Vituko mitandaoni. Tupia chako

[Mshana Jr]

 

[Taavid]

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Nilikuwa na dem moja, hizi ndio zilikuwa pigo zake yani salamu yake "niaje" au "oi" kama mwanaume vile

 

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🤣🤣🤣

 

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Muongo sana huyo jamaa..
Kama anawasikiliza kweli aondoe sasa

 

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Pengine yupo tayari kukutunuku!!

 

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🤣🤣

 

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Duuh.. makubwa 🤔
Wachina nao wanaruhisiwa kufanya hii!!!

 

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🤣🤣
Hata ukitaka 5sum, ni wewe tu!

 

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Vimaneno kwenye bodaboda/bajaj...​

Jamaa mmoja dereva wa bajaji alianguka, sasa bajaji ikawa imem’bana akawa anafurukuta bila mafanikio..
Cha ajabu watu wakawa wanampita tu bila kumsaidia,
Kumbe Nyuma ya Bajaji yake alikua Kaandika
“NIACHENI KAMA NILIVYO, HII NDIO STYLE YANGU”

Mpaka sasa bado yuko amenaswa!

 

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Kilichowakuta boss, mke wake na mfanyakazi wao..​

Bakari ni house boy mara nyingi huiba wine ya boss wake na kisha kuongeza maji kwenye chupa ili boss asigundue.
Mara kadhaa boss alihisi ladha tofauti anapokunywa wine hivyo kuhisi kuna mchezo mchafu alihisi tu Bakari anahusika.
Ilikua ni bahati tu alimvizia na
kumbamba Bakari akichakachua wine, kwa kuwa mkewe alikua
anamtetea Bakari, ili kumthibitishia mkewe kuwa Bakari ndo culprit, boss alianza kwa kumuuliza Bakari maswali.
Siku hiyo Bakari alikua jikoni, boss na mkewe walikua sebuleni.

Boss: Bakariiii!
Bakari: Naam baba!
Boss: nani anakunywa wine yangu?
Bakari kimyaaaa hajibu kitu!
Boss: Bakariiiii !
Bakari: naam baba!
Boss: nauliza nani anakunywa wine yangu halafu anajazia majiii!
Bakari kimyaaaaa!

Boss akaamua amfuate hukohuko jikoni.
Boss: Kwanini nikikuita unaitikia, nikikuuliza unanyamaza?
Bakari: baba huku jikoni ndo kulivyo, unasikia jina tu likiitwa lakini maneno menginehusikii, na kama huamini baki jikoni mi niende sebuleni.

Bakari akaenda sebuleni akaanza kuita.
Bakari: Babaa!
Boss: naam Bakari!
Bakari: Saa sita usiku huwa unaenda kufanya nini chumba cha house girl?

Boss kimyaaaa!
Bakari: Baba babaa!
Boss:ndio Bakari!
Bakari: Nauliza hivii, chumbani kwa house girl saa sita za usiku huwa wafuata nini?

Boss kimyaaaaaaa!
Boss akatoka nje: Bakari huku jikoni ni kweli husikii kitu zaidi ya jina!

Mke wa Boss akaingilia kati
Mama: nyie msinitanie kabisa mnasemaje?!!
Bakari: kweli mama ukiwa jikoni husikii kitu nenda uone

Mama akaenda na Bakari akaanza

Bakari: mamaaaa!
Mama: abeee!
Bakari: hebu niambie hiyo mimba ni ya baba au yangu?
Mama kimyaaa

Bakari: mamaaaa!
Mama: abeeee!
Bakari: hebu niambie basi, ukweli hiyo mimba ni ya baba au yangu??
Mama: kimyaaa
Mama akatoka nje: kweli humu jikoni kuna tatizo nilikuwa nasikia jina tu

 

[Bushmamy]

Nilikuwa na dem moja, hizi ndio zilikuwa pigo zake yani salamu yake "niaje" au "oi" kama mwanaume vile

Haaaaa ndo zangu hizo, sinaga kuremba. Au naanza na tusi kwanza

 

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Binti​

Baadhi ya wazazi huandika kwenye geti: KUNA MBWA MKALI HAPA, kama kuna binti wa miaka 18 hivi..
Akitinga miaka 30 bila hata mchumba, wanabadili maandishi kwenye geti kuwa: TUNAUZA BARAFU HAPA..😊

 

[lyenyi]

Fundi maiko View attachment 2345269

Fundi Hana kosa hapo

 

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Wakenya..​

Njeri: Roysambu ni ngapi?
Makanga: Roysambu ni moja tu. Pengine kama Chinese wamejenga ingine.

Odhis: Hii gari haina watu bana.
Makanga: Kwani hao wawili wenye wamekaa hapo ndani ni ng’ombe?

Man: Wekeni nyimbo za Yesu tafadhali.
Makanga: Yesu bado hajatoa album. Akitoa tutaeka.

Mwikali: Excuse me conda…gari za Mwingi zinapandiwa wapi?
Makanga: Ziliacha kupandwa juu hazimei.

Man: Kwani mwisho wa gari ni wapi?
Makanga: Mwisho ni hapo penye number plate iko.

Karis: Ruaka ni how much?
Makanga: Sijaskia Ruaka ikiuzwa. But nikiskia nitakwambia.

Passenger: Shukisha dere.
Makanga: Tukishukisha dere utaendesha gari?

Johnny: Maze, hii gari iko na joto sana.
Makanga: Basi shuka upande fridge

 

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I bought a Power Bank for Tsh 15k..
...And I Was Very Happy It Was Cheap Until My Phone Started Charging The Power Bank😁

 

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Guy : Bae, can we see each other today?
Bae: Were we Blind before?!

 

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That embarassing moment when you are sitting beside your crush in the church then your younger brother come running with a 1000 note in his hand..
Brother... Mum said i should give you this for offering🙄

 

[mzabzab]

Biashara matangazoView attachment 2345952

Tako limevaa lapa😂😂😂😂

 

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No one is as respectful as the person who want to borrow money from u, they will greet everybody even your dog.
They'll be like "bingo how are you? It's Such a handsome dog"

 

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A useful advice Ladies... Please feed your man very well, a fat man can't 'Run' away