ''Tunasikia pamoja na yote unagombea urais 2015''

Kalowa: ''I would rather fall standing than standing the fall''

Mwandishi: ''Don't you see there is no way back?''

Kalowa: ''He will make a way back where there seem to be no way back''

Mwandishi: ''hawa watu wenye siri zako nzito unadhani wanazipata wapi?''

Kalowa: '' Aah! bwana we si unajua... a lizard is born to tresspass, huwezi kuzuia''

Mwandishi: ''Una ushauri gani kuhusu chama chako juu ya CDM?''

Kalowa: ''If a bomb offends you, don't kick it in anger''

Mwandishi: ''Unasemaje kuhusu mtandao wa JF?''

Kalowa: '' You mean faceless book, nikiingia tu naanza nao''

Mwandishi: ''Unaanzaje nao?''

Kalowa: ''They will have to put their true faces and true adress to avoid a ban''

Mwandishi: '' Wewe unataka nini na faces zao na adress zao?''

Kalowa: '' Kwa matumizi ya ofisi...wewe haikuhusu''

Mwandishi: ''Vipi kuhusu uhusiano wako na Do Once, Rosti tamu na Mzizi?''

Kalowa: '' Wewe kweli umepitwa na wakati, sasa tunacheza cd ya babu wa loliondo''

Mwandishi: '' Unasemaje kuhusu tuhuma za maandalizi ya loba za mbao?''

Kalowa: '' That Kyela boy is a pain in ass of the century...I wish I could.......''

Mwandishi:'' Lets carry on Mkuu...''

Mwandishi: ''Je una lolote la kutueleza juu ya muafaka wa.....''

Kalowa: ''Aaaghh, umeishiwa maswali?.. 2+2=5 tunaita synergy si ndio?''

Mwandishi: '' ndio mkuu"

Kalowa: '' na 1+1=0 tunaitaje?

Mwandishi: ''Enh una maanisha nini mkuu?''

Kalowa: '' My time is over, haya you can now go''

Mwandishi: ''Neno la mwisho kwa Wapiga kura mheshimiwa tafadhali''

Kalowa: '' You can never see me with your eyes open''

 

[Mpita Njia]

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife".

 

[Mpita Njia]

Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over... Two claimed that he was still there.

 

[Mpita Njia]

A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said, "Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway." "I know", he replied, "I thought I saw her move!!!"

 

[De Javu]

Mabomu ya Gongolamboto
Baniani mmoja alikua pale Moven pick kalewa chakari, mara akasikia mabomu akampigia jamaa yake simu "Raju HAPPY DIWALI" yeye alifikiria zile fataki za sikukuu. Raju akamjibu "Yeh Diwali NEHI, Mahtma Gandhi day NEHI, Amitahbachan Janamdin NEHI, BOM BOM GONGOMBOTO CAMP MARGAYA"

 

[De Javu]

Jamaa alikwenda zahanati kupima damu kuona kama ana malaria, Nurse alijaribu kumtoa jamaa damu ikawa haitoki, akaamua kumnyonya kidole ili apate damu, Jamaa kuona hivyo akamwambia Nurse, pia nina matatizo ya mkojo hautoki.....

 

[komedi]

Jamaa alikwenda zahanati kupima damu kuona kama ana malaria, Nurse alijaribu kumtoa jamaa damu ikawa haitoki, akaamua kumnyonya kidole ili apate damu, Jamaa kuona hivyo akamwambia Nurse, pia nina matatizo ya mkojo hautoki.....

ha ha ha ha!!!!! kweli umedata bila formula dah! we huvunji mbavu, unalipua na mabomu kabisaaa!!!

 

[raybse]

Jamaa alikwenda zahanati kupima damu kuona kama ana malaria, Nurse alijaribu kumtoa jamaa damu ikawa haitoki, akaamua kumnyonya kidole ili apate damu, Jamaa kuona hivyo akamwambia Nurse, pia nina matatizo ya mkojo hautoki.....

Hahahhahahhaahhaa.............Yaaani hapa mbavu sina ndugu yangu!!!