Should you maintain contact or friendship with Ex-partner?

[Steve Dii]

Dear JF Reader,


--Have you been hit by the dreaded four-word-phrase: "Can We Be Friends?" It is a classic break-up line and an eventual one when a relationship hits the rocks.

--Since you liked each other enough to start a relationship, surely you should be able to stay friends... but it doesn't always quite work out like that. So how would you define such a relationship? Does the person who asks ‘can we still be friends?' really mean it?

--Some say: "ex-partners should be handled like nuclear waste. Bury them in the ground and hope they're harmless in 10,000 years." (Ref: adolescent-adulthood.com & enotalone.com)

--Can you really forget all the history of your relationship and be proper friends with an ex, and is there a way of avoiding the chemistry and the inevitable re-match?

--Je, ni vizuri kwa mpenzi wako wa sasa kuwajua ma ex-partner wako au ni bora kuuchuna tu? Lakini ukiuchuna nako halafu mnakumbana mbeleni kwenye mabarabara ukiwa na partner wako wa sasa, huoni kama huo utakuwa mtihani kujieleza kwanini umesalimiana naye, au kwa huyu naye wa sasa siyo vizuri kwake kukuuliza kwanini hukumwambia kabla?

--If you instigated a break-up, can you have sex with your ex because of a repressed feeling of guilt for breaking off the relationship?

--Ukiwa wewe ndiye uliye sitisha uhusiano, je unajisikiaje hivi sasa kumwona mpenzi wako wa zamani amepiga hatua nzuri kwenye mahusiano yake ya sasa? Na kwa vile amepiga hatua, wewe kama chanzo cha kuvunjika kwa mahusiano yenu, unaweza kumpa pongezi ex-partner wako katika hatua aliyopiga? Au kwa sababu ni mambo ya mahusiano inakubidi ukae kimya?

--Ok, let's say avoidance hasn't worked and that you couldn't mentally say NO when your body and your heart are crying out YES; how do you avoid an emotional disaster when confronted with the decision of having "sex with the ex?"

--If you are a type of person who doesn't support the idea of friendship between exes but it happens that you have children with your ex-partner, will you try to get along with the ex and ex's new partner for the sake of children? Since you don't have to like your ex's new partner, what steps will you take towards her/him for the sake of children?

Basi, WanaJF naomba nasaha zenu kwenye maswala hapo juu. Ahsante.



SteveD.

 

[Mtoto wa Mkulima]

Mzee nachoweza kusema ni kuwa wapenzi hamwezi kuwa marafiki unajua ni kwanini? Mkipata mzingira yanayoruhusu ni rahisi sana kusaliti penzi lako la sasa kwani wewe na mpenzi wako wa zamani mnajuana sana na ni swala la kukumbushana tuu.Waswahili husema "Nyumba ya makumbusho haibomolewi" Mzee hata kama ukikutana na demu wako wa zamani ni rahisi sana kukuvulia chupi hata kama kaolewa, vilevile ni rahisi sana hata kwa demu wako kumvulia ex wake chupi mzee wakakumbushana ukizingatia yeye ndie alimvunja bikra na kumleta kwenye huu ulimwengu wa mapenzi uliomwengu unaowatesa wengi, ulimwengu uliowafanya wengi wawe watumwa na kuangamia ulimwengu ulio na raha isiyoelezeka hata Majambazi na magaidi huwa wapole kwenye anga hizo. Ningumu sana kuzuia hisia hizo kwa GF wako wa zamani.

Kwa mimi mwenyewe naona ni bora uepuke kabisa, Agree that the past is behind you and don't make each other remember it. Otherwise ni hatari mkuu. Kama hujagundua hakuna kitu mademu wanachukia kama kuwapigia story zako na wapenzi wako wa zamani vile vile sisi wanaume huwa hatupendi sijui wewe mwenzangu demu wako anakuambia oooh nilishawahi kuwa na huyu na huyu na huyu si utamuona community woman?

Siku zote ukimuuliza demu mimi ni BF wangapi atakuambia ni wa 2 na wanaume hivyo hivyo umelala na wanawake kibao hata wengine huwakumbuki ila demu akikuuliza kuwa ooh mimi ni demu wako wa ngapi unamdanganya wa 2 na wakwanza niliachana naye kwasababu alinicheate.

Mkuu epuka kuongea na demu wako kuhusu past reletion, epuka kukeep close contact na Ex wako (sisemi awe adui wako) ila distance iwepo.

 

[Positive Thinker]

Mtoto wa Mkulima nakuunga mkono for 100% the only thing u can avoid is keeping distance na ex BF OR GF.

