Should you maintain contact or friendship with Ex-partner?


Mtaalam

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Mtaalam

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waweja sana...haika mbe,namanste,merci, senk u very much, shukria!!
 
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Bibi Kizee

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Bibi Kizee

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Imenilazimu kuchangia jamani, hapo pagumu urafiki na EX simshauri mtu a-maintain hiyo na wala sithubutu inaweza kukupa wakati mgumu na pengine kuhatarisha au kuharibu ndoa yako, mie naona yaliyopita si ndwele tugange yajayo na yaliyopo: nina mfano wa jamaa aliyekuwa na Ex girl wake niseme ni wautoto mambo ya sekondari akiwa yeye ndie katoboa pazia, waliachana kitambo baada ya kumaliza form IV ila walibaki na contact barua, kadi na kama kawaida likizo wanakutana na kusalimiana kirafiki, ikatokea kipindi wakapotezana mpaka walikutana tena hivi karibuni kila mmoja wakati huo ni mtu mzima na familia (mwanamme ana watoto 3 na binti 2) wakapeana contact

kibaya yule jamaa yangu mwanamme ndoa yake ilikuwa na matatizo siku zote huwa analalamika mkewe anatabia ngumu na anaishi nae kwa kuwa wamefunga ndoa tu. kwa sasa ndio kabisa maana baadaya kukutana na XGF wake anajilaumu na kujiuliza nini kiliwatenganisha na anamuona yule XG wake katulia na kibaya anazidi kupendeza kiasi haoni tofauti ya wakati ule wanacheza!

sasa jamaa mate yanamtoka anashindwa kujua afanyeje mawazo yamehama kwa XGF kutwa anampigia simu na XGF naye anapokea kwa furaha na vicheko, kila mtu akiagiza salamu za *msalimie umpendaye* na wanapanga mipango ya kukutana zaidi maana kikazi wapo mikoa tofauti! binafsi nashindwa hata kumshauri jamaa yangi na sijui nini kitatokea maana kila nikikaa anawazza siku watakayokutana rasmi maana walivyokutana na kupeana contact ilikuwa kama ajali bila kutaraji ...sasa kwahili mie mwenyewe sitaki kabisa niwe na contact na waliopita wala sitofurahi hata nikisikia mpenzi wangu wa sasa ananieleza habari za X wake
 
Kana-Ka-Nsungu

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Kana-Ka-Nsungu

Kana-Ka-Nsungu

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Ni muhimu kukata mawasiliano na EXs, just delete them from your world otherwise utaanza kufanya comparison na contrast kila unapokuwa na matatizo kwenye current relationship yako na kujikuta ukitumbukia majaribuni. Mbaya zaidi waswahili hatuna discpline ya ku maintain boundaries linapokuja suala la urafiki na EXs wetu, iko siku mtajikuta mmepitiliza na kusafanya yale ambayo hayapaswi kufanywa baina ya marafiki.
Ni vyema partners waka avoid kuongelea their past relationships unless kuna ulazima, na pale ambapo mwenzako anahisi au amesikia kuwa in the past uliwahi kuwa na fulani na akaku confront- huna budi kusema ukweli.
 
Kisoda2

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Kisoda2

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It so happens that:

Couples come to appoint in their lives when for various reasons, they
decide either to separate or divorce!
Two individuals in love have a baby and one decides to walk away and marry
someone else!
A girl or boy decides to drop her/his boy friend/girl friend for another.

So, here are some questions! Once that has happened,

Should the two continue to communicate?
Should they send e-mails,text messages or call each other?
Should they visit each other?

Any thoughts out there?
 
