Mdahalo: Kids Vs Spouses

[Chauro]

lizzy pamoja na yote naamini huwa kuna chapa tayari anakuwa ameiacha kwenye maisha yako na kila ukiangalia wanao kuna kivuli kinakuja kwanza ambacho ni baba wa wanao... Huwa inakuaje pale watoto wanapokuwa wakubwa na miji yao bado huwa wanaendelea kuwa wa kwanza kuliko wenzi wetu

Bab u hivi tangu lini nimegeuka DADA???Just curious...maana I didn't get the memo!

BTT....
Namwelewa Mbu kwamba yeye watoto wake comes first...ni muhimu zaidi..ana wathamini zaidi. Na iwapo akahitajika kuchagua kati ya mama na watoto atachagua watoto. Swala la mapenzi bado siamini kwamba unaweza kulinganisha kati ya watoto na mwenzi...unachoweza kulinganisha ni umuhimu wao/thamani yao kwako na mengine kama hayo.Ila mapenzi ya mzazi kwa mtoto/mtoto kwa mzazi/ mzazi na mwenzi/mtoto na mwenzi hayalinganishiki.

Na hii inatokana na kwamba watoto ni sehemu ya wewe...hata ufanye nini hawawezi kuacha kua watoto wako...hata wawe vipi bado wataendelea kua watoto wako. Ila mke/mume anaweza kuacha kua wakwako wakati wowote ule.Iwe unampenda au humpendi!!!

 

[The Finest]

Kusema ukweli babu ukisoma vizuri ule mdahalo wa kwanza utaona kuwa tulikuwa tunazungumzia vitu tofauti. Watoto wanayo nafasi yao kama watoto na huwezi kuwalinganisha/judge kwa vigezo vya spourse. Katu hatuwezisema mapenzi yako kwa mke/mume ni zaidi kuliko kwa watoto au mapenzi yako kwa watoto ni zaidi ya kwa mke/mume kwani utakuwa unalinganisha aina tofauti za upendo.

Nilikuwa tu najaribu kuwaza kwa nguvu na ni mara nyingi tunasikia wanawake wakilaumiiwa kuwa wakishapata watoto huhamishia mapenzi kwa watoto na kuwasahau wababa hali inayopelekea wababa kuseek other camps kwa ajili ya fidia. The same applies kwa wamama. Unapokutana na mtu ambaye mistakenly anachanganya upendo wa watoto na ule anaopaswa kumpa spouse wake ni wazi mahusiano yatakuwa na mushkeli na katu, nasema katu hutoeleweka iwapo utamweleza mwenzio LIVE and ON A SERIOUS NOTE kuwa unawapenda watoto zaidi ya unavyompenda yeye au ukamwonyesha kwa matendo asiumie (hata kama hatokuonyesha kuwa ameumia).

Wanawake wengi tunajinyima haki zetu, wengi tukishapata watoto na Mr akawa anawajali sana watoto kuliko anavyokujali wewe mama, tunatend kuridhika kuwa .......ah lakini anawajali watoto, anahakikisha wanakula, wanakwenda shule nzuri, analipa ada , inatosha hata kama kwangu hanionyeshi mapenzi naridhika. This is WRONG. Wewe kama mke unayo haki yako kupendwa, kujaliwa na kufurahishwa. Sio usubstitute upendo wako kwa kuwa anawapenda watoto. Sijui lakini I just feel kuwa its not right na wala hatutokuwa tunatumia scale sahihi kulinganisha watoto na spouses wetu.

Hivi tulishajiuliza utajisikiaje inapotokea Mke ambaye anao watoto wake (hukuzaa naye) halafu akakupa na ku7kuonyesha live kuwa anawapenda wanae zaidi ya anavyokupenda wewe kama spouse wake? Will you be comfortable with that? I think confessions nyingine ni bora zikaungamiwa tumboni kwa kweli. Its a damage in the relationship.

