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Wanawake wa malezi haya hawajui amani ya ndoa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by shizukan, Dec 10, 2011.

  1. shizukan

    shizukan JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Kwa muda nimekuwa nikiwachunguza wanawake/wasichana ambao wanaingia katika mahusiano/ndoa kutoka katika familia ambazo wazazi wametengana au waliwahi kutengana. Kwa wachache nilipata fursa ya kuchunguza mienendo yao ktk mahusiano nimegundua wana mtazamo tata kuhusu ndoa na kwa hili huwa chanzo cha ukosefu wa amani ktk mahusiano yao.

    Kujitahidi kwao ktk maisha ni msukumo wa fikra walizonazo kuhusu nafasi zao katika ndoa na hivyo hujiandaa kuachana tangu awali. Ni kawaida kwa wanawake wa aina hii kuropoka neno zito linalohusiana na kuacha hata kwa tatizo dogo tu la kifamilia. 'usiishi kwa kumtegemea mwanaume moja kwa moja', 'nina elimu yangu, nina kazi yangu sasa nihofie nini mwanaume kuniacha' hizi ni baadhi tu ya sentensi zao za kawaida.

    WANAYATOA WAPI HAYA:
    (tusaidiane ktk hili)
    Mimi nafikiri kwa mama zao. Namna ya kwanza ni kwa kuona jinsi mama zao walivyoishi maisha ya kupambana na baba zao kiasi fighting mentality imewaingia na kuwa sehemu ya maadhimio ya maisha yao ya baadae. Lingine ni maneno wanayoambiwa na mama zao ambao wamekata tamaa ya mahusiano kwa sababu ambazo si lzm ziwe chanzo ni mwanaume. Wamama huwaambia binti zao "jitahidi usome mwanangu, uzembe huu utakuja kunyanyasika kwa mwanaume kama mimi mama yako" tangu hapa binti anaamini kuwa elimu ni ukombozi dhidi ya mwanaume

    The worst state utaipata kwa mkeo ambaye wazazi wake waliachana na kurudiana mara kadhaa... Labda na wanaume tuna mtindio wetu, hilo sijalijua bado
     
  2. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Kwenye ndoa kuvunjika, kwa nini umempoint mwanamke?
    Ndo anayetakiwa kushikilia ndoa?
    Is not for a husband and a wife to make a mariage work?

    Ngoja nizimuue nyagi yangu naona unanzingua.
     
  3. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kama hujajua bado ungeendelea na huo utafiti wako wa kizushi ndo ulete uliyoona wewe ndivyo.
     
  4. shizukan

    shizukan JF-Expert Member

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    Nalijua hilo, lkn ukiona ndoa imedumu, jua mwanamke wa hiyo nyumba ana busara. Mwanaume si wa kumtegemea sana linapokuja suala la uhusiano, kwani akili zetu hazipo sawa kipande hiyo.
     
  5. shizukan

    shizukan JF-Expert Member

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    Punguza jazba, ni mtazamo tu. Suala hapa nikujitafakari nakuona kama unao tabia hizi au la. Kama wewe unajua something kuhusu wanaume then uwanja ni wako. Nyani haoni kundule, niambie wewe na mimi nijitafakari hapo ndio unakuwa umenisaidia.

    Na kutokana na maoni yako haya mafupi, tayari nimeshakubaini kuwa u-mwathirika wa malezi haya. Tazama jinsi ulivyojibu kwa jazba badala ya kutafakari. Moja ya sifa nyingine ambazo wanawake wa namna hiyo wanazo ni kutopenda kufikiri, badala yake hutumia hisia za kuonewa na hivyo kutengeneza defensive mechanism ambayo mwisho wa siku haimsaidii kitu.
     
