One day a lady from the church had come over and had given a gift for all the wonderful sermons that her husband has given. Mrs. Johnson had said, "Thank you very much but what is it?" The lady said, "It is a Damn ham." Mrs. Johnson looked shocked and said, "Don't speak that way to me, don't you know that I am the preachers wife!" The lady said, "Yes, yes I know, but that is the brand name of the ham!" Mrs. Johnson said, "ooh I see well thank you" and the lady left. Later that night when Mrs. Johnson was cooking dinner the preacher came into the kitchen and said, "Mmmm! That smells really good! What is it?" Mrs. Johnson said," Well thats your dinner tonight, some Damn Ham" The preacher was shocked and said, "Don't speak to me that way! Don't you know who I am?" Mrs. Johnson said, "Yes, yes! I know who you are! It is just the brand name!" The preacher said, "Oh! I see! Well it smells great!" That night when dinner was ready she had set it out on the table. The corn, mashed potatoes, rolls, and ham! When the family sat down they said their prayers and began to eat. The preacher said to his wife, "Could you please pass me some of that Damn ham?" The wife said "sure". Then little Johnny said, "Alright dad! While you're at it can you pass me the ****ing mashed potatoes!" Johnny Likes To Gamble Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him." The teacher says OK, she can handle it. The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny." She says yes I know who you are. Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt." The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet. She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole. That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why. So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost." The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem." Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."