Naombeni ushauri

[Penny]

Ni muda gani toka mlipo fahamiana mpaka mlipo oana?

Kwa kweli ni mda kama five months but in email and phone only.

 

[LazyDog]

Kwa kweli ni mda kama five months but in email and phone only.

Duh!
India kuna ndoa ilifungwa katika mawasiliano ya simu. Mume alienda kukutana na mkewe kwa mara kwa kwanza baadae (weeks after the wedding). Usiniambie hata yako ilifanana hivyo.


Muda gani toka mmekutana hadi siku ya ndoa?



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[Penny]

I understand your problem.But look here lady,the fact that your husband is divorced,and has children with his divorced wife, to me does not seem to be the reason why he is not interested in you sexually.It seems rather that your husband has a sexual relationship with another woman who seems to satisfy him sexually.I advice you to chat with your husband and ask him why he is so cool towards you these days.Talk to him openly and sensibly.But I also advice you to look into your own behavior.Are you well behaved towards your husband? May be there are things you do which he doesn't like.Make a thorough investigation of yourself.

It could he has another woman! well but I have tried to talk to him very politely about it, but his response is he is tired with work that is his answer. The first three months it was so good he used to do it like almost everyday. Then suddenly things changed and he is like doing it once per week, when he does it he does not certify me. When doing sex but this is from the begining he cannot go rounds it is only once. I had also asked him if I have done anything wrong to him he just say nothing. Am real confused.

 

[Penny]

Duh!
India kuna ndoa ilifungwa katika mawasiliano ya simu. Mume alienda kukutana na mkewe kwa mara kwa kwanza baadae, baada ya ndoa. Usiniambie hata yako ilifanana hivyo.


Muda gani toka mmekutana hadi siku ya ndoa?



.

It was like one week.

 

[Victoire]

It could he has another woman! well but I have tried to talk to him very politely about it, but his response is he is tired with work that is his answer. The first three months it was so good he used to do it like almost everyday. Then suddenly things changed and he is like doing it once per week, when he does it he does not certify me. When doing sex but this is from the begining he cannot go rounds it is only once. I had also asked him if I have done anything wrong to him he just say nothing. Am real confused.

Pole sana vumilia ongea nae!hata bible inasema msinyimane ilhali mmekubaliana kuwa mke na mme!ila labda kweli anachoka!ila bora utleast unapata once per week!anakupenda bwana usikate tamaa labda kama unapenda iwe kila siku!

 

[LazyDog]

If a conflict comes, don’t run away from it, by igoring it or by keeping quiet…conflict can be a very good way of understanding your mate, what matters is not whether or not you have some conflicts, what matters most is how do you solve the conflicts….

​

I salute you men! Nimewahi kumweleza mtu maneno hayo. Nimeshtuka kidogo maana ilikuwa kama nasoma kitu kilichoko kwenye memory yangu.




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[Penny]

Penny, ni vizuri ukifahamu pia kwamba scenario kama hizi hutokea mara kwa mara katika ndoa nyingi tu, watu waanza vizuri dating na uchumba kabambe hata hawajali kufahamiana kwa undani wanadai tunapendana – basi inatosha. Baadae nabidi tu wawe real…makucha, meno yanatolewa… you can not pretend forever… right?

Kwa ushauri wangu miezi 8 bado haitoshi kumtosa huyo bwana…be free and open to talk to him and ask him whatever you you want to know (kwa heshima na upendo kumbuka, usi nag au kumsaili kama askari polisi) proper time and place for that kind of talk is important kwa mfano usianzishe hizo issues wakati ana njaa au amechoka, tell him what you think he need to know about you, your feelings etc, Pay attention on what he feels about you and your marriage

If a conflict comes, don’t run away from it, by igoring it or by keeping quiet…conflict can be a very good way of understanding your mate, what matters is not whether or not you have some conflicts, what matters most is how do you solve the conflicts….

Thank you very much, that is what i was thinking of too. I will give him more time. For real i do love him. Coz thru his talks and other people about his ex-wife match. May be ningepata some clue of what to ask ilinisije bugi steps kwenye maswali.

 

[LazyDog]

Unadhani anajisikia vibaya kwamba ameshindwa kukutosheleza (japo kidogo), au anaonyesha kutojali?


.

 

[Penny]

Unadhani anajisikia vibaya kwamba ameshindwa kukutosheleza (japo kidogo), au anaonyesha kutojali?


.

Kwa kweli anaonyesha kutojali. Maana nilimpa hata wazo ajaribu kutumia natural meds from africa but hakujibu kitu alinyamaza kimya tuu. After two weeks I reminded him again about the meds, he just answered me Western food is also the cause too for him not being sexually active.

 

[LazyDog]

What are you going to do next Penny?


.

 

[Penny]

Pole sana vumilia ongea nae!hata bible inasema msinyimane ilhali mmekubaliana kuwa mke na mme!ila labda kweli anachoka!ila bora utleast unapata once per week!anakupenda bwana usikate tamaa labda kama unapenda iwe kila siku!