Ni mtazamo wangu tu huu, and not under the influence of any alcohol.

Nimei-print hii na kuitengenezea frame na kui-hang ukutani hapa ofisini

 

[Asprin]

lizzy pamoja na yote naamini huwa kuna chapa tayari anakuwa ameiacha kwenye maisha yako na kila ukiangalia wanao kuna kivuli kinakuja kwanza ambacho ni baba wa wanao... Huwa inakuaje pale watoto wanapokuwa wakubwa na miji yao bado huwa wanaendelea kuwa wa kwanza kuliko wenzi wetu

Ewaaaaaaaaa! Umeniwahi! Nlitaka kuchokoza hii kitu aisee! Manake nikimwona mama yangu saa hizi kabakia na mmewe, siye wanae huku tuko busy na familia zetu.

Mi kamke kangu kataendelea kuwa namba wani aisee, haka ndo ka kufa na kuzikana bana!

 

[Baba_Enock]

Sijawahi kufikiria kuweka kipimo kati ya watoto wetu na mke wangu - na nadhani kufanya ni DHAMBI ya Umauti [Mortal SIN] - kwahiyo mimi kwangu "they all come first" ...


Siku njema

 

[Maty]

Yaaaani Darling Shem this thread as much as it is a serious matter.... It has cracked me up in a really happy way.... (of coz nitaiprint na kupeleka sehemu husika ili mwenzangu afurahi...)

Back to Topic.... Mie nimewaelewa kabisa Mbu na MTM... Simply because sio kwamba wote walooana/walowahi oana walikua ni a perfect couple... One thing i know from MTM's admittance ni kwamba he appreciates his wife saana thou his above statement says as much as he appreciates her the love is not as great as kwa watoto wake (mayb sabb tu ya kua realistic kua the wife can mchangia, hivo the love not a guarantee...)

kwa mheshimiwa Moskwito from his admittance hapa jamvini ni kwamba alibwaga manyanga... Thus the children love to him and vice versa has always been constant rather than the wife...

Shem hata wewe nimekuelewa kabisa... Nafikiri hili limenifurahisha mimi na hata MJ1... Maana wanawake wote love having such a husband katika huo msimamo. Na bliv me you msimamo wako ndio msimamo wa wanaume wengi... Wanaume walo wengi akimpenda saana mwanamke hupenda na watoto wake pamoja.... Sometimes hata watoto ambao hajazaa nae... Na akimchukia mkewe hadi akamuacha hasa kama kamuacha kwa ajili ya nyumba ndogo... Hapo hadi watoto wanatelekezwa... Hivo shem am proud of you endelea kuongeza upendo kwa Mama Matesha...

Kwa upande wangu mwanamke i think you will understand nikisema watoto 1st... I have carried them for nine months... Thou ajabu ni kua love i feel for baba yao is the one which makes me feel like a true woman...

Ashadii huwa napenda sana kusoma post zako kwani nanufaikaga nazo kwa sana tu. Ila hapo bold huyu baba wa binti yangu alinitelekeza kisa hiyo nyumba ndogo lol. Ila anampenda huyu binti yangu kuliko maelezo hapindui kabisa. Mimi naamini upendo kwa mtoto ni tofauti na upendo kwa mume/mke. Wako tofauti kabisa haiwezekani kulinganisha.

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Fo most men japo ukiwauliza watakwambia ni kids in real sense ni wife ana come first; for women kids come first then husband.

Nasema hivi kwa kuwa nina mifano lukuki ambayo inaonyesha wababa wengi wakimchukia mke wanachukia na watoto; penzi kwa watoto linatokana na penzi la baba kwa mama.

Nakubali kuwa si wote; wapo wanaume wachache makini ambao hata awe na penzi kwingine watoto wake ni number one ila ni wachache sana.

 

[Keren_Happuch]

Nilitaka niweke na mie kamsimamo kangu kule lakini nikaona hili linahitaji mjadala unaojitegemea.