  6. R

    Rweye JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Dec 10, 2011
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    Mhh!watakuponda sana japokuwa ulichokileta kina ukweli kwa kiasi kikubwa sana,tatizo ni elimu yetu,elimu imeondoa utu,elimu imeondoa nafasi ya mwanamama katika ndoa i.e mtoto anakunya mko wote mama na baba na badala ya mama kuelewa kumtawaza mtoto ni jukumu lake kabla ya baba kumuattend mtoto,mama anakwambia samahani baba mtawaze mtoto...ukihoji iweje,na yeye anafanya nini alipokaa basi unaonekana unaelement za unyanyasaji na hautaki kusaidia,hapo ndo linapokuja tatizo la Obligations na usawa

    They misinterprate the meaning of equality by dismissing their key roles i.e obligations to their families,being equal doesnt imply running away from attending your primary duties..on contrary,this is being irresponsible,mst of such women are neither equal nor mean equality...they rather pretend being seeking for equality where as they are trying to create excuses to please their couples by just becoming irresponsible women
     
  7. Heart

    Heart JF-Expert Member

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    Hata mimi nimeshaona na kusikia cases kama hizo tena mara kadhaa,nina marafiki ambao dhana yao ndio hiyo kuhusiana na wanaume na hiyo inatokana na matatizo waliyoyaona nyumbani kwao...ni mbaya sana! Mtu anakuwa tayar psychologically affected na inakuwa ngumu sana kumbadilisha kutoka kwenye dhan hiyo...
     
  8. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Hii huwa ni excuse kukwepa majukumu fulani ya kimahusiano. Anyway, its believed to be so lakini until when hawa wanawake wataweza vumilia?

    Uache na buku jii siku nzima upangie matumizi, ulee watoto, ufanye majukumu yote, mumeo aishi kama serikali ya Tanzania isiyo ana auditor wa fedha wala tabia eti uvumilie tu.
    Duh sasa hivi wanajitambua na wanaendelea kujitambua hii ya mwanamke ndo ashikilia ndoa kama wanamme nanyi hamtabadilika sioni ndoa huku mbele.

    Sitakubali beba zigo lote peke yangu eti ili nionekane na hekima, puriiiiiz give me a break ya baskeli

     
  9. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    @Rweye umeongelea suala la roles ambalo kiafrika kazi za nyumbani zilikuwa for women.
    Naomba nikupe case hii ambayo ni ya ukweli.

    dada x yupo chuo mwaka wa 3, ana boyfriend Y yuko mtaani.X kapanga chumba baada ya kupata ujauzito, Y kaja kuishi naye.
    X anaenda chuo anarudi na kumkuta Y kalala siku nzima bila kupika akimsubiri X wakati X kaacha kila kitu ndani na ndiye anayemuweka Y mjini.
    Na mimba ya miezi 8 inabidi arudi mbio kuja mpikia Y ambaye kashinda home kalala.
    Hadi anaenda jifungua trend ilikuwa hiyo hiyo.

    Is that okay just at the expense of gender roles?
    Cant you act according to situation? Can u think outside the boa a littlle bit?
    Nilimwambia X hiki ni kimeo cha maisha a responsiblle man will never do that.
     
  10. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    unasahau kwenye hizo ndoa zilizovunjika product sio watoto wa kike tu, bali hata wa kiume nao wamo. ulishawahi kuwaza contribution ya waume waliotoka kwenye ndoa zilizovunjika kwenye kuharibu ndoa zao wenyewe? ukizingatia vitabu vya dini vinatuambia mwanaume ni kichwa cha familia, mke ni kama body tu. sasa kama mwanaume mwenyewe kapata mtazamo tata kuhusu ndoa, umeona kipi kwenye 'utarifi' huu usio rasmi?
     
  11. sijui nini

    sijui nini JF-Expert Member

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    twende mbele na kurudi nyuma...haya mambo yapo sana tu kwenye jamii...tena kipindi hiki cha dot.com..ni vigumu kusema hasa chanzo cha kuvunjika ndoa huwa ni mwanaume au mke sababu inategemeana na mambo mengi (ikiwemo hata hilo la wasichana kuirithi kutoka kwa mama- ha hata baba zao maana wapo wababa huwa wanawaambia binti zao kabisa soma mwanangu ili usije kunyanyaswa utakapoolewa...unategemea nini?)...so ni matatizo ambayo yapo kwenye jamii...

