Hakuna husband material...

[carmel]

Am being real especially to y'all (Tanzanians) kwa sababu you're more close to me. But very true, this's all over the place. Men = issues

I am telling you Kui if you havent gotten yourself in this thing called marriage, you better stay single, you should hear the women lamenting about their husbands and how irresponsible they are these days.

 

[kui]

I am telling you Kui if you havent gotten yourself in this thing called marriage, you better stay single, you should hear the women lamenting about their husbands and how irresponsible they are these days.

Mh!, interesting....I haven't experienced but I have seen some of my friends going through some bizarre stuff in their union(s)

 

[Gudboy]

hebu niletee mmoja, mimi natafuta mwenye vigezo hivyo, tafadhali the boss

 

[Edo]

Kuna jambo moja naliona; maada imeanzishwa na watu wasio na tatizo hilo-wanaume. Je; wanawake wameshaona kuwa hili ni tatizo? Au ni hiyo dhana kwamba wao(wanawake bado wanataka usawa lakini hawajitokezi mbele ). Kuhusu elimu-kwamba wamesoma; wana kazi nzuri -na bado hawaolewi; ningependa kukumbuka maneno ya Mzee Ruksa-"Kuna watu wamesoma; lakini hawajaelimika". Wataalamu wa emotional and social intelliegence wanaweza kuchangia zaidi kwenye hili.

Ninaunga mkono wale waliopendekeza kufanya utafiti kwenye hili na ningeshauri pia watazame madhara ya kuchelewa kuoa katika kutunza watoto. Nahisi kuna wastaafu wengi wanaopata taabu sana kwenye kutunza watoto wao ambao bado wako shule/vyuoni. Na hili kwa mtazamo wangu naliona ni tatizo hasa kwa waliokuwa watumishi waandamizi katika ofisi zetu za umma.

 

[The Boss]

hebu niletee mmoja, mimi natafuta mwenye vigezo hivyo, tafadhali the boss

wapo wengi tu,fungua macho uwaone,

 

[Wang Shu]

Serikali inakusanya takwimu za talaka tu.

 

[BADILI TABIA]

Wanaume mbona wapo.... tatizo ni wanaume wa aina gani...happ ndio changamoto!!!!

 

[Gorgeousmimi]

Huu uzi ulikuwa na visu dah soma nyuzi za siku hizi sasa utachoka mwenyewe!

 

[Samcezar]

Mtu yeyote anayekwambia hakuna mwingine zaidi anakudanganya, utajuaje maisha yatakavyokuwa mbele? Kama ingekuwa kweli hakuna mwingine mbona watu wanaenda ku divorce?

Unaona uongo wa ndoa hapo? Mtu anaweza kusema hakuna mwingine this very minute, the next minute things can change.Upuuzi wa ndoa -hususan za kikristo- zinakulazimisha useme "til death do us part"

Hogwash!

Mimi naona paradox ya ndoa live, watu ambao hawaoani na wanaamua kukaa pamoja wanadumu zaidi katika mapenzi kuliko wanaooana.Kwa sababu ndoa inaleta expectations na obligations zinazokuwa counterproductive.Tukikaa pamoja na kila mtu anajua siku yoyote mtu yoyote anaanza tunajua tuko pamoja kwa sababu tunapendana, tukikaa pamoja kwa sababu tuna obligations za kindoa hatujui kwamba tupo pamoja kwa sababu ya societal pressure na obligations za kindoa au kwa sababu tunapendana.

Ofcourse una make sense Kwa hizi hoja zako ambazo zimebeba maudhui ya kuihoji taasisi ya ndoa kwa muktadha wa mahusiano ya vijana wa sasa ila nadhani msingi wa hoja zako upo nje ya misingi halisi ya taasisi ndoa.

Unajua ndoa kama taasisi nyingine ina qualifications zake ambazo ni very specific na hazipo biased wala za kibabaishaji kama namna umezungumzia. Shida inakuja na waingiaji wa ndoa na namna wamejiandaa.

Unajua tofautisha vigezo vya Kimsingi vya mtu kuwa navyo kama mwanandoa in general na namna utabehave as mke au mume wa mtu individually baada ya kuingia ndoani kulingana na malezi na makuzi yako uliyopitia kutoka katika familia yako na wazazi wako.

Unajua ni mfano unapokwenda kufanya kazi kwenye taasisi yoyote ile,mathalani bank for all the wrong reasons. Hii taasisi inazo values zake, principals, mission, objectives, goals, na kadhalika.

Unapokwenda join hiyo taasisi ni lazima uwe umeshapitia madarasa kadhaa yatakayokuwa yamekupa vyeti kama sifa mojawapo na qualifications za kujoin hiyo taasisi.

