Which is better: Single or Unhappily Married?

[Haley]

There's no feeling like being with the person u love, tena when u thnk of it in terms of '4the rest of ur lives' ndio kabisaa unachanganyikiwa na furaha. Bt ths is only where feelings r equal on bothsides. Jamani ladies if u have2setle4less in a man coz mda umeisha, just make sua he is the 1 inlove with u. Unhapines comes about in marriage where u love him more than he does u!

 

[najma]

Dada, asikudanganye mtu. Being single is the best. I'm not saying it is problem or stress free but compared to being married..ooh heck no. I'll take single life anyday.

So live your life Miss Lady.

i see umeniwahi kuweka slide hii, mimi mpaka hapa ilipo naitaji kuolewa ila naona nitaenda kwenye un happy marriage kila ninaempata anakuwa mtu some days the remain one naona itakuwa stress tuu ya maisha nikasema solution ni kuwa single narudi pale pale unakuwa lonely unaitaji mtu wa kubadilishana mawazo sasa hata sielewi which is better to be single or un happy marriage kwangu?

 

[Mtu B]

i see umeniwahi kuweka slide hii, mimi mpaka hapa ilipo naitaji kuolewa ila naona nitaenda kwenye un happy marriage kila ninaempata anakuwa mtu some days the remain one naona itakuwa stress tuu ya maisha nikasema solution ni kuwa single narudi pale pale unakuwa lonely unaitaji mtu wa kubadilishana mawazo sasa hata sielewi which is better to be single or un happy marriage kwangu?

Najma unhappy marriage si nzuri, na kamwe sitashauri mtu aingie mahali ambapo ana uhakika itakuwa unhappy marriage. Ingia marriage ambayo kila dalili zinaonesha itakuwa happy, lakini ikijatokea vinginevyo chukulia ni hasara kama nyengine tu, hata kwenye biashara hakuna anayeweka mtaji wake mahali ambapo ana uhakika wa hasara. Yakitokea yasiyotarajiwa, utachukua hatua kulingana na mazingira ya wakati huo hilo jambo litakapotokea.

 

[agika]

Tangu utotoni nimeambiwa the ultimate goal for a woman ni kuolewa.

Kusema kweli nilikuwa natamani ku-meet Mr Right and walking down the isle but what I've seen around me has made me wonder if marriage is for me.

Sitaki kuingia kwa maisha ya majonzi na majuto like most married women I know of.Ofisini kwetu yuko mama mmoja everyday analia kwa sababu ya domestic problems.

Sasa mimi ninajiuliza, haya ni maisha ya aina gani? Si heri yule mtu single who is living in peace na heshima zake than mwenye ameolewa na hayuko na stress zisizoisha? What is happening to the institution of marriage? Wako watu wanaozifurahia ndoa zao kweli? Ama nikuvumilia tuu nakuvaa smile fake wakilia moyoni?

Mummy nna maoni tofauti kidogo, TRIPLETS said it well, uwe ndani ya ndoa usiwe ndani ya ndoa what matters ni mapenzi, na sote tunajua kwamba kwenye mapenzi ndo kwenye maumivu haijalishi uko married or not.

Japo tunajua kuwa ukipenda utaumia lakini pia nature haituzuiii kupenda ,tunapenda na kuumizwa kila leo na bado tunaendelea kupenda.

Kama unaweza ili kuepuka hayo maumivu ambayo unaona wanandoa wanaokuzunguka wana experience maanake UACHE KUPENDA period.

Ila siku ambayo utaamua kupenda hata kama utakuwa single wa miaka 70 ukitendwa utaumia tu kama vile anavyoumia aliyeko kwenye ndoa.

