'Pushy Parents!'...sahihi?

...kumradhi kwa wataokwazika. Binafsi sijajua/sijalipata neno sahihi
la kiswahili lenye maana ya pushy parents.

Hivi, Unapomlazimisha mwanao mafanikio uyatakayo wewe mzazi, ni sahihi?


...wengi tunafahamu watoto wadogo na mapema hukatazwa kutumia mkono wa shoto wakati wa kula.
Je, linapokuja suala la;

• lazima awe wa kwanza, wapili au watatu darasani.
• lazima awe mchezaji mzuri i.e mpira, riadha, kuogelea
• lazima asome A-level, University, masters, Phd, au masomo fulani..
• lazima awe daktari, mchumi, wakili, nk...

...kiwango gani kinakubalika/hakikubaliki 'kumsukuma' mtoto kufikia mafanikio uyatakayo wewe mzazi?

Maoni na experiences binafsi yanakaribishwa.

Kila mzazi anapenda maendeleo ya mtoto wake.
Maendeleo hayo hayaji kwa kulazimishwa bali kwa kuelekezwa.
Unapolazimisha mtoto sheria wakati yeye anapenda uhasibu humtendei haki na hata kama atafata alicholazimishwa huwa ni ngumu sana kufanikiwa tofauti kama angefanya kwa mapenzi yake.
Njia sahihi sio kulazimisha ni kushawishi na kuelekeza.

wazazi vinga'nga'nizi


sometimes ni bora kuwapa watoto kile ulichopitia..........

Kuhusu kiwango kinachokubalika mbu ndo shida inapokuja mana kiwango ni relative term, mara nyingi pushy parents sometimes wanashindwa to know when to/not to cross the lines. Ana mpush mtoto wake hata kama alipofika mshale umegota wao hawaeli wanaendelea kumpush kiasi kwamba mtoto anapokua karibu na wazazi anakosa amani na raha kabisa.

Hata hivyo pushing mtoto ni muhimu sana cause when you are a kid you sometimes dont know what is best for you na hapo mzazi ndio anacheza nafasi yake; as long as asimpush huyo mtoto mpaka afike at the edge na bado anampush'

...nadhani ni neno la kawaida mtoto kuulizwa; "...ukikua unapendelea kufanya kazi gani?"

Mazingira mara nyingi humpelekea mtoto kujibu kulingana na upeo wa mtazamo wake.
Watoto wengi hupendelea kusema, "...nataka niwe mwalimu, dakitari au rubani!"

Binafsi nishakutana na jamaa wawili watatu wanaolalama ('Ingawa zinawalipa!') hawakupendelea masomo/taaluma walizosomea.
Kama si matakwa ya wazazi wao, wangesomea/kufanya kazi tofauti na hizi wanazofanya sasa.
Tujiulize (mfano kwenye elimu) lipi ni muhimu?

• Kusomesha + achievements ufurahishwe mzazi, au
• kusomesha 'kutimiza jukumu' la kumpatia elimu mwanao.

My parents neither pushed me to pursue anything that was not of interest to me nor did they steer me to a direction that they would have liked to see me head into, something of which I don't even know if they had.

They just did what they had to do and that is fulfill their parental responsibilities. Sending me to school, ensuring I had what I needed, offering advice if and when needed, leading lives of exemplary rectitude, and of course offering their material and moral support.

I do the same thing with my child but within reason. It can't be a laissez-faire affair. If she cuts out of line I make sure she gets back in it. Unless she chooses a career so outlandish I don't see myself pushing or steering her in any direction that is not of her choice.

But most definitely I would want her to be successful beyond her wildest dreams in whatever endeavor(s) she may wish to pursue.

