An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained.
"Well doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with the left, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with the left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth. Nothing
We even called our neighbor, Arleen, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, she even squeezed it between her legs, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yap, none of us could get the jar open!"