 

[Steve Dii]

Mtoto wa Mkulima nakuunga mkono for 100% the only thing u can avoid is keeping distance na ex BF OR GF.

+T, unaonaje hili swala kama uhusiano ulikuwa wa muda mrefu na mlishapata mtoto kabla haujavunjika?

SteveD.

 

[mtuwawatu]

mhh patamu hapo, ila mimi nastill maintain

 

[Steve Dii]

mhh patamu hapo, ila mimi nastill maintain

Mtuwawatu, Je mpenzi wako anajua hilo au unafanya kisirisiri, na kama hajui kuwa 'una maintain' je swala hilo linakusuta rohoni mwenyewe?... au ndiyo mambo hayo ya kuishi na 'guilty pleasures'....

SteveD.

 

[mtuwawatu]

No we are good friends, but not lovers. Good thing is avoid them when i am with the candidate!

 

[Kithuku]

Kuna siku mume wa demu wangu wa zamani aliwahi kuniita tukutane mahali ana jambo la kujadili nami. Bahati nzuri tunafahamiana kiasi kwani wakati anamchumbia huyo demu bado nilikuwa nae, tulikuwa chuoni na mambo yangu yalikuwa hayajawa na msimamo, kwa hiyo demu aliponieleza kuna mtu kaonesha interest nimpe msimamo wangu, tukakubaliana aendelee nae. Hata hivyo hakuwa amemwambia tuna uhusiano, kwa hiyo jamaa akawa ananiita "shemeji". Tukakubaliana na yule msichana kuwa tuwe kaka na dada, na tumeendelea hivyo hadi leo. Basi hiyo siku jamaa alivyoniita (ilishapita miaka 4 na walikuwa na mtoto), kwa kuwa hatukuwa tumepanga lolote, "chale" likanicheza nikampigia "dada" simu, akanijibu hana habari kuwa mwenzie ana kikao nami, nikajua kuna mtego. Nimefika pa kukutania nikamkuta yuko peke yake, keshaagiza nyama choma na bia, tukaendelea. Akiwa ameshalamba bia nne za fastafasta (haikuwa tabia yake, nadhani alikuwa anaondoa nishai), akaanza kunihoji kipolisi, nimwambie ati mkewe nilishamlala mara ngapi?

Kama ni wewe ungemjibu nini "shemejio" huyo?

 

[Steve Dii]

Kuna siku mume wa demu wangu wa zamani aliwahi kuniita tukutane mahali ana jambo la kujadili nami. Bahati nzuri tunafahamiana kiasi kwani wakati anamchumbia huyo demu bado nilikuwa nae, tulikuwa chuoni na mambo yangu yalikuwa hayajawa na msimamo, kwa hiyo demu aliponieleza kuna mtu kaonesha interest nimpe msimamo wangu, tukakubaliana aendelee nae. Hata hivyo hakuwa amemwambia tuna uhusiano, kwa hiyo jamaa akawa ananiita "shemeji". Tukakubaliana na yule msichana kuwa tuwe kaka na dada, na tumeendelea hivyo hadi leo. Basi hiyo siku jamaa alivyoniita (ilishapita miaka 4 na walikuwa na mtoto), kwa kuwa hatukuwa tumepanga lolote, "chale" likanicheza nikampigia "dada" simu, akanijibu hana habari kuwa mwenzie ana kikao nami, nikajua kuna mtego. Nimefika pa kukutania nikamkuta yuko peke yake, keshaagiza nyama choma na bia, tukaendelea. Akiwa ameshalamba bia nne za fastafasta (haikuwa tabia yake, nadhani alikuwa anaondoa nishai), akaanza kunihoji kipolisi, nimwambie ati mkewe nilishamlala mara ngapi?

Kama ni wewe ungemjibu nini "shemejio" huyo?

Duuuh, Kithuku, mbona najisikia sina jibu vile....daah, hiyo hatari kwelikweli! Lakini unajua nini, mimi ningemwambia tu kuwa - hayo ni mambo yaliyo pita na hauko comfortable kuyaongelea na mtu mwingine yeyote, ni baina yake na wewe.... unless kama alikuchukulia kisu ili ujibu...au?
Thanks for sharing the story though..

SteveD.

 

[mtuwawatu]

aaaaaaaah, kila ndoa inakuwa ni result second hand love kwa hiyo jamaa ungemwambia kuwa ulim@#$% x 100, na hata ulipoingia hukukuta lebo, kwisha!,

 

[Nesindiso Sir]

Kazi! Kweli! kweli!. Mzee Kithuku ulikuwa na wakati mgumu.

 

[FELISTER kulwijira]

Pamoja na hayo yote lakini mi naona inategemeana na mazingira mliyoachania au kutengana.

