Family Pressures.. Ushauri Pls!!

[COPPER]

Kwa taarifa mtoto ni faraja kubwa katika maisha. Zungukia makanisa ya walokole uone wale ambao hawaakuzaa wanavyopata tabu kutafuta mtoto na umri ushawagonga.

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

That said Ndoa to me is

1. Not accepting my a man's infidelity in the name of uvumilivu- Id rather be uncompromising

I like your principled stand on that issue. Super big up:A S thumbs_up: and you get a standing O.

Hizi habari za "oohhh ataenda atarudi mie ndio mke halali", "hata mfanyaje sijui nikonae ndani, and blah blah is just not my cup of tea

A round of applause for ya!

Some marriages are a JOKE!

No kidding. They really are.

 

[kisukari]

kwa upande wangu mimi,being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me.zamani nilikuwa sipo close na watoto.nilipopata wangu,imekuwa tofauti kabisa,nikachagua kazi ambayo na deal na watoto na nashukuru naipenda kazi yangu.nina amini utakapokuwa na mtoto itakuwa tofauti.ila kwa sisi wanawake kuna kitu umri,ni kweli ikifika age flani.kuhusu suala la mtoto usahau.ila ki ukweli mambo ya kupewa pressure kuhusu ufanye nini sio jambo zuri kabisa.fanya kitu ile roho yako inapenda.

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

kwa upande wangu mimi,being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me.zamani nilikuwa sipo close na watoto.nilipopata wangu,imekuwa tofauti kabisa,nikachagua kazi ambayo na deal na watoto na nashukuru naipenda kazi yangu.nina amini utakapokuwa na mtoto itakuwa tofauti.ila kwa sisi wanawake kuna kitu umri,ni kweli ikifika age flani.kuhusu suala la mtoto usahau.ila ki ukweli mambo ya kupewa pressure kuhusu ufanye nini sio jambo zuri kabisa.fanya kitu ile roho yako inapenda.

Kumbe na wewe una watoto?

 

[everlenk]

Jiulize hivi....Hivi ingekuwaje mama yako angekataa kuolewa? Angekataa kukuzaa ungeujua wapi huu ulimwengu? Ungepata wapi hii habari ya kujivuna yote haya? Watu wenye kujipenda zaid wenyewe wachoyo na wabinafsi ufalme wa Mungu sio wao, basi ungeipenda hiyo hali ungeenda kuwa Sista ijulikane umeutoa mwili wako dhabihu kwa Bwana,hiyo ni njema pia, kama umekataa kutimiza agizo la Mungu la kuzaa na kuongeza dunia basi timiza hilo agizo la Mungu kwa Kuzaa watoto wa kiroho,yaani ujitoe mwili wako kikamilifu kwa Mungu ufanye kazi yake na maisha yako yote umwishie yy. Oh it will be the best reward toward God and the whole world.

 

[BADILI TABIA]

watoto wenyewe wa siku hizi hawachelewi kuwa 'liability'. Usitegemee malipo kwa mtoto maana anaweza fanya tofauti na matarajio.

Husninyo, mtoto umleavyo banaaa.....

Mambo ya kuja kusumbua watoto wa ndugu zake baadae hayafai......

Amejiandaa kuishi mwenyewe kama zimwi?

Maana akifikia 50 hivi ndo ataona umuhimu wa watoto

 

[kisukari]

Kumbe na wewe una watoto?

don't start

 

[Nailyne]

r u from a broken family or raised by a single mother?? sorry if it is too much to ask.....

 

[Lyamber]

we kama vipi sikilizia tu menopause...halafu uwaaambie kwamba uko meno..pause nini watakuelewa..miaka yote uliyoishi unashindwa jua umuhimu wa kua na familia, kutunza familia hata kwa marafiki..hujui...duh nahisi umesoma kimtindo..so am surprised kidogo..kusikia unaomba ushauri kwa mambo hayooooo...............ni mtazamo tu huu msijenge chuki...

 

[nyabaheta]

Habari zenu wanajamii?

Mimi kwa wasifu ni: ke, mid thirties,no kids, never been married
Positives: Easy going, friendly, "Ok" looking, very independent**
Negatives: Selfish,Uncompromising, Impatient , semi- feminist**.