Kwangu mie wife comes first kwa kuwa:

1. Nilimpenda yeye hata kabla hatujapata watoto
2. Tusingejaliwa kupata mtoto nisingekuwa na option, angebakia kuwa yeye
3. Yeye ndiye aliyenizalia hao watoto ambao wengine ndo wanasema "wanawapenda zaidi ya mama zao
4. Ndiye chaguo langu la ukweli, sina uhakika kama hao watoto ni damu yangu kiukweli
5. Ndiye msaada wangu mkuu napokuwa matatizoni, nikiugua anavyo nihangaikia, nyie acheni tu!
6. Nikirudi nimepiga maulabu yangu, ananifungulia mlango na kunitengea chakula bila kinyongo
7. Anahakikisha niko nadhifu,
8. Napokuwa nimechacha ananielewa na kunivumilia
9. Alikubali kwa hiyari yake kuyapiga kibuti midume yooooote iliyokuwa inamsarandia akaja kwangu tena kwa kiapo kuishi nami katika shida na raha mpaka Ziraili atakapoamua kufanya vitu vyake.


Msimamo wangu:
Raha kwa watoto ni kuwaona wazazi wakipendana na kisha wao wazazi kwa pamoja kuwapenda watoto.

Baada ya kusema hayo naomba kusikia na wengine wanasemaje.

Niko kitandani huku, nawaangalia tu.
Onyo: Hairuhusiwi kuchakachua.
Refarii wa Sredi: PAW.

Kwanza kabisa, shikamoo babu............🙂

Pili, Msimamo wako babu umenifurahisha sana...............hongera kwa kulitambua hilo.

Kwangu mimi, bila mume wangu hawa warembo ambao Mungu amenijalia nisingekuwa nao. So, mume wangu ana nafasi yake pekee, na watoto wangu wana nafasi yao.

Mbarikiwe wote.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Kajukuu hapa tunaongelea Mmeo uliyezaa naye Watoto Wako!...........Please!

Let me put like this: Inapotokea mmeo na mwanao (wa kuzaa na mmeo) lets say wanaumwa na wote wanahitaji kuwekewa figo. Utajitolea figo lako moja kwa nani?

Babu bwan a....kama nilivyosema uamuzi utakaochukuliwa hapa hautakuwa umeamuliwa kwa kigezo cha kumpenda mtoto zaidi ya mume au mume zaidi ya mtoto. Inategemea na vitu vingi babu nitajaribu kuviweka
1. Umri wa mtoto/ndoa - Inawezekana watu tukawa na maamuzi tofauti mf. mwingine anawezaamua kureason kuwa kwa kuwa ndoa bado ni changa na mtoto bado ni mdogo basi atayafanya maamuzi magumu na kumsave Spouse. Unless akubali kuwa widow at that tender age.
2. Mtoto mkubwa/ ndoa imekwenda age- unlike wanaume ambao wao wanawezaoa muda wowote, wanawake wengine hupoteza hamu ya kuolewa tena au kuwa kwenye mahusiano. So wakati ambapo mwanaume anawezaamua bora nimsave mtoto, mke nitapata mwingine, wanawake wengine husema hata nikimsave mume na kwa kuwa umri umekwenda hatutowezapata mtoto mwingine na yeye haoni posibility ya kuolewa tena- anachagua kusave mtot.

Lakini si kwa kuwa anampenda zaidi mtoto kuliko mumewe!

Lakini bado bwana trade-off ni ngumu bana
Leo nadhani nimekunywa gongo hata sijui ninachoandika hapa au ni kwa vile ninaamini kuwa havilingani!

 

[Dark City]

Kwangu (no matter what), mke wangu (my sweet love, soul-mate) ni primary...wengine wote wakiwemo watoto wangu, wazazi na ndugu ni secondary and tertiary!!

Nitasema hivyo hadi pumzi yangu ya mwisho!!