    Cha msingi mi naona (kama inavyojulikana wazi kuwa ndoa ni makubaliano ya hiari yenye upendo ndani yake baina ya watu wawili ke na me) hivyo basi msingi wa ndoa yoyote ule naamini huwa unatengenezwa kabla hata ya watu kuingia ndani ya ndoa..kila mmoja kufahamu ni kwa nini wanaingia kwenye ndoa...tatizo kubwa linalowakuta (wa dot.com) ni kukurupuka (nnahakika kwa zaidi ya 75% ya ndoa zivunjikazo) ...unakuta watu wanaingia kwenye ndoa hata mmoja wao ukimuuliza jukumu lake kubwa katika ndo ni nini hajui...ilimradi na yeye ana mke/mme basi...na mkishaingia kwenye ndoa maana mnaishi pamoja na hapo sasa hata yale yaliyokuwa yamejificha kwa mwenzio ndo yanaanza kuonekana live bila chenga...na si ajabu ndo yenyewe ilifungwa baada ya kutamaniana miezi michache iliyopita..balaa linaanza!!

    So, mi sioni wa kulaumiwa moja kwa moja kati ya mwanaume au mwanamke pale ndoa inapovinjika sababu kila mtu anapaswa kuwa makini katika hili...na mimi binafsi yangu...siamini kama kuna watu wenye tabia isiyofaa ndani ya ndoa..NINACHOAMINI ni kuwa kila mtu kwa tabia yake aliyonayo YUPO MTU MAALUM ANAYEWEZA KUENDANA NAYE NDANI YA MAISHA YAKE(NDOA) NA WAKAISHI KWA AMANI..yaani yule wee unaemuona hafai kabisa kuoa/kuolewa sababu ya tabia zake.. kuna mtu mwingine anatabia ambazo wakikutana watatengeneza bonge la ndo watu wanashangaa...!!ishu inakuja kujua sasa yupi ndo 'ubavu' wako sahihi...hapo ndo maana wengi huwa hata wanashauriwa watumie muda mwingi kumshirikisha Mungu katika hili..na tatizo siku hii vijana wengi Mungu wamemuweka reserve...wanasubiri mpaka dakika za mwisho mambo yashaharibika ndo wanakumbuka kuna Mungu...

    Pia kuna wale wanaojisahau mara baada ya kuingia kwenye ndo...yaani mtu amejitahidi kufuata yale yote ya muhimu mpaka amempata yule aliye sahihi na kufunga ndoa...ila baada ya muda mfupi tu ndani ya ndo unakuta mtu anasahau kabisa wajibu wake ndani ya ndoa sababu ya mahangaiko ya dunia hii..(afu huwa wanatabia ya kupenda kumsingizia sana shetani..eti nilipitiwa na shetani..wakati anapita we kwanini usimuache apite zake..we ulimsimamisha wa nini??)..matokeo yake ndoa inayumba na kuvunjikilia mbali huko..

    Kwaiyo mi naona ndoa ivunjikapo kama ni bakora wote wawili waanze kula kichpo kwanza then mengine ndo yafate..
     
  12. OLESAIDIMU

    OLESAIDIMU JF-Expert Member

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    And after all if you can be pleased by your wife's mere excuses then may be you are rhetorically giving a proof that marriage breakdown is the product of both partners being partial
     
  13. shizukan

    shizukan JF-Expert Member

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    Rejea mada upya. Hakika sikumaanisha majukumu ya nyumbani. Nazungumzia mentality ya kuachana. Matatizo hayakosi ktk ndoa kwa kuwa kila mtu alilelewa kwao mnakutana ukubwani, nachokizungumzia mimi ni defensive mechanism ambayo mwanamke huiandaa kuapply kwenye kila tatizo hata ambalo linazungumzika na kumalizika. Chunguza, utakubaliana na mimi, mabinti ambao wamekulia ktk familia ambazo baba na mama walijua kuyaficha matatizo yao ya kihisia kwa watoto, ni wenye tafakuri na utiifu (ambavyo ni mojawapo ya misingi ya ndoa) na kamwe hawakimbilii kutunisha misuli.

    Kwa kifupi, mwanamke aliyelelewa vyema hufikiri kupatana na kuendelea, lkn aliyelelewa kwa malezi niliyoyasema huwahi kujitazama uwezo wake wa kuishi mwenyewe na kuzidisha moto.
     
  14. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    @Shzukan
    Kwa ushauri wako kwa hiyo akina mama wajitahidi kuficha matatizo ya ndoa zao?