Kuna tofauti ya kuolewa kisha ukaachwa ukawa single the rest of your life na kutooolewa kabisa mama, ukioolewa kisha ukaachwa hata kwa siku mbili utakuwa at easy zaidi kuishi maisha ya peke yako kuliko kama hujaolewa kabisa , nikwambie kitu kimoja mummy busara na mtazamo wa mambo hubadilika kadri umri unavyokwenda yawezekana kabisa mtazamo wako wa leo katika mapenzi ukawa tofauti kabisa baada ya miaka kumi ijayo. watu hubadilika mitazamo yao kutokana na mabadiliko ya maisha na mazingira.

No body can answer that question right for you, You will answer that yourself in the right way possible as time goes on.

Na kuhusu kufurahia ndoa , tupo tunaofurahia ndoa zetu japo haimaanishi hakuna migongano ya hapa na pale, lakini cha maana ni kwamba mnaongelea tatizo lilipo mnalimaliza na maisha ya furaha yanaendelea.

Ila pia zipo ndoa ambazo karaha inachukua nafasi kubwa kuliko raha katika maisha yote ya ndoa, na hapo kuna tatizo kwamba uliye naye sio right for you ndipo utaiona ndoa ndoano.

 

[agika]

Racial Differences On Psychological Well-Being Of Never-Married and Divorced/Separated Women

Hanae Kanno, MSW, MA , University of Pittsburgh, PhD Student, Pittsburgh, PA

Hyunzee Jung, MSW, University of Pittsburgh, PhD student; Graduate Student Assistant, Pittsburgh, PA

Background: The number of never-married or divorced/separated women in the United States has increased significantly over the last 20 years, especially among African-Americans. With increased opportunities for employment and education, more women than before choose to live independently without spouses or children. Although being single has many benefits, research suggests that married people enjoy better mental health than non-married ones (Cotten, 1999; Keith, 2003). Previous research asserts that marriage becomes a source of support, stability and self-validation that single individuals might lack (Keith, 2003). Meanwhile, social resource theory and previous studies suggest that single women with greater psychosocial resources including self-esteem experience lower level of stress (Cotton, 1999; Turner & Roszell, 1994). These studies, however, have not addressed racial variations despite existing evidences of different family structures across race. This study, therefore, explores racial differences in testing following hypotheses: (1) The never-married and the divorced/separated women are more distressed psychologically than the married and the widowed counterparts; (2) Higher level of self-esteem is expected to have a buffering effect in the association between marital status and psychological well-being. Methods: The 1995 Detroit Area Study (DAS) was used. The sample for this study consists only of African-American and white women (N=693). Those women who self-identified as white consist of 42.1% (n=292) of the sample, those who self-identified as African-American 57.9% (n=401). The dependent variable, psychological well-being, and the moderator variable, self-esteem, were measured by a multi-item scale and the reliabilities (alpha) was .62 and .66 respectively. The independent variable, marital status, was categorized into four groups: the married, the divorced/separated, the widowed, and the never-married (Cotton, 1999). Data analysis was performed through a series of Analysis of Variance followed by Tukey post-hoc comparisons.

Results: Results showed that the level of psychological well-being varied by marital status with statistical significance in the total sample (F (3,681) = 9.452, p<.001). The level of psychological well-being was the highest among married women followed by the widowed. Married women's level of psychological well-being was higher than that of the divorced/separated and the never-married. Among whites, divorced/separated women were more distressed psychologically than any other groups. Among African-Americans, in contrast, the never-married were the most distressed group while the never-married whites showed the second highest level of well-being. Self-esteem was a significant moderator only among African-Americans (F (6, 385)=2.186, p<.05) while it was neither among whites nor overall.

Implications: This study showed racial variations in the relationship between marital status and psychological well-being. Whereas the divorced/separated were the most distressed group among whites, the never-married was among African-Americans. Further, self-esteem was shown to be a significant psychosocial resource for African-American women in attenuating negative effects of marital status on psychological well-being. It is suggested that counselors and/or support groups may help African-American women effectively by heightening their level of self-esteem. Subsequent research may be directed to elucidating reasons for the shown racial differences and identifying risk factors for the increased distress among African-American never-married women and white divorced/separated women.

