Mdahalo: Kids Vs Spouses

Manyanza · Oct 20, 2011

Asanteni wadau kwa michango yenu, kwa upande wangu mimi siwezi sema chochote maana hao watoto wenyewe sina na ukiangalia kwa upande wa mahusiano na mapenzi ndio kwanza nakimbizana na vibinti vya chuo....
lakini nimejifunza vitu vingi sana: The Finest, Mwana jamii 1, Asha Dii na wengineo michango yenu inatujenga sana sisi vijana ambao tunatarajia kuja kuitwa Baba/Mama...

Dark City · Oct 20, 2011

Maty said:
Ashadii huwa napenda sana kusoma post zako kwani nanufaikaga nazo kwa sana tu. Ila hapo bold huyu baba wa binti yangu alinitelekeza kisa hiyo nyumba ndogo lol. Ila anampenda huyu binti yangu kuliko maelezo hapindui kabisa. Mimi naamini upendo kwa mtoto ni tofauti na upendo kwa mume/mke. Wako tofauti kabisa haiwezekani kulinganisha.

Sawa Maty,

Ila ngoja tujifanye vichaa...kwamba umetekwa na majambazi na kuambiwa kuwa...lazima uchukue bunduki na kuua ama watoto wako au mumeo. Na huna option ya kujiua mwenyewe ili uwaokoe wao....Utaunyoosha mkono wako kuelekea wapi???

Kwangu mimi akija shetani wa namna hiyo....Nitamwomba anichukue mimi na la sivyo aniachie mke wangu.....!

Samahani sana kama nimetoka nje ya mada ila nasikitika sana kwani baadhi ya comments zimeniumiza!

Eiyer · Oct 20, 2011

Swali la mjadala huu hautafikia mahali tukaelewana humu ni sawa mnajadili kati ya kipa na kiungo nani wa muhimu kwenye timu!

The Finest · Oct 20, 2011

Dark City said:
For those who are still hunting....you are, the best and a rare catch!

Babu DC

Babu DC nasubiria nikachumbie kwa Nyumba Kubwa sijui atakubali kunipa binti yake lol

The Finest · Oct 20, 2011

Manyanza said:
Asanteni wadau kwa michango yenu, kwa upande wangu mimi siwezi sema chochote maana hao watoto wenyewe sina na ukiangalia kwa upande wa mahusiano na mapenzi ndio kwanza nakimbizana na vibinti vya chuo....
lakini nimejifunza vitu vingi sana: The Finest, Mwana jamii 1, Asha Dii na wengineo michango yenu inatujenga sana sisi vijana ambao tunatarajia kuja kuitwa Baba/Mama...

Manyanza nashukuru sana kwa kweli mimi sijafikia kuwa na familia wala mchumba lakini naweza kusema uzoefu wa kukaa na watu na kupata maoni yao unasaidia sana binafsi nashukuru kukutana na hawa watu humu Asprin, Dark City (Babu DC), MwanajamiiOne, GY, Bigirita, Teamo, Kaizer ukikutana na hawa you wont regret at all i tell you ni hazina nzuri sana hasa kwa vijana.

Dark City · Oct 20, 2011

The Finest said:
The biggest mistake i see in some few mothers.

Kuna wamama wanaweka uhusiano wao na watoto wao ahead kuliko uhusiano wake na mume wake.

Kuna tatizo gani kwenye hili

1. Two married people are one flesh. A parent and a child don't have that relationship
2. To exalt the child over your spouse is to teach your child the spouse is not important
3. Children learn early if they can pit against the other

Haya huwa sio makosa ya mama

1. Sometimes a dad is elusive and stays in the background on purpose, hataki kujishugulisha na kujihusisha na watoto
2. Sometimes the in-laws interfere heavily with a mother and father God's given right to raise their own children
3. And yes, sometimes mothers express more love and attention to the kids than to dad

The Bible is clear on how husbands and wives are to be considered the male and the female side of the same person. One flesh. One unit. That's why the devil didn't touch Job's wife. She was part of him and God said for the devil not to kill Job, therefore he couldn't kill his wife, either.

Dogo,

Naona leo umeshukiwa na Roho wa bwana hadi unaongea vitu vilivyokuzidi umri....Lol!!

Mimi huwa nawambia watoto wanipishe niongee na mke wangu...Wasubiri wakio nao wapate muda zaidi wa kuongea na wake zao.