GP

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GP

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inategemeana, wengine waaachana bila nongwa yaani kwa maelewano mazuri pasina ugomvi, hapo hata mkikutana njiani mnasalimiana na kuongea vizuri, hata kutembeleana, calls, text haina neno. ila mkiachana kwa maneno mabaya au ngumi kuwasiliana inakua ngumu.
ila back to the topic, kuwasiliana sio mbaya kama binadamu wema, coz mnaweza kukutana popote pale na mkaweza kusaidiana kwa njia moja moja au nyingine. ila wakati mwengine nayo inaweza kusababisha uaminifu kupotea pale ambapo mtu kapata mwenza mpya ghafla akagyundua ni bora yule wa zamani, hapo watajikuta wanajikumbushia enzi zao, yaani wanakua wanaibia tena.
 
Kisoda2

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Kisoda2

Kisoda2

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GP hapo ni sawa kabisa kuwepo na hayo mawasiliano,kwani kuna mtoto hapo amabye alikuja si kwa ridhaa yake bali wawili hawa ndio chanzo cha kinda huyo kuja katika ulimwengu huu.
sasa tukisema no communication between the two tuna mpoteza huyu wa kati yao.ila yatakiwa yawe na mipaka na ikibidi muolewaji ama muoaji aje na mwenza mpya kumjulia hali huyo kiumbe.Natumai itakua amefahamika pande zote kuwa mie nimezaa na kaka/binti fulani.

Ni mtizamo tu.
 
GP

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GP

GP

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GP hapo ni sawa kabisa kuwepo na hayo mawasiliano,kwani kuna mtoto hapo amabye alikuja si kwa ridhaa yake bali wawili hawa ndio chanzo cha kinda huyo kuja katika ulimwengu huu.
sasa tukisema no communication between the two tuna mpoteza huyu wa kati yao.ila yatakiwa yawe na mipaka na ikibidi muolewaji ama muoaji aje na mwenza mpya kumjulia hali huyo kiumbe.Natumai itakua amefahamika pande zote kuwa mie nimezaa na kaka/binti fulani.

Ni mtizamo tu.
ni kweli, hapo nilisahau.
tena hii haina kikwazo, hata kisheria inaruhusiwa kabisa, huyo kiumbe ndio anaye waunganisha wawili hao.
 
MwanajamiiOne

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MwanajamiiOne

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Kuna siku mume wa demu wangu wa zamani aliwahi kuniita tukutane mahali ana jambo la kujadili nami. Bahati nzuri tunafahamiana kiasi kwani wakati anamchumbia huyo demu bado nilikuwa nae, tulikuwa chuoni na mambo yangu yalikuwa hayajawa na msimamo, kwa hiyo demu aliponieleza kuna mtu kaonesha interest nimpe msimamo wangu, tukakubaliana aendelee nae. Hata hivyo hakuwa amemwambia tuna uhusiano, kwa hiyo jamaa akawa ananiita "shemeji". Tukakubaliana na yule msichana kuwa tuwe kaka na dada, na tumeendelea hivyo hadi leo. Basi hiyo siku jamaa alivyoniita (ilishapita miaka 4 na walikuwa na mtoto), kwa kuwa hatukuwa tumepanga lolote, "chale" likanicheza nikampigia "dada" simu, akanijibu hana habari kuwa mwenzie ana kikao nami, nikajua kuna mtego. Nimefika pa kukutania nikamkuta yuko peke yake, keshaagiza nyama choma na bia, tukaendelea. Akiwa ameshalamba bia nne za fastafasta (haikuwa tabia yake, nadhani alikuwa anaondoa nishai), akaanza kunihoji kipolisi, nimwambie ati mkewe nilishamlala mara ngapi?

Kama ni wewe ungemjibu nini "shemejio" huyo?
.......... Huyo naye alikuwa analo analolitafuta we uache kushughulikia mambo ya maana uanze kufukua ya kale

ningemjibu mavi ya kale hayanuki shemeji

Labda kama nawe ulikuwa bado unapigamo baada ya dadio kuolewa
 
Kaizer

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Kaizer

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.......... Huyo naye alikuwa analo analolitafuta we uache kushughulikia mambo ya maana uanze kufukua ya kale

ningemjibu mavi ya kale hayanuki shemeji

Labda kama nawe ulikuwa bado unapigamo baada ya dadio kuolewa
.......:rolleyes::cool::eek:
 
Bigirita

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Bigirita

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Duu!! huyo jamaa alikuwa anataka kuchanganyikiwa??! what on earth would you want to know how many times your wife was fucked by her ex??? Thats NOT normal!!