 

[Keren_Happuch]

Kusema ukweli babu ukisoma vizuri ule mdahalo wa kwanza utaona kuwa tulikuwa tunazungumzia vitu tofauti. Watoto wanayo nafasi yao kama watoto na huwezi kuwalinganisha/judge kwa vigezo vya spourse. Katu hatuwezisema mapenzi yako kwa mke/mume ni zaidi kuliko kwa watoto au mapenzi yako kwa watoto ni zaidi ya kwa mke/mume kwani utakuwa unalinganisha aina tofauti za upendo.

l.

MJ1,
Nakubaliana na wewe hapo kwenye red, 100%. Kila mmoja ana nafasi tofauti kabisa.

Ubarikiwe

 

[Chauro]

naomba nikupinge kidogo iyo ni imani tuliojiwekea nafikiri MJ1 amegusia mahali ati baba/mama akipenda watoto na kufanya kila kitu in real sense anampenda mkewe mie nakataa mpaka mwisho ukiona umefika level maisha yako yanakuwa influenced zaid na watoto na priorities kwako ni wao lazima some perc ya mapenzi yatakuwa yamepungua kama si kupotea kabisa na kuna mambo mengi utakuwa unampunja mwenza wako bila kujua au kujua

Fo most men japo ukiwauliza watakwambia ni kids in real sense ni wife ana come first; for women kids come first then husband.

Nasema hivi kwa kuwa nina mifano lukuki ambayo inaonyesha wababa wengi wakimchukia mke wanachukia na watoto; penzi kwa watoto linatokana na penzi la baba kwa mama.

Nakubali kuwa si wote; wapo wanaume wachache makini ambao hata awe na penzi kwingine watoto wake ni number one ila ni wachache sana.

 

[Dark City]

They are not equal my friend..........hayo ni mojawapo ya matunda mnayobarikiwa kwenye upendo/ndoa yenu na siku zote upendo wa mke/mume hauwezi linganishwa na wa watoto.
Mume/mke pamoja na mapenzi tuliyo nayo kwa watoto wanatakiwa kuendelea kuwa wa kwanza kwenye maisha yetu leo nisingejivuna na wale malaika wangu kama sio ile mbegu nzuri niliyotoa kwa baba yao ..........hapa kuna mengi ya kuandika nafikiri tunachanganya taste of time vs upendo

niulize tu mtoto anaweza kuwa na taste of time?MJI nisaidie kwenye hili

Chauro,

Nimekupenda ghafla bin vuu!!!

Ubarikiwe sana!

Chauro,upendo haubagui,kwamaana halisi ya upendo ni kuwa hakuna aliezaidi ya mwingine,labda kwa tafsiri potofu ya upendo!

Kumpenda sana mke na kumpa nafasi ya kwanza si kubagua....After all, huwezi kupenda vitu au watu wote kwa kiwango sawa...Labda Mungu tu ndiye tunaamni anatoa equal share ya upendo!

Babu DC

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

naomba nikupinge kidogo iyo ni imani tuliojiwekea nafikiri MJ1 amegusia mahali ati baba/mama akipenda watoto na kufanya kila kitu in real sense anampenda mkewe mie nakataa mpaka mwisho ukiona umefika level maisha yako yanakuwa influenced zaid na watoto na priorities kwako ni wao lazima some perc ya mapenzi yatakuwa yamepungua kama si kupotea kabisa na kuna mambo mengi utakuwa unampunja mwenza wako bila kujua au kujua

Na mimi nimelikemea kuwa its not right! Ni kujinyima haki yako kama mke! Wababa wengine wanakukaripia, unalalamika nini, kwani situnzi watoto?! Watoto ni watoto, mke ni mke kila mtu anayo haki yake unayotakiwa kumtimizia the same applies kwa mwanamke..... hakuna eti oh nampenda sana mwanangu kuliko baba yake no way bana.........unless sasa tuingize vigezo vingine ndani ya hii linear equestion

Upendo wa watoto = Upendo wa spouse
Unless uanze kuingiza confronting variables kama labda spouse alishawahi kukuumiza, kucheat n.k then unawezasema unawapenda watoto zaidi ya spouse.

