Utani connection

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*Chizi kaanguka toka kwenye gorofa fasta watu*
*wakamfuata kumsaidia wakamuulza VP*
*IMEKUAJE*?
*Chz akajbu: ''HATA CJUI NA MIE NDO NAFIKA*
*SASA HIVI.*
bora bangi wauze tyu maana Leo nisinge cheka ivi

:'''Ujinga Classic"':

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*Hakuna biashara ngumu kipindi hiki kama kuuza wallet*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*shetani si aaache kiburi amuombe msamaha Mungu watu turudi kwenye bustani ya edeni tukakaee uchii nguo zenyewe zimepanda bei hz aaaaah*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

KUTESA KWA ZAMU.

JANA

BOY: Bby wangu mambo
GIRL:
BOY: Haya nimekumiss sana bby
GIRL:
BOY: Kuna tatizo lolote mpnz?..
GIRL:
BOY: Huwez kutype bby?
GIRL:
BOY:


LEO
GIRL: Bby mambo vp mwenzio nina shida
BOY:
GIRL: Nina shida km ya laki mbili hivi bby
BOY:
GIRL: Jmn bby ndo nini sasa hivo
BOY:
GIRL: Ujue sikuelew bby
BOY:
GIRL: Bby kwn huwez ongea?
BOY:
GIRL:


malipo ni hapa hapa duniani..!!

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

CHEKA KIDOGO.
Mlevi alipita mtoni akakuta watu wanabatizwa,mlevi akajua kuna kitu wanakitafuta kwa kuwa mchungaji alikuwa anawazamisha na kuwatoa kwenye maji,mlevi naye akapanga folen ilipofka zamu yake mchungaji akamzamisha alipomtoa akamuuliza, umempokea yesu? akajibu hapana, akamzamisha tena akamuuliza, umempokea yesu? akajibu bado, mara ya tatu akamuuliza umempokea yesu? mlev akasema mchungaji una uhakika alizama maeneo haya au tunahangaishana tu?

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*HII KALI *
*Mgojwa: daktari Nina tatizo la kusahausahau kila dakika.*

*Daktari: hilo tatizo lilianza lini?*

*Mngojwa:tatizo lipi?*

**
**

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*_PAMOJA NA HALI NGUMU YA UCHUMI NCHINI HUWEZI AMINI MSHAHARA WA DHAMBI HAUJABADILIKA HATA KIDOGO...BADO NI MAUTI VILEVILE_*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

Kuna Dem amepost WHERE DID WE FIRST MEET? Sijui nimkumbushe Ile siku Chali yake aliniomba Keja ama nilenge tu hii story,juu mi ni ule msee nilikua nafua hapo nje ....

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*ZINGATIA*
_kama ww ni mwanaume ulivaa joho na bado upo nyumban._

```Believe me my braza
lile ni dera.```

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

Wakuu punguzeni pombe,kuna jirani yangu amerudi amelewa sasa nachungulia dirishani naona anagonga mlango wake takribani masaa mawili,wakati hapa anaishi peke yake, kwakuwa sipendagi ujinga nimetoka nikamwambia mwenyewe kasafiri. Nae kaondoka.

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

Jaman mwenye group la kichawi aniunge, Kuna boya mmoja anafatilia sn maisha yng.....

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

UKITAKA KUJUA AKILI YA MWANAMKE.. Mwambie Dada una nywele nzur wakati kavaa wigi utasikia "Asante".....

Akili zao wanazijua wenyewe!!

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

Mbu ni tatizo sana nchini kwetu. Lakini ukitaka mbu wote waishe mpaka tuanze kuwatafuta, waambie wanaume kwamba *mchuzi wake unaongeza nguvu za kiume.*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

MAMBO KUMI YA KUFURAHISHA NA HUWEZI KUYAFANYA:
1. Huwezi kuosha Macho kwa Sabuni;
2. Huwezi kuhesabu Nywele zako;
3. Huwezi kupumua kwa Pua na huku umetoa Ulimi;
4. Unajaribu kufanya namba 3
6. Umeona inawezekana, sanasana unakuwa Kama Jibwa;
7. Unatabasamu kwa kuwa umejiona Mjinga!
8. Umeruka namba 5;
9. Unahakikisha Kama kweli 5 haipo.
10. Unacheka kwa kuwa nimekubamba!

Shea na wenzako na wewe uwabambe!

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*Nimelala nkaota naendesha New Mercedez Benz S-Class 2016...*
*Sasa nmeamka nimesahau nimelipaki wapi......*
*Hapa najiandaa naenda Ku-report police nmeibiwa gari*
*SIIBIWI KIZEMBE MIMI*

Akili yangu naijua mwenyewe

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*Kuna habari zinaenezwa kwenye mitandao ya kijamii. kwamba trump ni baba angu mdogo naomba mzipuuze*

*Ahsante*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*Duh! Sikubali bora mbavu zituume wote!*

*Watalii wana dharau sana bana, Mtalii alikodi boti akazunguka nayo kwenye mto Rufiji kuangalia mandhari, akamuuliza kijana anayeongoza boti, "Do you know Biology, Psychology and Anthropology?" Kijana akajibu "NO," Mtalii akamwambia "nothing you know under the sun? You are useless, and u'll die with your illiteracy!" baada ya muda boti ikaanza kuzama, kijana akamwambia mtalii "Do you know kuogelealogy and kusepalogy from mambalogy? Mtalii akajibu huku ametoa macho "No" kijana akamwambia "You will kufalogy and mambalogy wil eat your matakology because of your bad-mdomology..*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

*Dah, acha tu Trump ashinde...awarudishe black wote huku...mwakani hatupati shida ya kuwatafuta kina Jay Z, Rihanna, Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa etc kwa ajili ya fiesta..tutazunguka nao mpk muleba*

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

Docta: kwa nini ulikunywa dawa saa 12 wakati nilikwambia unywe saa 3

Mgonjwa:nilitaka kuwasaprise bactelia

 

[Shadrack K. Lwila]

Ujinga hour;

*Some girls are very funny.... She will hang one leg on your shoulder for 2 hours of sex but tell her to jump a small kamtaro pale kwa estate ndio utaskia akisema, 'Lakini Beb unajua naeza vunjika backbone ama niangushe fallopian tubes zimwage ovaries?'*