Mbu its not that simple, nothing is in black and white, ni vitu vingi unaangalia plus wahusika wenyewe. Nakupa case tofauti watoto wote under 14 years;

Mtoto A
Ni mtoto naturally kazaliwa ana upeo wa maisha pamoja na udogo alionao. Anajua akimaliza primary inafuata O-Level, inafuata A-Level inafuata chuo; na anajau kabisa chuo kuna degree stage tofauti. Huyu mtoto malengo yake anataka sana aje kua engineer tokana na ufahamu wake alonao juu ya hio career (nina mfano hai wa huyu mtoto na she is only 13). Kimbembe wazazi wana pesa mbaya but hawajasoma hivyo wao wanadai mtoto wao ana akili sana atakuja kua mwanasheria at a young age na wana uhakika ataja kua judge mkuu mwanamke matata saana. Hua nikiongea na huyu mtoto simuongeleshi kama mtoto but as a grown up - nimewahi gusia kwa babake akasema "aah ni mtoto huyo kwani anaelewa hata fani?"

Mtoto B
Mtoto the same age ndio anasoma shule nzuri, ila kwa ufupi ni kua anaenda tu shule kama an obligation, sidhani hata kama anajua kua secondary ina O & A - Level. Wazazi hawana hata habari wala hawashtuki kua inatakiwa mtoto awekwe aware mpangilio wa maisha masomo yanavyotakiwa kwenda, umuhimu wa elimu katika maisha, the list goes on....

Umeona jinsi outcome ya watoto hao wawili wangeweza kubadilishana wazazi inavyoweza kua nafuu ya huyo mtoto? Moto B angepata pushy parents wa Mtoto A; walau certainity ya muelekeo ungekua mzuri..

Nadhani parents should push but they should not be pushy.
Kweli kuna wazaszi wanataka watoto wao wafanye kile walicho shindwa kukifanya kwa wakati wao ao wafanye kitu kwa kuwalinganisha watoto wao na watoto wengine. Hii sio sahihi.
Ila naamini ni muhimu mzazi amsaidie mtot ku "stay focusses" na awe na lengo kila wakati kichwani mwake. Kumkumbusha kua anataka kua rubani na kwamba math ni muhimu, kuhakikisha performance zake za math ziko juu, kumwambia achague kuangalia cartoon ao kumalizia exercise etc.
Mzazi anaweza jua anacho kitakia ila mzazi ndio anajua njia nzuri ya kumfikisha.
Kwa kifupi ni lazima watembee mkono kwa mkono, mzazi mbele na mwanae nyuma, wote wakiendelea kwa hiyari na furaha.

Mbu said:

...kumradhi kwa wataokwazika. Binafsi sijajua/sijalipata neno sahihi
la kiswahili lenye maana ya pushy parents.

Hivi, Unapomlazimisha mwanao mafanikio uyatakayo wewe mzazi, ni sahihi?


...wengi tunafahamu watoto wadogo na mapema hukatazwa kutumia mkono wa shoto wakati wa kula.
Je, linapokuja suala la;

• lazima awe wa kwanza, wapili au watatu darasani.
• lazima awe mchezaji mzuri i.e mpira, riadha, kuogelea
• lazima asome A-level, University, masters, Phd, au masomo fulani..
• lazima awe daktari, mchumi, wakili, nk...

...kiwango gani kinakubalika/hakikubaliki 'kumsukuma' mtoto kufikia mafanikio uyatakayo wewe mzazi?

Maoni na experiences binafsi yanakaribishwa.

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Mimi binafsi sioni ubaya wa Wazazi kuwasaidia Watoto wao ili kuja kuweza kujitegemea kimaisha na kuwa raia bora. Kwa maneno mengine kuwasaidia katika kufanya maamuzi ili wajikite katika field ipi kimasomo ambayo labda ina soko kubwa la ajira. Pamoja na kuwasaidia huko lakini ni lazima kuwe na limitation ya msaada huo wa Wazazi. Kwa mfano mtoto anataka kuwa engineer lakini Wazazi wanataka awe doctor na kwenye tofauti kama hizi basi Wazazi humjia juu kijana/binti na kumlazimsha kuchukua field ambayo mtoto hataki kabisa kujikita kwenye field hiyo. Hali hii inaweza hata kusababisha chuki kati ya mtoto na Wazazi wake.