She is my wife...Period!

Dark City · Oct 20, 2011

The Finest said:
Babu DC nasubiria nikachumbie kwa Nyumba Kubwa sijui atakubali kunipa binti yake lol

Naamini atajiona ana bahati ya mtende!!

Dr Lizzy · Oct 20, 2011

Chauro said:
lizzy pamoja na yote naamini huwa kuna chapa tayari anakuwa ameiacha kwenye maisha yako na kila ukiangalia wanao kuna kivuli kinakuja kwanza ambacho ni baba wa wanao... Huwa inakuaje pale watoto wanapokuwa wakubwa na miji yao bado huwa wanaendelea kuwa wa kwanza kuliko wenzi wetu

Chauro hilo la kuacha chapa halina ubishi!!

Nikirudi kwenye swali....
Mara nyingi thamani/umuhimu wa kitu/mtu kwa mto unatokana na uhitaji.
Mzazi mwenye mtoto ambae bado hajaweza kujitegemea mwaka 1-20 anajua kwamba mwanae anamhitaji zaidi na anakua na ndoto za kumwona mwanae akikua. Ndio maana katika hali ya kawaida mtu anapopoteza mtoto mdogo anareact tofauti na anaepoteza mtoto ambae ni mtu mzima na familia yake. Kwasababu tayari anakua amepata nafasi ya kuishi na kuyajua maisha. Watoto ambao bado ni wadogo wanaleta matumaini...ndio maana mzazi anahisi kuwahitaji hivyo kuwapa umuhimu na thamani sana.

Akishakua uhitaji wake kwako unapungua na wako kwake vile vile na ndipo unapomgeukia mwenzi ambae yupo karibu na wewe kwa wakati huo.Watoto wameacha kukuhitaji na uhitaji wako unapungua... wa mume/mke unaongezeka!!

Naamini hua inakua hivi...
...Ukiwa na mwenzi tu bila watoto mwenzi anakua responsibility yako na priority kwako.
...Ukipata watoto attention inahamia kwao...wanakua responsibility yako na priority aswell...wakati kwa mzazi mwenza hivi vinakua vile vile ila watoto wanakuja na extra needs/feelings zinazomhitaji mzazi wake zaidi.
...Watoto wakikua wanakua responsible for themselves (for the most part anyway) na kupata wenza ambao nao wanawapa priority na kuwajali.Hii inampunguzia mzazi majukumu hayo kwenda kwa mtoto wake...na hapo mzazi mwenza anarudi kuwa wa kwanza!

The Finest · Oct 20, 2011

Dark City said:
Dogo,

Naona leo umeshukiwa na Roho wa bwana hadi unaongea vitu vilivyokuzidi umri....Lol!!

Mimi huwa nawambia watoto wanipishe niongee na mke wangu...Wasubiri wakio nao wapate muda zaidi wa kuongea na wake zao.

She is my wife...Period!

Babu DC darasa nililokuwa napata kutoka kwako si haba naanza kuutumia uzoefu, siku hizi si mnasema mmetuachia sie vijana tuliendeleze gurudumu

Dark City · Oct 20, 2011

Lizzy said:
Umekwepa swali ehhh??

Nwy tunarudi pale pale kwenye THAMANI babu!!
Kusema hivyo hakuna maana kwamba upendo ndio unaolinganishwa bali thamani/maana/umuhimu na mengineyo.
MTM anachomaanisha (samahani kama nitakua nimekosea) ni kwamba iwapo itatokea mtu akataka kuumiza familia yake na akawa kwenye nafasi ya kuweza kulinda upande mmoja atalinda watoto. Mapenzi ya mke bado yapo pale pale...na ya watoto yako pale pale ila anachoangalia ni nani ambae hataki katu katu kumpoteza. Yani yupi ni irreplaceable kwake...thamani/muhimu zaidi.

If mine is a match to both...DEFINATELY MTOTO!!Mume atatafutiwa nyingine!!

Binafsi naelewa kwamba kwa wanawake wengi, watoto ni primary na baba anaweza kuwa hayumo kwenye list yake labda mara moja moja ...tena kwa hisani ya watu wa Marekani!!

