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Why I No Longer Send Or Reply To Smses From Ladies

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Kisoda2, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. Kisoda2

    Kisoda2 JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
    Joined: May 30, 2008
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    Have funny!!
    Though English not so good, it’s a good story.

    I not send sms to ladies again. I also dont save lady that will send me
    sms. This is because, if i am caught, i will say the person sent the
    wrong number. I have also stop saving Njeri's name as Kamau or Peter or
    Jemmo. I have learnt through the hard way. If you send sms that can
    alarm, i delete immediately. If people of skirt sms or call me, i delete
    the call history there there. It is through experience that i say that.

    Two years ago, i have a girl that sms me everyday with sweet sms.
    Although most are from internet and forwarded, they were! all love
    message. So as not to raise alarm with the first lady, i changed her
    name from Hilda to Njoro KTN. Mistake number one. When Njoro call, i
    dismiss 'I will call you back shortly' Mistake no. 2.

    This Njoro KTN kept on calling even at late time but i dont know how to
    stop her because i was eating her every time and she had good hole. In
    wazee language, we call them ' releaver wa mama) or standby generator.
    One day, first lady become suspicion of this Njoro. She ask herself,
    'why is it only Njoro call and i say i will call back' yet others you
    speak very well?' When in birthroom one Sato morning, she edit Njoro KTN
    number and replace with hers. So, her number no longer read 'Fi! rst
    Lady' but Njoro KTN. Original Njoro KTN goes. I had come late on F riday
    and i had obviously your gess is as good as mine who i had eaten the
    previous night. So, at 11 AM, i see first sms:

    Sms from Njoro: 'Hi darling. you are so lovely. How did you enjoy jana's

    Reply from me: 'kawaida it was the best. You are the sweetest thing in

    njoro sms ' Really. Am i sweeter than your wife. Love you a million

    I refuse to know why she ask abo! ut that because she is too disciplined
    for that, but i reply anyway ' indeed. i said you are the sweetest.'

    Njoro sms ' By the way, i need to go to salon this afte. ebu si sendie 3
    k saa hii'

    Another shocker because she is not used to ask for money in sms, but i
    reply ' Sawa. nitatuma baadaye kidogo. In the middle of something'

    Njoro Reply ' in the middle of what? are you in the middle of another

    That time, first lady calls me through the house n umber and tell me she
    need money for salon. I tell her 'kwani wewe pesa zako unapelekanga
    wapi? Na si umetoka Salon juzi tu'? Account yako niliona iko na ma elfu.
    Si uende utoe na bado bank haijafungwo?'

    She start cry and through tantrum on phone and call me names. I am used
    to that and i feel nothing.

    After a while, Njoro sms again ' leo unanipeleka wapi? na unaniongezea
    pesa ya ka shopping. Sawa?' i replied that i will and leo its mugithi
    day at Jam Rescue. That time it was catching bad. This days i hear it is
    beaten too much.

    We c! hat on sms for long. She ask me which stylo i like most because
    today she will give me until i am finished. I say the only stylo i dont
    like is doggy because my grandpa told me its for animals only.

    After a short while, i send the money 5k to her. Kawaida, i retrieve
    number from the saved number. Something tell me i know this number
    better than that, it looks more familiar than i thought. I hit the send
    button and guess who number show on Mpesa after i send money' ' the
    first lady's!'.

    I go to phone and check again to see how i picked first lady number
    instead of Njoro KTN. when i go check who is saved as Njoro KTN, i see
    it is first lady. I feel urinal come near the penis. I pra! y if it is
    possible Alqaida bomb our building and i be the first to di e. Then i
    remember i am a sinner and if hell is real, i will be its guest. I look
    out and see if i can jump out and fall dead.

    I tremble all body and testicles. My mind go blank and cannot think
    again. After a while, my mum call me, she, say first lady call her
    crying and tell her all things. She say she is on way to Nairobi to
    attend to that. I dont know what to do, whether to run away to Egypt or
    what to do. I call my friend and tell them story. One of them tell me to
    deny all and say i all knew it is the first lady and that is why i sent
    the money for salon.

    If you think Libyans and Japan have had a hard time, you should have
    been in my house. When i entered that house and see ! situation, mum
    crying and wife crying, i decide to run away small. I tell the story as
    i was advised, that how can i not know the first lady's number off head
    and i was just playing with her. Somehow somehow, they bought the story.
    But i say from that day, if a chick send me sms, i call back and talk.
    Whatever it is, i dont reply back to sms from ladies. NEVER AGAIN.

    Theuri has seen it too. He thought he was clever by deleting sms. One
    day, his wife see sent messages to a girl. They were actually on
    delivery reports folder.

    'Swirri, leo nakam uni shave. Kwanza naskia zangu tunaweza uza zikashone
    piece na tumake chapaa. Na leo .... mpaka maheke. kama sio ivo sikuji'
    (sweeti, ! today i come you shave me. first i feel we can even sell them
    to make piece and we make money)

    He denied and said he had given a friend called Wanjohi to use his
    phone. He say 'Wanjohi ni jamaa mnjinga sana. What is this now? he cant
    even buy credit kwa simu. akiokoa jahazi yeye hulipa ten bob kila siku
    mpaka iishe'.

    He took phone and called me and started reading me for sending smses
    using his phone. He gave wife his phone to talk to me. I did not deny
    and she really read for me. I told her i will not borrow his phone
    again, although i had no idea about the texts. He calls me savior of his
    marriage and from that day, akapata akili pia.

    I have also said, i will never safe ladies number as men's name. If i
    think you are worth the risk, i cram your number offhead. Like now, i
    know all this ladies no offhead: Chiku, lydia, Janet, Martha, Shiru,
    Wambu, Aggie, Ruth, Polly, Anastac, Abi, Nina, Soni, Maggie, Triza,
    Terry to mention but a few. And thats Wanjohi for you.

  2. Nanren

    Nanren JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    Long, but very nice story. And hilarious too!
  3. serio

    serio JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    umenifurahisha mob,mazee
  4. Mentor

    Mentor JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    duh, op umejifunza somo..lol!
    Ama kweli afadhali kuokoa...
  5. itnojec

    itnojec JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    somo tosha...
    mm huzuia msg zozote zisiingie kwa sim yangu nikiwa na wife, na huweka baadh ya namba kwa blacklist zisinipate nikiwa na wife
  6. Mo-TOWN

    Mo-TOWN JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    What a story! Surely I have learnt something here! Thanx for sharing this saga.
  7. Kisoda2

    Kisoda2 JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    nemefurahishwa na hapo aliposema aeklik send button kusend 5K alipogundua namba ni ya FL balaaah!!jikumbushe unapotuma sms kisha unakosea namba pale unapoona inasend kisha jina siyo,....hahahahaaaa!!
  8. Evmem

    Evmem Senior Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    atleast nimejifunza men's trick lol! it was fun though made me laugh :dance:
  9. Katavi

    Katavi Platinum Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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  10. g

    gracious86 JF-Expert Member

    Jun 1, 2011
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    daaah! Haya sasa,wanaume waongo sana! Hopefully u've learnt something hapo..loh!