Thanks for your incouragment. Tatizo sio kwamba hawezi anaweza vizuri sana ila visababu vya hapa na pale vyakunikatisha tamaa ndo vinanisumbua na kunipa mawazo sana. Maana ukiimpa mawazo ya kutatua tatizo naambiwa nataka kufanywa 24hrs! sasa hayo nimajibu yakumpa mwenzi wako kama sio kumchoka! Na hiyo once per week nikwamba mara nyingi naachwa hewani! Pengine munipe njia nyingine za kuongea naye maana nimebakia kukaa kimya tuu sasa na hamu zangu. I realy want to solve my problem.

 

[BAK]

Mimi ni mwanamke niliyeolewa na nina mda wa miezi nane sasa katika ndoa. Huyu bwana tuliyeona kwa kweli niliunganishiwa na ndugu yangu ambaye alikuwa rafiki yake hapo zamani. So it means I dont know his behaviours in real. He is also a divorced man with two children but the children leave with there mother.

What I want a help is that i dont know if he really love me or he also just wanted to have a wife and that`s it. Am saying this because he is not romantic to me and he has become less active in sex than the first months just after we got married. When i ask him, he says that he is tired coz of work. Other thing is that he is not open to me about his whereabouts. I love the man but he is not giving me the same love. What should I do, please advice.

Kaa naye chini umwambie mambo yote ambayo huridhiki nayo katika ndoa yenu pamoja na hilo la kutokuwa romantic na pia kutokuwa na muda wa kufanya mapenzi nawe. Kama huridhiki na maelezo yake basi jaribu pia kumuhusisha huyo aliyewaunganisha, vinginevyo usipoteze muda wako katika ndoa ambayo haina mapenzi yoyote. Kama miezi minne wakati ambapo maluvluv yanakuwa bado moto moto ameshaanza kuingia mitini basi si muda mrefu ataanza kulala nje.

 

[Penny]

Kaa naye chini umwambie mambo yote ambayo huridhiki nayo katika ndoa yenu pamoja na hilo la kutokuwa romantic na pia kutokuwa na muda wa kufanya mapenzi nawe. Kama huridhiki na maelezo yake basi jaribu pia kumuhusisha huyo aliyewaunganisha, vinginevyo usipoteze muda wako katika ndoa ambayo haina mapenzi yoyote. Kama miezi minne wakati ambapo maluvluv yanakuwa bado moto moto ameshaanza kuingia mitini basi si muda mrefu ataanza kulala nje.

And may be to have some advice also in these; Before marriage he told me he has a share in a company with his friend when i came in I discovered it was all lies(kamba). He promised so many things but he has never full filled (Going out for dinner, cinema, doing me my birthday etc)any of them. When I ask him he is like "will go". So am just patiently waiting for the day! During any conversation with me anakuwa amenuna kweli but he receive a call from his friends he smiles alot. Therefore I discovered it is like am holding him home while he was like to be somewhere with his friends. May I have some ideas in this too.

 

[NaimaOmari]

Thanks naima, how and what should I do in terms of vitendo, may be I might not be aware of some! Na sasa if i tell my uncle haita leta ugomvi zaidi! The problems comes am overseas and the uncle is in africa.

Huyu bwana maybe yale mambo alofanyiwa na mke wake has come back to haunt him .. maana kuna wengine wanayaweka moyoni ... and maybe he just rushed into a relationship with you just to find an immediate replacement for his loss (sorry this is reality) akadhani kwamba anakupenda kumbe la ... you were sincere and i believe you love him

i guess hapa you have to go an extra mile ... ila you have to be really patient ... honest tena he mustnt have a reason to mistrust you maana i swear hapa anakuacha bila hiana... mchunguze ujue his type likes and dislikes then you work on the likes ... ni utumwa lakini kama its the only way to save your marriage kubali ... especially talk to him ... try to even become funny ... crack jokes kwa wingi ... play around the house with him ... u a never old to do that ... try kuwa mbunifu

 

[Kijunjwe]

And may be to have some advice also in these; Before marriage he told me he has a share in a company with his friend when i came in I discovered it was all lies(kamba). He promised so many things but he has never full filled (Going out for dinner, cinema, doing me my birthday etc)any of them. When I ask him he is like "will go". So am just patiently waiting for the day! During any conversation with me anakuwa amenuna kweli but he receive a call from his friends he smiles alot. Therefore I discovered it is like am holding him home while he was like to be somewhere with his friends. May I have some ideas in this too.

Ukiangalia yaliyopo hapa, yawezekana akawa anapata psychological torture, hivyo kila anapokuwa na wewe anakumbuka promise zake kwako na zinamuondolewa mawazo juu yako, hatimaye kupoteza hisia awapo na wewe. Kikubwa ni wewe kujaribu kuishi naye kama mtu anayetaka kujifunza toka kwake na asiye kuwa na taarifa/marking scheme yeyote juu ya maisha yake. Hili linaweza mfanya awe karibu kwako na wewe akachukua nafasi hiyo kujifunza kwake na kupenyeza hisia zako.