Ndiyo maana kule kwao Baba Enock (Bugene), zamani zile walikuwa wanatumia nguvu (including corporal punishment) kulazimisha wanawake waamini kuwa mwanamume ndiye mwenye nafasi ya kwanza! Waliamini kwamba kama mwanamke hatachapwa vibao baada ya kujifungua mtoto wake wa kwanza basi huyo hatapigwa maishani mwake!!...

Kwa hiyo motherhood instincts ambazo zinabebwa sana na hormones zinasababisha wanawake kuwa na bond kubwa na watoto wao!

Dark City · Oct 20, 2011

The Finest said:
Babu DC darasa nililokuwa napata kutoka kwako si haba naanza kuutumia uzoefu, siku hizi si mnasema mmetuachia sie vijana tuliendeleze gurudumu

Safi saaaana,

Kama mtaendelea hivi hivi kwa kufuata nyayo vizuri, hakutakuwa na shida kuwapa majukumu mazito mazito..Mtakuwa tofauti na wale walalamishi wa Umoja wa Vi..vi...vi.....!!!!

Manyanza · Oct 20, 2011

hahaa haa umeshakua mwalimu kaka...

The Finest said:
Manyanza nashukuru sana kwa kweli mimi sijafikia kuwa na familia wala mchumba lakini naweza kusema uzoefu wa kukaa na watu na kupata maoni yao unasaidia sana binafsi nashukuru kukutana na hawa watu humu Asprin, Dark City (Babu DC), MwanajamiiOne, GY, Bigirita, Teamo, Kaizer ukikutana na hawa you wont regret at all i tell you ni hazina nzuri sana hasa kwa vijana.

Asprin · Oct 20, 2011

Mpaka hapa nilipofikia nimejifunza somo moja gumu na linaloumiza sana.

kwamba wanaume na wanawake ni vitu viwili tofauti kabisa katika maisha ya mapenzi na upendo.

Nilichokuwa nakijua na ambacho naamini mpaka sasa kinaendelea

Mke anampenda mmewe saaaaana, pale wanapokuwa hawajapata watoto/mtoto
Mme anampenda mkewe sana pale wanapokuwa hawajapata watoto/mtoto

Nilichojifunza leo kwa mstuko

Mme anampenda mke hata kama ameshapata mtoto/watoto
Mke anampenda sana mtoto/watoto akishapata mtoto/watoto. Mme anakuwa namba mbili.

Swali kwa wanawake:
Ni kitu gani hasa kinawafanya mhamishie mapenzi yenu kwa watoto na kuwaweke waume zenu namba 2? Hapa tu-assume hakuna ubaya wowote uliotendewa na mmeo.

Inauma sana aisee!

Blaki Womani · Oct 20, 2011

babu shikamoo

nafikiri kila mtu anamtazamo wake kutokana na jinsi kila moja wanavyochukuliana kwenye maisha
kuna rafiki yangu niliwahi msikia anasema " hata akichelewa kuja nyumba sina shaka siku hizi mie na watoto wangu"
inaonyesha baba hanatime na mkewe inafikia mke anatamka maneno kama hayo......ijapokuwa upendo wa watoto na spouse ni tofauti

nyumba kubwa · Oct 20, 2011

Nadhani ni nature kama kuku na vifaranga vile.

Bond ya kubeba kiumbe miezi tisa na kunyonyesha mwaka miaka; ina mconnect mama na mtoto kwa njia ya hajabu. Kids are miraculous gift to every mother.

And sometimes I feel like I love my husband more and more when I feel like he loves our kids because they are everything to me.

Na kama kuku na vifaranga wake nitamchukia yeyote atakayechukia watoto wangu.

Kwa hiyo naweza kusema ukitaka mwanamke akupende basi penda watoto wake. Kama in any way iwe ni kweli au a mistake mkeo akahisi umeanza kuchukia watoto jua mapenzi yake kwako yatakoma. A bridge to woman's heart is her kids, whereas a bridge to a man's heart is the wife (or any lover) maana si wote wana mapenzi na wake zao.

Asprin said:
Mpaka hapa nilipofikia nimejifunza somo moja gumu na linaloumiza sana.

kwamba wanaume na wanawake ni vitu viwili tofauti kabisa katika maisha ya mapenzi na upendo.

