Would you marry me?


Lolzz. . .

Ummmh yote hayo yanawezekana Mwali, hayachukui siku nzima wala hayahitaji mtu asiwe focused na majukumu. Kinachowazidi watu nguvu ni uvivu, kutokujali sana maendeleo ya mahusiano na kutowapa wenzi wao hata muda kidogo toka kwenye masaa 24 wanayopata kila siku .

It only takes about 30min - 1hr a day to show your man he can still count on you making his life at home fun, exciting and relaxing, NOT FOREVER. Sasa unaweza ukachagua kumpa hiyo saa moja kila siku aone bado ana maana kwako na bado mahusiano yenu yamesimama au kutompa kabisa alafu akatafute kwingine. Unavyotakiwa kufanya ni vitu vidogo vidogo sana, huna haja ya kumbeba mgongoni wala kichwani. Lainisha sauti, toa maneno mazuri, pay attention, msikilize, mwelewe, jali mahitaji yake (sio lazima ufanye kila kitu wakati anaotaka ila namna ya kukataa inahusu sana) utashangaa mwenyewe.
 

Hapo makubaliano na maelewano yanahusu sana.

Kuna watu wanaotegemea/taka mkishaoana mambo ya washkaji na mashoga yakome. Ni vizuri mkajulishana vitu kama hivi mapema ili ukiingia unaingia ukiwa umejiandaa sio mnashtukizana mara baada ya honeymoon. Maana ikiwa hivyo ndio mwanzo wa mmoja kuona mwenzake anataka kumcontrol na kupunguza amani nyumbani.

Alafu Mwali wasingekua wanapenda utundu uendelee wasingekua wanaenda kuutafuta nje. Tatizo ni wanawake ndo hua wanasitisha kwa kuona kwamba hauhitajiki tena.
 

Ni kweli lazima uwe na vigezo ambavyo unavikubali/vutiwa na huyo kaka lakini pia uwe mkweli kuangalia red flags kwasababu zitakuwepo kwenye maisha yenu kwa sana tuu.
 
Wanawake wanarespond hivo sababu wanaume nao wanabadilika na kua money and future oriented. unaweza kufanya mipango ili akija usiku akute bonge la surprise ila unashangaa anakuja late, tena anakwambia amesha kula huko aliko toka, strait anaingia kulala... ukiona hivo mara mbili mara tatu na wewe unakata tamaa and that is the end of it...
 
Baki kama ulivyo, akikuchagua hivyo hivyo poa kama hajataka his loss
 
Gaijin said:
Baki kama ulivyo, akikuchagua hivyo hivyo poa kama hajataka his loss
Click to expand...
Thanks Gaijin.
Swali langu liko a bit beyond myself pia... kwa nini watu wanakua na expectation tofauti when it comes to a casual partner and to a spouse? kwani sio the same person who evolves from one to the other?
 
Mwali, mara nyingi hutokea wanaume huoa mama zao...................................Kwa kawaida sisi tumeathiriwa na malezi tuliyopitia, kwamba tumeaminishwa nini katika swala zima la uhusiano na ndoa, vile ambavyo tumeona mama zetu wakiwafanyia baba zetu katika mahusiano yao ya ndoa na kiunyumba ndivyo tunavyoamini kuwa hivyo ndivyo mke wa ndoa anavyopaswa kufanya au kumfanyia mumewe. Kama mwanaume akijikuta amevutiwa na mwanamke na akatamani kumuoa, basi ukichunguza sana utakuta kuna vijitabia vinavyoshabihiana na mama yake. Haiyumkini hata wewe naamini inawezekana ushaona familia ambazo baba ni mlevi na mama ni mlevi, ni aghalabu sana kukuta watoto nao hawajaingia katika mkumbo huo wa ulevi. Na ndio maana wakati wa kuoa wanaume hawavutiwi na sifa za nje, hizo zinakuwa hazina nafasi katika ubongo wao wa kina, kinachotafutwa hapo ni zile sifa za mama zao au walezi wao wa kike tangu utotoni.

Hata kwa wanawake mara nyingi huvutiwa na wanaume wenye vitabia vyenye kushabihiana na baba zao au walezi wao wa kiume tangu utotoni katika swala zima la ndoa na mahusiano, hutokea kuamini kwamba hivyo ndivyo mume anavyopaswa kumfanyia mkewe. Kama baba alikuwa mfujaji na mpigaji, mara nyingi watoto wa kike nao wataangukia kwa wanaume wenye tabia hizo na kwa wanaume nao hivyo hivyo huwa wapigaji na wafujaji katika ndoa zao, wakipata wanawake ambao hakuwahi kushuhudia mama zao wakipigwa na baba zao ni dhahiri ndoa hiyo au uhusiano huo hautodumu, labda tu mhusika akubaliane na hali hiyo.
 
Mwali swali zuri sana, kuna watu wapo kwenye mahusiano ya ugf na ubf lakini anajua kabisa huyu sitomuoa au sitoelewa nae na sababu nyingi kama ulivyozisema. Tatizo hakuna kati yao anaejitahidi kushape behaviour ya mwenzie iendane na vigezo vyake na ndio maana malalamiko hayaishi, wanaume wanataka kuoa malaika. Hakuna malaika jamani ulimwengu huu na umri unakimbia.
 