    Unajua hay maisha hayana formula inaweza kuwa unasema umeona kutokana na case moja lakini kwa kesi nlioona mie sio lazima akavumilia

    kuvumilia au kutafuta reconsiliatin inategema na tatizo lililopo kati yenu kama linavumilika. Hata kama binti katoka familia yenye malezi mazuri anakuja gundua mumewe bwabwa au analawiti watoto, itakuwaje hapa?

    Anyway umeshawahi fanya research ya aina hii hata kwa wilaya moja then ndo to generealise. No research no right to speek.
     
  15. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Mwathirika?Labda wa ngoma.
    Usiwe mwepesi wa kuhukumu watu usiowafahamu.Sio kila anaepinga kitu kinamhusu.
     
  16. Victoire

    Victoire JF-Expert Member

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    Ndoa ni mke na mme na wote wako resiponsible kwa kudumu au kutodumu kwa ndoa yao
     
  17. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    ndoa hujengwa na watu 2. Mke na mume. Kila mmoja ana jukumu sawa la kuilinda.
     
  18. Mkeshahoi

    Mkeshahoi JF-Expert Member

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    Niulizage..hivi maadili na uelewa wa maisha ya ndoa ni wa kuzaliwa au kuelimishwa na wanandoa wakakaelimika na kuzingatia...?

    Nifahamucho
    .. kupandikiza hisia-sumu (emotional poisoning) ni mbaya sana .. athari si katika ndoa pekee...hata katika maisha ya kawaida... si kwa mwanaume wala mwanamke.. changamoto ni kwamba katika asili zetu za kiafrika....maisha ya ndoa yanamwegemea mama zaidi kuliko baba... na ni ngumu sana kukinzana na asili..:A S-coffee:...
     
  19. Papa Mopao

    Papa Mopao JF-Expert Member

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    Unajua, dunia hii ina mambo mengi sana kiasi kwamba unaweza ukadhan watu takriban milioni 70 wana tabia zinazofanana kabisa, hapo umekosea kabisa, kila binadamu ana tabia zake (wake kwa waume), mwanaume akimpata mwanamke kunazalishwa kitu kinachoitwa staili ya maisha ndani ya nyumba yao kutegemeana na aina ya mazingira wanayoishi pamoja na shughuli walizo nazo, hapo hapo ukimtoa huyo mwanaume na ukamuunganishia na mwanamke mwingine pia staili ya maisha inabadilika na kuwa na fleva nyingine kabisa tofauti na ile ya kwanza.


    Sasa, inawezekana kabisa hao wanawake wenye mawazo hayo (ambayo yanasema mwanaume ni wa nini, mimi nina kila kitu, nina elimu nina kazi, sina cha kupungukiwa) walilelewa na mama zao ambao kwa bahati mbaya walikutana na wanaume wengi kwa vipindi tofauti na staili ya maisha yalikuwa mabovu eitha kipindi cha u-bf na gf au kipindi cha ndoa, sasa kinachowafanya wawe vile ni ile fleva ya couples kuwa mbaya katika uhusiano kiasi kwamba kichwani wanajenga final decision juu ya uhusiano kwake yeye na kwa watoto wake, na ndo maana wanawaambia kabisa binti zao kwamba mwanaume asikubabaishe we soma tu ufaulu upate kazi nzuri, humpati mwanaume wa hovyo hovyo ukishasoma na kupata kazi nzuri, huyo binti atakapokua na kuingia katika uhusiano ile sauti ya mama zao bado huzunguka kichwani mwao na wanakuwa kama vile wanajenga tahadhari na wakifanikiwa katika shule na kazi baaasi mziki ni hapo!

    Ila mimi sijui dawa ya kuwabadili hao ni ipi? nachojua zaidi ni kumuegemea Mungu tu(tushirikiane sote tuwasaidie hawa) walete ndoa ya amani maishani mwao!
     
  20. shizukan

    shizukan JF-Expert Member

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    Cool down Lizzy, sina haja ya kukufahamu kujua matatizo yako. Mimi sijakuhukumu, na wala maneno yangu sio sheria. 'By the way I love you' hata hiyo hujui?!
     
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