Nilichokuwa nakijua na ambacho naamini mpaka sasa kinaendelea

Mke anampenda mmewe saaaaana, pale wanapokuwa hawajapata watoto/mtoto
Mme anampenda mkewe sana pale wanapokuwa hawajapata watoto/mtoto

Nilichojifunza leo kwa mstuko

Mme anampenda mke hata kama ameshapata mtoto/watoto
Mke anampenda sana mtoto/watoto akishapata mtoto/watoto. Mme anakuwa namba mbili.

Swali kwa wanawake:
Ni kitu gani hasa kinawafanya mhamishie mapenzi yenu kwa watoto na kuwaweke waume zenu namba 2? Hapa tu-assume hakuna ubaya wowote uliotendewa na mmeo.

Inauma sana aisee!

Asprin · Oct 20, 2011

Mzee mwenzangu DC Retired Gen 1947 hapo juu,

Nakupigia saluti!

Hata kama wameamua kuhamishia mapenzi yetu kwa watoto wetu, sie tuendelee kuwapenda, kuwajali na kuwaheshimu. Ndio wajibu wetu kama wanaume.

Ila wakinamama hawa wangepata nafasi ya kukutana na mama yangu mdogo ambaye ni mjane labda wangeweza kunisaidia kuwelewa hii kauli yake ambayo huwa anaisema kila siku anapomkumbuka marehemu mmewe. Namnukuu
"Ni heri ningewakosa hawa watoto kuliko ninavyomkosa Willy (mmewe), Ningejua angekufa mapema namna hii nisingekubali kuolewa naye. Ukiwa na mme umpendaye sana, usiombe kuwa mjane". Mwisho wa kunukuu, na ikumbukwe si kwamba ana shida ya fedha, basi tu upweke.......

nyumba kubwa · Oct 20, 2011

Watoto si kuwa tunawependa tu ni wafariji wa hajabu kwa kila mama. Huwa napenda kufanya mazoezi asubuhi na wakati nafanya hivyo huwa nawawazia wanangu najisemea NK fanya mazoezi ili usije ukafa na ma BP na kuwaacha hawa lovely kids bila mama. They are the reason for my living.

Blaki Womani said:
babu shikamoo

nafikiri kila mtu anamtazamo wake kutokana na jinsi kila moja wanavyochukuliana kwenye maisha
kuna rafiki yangu niliwahi msikia anasema " hata akichelewa kuja nyumba sina shaka siku hizi mie na watoto wangu"
inaonyesha baba hanatime na mkewe inafikia mke anatamka maneno kama hayo......ijapokuwa upendo wa watoto na spouse ni tofauti

nyumba kubwa · Oct 20, 2011

Huyo Aunt yako ni one of the kind. Hiyo statement alosema si ya kawaida; kusema yani bora watoto wafe kuliko hubby ni utata mtupu.

Hapa tunaongelea mapenzi lakini si ku wish death to any of them no matter what.

Hao watoto wakisikia itakuwaje??

Kwa mwanamke kusema watoto ni first haina maana hata mind hubby akifa, hiyo ni plain kuwa mwanaume nafasi yake ni tofauti na watoto. But in real sense ndoa zinavunjika na watu wanaendelea kudunda.

I have seen many women ambao maisha yao yamebadilika baada ya kufiwa na watoto si na mume.

Nina rafiki yangu alikuwa last born kwao; alipokufa mama yake akawa anamuuliza mama yangu; mama NK watu wanawezaje kusahau vifo vya watoto wao (mama amezika watoto wawili). Mama akawa anamwambia hacha kukufuru Mungu ameumba kifo na kusahau.

What happened yule mama alikufa kwa BP na depression a year after her daughter's death na kumwacha mume na watoto wengine.

Asprin said:
Mzee mwenzangu DC Retired Gen 1947 hapo juu,

Nakupigia saluti!

Hata kama wameamua kuhamishia mapenzi yetu kwa watoto wetu, sie tuendelee kuwapenda, kuwajali na kuwaheshimu. Ndio wajibu wetu kama wanaume.

Ila wakinamama hawa wangepata nafasi ya kukutana na mama yangu mdogo ambaye ni mjane labda wangeweza kunisaidia kuwelewa hii kauli yake ambayo huwa anaisema kila siku anapomkumbuka marehemu mmewe. Namnukuu
"Ni heri ningewakosa hawa watoto kuliko ninavyomkosa Willy (mmewe), Ningejua angekufa mapema namna hii nisingekubali kuolewa naye. Ukiwa na mme umpendaye sana, usiombe kuwa mjane". Mwisho wa kunukuu, na ikumbukwe si kwamba ana shida ya fedha, basi tu upweke.......