Therefore, utakapoijoin ni obviously utasikiliza maelekezo ya wakuu wa hiyo taasisi wakikupa muongozo wa namna ya kutenda majukumu yako na kufikia malengo ya taasisi hiyo kupitia kitengo chako cha kazi.

Haya yote utafanya in exchange kupata rewards za taasisi hii ambayo umeamua kujoin.

Sasa nadhani wewe inabidi ujihoji kuwa je unaielewa hii taasisi kivipi na kwa muktadha upi. Tukianza na MUNGU, je unatambua mamlaka yake katika maisha yako , au na wewe ni wale wale non-believers wanaosema MUNGU hayupo yet wanaishi kwa matumaini sasa Huwa najiuliza logic ya kukataa uwepo wa MUNGU kisha ukaamini kesho yako na mambo yako yanakwenda tu bila any type of control or management force isiyoelezeka kirahisi.

 

[Samcezar]

Mara nyingi kwa mwanamke/mwanamme aliyesoma atataka mr/mrs right wakati kiukweli hakuna huyo mr/mrs right! Ukianza kuweka list ya sifa (criteria) na kuanza kutia tiki siajabu utafika kuzeeka uko single, hakuna binaadamu mkamilifu.
Na mara nyingi kwa waliokwenda shule huwa na big ego, na ndio sababu ndoa za wasomi (mke na mume msomi) hazidumu, kwa vile 2 big ego haziendani.
Muhimu cha kuangalia ni chemistry kama munaendana kitabia ndio kitu cha msingi kuangalia.

Hekima na tamaa huwa havikai sehemu moja, ukiwa na kimojawapo kuwa tayari kuachia kingine ama sivyo vitakupasua kichwa......

 

[Samcezar]

Umeshawahi kuoa na yakakushinda au una dismiss tu hata kama hujawahi ku experience?

Good question.....

 

[Samcezar]

Nadhani pia hata wale wanaoamua kuishi bila kuoa hawawezi kutoa conclusion kwamba ndoa ni overrated. Maana kama huna uzoefu, utakuwa na tafsiri nyingi ambazo nyingine zinasababishwa na uoga wako mwenyewe au just hypothetical thinking.

Whats the point ya kuishi na mtu partly kwasababu ya mahitaji ya kibinadamu and yet unaikana ndoa wazi wazi?!

Huwa sielewi kwann wanaosema ndoa ni tatizo ila kutwa kucha kugusanisha vikojoleo na watu tofauti kiwizi wizi huko vichochoroni.

Kama unasema wewe haupendi kula au kupika, masufuria unaweka ya kazi gani .....

 

[Samcezar]

mi niko mbioni kuoa mmoja na niko tayari kuwa sitiri wengine
but mimi peke yangu sitoshi.....
inaonekana husband material tupo wachache sana.

Na umetumia neno zuri, Material. But ndoa sio haina msingi wa material.... Ni spiritual....

 

[Samcezar]

I was talking to an Indian Friend of mine about Marriage, I asked him how comes many Indian Marriages lasts longer than most western marriages what is the secret behind. He gave me a very strange answer that I never thought of.

He said the problems with western marriages are that many are built on unrealistic expectations. Many people go into marriages with their pre-conceived ideas of how marriage life is supposed to be.

Women in particular tend to enter into marriage with pre-conceived notions from Hollywood movies of how marriage and wedding life should be. Movies have indoctrinated some people that they expect certain things to be present if the marriage has to be right. They enter into marriage expecting to be married with a flawless man, perfect hard working man, all knowing man, all loving man and the list goes on and on. When these pre-conceived characteristics of their husband are not there they feel as if their marriage life is not complete, they feel they are missing something, and sometimes they feel they have been taken for a ride.

Men also on their side tend to have their own burred vision of how marriage life should be, they expect a perfect flawless wife, who will do everything perfectly, respect them love them and at the same time continue to be young. When things dont go as expected they feels disappointed in some ways and some of them start looking elsewhere.

Now according to My Indian Friend he told me that unlike the western marriages, Indian Marriages are built on a total different foundation. Most of them are pre arranged marriages. Parents are the ones who arrange who should get married to who. Their upbringing is so strict that the question of disputing this pre-arranged marriage was unheard of in the past (At least nowadays they are changing). This pre arrangement usually takes into consideration a number of factors such as your Star, your cast, social status of your family and many other factors which I can not remember. (Mind you: Love is not among the considerations for marriage)

Since these marriages are pre arranged marriages. Many Indian enter into marriage with open mind ready to accept everything that comes their way. Because their marriages are not based on love they tend to have fewer expectations from their spouse than their western counterpart. And if you have less expectation you learn to accept the person the way s/he is because you did not enter into marriage with pre-conceived ideas. It is difficult for the person you do not love to hurt you.