 

[ChocolateColor]

pole sana ndugu yangu mpendwa kwa hiyo ndoa yako ya muda mchache na matatizo hayo piga magoti kwa Mungu wako ili uiombee familiya yako.

 

[africanus]

Mimi ni mwanamke niliyeolewa na nina mda wa miezi nane sasa katika ndoa. Huyu bwana tuliyeona kwa kweli niliunganishiwa na ndugu yangu ambaye alikuwa rafiki yake hapo zamani. So it means I dont know his behaviours in real. He is also a divorced man with two children but the children leave with there mother.

What I want a help is that i dont know if he really love me or he also just wanted to have a wife and that`s it. Am saying this because he is not romantic to me and he has become less active in sex than the first months just after we got married. When i ask him, he says that he is tired coz of work. Other thing is that he is not open to me about his whereabouts. I love the man but he is not giving me the same love. What should I do, please advice.

Hukuchunguza sana, labda ndio maana mwenzako alieachika alikuwa anapiga misele nje.

 

[LazyDog]

Hukuchunguza sana, labda ndio maana mwenzako alieachika alikuwa anapiga misele nje.

I just didn't want to spell it out.


Penny I hope you're not younger than 25. (Ili kukidhi ile formula yetu ya "Half his age plus 7")



.

 

[Kashaija]

And may be to have some advice also in these; Before marriage he told me he has a share in a company with his friend when i came in I discovered it was all lies(kamba). He promised so many things but he has never full filled (Going out for dinner, cinema, doing me my birthday etc)any of them. When I ask him he is like "will go". So am just patiently waiting for the day! During any conversation with me anakuwa amenuna kweli but he receive a call from his friends he smiles alot. Therefore I discovered it is like am holding him home while he was like to be somewhere with his friends. May I have some ideas in this too.

May be its due to the fact that he has failed to fulfill his promisses and that it why he is filling infilier. By the way, what is the difference between your level of education? Amekuzidi elimu au umemzidi? Katika swala la sex, jaribu kumdadisi, may be anataka uweke KACHUMBARI (shanga).

hata hivyo nakushauri jitahidi kumuomba mungu ataweza kumbadilisha, na kwa kuanzia nakupa hii sala fupi, jitahidi kuisali angalau once per day;

"Mungu, nifanye niwe nyenzo yako ya amani; penye chuki,
pandikiza upendo; penye jeraha, samehe; penye kukosa
maelewano, unganisha; penye wasiwasi, tia imani; pale penye
kukata tamaa, weka matumaini; pale penye giza, tia mwanga; pale
penye huzuni, tia furaha. Mungu, nipe kile ninachoomba kisiwe
cha kunifariji mimi tu bali kiwe cha kuwafariji na wengine, niweze kueleweka
na kuelewa, niweze kupendwa na kupenda, kwani tutoavyo ndivyo
tupatavyo, ni katika kusamehe ndipo nasi tunasamehewa na ni
katika kufa ndipo tunazaliwa kwenye maisha ya milele."

Kama yote yatashindikana NITAFUTE MIMI NITAMALIZA MATATIZO YAKO YOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Penny]

May be its due to the fact that he has failed to fulfill his promisses and that it why he is filling infilier. By the way, what is the difference between your level of education? Amekuzidi elimu au umemzidi? Katika swala la sex, jaribu kumdadisi, may be anataka uweke KACHUMBARI (shanga).

hata hivyo nakushauri jitahidi kumuomba mungu ataweza kumbadilisha, na kwa kuanzia nakupa hii sala fupi, jitahidi kuisali angalau once per day;

"Mungu, nifanye niwe nyenzo yako ya amani; penye chuki,
pandikiza upendo; penye jeraha, samehe; penye kukosa
maelewano, unganisha; penye wasiwasi, tia imani; pale penye
kukata tamaa, weka matumaini; pale penye giza, tia mwanga; pale
penye huzuni, tia furaha. Mungu, nipe kile ninachoomba kisiwe
cha kunifariji mimi tu bali kiwe cha kuwafariji na wengine, niweze kueleweka
na kuelewa, niweze kupendwa na kupenda, kwani tutoavyo ndivyo
tupatavyo, ni katika kusamehe ndipo nasi tunasamehewa na ni
katika kufa ndipo tunazaliwa kwenye maisha ya milele."

Kama yote yatashindikana NITAFUTE MIMI NITAMALIZA MATATIZO YAKO YOTE!!!!!!!!!!!![/QUOTE]

Asante sana kwa sala nzuri. Well he is a 7 class and i have a diploma. B4 married he asked me if i will be able to stand with a person of such level and i told him education has nothing to do with love. so long he know his responsiblities and fulfill them. Ama! Shanga nazo niliweka and he said hazimpii extra fillings.