 

[Kaizer]

Among African-Americans, in contrast, the never-married were the most distressed group while the never-married whites showed the second highest level of well-being. Self-esteem was a significant moderator only among African-Americans (F (6, 385)=2.186, p<.05) while it was neither among whites nor overall.

haya jamani habari ndio hiyo! nadhani ile dhania ya kuwa kuolew ani muhimu bado ipo vichwani mwa watu tu...

 

[najma]

kweli umeniwahi kuweka hii slide, mimi natamani sana kuolewa ila kila ninae mpata nakuta naingia kwenye unhappy marriage hata sijui nifanyeje nikaaamua is the best way to live singe but for reality u need some one sasa hata mimi sijui ipi bola

 

[Kaizer]

kweli umeniwahi kuweka hii slide, mimi natamani sana kuolewa ila kila ninae mpata nakuta naingia kwenye unhappy marriage hata sijui nifanyeje nikaaamua is the best way to live singe but for reality u need some one sasa hata mimi sijui ipi bola

Umeshasoma hiyo abstract hapo juu? manake jibu liko hapo

 

[najma]

Najma unhappy marriage si nzuri, na kamwe sitashauri mtu aingie mahali ambapo ana uhakika itakuwa unhappy marriage. Ingia marriage ambayo kila dalili zinaonesha itakuwa happy, lakini ikijatokea vinginevyo chukulia ni hasara kama nyengine tu, hata kwenye biashara hakuna anayeweka mtaji wake mahali ambapo ana uhakika wa hasara. Yakitokea yasiyotarajiwa, utachukua hatua kulingana na mazingira ya wakati huo hilo jambo litakapotokea.

kweli kabisa mtu B ila ukiangalia zaidi umri unaenda na kila siku unaumizwa kingine zaidi unaitaji mtoto na mtoto mzuri kwa mungu yule alie nadani ya ndoa unakuwa unajibu la busara , inaika wakati unajiona je mimi nina mikosi gani kwanini iwe kwangu

 

[najma]

Umeshasoma hiyo abstract hapo juu? manake jibu liko hapo

jamani ipi iyo mbona sijaiona

 

[MNDEE]

There's no feeling like being with the person u love, tena when u thnk of it in terms of '4the rest of ur lives' ndio kabisaa unachanganyikiwa na furaha. Bt ths is only where feelings r equal on bothsides. Jamani ladies if u have2setle4less in a man coz mda umeisha, just make sua he is the 1 inlove with u. Unhapines comes about in marriage where u love him more than he does u!

I agree, I am happly married and I can not ask for more. Usipoteze muda wako kulazimisha penzi, pia kumbuka siku njema huanza asubuhi.

Marriage vs single life ... imagine you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you love so much and you enjoy spending time with them. When you have a date say a party, going to watch a movie or dinner etc at the end of the date you go separate ways, now imagine at the end of the date you go home together. His or her face is the last face you see before you sleep and the first thing you see when you wake up! Now tell me if you want to die single.

 

[Kaizer]

jamani ipi iyo mbona sijaiona

angalia post ya mwisho ya agika hapa,,,, ina maelezo ya kutosha tu

 

[Eric Cartman]

Unajua nimechunguza madada wa-kitanzania ni love love sana ndio maana uishia kuumia na hizo love. Always falling for the best looking na zile type zao .....

Mtoto wa kike lazima uelewe namba one maslahi yako ni jamaa atakae toa security in your life sio dizaini ya 'Liyumba'. Make that your priority kwanza kwani anae-weza kukuweka na furaha ukamuheshimu na anae-kueshimu utajifunza kumpenda. Lakini kama bado una umri mdogo enjoy life first hila kwenye ku-commit look for that period.

Asikuongope mtu love bila ya maisha bora utajikuta unachuna na kuchunwa (we si hela), sababu ya jamaa na matatizo nyumbani ndio chanzo cha mvurugano. Hivyo weka maslahi yako ya maisha mbele unapotazama ndoa.