 

[Dark City]

Kwangu mimi spouse comes first before kid. Swala la kizushi kwa wababa,ikitokea wife wako yuko labor na something happens and you as the hubby/dad unatakiwa uchague kuokoa maisha ya mmoja,who wil u save?wife au kid?

Hahahahahahahah,

Mbona hilo ni swali dogo sana...Hivi unawezaje kulinganisha mtu unayemjua na mgeni??

Zamani zetu walikuwa wanatufundisha kuwa,..... as longer as kiwanda hakijifungwa....bidhaa nyingine zitatengenezwa tu...Kwa hiyo ni wazi kwamba huwezi kukimbia na bidhaa ukaacha kiwanda...!! .....Sina hakika kama vijana wa siku hizi bado wanayaamini hayo!

Babu DC

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Thinking by head not by heart nilichosema ni kweli kwa asilimia kubwa.

What you can argue ni kuwa siyo right lakini ndio reality.

Ni wanaume wangapi umeshawaona waliobobea kwa vimada wakakumbuka kuwa wana watoto???

Ni wamama wangapi wenye vidumu wakakumbuka wana watoto??

Ukijaribu kupima hapo ndo utajua nasema nini.

Nachosema si kuwa ni right but that is the way it is.

naomba nikupinge kidogo iyo ni imani tuliojiwekea nafikiri MJ1 amegusia mahali ati baba/mama akipenda watoto na kufanya kila kitu in real sense anampenda mkewe mie nakataa mpaka mwisho ukiona umefika level maisha yako yanakuwa influenced zaid na watoto na priorities kwako ni wao lazima some perc ya mapenzi yatakuwa yamepungua kama si kupotea kabisa na kuna mambo mengi utakuwa unampunja mwenza wako bila kujua au kujua

 

[The Finest]

The biggest mistake i see in some few mothers.

Kuna wamama wanaweka uhusiano wao na watoto wao ahead kuliko uhusiano wake na mume wake.

Kuna tatizo gani kwenye hili

1. Two married people are one flesh. A parent and a child don't have that relationship
2. To exalt the child over your spouse is to teach your child the spouse is not important
3. Children learn early if they can pit against the other

Haya huwa sio makosa ya mama

1. Sometimes a dad is elusive and stays in the background on purpose, hataki kujishugulisha na kujihusisha na watoto
2. Sometimes the in-laws interfere heavily with a mother and father God's given right to raise their own children
3. And yes, sometimes mothers express more love and attention to the kids than to dad

The Bible is clear on how husbands and wives are to be considered the male and the female side of the same person. One flesh. One unit. That's why the devil didn't touch Job's wife. She was part of him and God said for the devil not to kill Job, therefore he couldn't kill his wife, either.

 

[Dark City]

hv wanaume wanagawaje malove yao
wife?%
nyumba ndogo%?
Makid%? Hapo tena anagawa maana watoto wa kike hawawezi kupendwa sawa na wakiume.

Hapo hakuna mgawo wa aina yoyote....Number moja na queen wao ni mama watoto......Then watoto wanamwibia mama vipande kidogo kidogo kidogo vya upendo....(ki ukweli wana aina yao ya upendo..may be nitapata nafasi ya kuulezea baadaye!!). Hakuna upendo wowote kwa nyumba ndogo...Ni usanii na maslahi tu....!!! Labda wadau watanipinga kwa disqualify base yangu ya lack of experience!

Babu unajua wife/spouse lazima wawe trunk na watoto ni branches, kwa maneno mengine kwa lugha ya malkia wa Uingereza ni kwamba parents should be the center of the family and always work together. Unfortunately sometimes one parent is an idiot and then, as a parent you must protect your child

For those who are still hunting....you are, the best and a rare catch!