Huyo jamaa yupo mpaka sasa au ameshachanganyikiwa? - au ni sex maniac flani? inawezekana anapenda the idea kuwa mkewe alikuwa anacharazwa na mtu mwingine --labda pia angependa umcharaze hata sasa, na labda angependa aangalie...........some people have more dead brain cells than they actually appear.
 
The Farmer

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The Farmer

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To maintan contact with your ex-partner kuna madhara yake. Mara nyingi wengi walio maintain contacts wamekuwa wakirudia kufanya mapenzi na wapenzi wao wa zamani ,Ingawaje tayari wako kwenye mausiano mapya.
 
Mtabiri

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To maintan contact with your ex-partner kuna madhara yake. Mara nyingi wengi walio maintain contacts wamekuwa wakirudia kufanya mapenzi na wapenzi wao wa zamani ,Ingawaje tayari wako kwenye mausiano mapya.
Nakubaliana nawe mkuu. Ukiwa na contact ya ex lazima siku utakuta umebofya namba yake nakuanza kukumbushiana enzi zenu. Mtaishia "I miss you so much" mara mtapanga appointment ya kuonana some where some day. Utaharibu ndoa yako bure, achana nae tu,delete contacts.
 
Caroline Danzi

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Caroline Danzi

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Ex partiner ni sumu ya mapenzi. Cha kujiuliza in deep kwa nini hamkufikia muafaka enzi hizo mpaka mkaachana.

I suggest not to entatain those useless past friendship.
 
Fidel80

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Fidel80

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Kukumbushia muhimu wakuu wadau wanasema ya kale hayanuki.
 
The Farmer

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The Farmer

The Farmer

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Kukumbushia muhimu wakuu wadau wanasema ya kale hayanuki.
Wewe ndio unavyofanya hivyo? Ndugu yangu nakushauri usipende kukumbushia ni hatari sana!
 
Fidel80

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Fidel80

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Wewe ndio unavyofanya hivyo? Ndugu yangu nakushauri usipende kukumbushia ni hatari sana!
Mkuu hatari ipo kwenye nini?
Maana kila mtu anauelewa kuwa yupo kwenye mahusiano mapya kukumbushia ladha ya zamani sio kosa jamani. Unajua mahawala iwa hawaachani.
 
Shishi

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Shishi

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It depends...kama kuna watoto/mtoto lazima contact idumishwe for the sake of the kids. but this also has its limits...kama drop and pick kids at a certian point and time....ensuring minimum physical contact for the parents...
 
Masanilo

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Masanilo

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Mimi naona iko tofauti kabisa Ma-Xpartner wangu wote huwa maadui na mimi, so hakuna cha salamu wala nini...nimejitahidi kuwasiliana nao japo kuwajuliana hali lakini wale niliwaacha solemba na hata wale walioniacha huwa hawataki hata kuonana na mimi, kuna mmoja ndiye balaa kabisa anajitahidi hata kutafuta contact za niliye naye sasa ili animwagie upupu huko. Nilichokifanya ni kumwambia mamsapu kuna mtu anakutafuta akupe uongo so be careful. Nadhani hakuna sababu ya kuwa na mawasiliano, kama mlishindwana yanini tena? Ila kama mna watoto hapo hakuna ujanja....
 
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Ujengelele

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By Diana Vilibert and Abraham Lloyd
Should You Be Friends with Your Ex?