Asikwambie mtu mapenzi ya leo ni maisha nyumbani kama ni mabovu na mapenzi yenyewe uishia kuwa karaha tu.

However if your too much love love kama wengine at least try to find someone you have lots in common. lakini jamaa wenye bwebwe wataishia kuku umiza maisha yote. mara nyingi mwenye kumpenda mwengine zaidi ndio uishia kuumia kama rafiki yako. Lakini si kusema usiolewe kwanza weka picha yako uwezijua.

 

[Mchili]

Kwa wanaumme wa sikuhizi , mhhh afadhali nibaki single. Maana vimada, mara vi msg kwenye simu, mara kalala nje lol! Kuna wachache sana wamepata bahati ya wanaumme wanaujiheshimu lkn wengi ni michezo tuu . Hakuna mwanamme hatoki nje ya ndoa

Sio kweli dadangu. Wengi wamepata wanaojiheshimu. Ila ni lazima uelewe ndoa ni zaidi ya mapenzi na kubembelezana inayokuwepo wakati wa boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. Kuna majukumu mengi yanayovuta attention ya mwenzio kiasi kwamba unaweza kufikiri anaku-ignore. Hapo ndipo matatizo yanapoanzia kwa sababu ukianza kupiga makelele wakati mwezio ana stress, anaweza kukujibu vibaya na wewe ukajibu vibaya ikawa ndio mwanzo wa circle ya matatizo.

ukiwa responsible na kumjali mwenzio na Mungu akakujalia mwenzio akawa responsible na akakujali, utaenjoy ndoa yenu, japo binadamu hamuwezi kuishi bila kutofautiana mara mojamoja. Uvumilivu ni lazima.

 

[PRECIOUSDOE]

Kusema kweli ninajua loneliness is a big problem for singles sana sana unapo endelea kuzeeka na wale waliokuwa rafiki zako wako na commitment za kifamilia ama wamekuwa single parent.Kuna watu ambao wananishauri nimpate mtoto ili kuepuka upweke na kuwa na mtu wa kunishughulikia nitakapokuwa sijiwezi.Sijaridhika na hiyo option na nimeyafikiria mambo mengi hata adoption.Lakini sijajukua hatua zozote in any particular direction.

Nikisema kweli kabisa ni watu wachache sana ambao ninaona wakiwa na ndoa nzuri.Ukiiona nimeileta mada hii nimeyaona mengi ambayo hata mimi nikiwa spectator yameniuma sana.Mateso ambayo watu esp women wanayapitia kwa ndoa zimenihuzunisha sana.To the point now Im afraid of marriage.Kama huyu mama wa ofisini huwa anazidiwa mpaka siku zingine boss anamwachia aendee tuu home.Hakuna siku inapita ofisini kama hujampata in the ladies akilia kwa uchungu mwingi sana.

By the way huyu ni mtu ambaye before aolewe alikuwa the happiest and most beautiful and confident lady you have ever seen.Kwa wakati huu about 5 years later she is a pale shadow of her former self.Kwanza ninaona huyu mama ako na loneliness ya hali ya juu because mume wake ni kama mnyama.Ikiwa hometime wengine wakiwa na furaha ya kwenda makwao yeye anaoneka anaogopa which war the husband will bring that night.

Nimekuwa nikiomba sana nikimwuliza Mungu aniepushe na maisha ya aina hii afadhali niwe lonely hadi kifo kuliko kupitia mateso kama haya.Huyo mama amebeba mzigo mzito sana ninamhurumia sana maskini.Anyway yote nime mwachia Mola.Haya maisha magumu kweli Mungu atusaidie.