Babu DC

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Nakubaliana na wewe 100%

Labda tuanzishe thread ya ni jinsi gani wanandoa wataweza kugawa penzi jinsi inavyopaswa kwa wenza na watoto wao.

Reality inaonyesha wengi wanashindwa kubalance.

Na tunakubali kuwa si sawa kufanya hivyo

Sasa what is the cause and solution ni more important than kupretend kama hili tatizo halipo.

One may say kuwa nampenda mume wangu kwa sababau ni baba wa watoto wangu and bla bla bla; but what she does is not what she says.

Na mwingine anaweza akasema my wife comes first and bla bla bla lakini kimatendo ni opposite especially atakapo kuwa kwenye conflict na mkewe.

Kwa hiyo tuongelee uhalisia hata kama tunakubali wote kuwa si tunavyotaka iwe; ili tusolve tatizo baada ya kujua kiini.

Mfano mimi kuna kitu nili observe; wamama wengi ambao wame loose trust kwa waume zao hasa kwa sababu ya serial cheating wanapeleka mapenzi yao kwa watoto. Nina rafiki yangu umwambii kitu kuhusu watoto wake. Na sababu inaweza kuwa ni uhakika wake kuwa the kids will always be hers but not the husband.

The biggest mistake i see in some few mothers.

Kuna wamama wanaweka uhusiano wao na watoto wao ahead kuliko uhusiano wake na mume wake.

Kuna tatizo gani kwenye hili

1. Two married people are one flesh. A parent and a child don't have that relationship
2. To exalt the child over your spouse is to teach your child the spouse is not important
3. Children learn early if they can pit against the other

Haya huwa sio makosa ya mama

1. Sometimes a dad is elusive and stays in the background on purpose, hataki kujishugulisha na kujihusisha na watoto
2. Sometimes the in-laws interfere heavily with a mother and father God's given right to raise their own children
3. And yes, sometimes mothers express more love and attention to the kids than to dad

The Bible is clear on how husbands and wives are to be considered the male and the female side of the same person. One flesh. One unit. That's why the devil didn't touch Job's wife. She was part of him and God said for the devil not to kill Job, therefore he couldn't kill his wife, either.

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Hahahaha......mshiki bana. Haya na huyu hapa MTM.

Kwa wanangu, nothing comes before them, i can take bullets...

Huoni huyu naye anataka kutueleza jinsi anavyowapenda wanae kuliko mkewe? Hivi imefikia hatua ya "nothing comes before our kids?" Kwamba mama tupa kule, watoto leta hapa?

Umekwepa swali ehhh??

Nwy tunarudi pale pale kwenye THAMANI babu!!
Kusema hivyo hakuna maana kwamba upendo ndio unaolinganishwa bali thamani/maana/umuhimu na mengineyo.
MTM anachomaanisha (samahani kama nitakua nimekosea) ni kwamba iwapo itatokea mtu akataka kuumiza familia yake na akawa kwenye nafasi ya kuweza kulinda upande mmoja atalinda watoto. Mapenzi ya mke bado yapo pale pale...na ya watoto yako pale pale ila anachoangalia ni nani ambae hataki katu katu kumpoteza. Yani yupi ni irreplaceable kwake...thamani/muhimu zaidi.

Kajukuu hapa tunaongelea Mmeo uliyezaa naye Watoto Wako!...........Please!

Let me put like this: Inapotokea mmeo na mwanao (wa kuzaa na mmeo) lets say wanaumwa na wote wanahitaji kuwekewa figo. Utajitolea figo lako moja kwa nani?

If mine is a match to both...DEFINATELY MTOTO!!Mume atatafutiwa nyingine!!

 

[Dark City]

Sijawahi kufikiria kuweka kipimo kati ya watoto wetu na mke wangu - na nadhani kufanya ni DHAMBI ya Umauti [Mortal SIN] - kwahiyo mimi kwangu "they all come first" ...


Siku njema

Ni ya kweli hayo mzee wa Bugene???