Hivyo sioni ubaya wa Wazazi "kumsukuma" mtoto katika field moja lakini ni lazima wajue kikomo chao cha kufanya hivyo hasa pale mtoto anapokuwa hakubaliani na Wazaz wake ili kusitokee chuki kati ya mtoto/watoto na Wazazi.

Mada kama hizi zinanikumbusha wazazi wangu :crying::crying::crying:

Kwa kweli as long as sisi tuko ulimwengu wa tatu pushing ni lazima. Kwa nchi zilizoendelea mtoto anaweza chagua kufanya au kusoma chochote. Ila bongo mtoto akwambie natatka kuwa mcheza mpira sitaki kusoma, aisee atapata fimbo. Maana future ya sanaa haiko that certain. Ndio maana wazazi wanajaribu kuwambia watoto wao wasomee vitu ambavyo vitawasaidia kupata kazi baadae. Kuna dada rafiki yangu (nusu point) yeye kasoma IST mpaka form six. Kwa kuwa wazazi wanazo (dady ni afisa ubalozi wa nchi yao Tz) first degree kasoma UK. Namuuliza unasomea nini dear ananambia counselling. Yewi, bongo utamcounsel nani kila mtu counsellor?

Sasa nikajiuliza maela yote wazazi wake walizopoteza kwa nini akusoma kitu kinacholipa Tz.

Maria Roza said:

Mada kama hizi zinanikumbusha wazazi wangu :crying::crying::crying:

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Mhhhh! MR would you mind to share a little bit of what happened in regards to this issue?

Bubu Ataka Kusema said:

Mhhhh! MR would you mind to share a little bit of what happened in regards to this issue?

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Thanx BAK mie huwa msiri sn ila nilikuwa na ndoto nyingi tu na walikuwa wananisaidia sna ila walipo RIP kila kitu kikabadilika mpaka sasa, nimebaki kushukuru Mungu kwa yote :amen::amen:

Maria Roza said:

Thanx BAK mie huwa msiri sn ila nilikuwa na ndoto nyingi tu na walikuwa wananisaidia sna ila walipo RIP kila kitu kikabadilika mpaka sasa, nimebaki kushukuru Mungu kwa yote :amen::amen:

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Pole sana MR. Mwenyezi azilaze roho zao mahali pema peponi~AMEN.

Ubaya wa kua 'pushy' sana ni kwamba huyo mtoto unaemsukuma anaweza akaishia kwenye muelekeo tofauti kabisa na uliotaka wewe hata aliotaka yeye!Binafsi naprefer mtu alie ''SUPPORTIVE'' zaidi ya ''PUSHY'' kwasababu hata ikitokea akanielekeza kule anakotaka yeye ntachukulia kwamba anafanya vile kwa kujua kipi ni bora zaidi kwangu...
Kuna wazazi wanawasukuma watoto mpaka inakua kero....unakuta mtoto anachopenda sana ni hesabu za darasani ila kwasababu mzazi anaona mwanae ni mrefu sana na anataka awe baba wa ''the next Michael Jordan'' basi anamsukumia kwenye basket...mwisho wa siku mtoto anashindwa kile alichojitahidi bila moyo wake kua pale na kile kilicho na moyo wake ila hajapata muda nacho!!!

All in all, it's always good to give someone a choice...kama mzazi jua kwanza kipaji na mapenzi ya mwanao yako kwenye nini kisha angalia faida na hasara zake....kama hasara zinazidi faida na unajua kitu kingine ambacho akijitahidi ataweza basi mjulishe.Mwambie kwanini hufurahii sana kile anachotaka yeye na kwanini afikirie kile unachoona kinamfaa.

nyumba kubwa said:

Kwa kweli as long as sisi tuko ulimwengu wa tatu pushing ni lazima. Kwa nchi zilizoendelea mtoto anaweza chagua kufanya au kusoma chochote. Ila bongo mtoto akwambie natatka kuwa mcheza mpira sitaki kusoma, aisee atapata fimbo. Maana future ya sanaa haiko that certain. Ndio maana wazazi wanajaribu kuwambia watoto wao wasomee vitu ambavyo vitawasaidia kupata kazi baadae. Kuna dada rafiki yangu (nusu point) yeye kasoma IST mpaka form six. Kwa kuwa wazazi wanazo (dady ni afisa ubalozi wa nchi yao Tz) first degree kasoma UK. Namuuliza unasomea nini dear ananambia counselling. Yewi, bongo utamcounsel nani kila mtu counsellor?