This is their definition of marriage, or his definition of marriage.

Now for our case, I think it is getting tougher and tougher to get married nowadays, I believe both men and women are putting too much expectation such that is becoming more and more difficult to meet these expectation and settle down. This can be the reasons one of explanation why many marriages breakup. If we could lower our expectation to achievable levels, I do believe the situation would not be as bad.

Umaliza kila kitu. Kwa kifupi umesawazisha mada na kwa wote watakaosoma hapa watapata majibu yao sahihi.

 

[Samcezar]

Nilianza kuamini utatoa mwangaza ulipoandika kwa kidhungu, lakini pengine umelipunguza sana tatizo au hukumuelewa mleta hoja. Hizo expectations unazozionglea ndizo zinazo cement any relationship na kwa hali ya kawaida kutokuwa na expectation out of hiyo marriage kutasababisha ndoa ikose radha na ndio chanzo cha migogoro mingi, kwa bahati mbaya nilifanya kazi India na nimekaa na wanandoa zaidi ya 800 kwa miaka 2 huko Mumbai tukiongelea ndoa na matatizo ya ndoa, si mfano mzuri kuigwa na kila aliyepitia ndoa hizo anatamani asingepitia huko.
Cha msingi hapa ni kuangalia ni kundi gani linalokosa husband/wife materials miongoni mwetu. Ni kosa kubwa kuwaweka watu wote katika kundi moja hasa linapokuja suala la mahitaji ya kimaisha. Kwa mfano hilo kundi analoliongelea mleta hoja, kwa hali ya kawaida litakuwa halina nafasi katika jamii zetu zinazo tegemea mwanamke awe mke(hii hajalishi mume anakiwango gani cha elimu au kimaisha).

Nadhani haujamuelewa jamaa. Amesema "unrealistic expectations". Kwa maneno mengine ni kuwa na matarajio yasiyo na maana.

Mfano unakuta mdada anasema hivi, mimi natafuta mwanaume tajiri, mrefu, mweusi, mwenye sauti nzito, mpole, anayejiweza kiuchumi, awe smart kichwani, awe good kitandani, anione mimi tu na asivutiwe na mwanamke mwingine akiwa na mimi, etc.
Sasa ukitazama hizi expectations Kimsingi kutumika kama msingi wa mahusiano then masikini huyu binti kwanza hatofanikiwa kwasababu itabidi afanye audition kwa gharama ya muda wake, mwili wake na utu wake katika kutafuta huyo mwanaume wa kuwa hata na hizo sifa zote kwa asilimia 60%. Mind u muda ni adui mkubwa sana wa mwanamke asiyeishi kwa malengo sahihi na mipango, the biological clock and the age wall is a real nightmare kwa akina dada wa kisasa.

Imagine kuna wadada wana 30+ now na hawapo ndoani, hawana watoto wala serious partner. Yote ni matokeo ya hizi unrealistic expectations za kufukuzia Hollywood romantic ideas kuhusu maisha ya kisasa.

Ukiwa serious maisha yako yatakaa sawa.

 

[Samcezar]

No research no right to speak (Mao). I think this is a good area for conducting social research. We don't have sound grounds to why these women missed men or they don't want to live with men as husbands or they want to live independent life in which they're free to enjoy full freedom. We're supposed to know the current world trends among women especially for the educated ones. Many don't want to be married, they attached marriage life with slave life, they normally uttered that being married means reduction of personal freedom. So long as they're capable for taking care themselves there is no need for having men as a husband. Some have went far by saying if they have money they have also wide chance of having men who can satisfying them sexually. Therefore, we need to conduct research in order to reveal the truth.

Umesema sahihi kabisa. Na hii ndio unrealistic way ya kuishi.

 

[Samcezar]

Kipi kinatangulia? Ofcourse unaanza na mwanamke halafu unamtengeneza kuwa mke.Hao watengezeaji wapo?

Kuna mtu anakwenda hotelini kisha anaanza kutengeneza Chakula chake mwenyewe kisha alipie mwishoni, au aende kiwanda cha magari kisha aunde gari mwenyewe kisha alipie kulinunua na kulitumia.....?!

Mmmmmmhmn, then now unaweza elewa why hakuna muda wa kuoa na kuanza kujenga mtu kiakili.

 

[Malaika wa Kifo]

mi niko mbioni kuoa mmoja na niko tayari kuwa sitiri wengine
but mimi peke yangu sitoshi.....
inaonekana husband material tupo wachache sana.

Nipigie pande watatu, nataka niwe nao wanne au kama vipi wote waliosalia naweza kuwamudu