Lately my family, especially my sister has been on my case re: my "unmarried" status. Ohh umri
umekwenda, ohh utajuta, ona watoto wa family friends na familia zao, ohh una muhuzunisha mama, and blah blah blah. Personally I could careless about mawazo ya wanandugu hawa except for my mother. I love her to pieces and would not want to be a source of disappointment in her life. Nilivyo ongea naye, yeye alichosema ni kuwa kama sitaki kuolewa at least nizae. She thinks huko baadae nitajutia haya maisha ya kipekee, especially ikiwa bila ya mtoto hata mmoja.
So far my biggest worry is mtoto is for life. Sasa wajameni, nemo mimi nisiyeweza haya maisha ya kuhudumia mtu mzima na ndevu zake aka ndoa nitawezaje kuwa responsible for mtoto who is a total dependant? Je wenzangu mna deal je na hizi pressure za familia kung'ang'ana na ndoa or meddling in your life? Na wale wazazi both single and married maisha na gharama za kulea ni aje?

PS: Sorry in advance kwa wale wanaokerwa na language mix

Hujasikia msemo wa "old and alone",umri ukikupiga ndo utatambua umuhimu wa kuwa na familia,jaribu kurekebisha tabia zako uweze kuwa na mwenza,sababu zote ulizozitaja hapo,yaani hizo negatives ni ngumu kuendana na African men,sijui kwa wanaume wa race zingine,point yangu kitu kama unakitaka chenyewe ndo inabidi kikufate baada ya kuvutiwa nawe,kama unataka kuwa na family,endapo utaamua kuna some traits about u inabidi zibadilike.

Sent from my BlackBerry 8520 using JamiiForums

 

[double R]

"WE ALWAYS DON'T CHANGE UNTIL THE COST OF STAYING THE SAME EXCEEDS THE COST OF CHANGE. by Babu DC.
Nadhani umepima gharama ya kuwa pekee yako na imekushinda then if you want a child or family you need to change. Sometime we don live the way we like or we prefer but circumstances let us live such a way we don't like, though we can still choose and bear the cost of the choice. Sio walio kwenye ndoa wote walikuwa tayari kuwa kwenye ndoa lakini walichagua baada ya kuona angalau wangejitahidi kukubaliana na hali ya ndoa kuliko kuendelea kuwa wapweke. Make a choice and accept the cost.

 

[Blaine]

BAK
Muchly appreciated for this very solid advice. Ila naomba ni fanunue kuhusu swala la ndoa. I have nothing against it na pia hata mimi ningependa kupata chereko chereko na mwenza wa maisha. That said Ndoa to me is

1. Not accepting my a man's infidelity in the name of uvumilivu- Id rather be uncompromising
2. Not a** kissing wakwe, and a bunch of people in the name of adabu na heshima- Id rather selfishly be myself
3. Not cooking, house cleaning and labouring for a grown man in the name of mke mwema - Id rather be called a feminist

I cant stress how many close people (women I used to respect), I have seen being treated like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,losing their dignity and respect in the name of the so called ndoa. I know watu watanirukia or sio ndoa zote, or blah blah but show me 1 on solid man and I'll show you 10 that are,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. Hizi habari za "oohhh ataenda atarudi mie ndio mke halali", "hata mfanyaje sijui nikonae ndani, and blah blah is just not my cup of tea

PS: Pole if I seem to rant but duh! Some marriages are a JOKE!

don't focus on the fail marriages angalia za wale waliomudu. if I considered all the people waliofail in life i would not have been who I am today. do your best and let god handle the rest. pia kama unataka mtoto bila ndoa the sperm donor may be a possibility. dont have such a pessimistic view of kids/marriage

 

[Gold]

gal you better produce one kid so as to get someone who will give you a lifetime company am 24 and am planning on having a little angel by next year

 

[akenajo]

ukichelewa kuzaa utazaa mtoto kaa mwanamalundi hoja zake tu humu hana msaada kwa jamiii

 

[Kiranga]