Sasa nikajiuliza maela yote wazazi wake walizopoteza kwa nini akusoma kitu kinacholipa Tz.

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...Nice one! Kwakweli suala la ajira hasa kwenye dunia yetu hii ya tatu mzazi unakuwa huna choice ila kuwa mkali!

Lizzy said:

Ubaya wa kua 'pushy' sana ni kwamba huyo mtoto unaemsukuma anaweza akaishia kwenye muelekeo tofauti kabisa na uliotaka wewe hata aliotaka yeye!Binafsi naprefer mtu alie ''SUPPORTIVE'' zaidi ya ''PUSHY'' kwasababu hata ikitokea akanielekeza kule anakotaka yeye ntachukulia kwamba anafanya vile kwa kujua kipi ni bora zaidi kwangu...
Kuna wazazi wanawasukuma watoto mpaka inakua kero....unakuta mtoto anachopenda sana ni hesabu za darasani ila kwasababu mzazi anaona mwanae ni mrefu sana na anataka awe baba wa ''the next Michael Jordan'' basi anamsukumia kwenye basket...mwisho wa siku mtoto anashindwa kile alichojitahidi bila moyo wake kua pale na kile kilicho na moyo wake ila hajapata muda nacho!!!

All in all, it's always good to give someone a choice...kama mzazi jua kwanza kipaji na mapenzi ya mwanao yako kwenye nini kisha angalia faida na hasara zake....kama hasara zinazidi faida na unajua kitu kingine ambacho akijitahidi ataweza basi mjulishe.Mwambie kwanini hufurahii sana kile anachotaka yeye na kwanini afikirie kile unachoona kinamfaa.

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...nimeupenda sana mchango/maoni yako. Hii inakaribiana sana na mchango wa Nyani Ngabu mzazi anapotumia style ya Laissez faire kumuongoza mwanae.

Pushing is hypnotic and a sin... Just a robot in making ...!!

What ever seems as achivement ... is just a shell of it ...no humna being there!!

Wote tumekuwa watoto once, na mara nyingi mno huwa tunapenda kuspare watoto wetu wasifanye makosa tuliyoyafanya na ndio maana bila kupenda tunakuwa sometimes too pushy!

Kwa upande mwingine everyone has a right to make a mistake or two, but sio wote wana uwezo wa kurecover from those mistakes. Mzazi mzuri ni yule anaye mpa mtoto wake different sceneria za outcome as different choices ambazo mtoto anaweza kumake; in so doing anamlead kwenye kumake informed choices coz mzazi has already been there!

Afu kuna kitu hapa tuna over look. Mtoto tunaemzungumzia ni wa umri gani? Mimi nanunua a na kusoma sana vitabu vya saikolojia ya malezi na huwa na take time to do psychological tests ambazo zimo kwenye hivyo vitabu. Wataalamu wanasema umri wa mtoto kuwa trained na wazazi unaishia miaka saba. Akivuka hapo anakuwa keshakomaa akunjiki. kwa hiyo wazazi wenzangu zingatieni hilo. Try to guide your kids the way you think is good for their future before they turn 7.

Kaunga said:

Wote tumekuwa watoto once, na mara nyingi mno huwa tunapenda kuspare watoto wetu wasifanye makosa tuliyoyafanya na ndio maana bila kupenda tunakuwa sometimes too pushy!

Kwa upande mwingine everyone has a right to make a mistake or two, but sio wote wana uwezo wa kurecover from those mistakes. Mzazi mzuri ni yule anaye mpa mtoto wake different sceneria za outcome as different choices ambazo mtoto anaweza kumake; in so doing anamlead kwenye kumake informed choices coz mzazi has already been there!

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