 

[NakuliliaTanzania]

Pamoja na hayo yote lakini mi naona inategemeana na mazingira mliyoachania au kutengana.

kabisa apo felister

Kithuku, aloo ulikuwa kwen wakati mgumu kiaina, uzuri nadhani ulishajiandaaa lolote lawezakutokea

jamaa naye mnazi kwa nini ajipe presha kumuuliza 'shemejie' mambokama hayo?

Tumalizie hii hadithi please

 

[BAK]

Kuna siku mume wa demu wangu wa zamani aliwahi kuniita tukutane mahali ana jambo la kujadili nami. Bahati nzuri tunafahamiana kiasi kwani wakati anamchumbia huyo demu bado nilikuwa nae, tulikuwa chuoni na mambo yangu yalikuwa hayajawa na msimamo, kwa hiyo demu aliponieleza kuna mtu kaonesha interest nimpe msimamo wangu, tukakubaliana aendelee nae. Hata hivyo hakuwa amemwambia tuna uhusiano, kwa hiyo jamaa akawa ananiita "shemeji". Tukakubaliana na yule msichana kuwa tuwe kaka na dada, na tumeendelea hivyo hadi leo. Basi hiyo siku jamaa alivyoniita (ilishapita miaka 4 na walikuwa na mtoto), kwa kuwa hatukuwa tumepanga lolote, "chale" likanicheza nikampigia "dada" simu, akanijibu hana habari kuwa mwenzie ana kikao nami, nikajua kuna mtego. Nimefika pa kukutania nikamkuta yuko peke yake, keshaagiza nyama choma na bia, tukaendelea. Akiwa ameshalamba bia nne za fastafasta (haikuwa tabia yake, nadhani alikuwa anaondoa nishai), akaanza kunihoji kipolisi, nimwambie ati mkewe nilishamlala mara ngapi?

Kama ni wewe ungemjibu nini "shemejio" huyo?

Sijamlala hata mara moja! mkeo mimi namuheshimu kama dada yangu kabisa wewe umetoa wapi hizi dhana potofu...

 

[BAK]

Boyfriend na girlfriend hata kama waliachana kwa ugomvi mkubwa kiasi gani, lakini kama bado wanaweza kuongea bila ugomvi basi ni rahisi sana kuendelea na shughuli zao za huko nyuma.

 

[Pdidy]

Swali Langu Wandugu Nauliza Mbona Kila Demu Unaekutana Nae Na Baadae Mnakuwa Hadi Wife Na Nanii,,,,mnapokutana Mkiulizana Tena Wakati W Mapenzi M Ni Wangapi Kwako Anajibu Kama Si Wapili Watatu,,ukiuliza Sana Nyuma Unaambiwa Unamaliza Mikono Miwlii Wengine Na Miguuni Duuhhh Same To Men Hapo Vipi Kwa Nini Tusiwe Wa Wazi,,,nakumbuka Mke Wangu Nilie Nae Aliponiuliza Nilimwambia We Ni 63,,,kati Ya Hao 30 Nililala Nao Chuo Kikuu,,sikumficha Nilipokuja Kwake Akasema We M Ni Wa 51,,kwa Kweli Nilitiwa Nguvu Kuambiwa Ukweli Although Nimejiuliza Kama Anaetembea Na 50 Anataja Ni Wa Pili Huyu Anaetaja 50 M Si Wa Mia Na Hamsini Madada Tusaidiane Hoja Hii

 

[Kapinga]

ahaha hah ha h ah a i like the 'second hand love' term ...KUNAkaukweli!!!!LOL

 

[DMussa]

Truth will keep you free!! If one cant tell even a little truth like how many partners she/he had slept with then inakuwa ngumu sana kusort! Though some say usimchunguze sana kuku cos utashindwa kumla...... mm naona ukweli is the best!!!
Na kwa issue ya EX-partners nafikiri its hard kuacha kabisa kushirikiana kimapenzi km watapata mwanya wa kukutana na kuongea cos they'll try to bring back the memories na ndo hapo mambo yanapoharibika!!!!

Sio vizuri kuwaacha wakawasiliana free.... jaribu kuweka limits ktk mawasiliano hayo!!

 

[Mdadisi]

mwambie umelala nae too many times to enumerate....!!! huku unachomoa ka bastola kako kisha mtazame atafanya nini...

 

[Mbongo Asili]

Hapo itategemea ni jinsi gani mulivyoachana na Ex wako. if felt i was betrayed or used by my Ex i would still communicate with her,even assist her on her problem that i can, but believe me no strings attached. and avoid any dating or face to face meetings at any cost.