Kiranga
Nigangamaneje jamani? If I could change I would. Do you not agree that a kid in some way is the next best thing, kama mtu usipokuwa na familia

Utamletea mtoto matatizo tu hapa. Tunaona kila siku wanakuja kulalamika hapa, mara baba kakataa kutoa matunzo, mara mtoto alikuwa hamjui baba yake kwa sababu mama kajitia u feminist na kutaka kumlea mwenyewe, sasa mtoto kakua anadai kumjua baba, na baba kashaoa mwanamke mwingine na ana watoto wengine, familia mpya haimjui mtoto. Mama wa huyu mtoto wa awali mara anakosa uzalendo kwa feminism anamlundika mtoto kwa baba, fujo tupu.

Kwa nini unafikiri a child is the next best thing wakati mtu mwenyewe hutaki familia?

Huoni kwamba kumleta mtoto duniani bila ya kuwa na familia nzima ni kumpunja?

Kama unataka mtoto tafuta rijali akuoe. Kama hutaki kuolewa samehe ndoa na mtoto, sio lazima vile vile, utapata muda mzuri wa kujirusha kivyako bila responsibilities.

Ila lazima ujipange vizuri sana, fainali uzeeni.

 

[Kongosho]

nadhani anaye
kuna sred moja alikuwa analalamika bf anampa altimatam ya ndoa
natumaini anampenda kiasi cha kumwanzishia sred.

Kujua raha ya mtoto bila kuwa na mtoto ngumu.
Nakumbuka rafiki yangu alipata mtoto tukiwa chuo nilikuwa namwonea huruma sana, namwona anateseka kweli kufua na kubanwa home.

Baada ya mie kupata wangu ndio nilijua raha yake.

So kwa nemo kutokuwa na uhakika ni halali kwa sasa.

Do you have someone you love, l mean like real love? Maana it is easy kuamua kuzaa na mtu unayempenda kuliko kuzaa tu for the sake of it.

 

[ndandawamalenja]

Nipo upande wa mama yako. Nadhani kuolewa sio lazima saaana, lakini mtoto zaa bana! Kuna wakati ambapo utakuwa unajikuta mpweke sana na mtu pekee ambaye angeweza kukupa company ya kweli ni mwanao. Urafiki unaishaga, si unajua?

 

[HoneyBee]

I think if you are OK with adoption then there is no need to have a kid with someone you're not going to marry. Remember, you will be bound to this man ( your sperm donor) for the rest of your life. With adoption you get the child without the hassle (child birth, possibly useless baby daddy). You also get to keep your figure 🙂 You can choose to adopt a child later in life, when you feel more comfortable with the idea of being a mother. I would not recommend bringing a child into this world if you do not want to . You cannot return an unwanted child. Don't have a child just to try and see what it's going to be like, or to please your family. Remember you will be the one responsible for raising this child, NOT THEM.

Before you decide to have a child (biological or adoption) I would suggest spending some time with friends and family with kids to see how they manage these things. Remember, kids grow up eventually. They will not remain infants, toddlers or teenagers forever. If you raise your child to be independent you will not feel like you need to provide them with everything 100% of the time. They might surprise you and stand on their on feet by the time they hit 18, and you'll be left wondering where the time went.

Usiruhusu mtu akulazimishe kuzaa, hata kama ni wazazi wako. If it bugs them more than it bugs you that's their problem, not yours.

Habari zenu wanajamii?

Mimi kwa wasifu ni: ke, mid thirties,no kids, never been married
Positives: Easy going, friendly, "Ok" looking, very independent**
Negatives: Selfish,Uncompromising, Impatient , semi- feminist**.

Lately my family, especially my sister has been on my case re: my "unmarried" status. Ohh umri
umekwenda, ohh utajuta, ona watoto wa family friends na familia zao, ohh una muhuzunisha mama, and blah blah blah. Personally I could careless about mawazo ya wanandugu hawa except for my mother. I love her to pieces and would not want to be a source of disappointment in her life. Nilivyo ongea naye, yeye alichosema ni kuwa kama sitaki kuolewa at least nizae. She thinks huko baadae nitajutia haya maisha ya kipekee, especially ikiwa bila ya mtoto hata mmoja.
So far my biggest worry is mtoto is for life. Sasa wajameni, nemo mimi nisiyeweza haya maisha ya kuhudumia mtu mzima na ndevu zake aka ndoa nitawezaje kuwa responsible for mtoto who is a total dependant? Je wenzangu mna deal je na hizi pressure za familia kung'ang'ana na ndoa or meddling in your life? Na wale wazazi both single and married maisha na gharama za kulea ni aje?