 

[Nyamayao]

Kusema kweli ninajua loneliness is a big problem for singles sana sana unapo endelea kuzeeka na wale waliokuwa rafiki zako wako na commitment za kifamilia ama wamekuwa single parent.Kuna watu ambao wananishauri nimpate mtoto ili kuepuka upweke na kuwa na mtu wa kunishughulikia nitakapokuwa sijiwezi.Sijaridhika na hiyo option na nimeyafikiria mambo mengi hata adoption.Lakini sijajukua hatua zozote in any particular direction.

Nikisema kweli kabisa ni watu wachache sana ambao ninaona wakiwa na ndoa nzuri.Ukiiona nimeileta mada hii nimeyaona mengi ambayo hata mimi nikiwa spectator yameniuma sana.Mateso ambayo watu esp women wanayapitia kwa ndoa zimenihuzunisha sana.To the point now Im afraid of marriage.Kama huyu mama wa ofisini huwa anazidiwa mpaka siku zingine boss anamwachia aendee tuu home.Hakuna siku inapita ofisini kama hujampata in the ladies akilia kwa uchungu mwingi sana.

By the way huyu ni mtu ambaye before aolewe alikuwa the happiest and most beautiful and confident lady you have ever seen.Kwa wakati huu about 5 years later she is a pale shadow of her former self .Kwanza ninaona huyu mama ako na loneliness ya hali ya juu because mume wake ni kama mnyama.Ikiwa hometime wengine wakiwa na furaha ya kwenda makwao yeye anaoneka anaogopa which war the husband will bring that night.

Nimekuwa nikiomba sana nikimwuliza Mungu aniepushe na maisha ya aina hii afadhali niwe lonely hadi kifo kuliko kupitia mateso kama haya.Huyo mama amebeba mzigo mzito sana ninamhurumia sana maskini.Anyway yote nime mwachia Mola.Haya maisha magumu kweli Mungu atusaidie.

watu wanachukulia ndoa kama kifungo cha maisha jamani na kuogopa jamii itamfikiria vipi pale atakapoanza maisha yake mwenyewe endapo ndoa imemsshinda, nachukia sana hii kitu ufikirie jamii wakati unakufa na tai shingoni? hebu niambie sababu za huyu mama kuishi maisha ya wac wac hivyo ni nini?....hivi anasubiri nini?...mpaka kifo kitakapotutenganisha?...atakufa yeye kwa stress mwenzake baada ya mwezi anaoa tena.....nimechukia sana.

 

[PRECIOUSDOE]

The disparity between never married blacks and whites clearly shows that the real source of the distress is environment and attitudes of the particular society toward singleness.Singles face alot of ostracization esp in african society.Some are labeled as homosexual,witches,paedophiles,selfish and rejects which may not be the case.The society is not single people friendly.Its a couples world and there is alot of pressure to marry and also alot of ostracization of those who dont.

 

[Joyce Mtinangi]

single ofcourse!!! why be in a marriage and unhappy??!!!

 

[mchajikobe]

We unaonyesha ni manzi msupuu sana na unadeserve ndoa,ndoa ni maisha mema sana lakini kinachoifanya ndoa iwe ndoa ni upendo wa kweli,usiende olewa na mtu ambaye unahisi unampenda tuu bali uweumedhamiria upendo,pia hata ndoa nyingi humomonyoka kutokana na wanawake kutojua nini maana ya ndoa,wao huhisi ni kulala kitanda kimoja na mumewe na kula chakula cha usiku ambacho hatamaandalizi yenyewe si mazuri,shughuli zote humwachia house maid,au hasira zisizo msingi here is where you can find your husband ending up with bar maids,anaweza amishia maisha yake bar,kama in every success man there is a strong woman,so u have to play your part o being a strong woman,so that you can have a best husband!!

 

[n00b]

Kaazi kwelikweli,

Nimeoa, nampenda sana mke wangu. Hata kama atakuwa na mapungufu yoyote siku za usoni najua kweli vidole havilingani kuna siku atatengamaa.

Am happily married, si rahisi kukatishwa tamaa na maoni ya yeyote