Cantalisia · Oct 20, 2011

Asprin said:
Wanajumuiya salaam

Mie ODM wa wajukuu nimepitia sredi moja nikakutana na malumbano ya "who comes first" linapokuja swala la nani zaidi kati ya watoto Vs Mke/mme kwenye familia. Yaani who comes first kwenye kupenda, kujali, kujivunia, kujisifia etc.

Hebu angalieni hii misimamo

Wa kwanza

"My kids drive me crazy, i love them to the core...... they are sooo nice to me, and they are the force behind my search for a greener pasture, and no one can change it

I have never felt that love from anyone in my life, no broken promises, no late appointments, no excuses no questions and no arguments nor inspections and poking of my private life....they are just beautiful trusting creatures

Kwa wanangu, nothing comes before them, i can take bullets"........... MTM

Wa pili

"I love my kids more than their mum, period!
unconditional love!"..................... Mbu

Wa tatu

"Nyie watu sio kwamba mnatumia unvariable measures kupima upendo kwa wake/spouses wenu na watoto wenu?

Mnasema they have pure love, they have uncondition sijui nini, c'mon guys what do you expect? wabehave kama wake zenu kwani wao ni wake zenu? There is no way mtoto atakupenda tofauti kwa kuwa ni mtoto na katu huwezilinganisha trust yake yeye kama mwanao na ile itokayo kwa mkeo! Kila mmoja anaplay kutokana na nafasi yake katika maisha yako bwana hebu acheni hizo!
Mlishawahijiuliza how do we feel (and the same linaapply kwa wanaume) when you put much love, time kwa watoto wetu zaidi ya wenzi wetu?! au tunajiona ni right kwa kuwa tu ni right na mnaashumu inaeleweka kwa kuwa tu inaeleweka?".................... MwanajamiiOne

Source: https://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusia...0-the-best-way-to-breakup-is-there-any-3.html

Nilitaka niweke na mie kamsimamo kangu kule lakini nikaona hili linahitaji mjadala unaojitegemea.

Kwangu mie wife comes first kwa kuwa:

1. Nilimpenda yeye hata kabla hatujapata watoto
2. Tusingejaliwa kupata mtoto nisingekuwa na option, angebakia kuwa yeye
3. Yeye ndiye aliyenizalia hao watoto ambao wengine ndo wanasema "wanawapenda zaidi ya mama zao
4. Ndiye chaguo langu la ukweli, sina uhakika kama hao watoto ni damu yangu kiukweli
5. Ndiye msaada wangu mkuu napokuwa matatizoni, nikiugua anavyo nihangaikia, nyie acheni tu!
6. Nikirudi nimepiga maulabu yangu, ananifungulia mlango na kunitengea chakula bila kinyongo
7. Anahakikisha niko nadhifu,
8. Napokuwa nimechacha ananielewa na kunivumilia
9. Alikubali kwa hiyari yake kuyapiga kibuti midume yooooote iliyokuwa inamsarandia akaja kwangu tena kwa kiapo kuishi nami katika shida na raha mpaka Ziraili atakapoamua kufanya vitu vyake.

Msimamo wangu:
Raha kwa watoto ni kuwaona wazazi wakipendana na kisha wao wazazi kwa pamoja kuwapenda watoto.

Baada ya kusema hayo naomba kusikia na wengine wanasemaje.

Niko kitandani huku, nawaangalia tu.
Onyo: Hairuhusiwi kuchakachua.
Refarii wa Sredi: PAW.

Shikamoo babu, naomba mpe bibi id yako apitie huu uzi wako,hakika unastahili sifa babu!

Mbu · Oct 20, 2011

...dohh, umenianzishia na thread?

Kwanza, mwj1 pole na samahani ya misunderstandings.

Pili, msimamo na maoni yangu juu ya hili
Unakuwa influenced zaidi na status yangu.

Aspirin, ...am a divorcee, what do you expect?
My kids comes first...lakini licha ya hayo, sikubaliani
Kuishi kwenye ndoa for the sake of my kids...

Hapana, nilimpenda mke wangu..lakini wanangu ni
Zaidi!

Mdahalo: Kids Vs Spouses

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