PS: Sorry in advance kwa wale wanaokerwa na language mix

 

[mzabzab]

Habari zenu wanajamii?

Mimi kwa wasifu ni: ke, mid thirties,no kids, never been married
Positives: Easy going, friendly, "Ok" looking, very independent**
Negatives: Selfish,Uncompromising, Impatient , semi- feminist**.

Lately my family, especially my sister has been on my case re: my "unmarried" status. Ohh umri
umekwenda, ohh utajuta, ona watoto wa family friends na familia zao, ohh una muhuzunisha mama, and blah blah blah. Personally I could careless about mawazo ya wanandugu hawa except for my mother. I love her to pieces and would not want to be a source of disappointment in her life. Nilivyo ongea naye, yeye alichosema ni kuwa kama sitaki kuolewa at least nizae. She thinks huko baadae nitajutia haya maisha ya kipekee, especially ikiwa bila ya mtoto hata mmoja.
So far my biggest worry is mtoto is for life. Sasa wajameni, nemo mimi nisiyeweza haya maisha ya kuhudumia mtu mzima na ndevu zake aka ndoa nitawezaje kuwa responsible for mtoto who is a total dependant? Je wenzangu mna deal je na hizi pressure za familia kung'ang'ana na ndoa or meddling in your life? Na wale wazazi both single and married maisha na gharama za kulea ni aje?

PS: Sorry in advance kwa wale wanaokerwa na language mix

kuoa au kuolewa ni chaguo la mtu binafsi nd shuld never be ibfluenced by aby body kwa sababu mwisho wa simu ni wewe ndio utakae ishi na huyo mtu.

kuhisu kupata mtoto bila kiwa married mie naona hiyo ni mbaya and irs just beeing selfish. unakuwa unfair kwa mtoto....every child anapenda alelewe katika familia sio mambo ya single parent. also kila lifestyle ina price yake...if u dnt want marriage then the price to pay ndio hiyo yakutokuwa na mtoto.

now there is alao another thing u have to take into account..hujafa hunaumbika. yaani unaweza kutwa na janga and u got no one other than family members kukisaidia....na ukumbuke hao ndio walikiwa wanakupigia kelele uolewe...sasa u r bex eiden nakwambia watakutupia matusi mpaka ukome...oh ulikuwa wajidai mie siolewi haya ona sasa wataka msaada wetu...utachambwa na maneno na marusi mpaka ukome. hivyo basi mie nakishauri...kama kweli u adamant abt not gwtting married its safe for u kinunua bunduki yako ukae nayo incase unapata tatizo la kiafya ambalo will require extensive care roka kwa ndugu zako bora uwe tayari ku-commit suicide.

 

[mzabzab]

Jiulize hivi....Hivi ingekuwaje mama yako angekataa kuolewa? Angekataa kukuzaa ungeujua wapi huu ulimwengu? Ungepata wapi hii habari ya kujivuna yote haya? Watu wenye kujipenda zaid wenyewe wachoyo na wabinafsi ufalme wa Mungu sio wao, basi ungeipenda hiyo hali ungeenda kuwa Sista ijulikane umeutoa mwili wako dhabihu kwa Bwana,hiyo ni njema pia, kama umekataa kutimiza agizo la Mungu la kuzaa na kuongeza dunia basi timiza hilo agizo la Mungu kwa Kuzaa watoto wa kiroho,yaani ujitoe mwili wako kikamilifu kwa Mungu ufanye kazi yake na maisha yako yote umwishie yy. Oh it will be the best reward toward God and the whole world.

hiyo argument ya kwamba eti wazazi wake wasinge haina basia yoyote...actually it wuld have put her oit of her misery kama wasinge mzaa becoz asingekiwa na hii dilema