He Said/She Said

HE SAID: We tend to forget that relationships between two people are living, breathing, things. Just as it takes time for them to grow into something larger than ourselves, it also takes time for them to evolve into something different when we decide to leave our partners. Breakups, no matter how quickly we may want them to resolve themselves, are misleading. While they certainly represent the end of a relationship, they are really the beginning of a new one with our former partner. Can this lead to friendship? Certainly sometimes...but that depends on significantly more than the agreements negotiated in the moment.

As a relationship optimist, I believe that it is completely possible to become friends with exes. Life is too short to hold grudges, and it seems absurd to exclude someone from your life that you cared about and with whom you shared special moments. That being said, this is rarely something that happens overnight. Just as it took time for your relationship to grow with your partner, time is exactly what is necessary to allow a relationship to evolve into friendship. Similarly, just as you made a conscious choice to have a partner, it can take even more commitment to turn a former partner into a friend.

Mutual breakups tend to turn into friendship more often than one-sided breakups as it is easier to negotiate the rules of friendship when former partners are in agreement and realize together that the relationship is over. One-sided breakups make this more difficult as one partner may still be holding on to the relationship that the other no longer wants. In these situations, a clear separation is necessary. Before friendship can be attained, it first has to be agreed upon with no conditions or ties to the previous relationship. If your ex is using friendship as a way to “hold on” to your old relationship, then chances are you will not end up friends. Clinging to the past, however romantic it may be, rarely leads to resolving the relationship. If anything, it breeds distrust as it forces you to question the motives of your ex. On that note, how many friends do you have that you do not trust? Exactly.

SHE SAID: Being friends with an ex is tricky and difficult to pull off without hurt feelings, but if you're set on it, keep these pointers in mind:
Take a Break: Some might argue you should never be friends with an ex, but at the very least, don't attempt a platonic friendship 24 hours post-breakup. Depending on how long and serious your relationship was, give each other at least a month to heal...away from each other. No daily phone calls and no movie nights. You need time to readjust to your daily life and schedule without your ex by your side, which is difficult to do if they never leave it as you make the shift in your relationship.

Keep It Clean: It's tough, but once the relationship is over, bite your tongue and resist rehashing fights and everything your ex did wrong...both to his face and behind his back. If you're serious about being friends, badmouthing each other and throwing blame for the breakup won't get you there.

Know Your Limits: Can't handle hearing about an ex's new fling? Let him know. Explain that while you are ready to be friends, you still need some time before hearing about new love interests... don't just grin and bear it. Make any off-limits conversation clear from the beginning. This might be restrictive or forced at first, but you can always decide that new relationships are back on the table for discussion later, when you're truly ready. Don't force it if it'll ruin your day each time he says another girl's name.

Don't Dig Up the Past: If you have made the decision to be friends with your ex, try to keep your past issues out of it. People who were terrible romantic partners can make great friends, but you'll never find out if you're constantly mumbling passive-aggressive "yeah, you were never great at so-and-so" under your breath.

Reevaluate: Sometimes we're desperate to stay friends with our exes because we can't imagine them not being in our lives anymore. This is understandable and yes, perhaps it's really the case that you had a connection worth holding on to. But don't be afraid to go back on your promise of undying friendship if you find that feeling and enthusiasm cooling, whether it's because being friends it just too painful or because you realize you're just not into him, as friends or otherwise.
 
PakaJimmy

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PakaJimmy

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The answer is YES..Why war!

Urafiki ni jambo jema, na hata Mungu analipenda. Cha msingi ni kwamba, tunatakiwa kujua na kujitambua "who iam", na si kujiendea tu kama mtu asiye na akili timamu!

Ikiwezekana hata huyu wa sasa ajue kabisa kuwa fulani alikuwa ex wako, maana atakapojua kwa kuambiwa na waongeaji inaweza kuleta mgogoro na kuvunja amani ndani!

Ni nzuri sana pia kupunguza mawasiliano to the minimum na ex, muonane pale tu kama hakuna jinsi, maana seeing is believing!
 

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