Wahenga walisema, sikio la kufa halisikii dawa. ktk mazingira ya kawaida, mtu huingia kwenye mahusiano hata kabla hajajiandaa kifikra, mtizamo, malengo na kukabili majukumu ya ndoa ili mradi tu apate mwenza kwa kuwa muda umshamtupa. inapotokea hivi akitokea mtu yeyote akamhakikishia ndoa basi hakina kupima kwa kina yeye anachowaza ni ndoa ili kujenga heshima. akimaliza wiki chache ataanza kuwakumbuka marafiki zake alioponda nao maisha. hata kwa mume na mke, wote wanakuwa wagumu kusahau mahusiano yao ya nyuma eti wanaita kukumbushiana. hii huja baada ya kubaini anayeishi naye sasa si yule aliyemhitaji bali amekuja kumuondoa mkosi wa kutokuolewa. hapa utagundua kuna wanaume na wanawake wameshakuwa na ndoa zaidi ya tatu kwani kuna dini zinaruhusu hili ili mradi mlengwa amekidhi masharti.

Nawasilisha!!
 
Time is a friend and an enemy as well..It comes a moment in most marriages the hubby-wifey r/ship turns into a sort of joint venture to conquer life and build a hypothetical better future for their children.This is wether they started their relationship from girlfriend-boyfriend level or not.
By the time they think of salvaging their marriage its too late.The husband is no more interested in playing hide and seek or going to picnics what he's found of is meeting deadlines at work,reading his columns in these oversized newspapers and making sure that he grasps everything that a BBC correspondent utters.
The wife has turned into this paranoid-bitter lady approaching her menopause who is highly concerned with making sure that the house is in order,she and her husband are in time for work,children are behaving,supplies are always in excess wether they are needed or not and those sort of things.As a result the husband almost seems to be in a non-existence state to her.
And things fall apart.In worst case scenario 'nyumba ndogo' gets introduced into the picture.By the time the kids have moved on with their own lives,the two remain with a marriage certificate while the actual marriage has been washed down the drain long ago.And the whole sense of a perfect spouce in an imperfect world becomes a dream that never matured.

Bitter reality!!!
 
Mtambuzi said:
Mwali, mara nyingi hutokea wanaume huoa mama zao...................................Kwa kawaida sisi tumeathiriwa na malezi tuliyopitia, kwamba tumeaminishwa nini katika swala zima la uhusiano na ndoa.
Click to expand...

Mtambuzi hapo umegonga kwenyewe...
 
Mwali,

Problem kubwa ni kwamba binti anakuwa girlfriend girlfriend unaona huyu perfect tuta cope, immediatelly ukishamuoa anageuka wife kabisaa (Kama alivyosema mtambuzi anakuwa mama yako) yani full mkali yani anatamani hata awe anashika fimbo anakuchapa. Yani hata usipokula home ni inshu ugomvi.

Thats when men start seeking solace from "strange places" because they miss that charming, outgoing, fun loving girl they met just some few years ago.Wanawake wajitahidi walete revolution kwenye mahusiano.
 
Kabla sijaamua kushika moja nimeathirika sana na hii dhana...Binti niliyeweka kichwani kwamba anafaa kua mke frankly alikua ni mpole na yet ni mpole,mtiifu,mwenye hulka njema na vingine vingi ambavyo napenda...hakuwah kujiassociate na club ama anasa nyingine za kufanana na hizo...Lemme go one step ahead...nilihofu kuendelea nae kwa kua kuna nisingekua mwaminifu so far kuna mambo mengine ningeogopa kumshirikisha hivyo nikafanya uamuzi wa kiume...Nikaingia msituni kusaka na eventually nikameet na mama Gaude whom ni kila kitu kwangu...Ni mke hasa inapokuja point ya kuwa mke,ni kimada so far yale yanayowakimbiza wanaume kwenye nyumba zao anayo...Presentable hivyo naweza kusimama mbele ya youth na kusema "she is the one"....My take ni kwamba tambua unachokitaka na kufanya uamuzi wa busara kuepuka fedheha ndani ya nyumba ama sononeko ambalo lingefaa kupatiwa ufumbuzi kabla ya commitment...
 
mmh umeongea point mkuu.
ishu ni kwa mwanamke na mwanaume kujua wanataka wenza wa aina gan.
usitegemee ww mwanaume mpenda kwenda club sijui lots of out going ukaoa mtu asiyependa hayo mambo et kisa wife material afu utegemee utatulia huyo lazima utakuja kumgeuka uko ndoan yan.
hata ww mwanamke ww unapenda iv ukaolewa na wa iv kisa hubby material mmh uko kwenye ndoa atakuboa na matokeo yake ndio izi lawama hapa.
jua unataka nn, all in all perfect couple yan 100% haipoge, maisha yanabadilika na watu tunabadilika ivo muhimu ni kwenda tu na hayo mabadiliko lolz.
 
Mwali,pia natatizwa sana ishu hii uloiweka hapa,
Kwa leo naomba niwe msomaji tu coz hua naona hii taasisi ya ndoa nipasua kichwa tu kila nikiifikiria,
Nafikiri kupitia huu uzi nitapata majibu ya maswali kadhaa nilonayo,
Asante kwa kulileta ubaon na wengine tujifunze.
 

You are a lucky champ.

Treat her well.
 
Obby (usinichape) kuna watu hua wanasema ni vizuri wanaoona wakatofautina. Yani badala ya mlevi kuoa/olewa na mlevi mwenzake atafute mtulivu, mpenda klabu atafute mtulivu n.k . Ila ukweli ni kwamba wakiwa wanatofautiana kama usiku na mchana , nyeupe na nyeusi ni ngumu sana kupata balance kwasababu mmoja anakua anapenda sana kitu wakati mwenzake anakichukia sana. Matokeo yake mtulivu anaona hatendewi haki na mwenda klabu anaona hivyo hivyo akiombwa asiende. Mimi ningependa watu wawe wanahakikisha kwamba hawatofautiani kupitiliza ili mara moja moja wakutane katikati. Mpenda club alione tabu kuwepo nyumbani weekend, ana asiyependa sana asione tabu kuongozana na mwenzake mara moja moja.
 
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