Life after a very sweet love/relationship

[TIMING]

MTM kinachokusibu ni kitu kidogo sana. Unaweka bad memories baadala ya nzuri kingine ni kwamba husamehi wala husahau. Ebu niambie what is beyond love? Kama Mungu aliupenda ulimwengu na kumtoa mwanae mpendwa afe msalabani kwa ajili yetu, why can't you forgive and forget. Kama

Kaa chini leo ukumbuke mambo yote mabaya uliyowahi kumfanyia mtu, kufanyiwa mwambie mungu wako ayatoe moyoni mwako ukimaanisha. Kesho ukija hapa umebadili msimamo wa maisha yako.

You only miss tolerance!

I pray for you this night!

Amen sis

AMEN!!!

 

[TIMING]

For this.........I really mean it.!!!

lovely!!!

 

[TIMING]

MTM really don't know... The good thing is that we are both of us in marriages thus speaking out of experience... What i understand is that no matter how much a couple loves each other in the beginning of their relationship and then their eventual marriage they can never maintain that early vibe they had. At the end they are together because of all the different reasons than love - and in most cases it is worth it... Logically speaking you would have to call it quits! But realistically speaking you keep hanging on...

Thanks Pal.... as always the most difficult part is to balance logic and 'realism' - its like having a cake and eat it too

c'mon AD.... i need some more

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

MJ1 jamani hapa tuachie wazee wako.....kuna sredi kule mtu anacheat na mke wa mtu kaangalie..

Kaizer sweetie, najaribu kukomaa hapa angalau na mie nifaidike na hii shule ya MTM maana mh.......somo tamu lakini gumu.

Utanitafsiria baadae mpenz

 

[AshaDii]

Thanks Pal.... as always the most difficult part is to balance logic and 'realism' - its like having a cake and eat it too

c'mon AD.... i need some more

I love the thread... what you have said is so true and real that believe me you kila ambae yupo in a marriage after this thread is looking at his/her marriage with a fresh eye. Aksing one's self if what you have posted is happening to them, i have read all the comments from different members are they are really constructive inputs... Great inputs i should say - thus a lot has been said....

I should only add that bana new love is very exiting.... ile mbaya! Kwa mtu mshamba aweza hata ona the spouse alo nae ni taka... kwa mtu muelewa anajua it is because you do not spend 24/7 with your new love... never seen her/him in ugly situations... and in most cases in perfect shape (forgetting that your wife's change has also been changiadi na wewe making her pregnant once in a while) and forgetting that your new love has no pressing issues to make her look tired and older than her age all the time... I believe the best man in my life ni yule ambae kaona nafaa kuwa his wife mpaka kunihalalaisha na kujulikana kua i am the wife... no matter madhaifu... and it should be the same for men... kua the best woman ni yule kakubali kua mkeo no matter the madhaifu....

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

majuto hayo yapo hata kwenye ningelijua nisingemuoa/olewa nae....
Cases vary from one to another.

Hizo irreversibles na irreconcilables wewe pekee na mwenza wako ndio mnaweza kuzipima,
ndio maana nikakwambia kuna option ya separation period, the only option you can weigh
reasonably if both of you are doing the right decision or not.

Mind you,...I tried separation period for 18months, and we gave it another go only for her [after a year later]
to ask me for a divorce. My only regret was/(is) maybe I should have tried harder to persuade her to stay though
Our differences za kimtazamo wa maisha zingeendelea mpaka leo.

It cuts both ways man,....!

Now this is what is called 'Majuto' ......and Majuto inamaanisha kama usingefanya kitu flani then ungekuwa bado uko happy....tafsiri yangu katika hili ni kuwa inawezatokea miujiza akarudisha moyo nyuma and taking into account kuwa una'regret' chance ya kurudisha furaha yako ni kubwa.

 

[TIMING]

I love the thread... what you have said is so true and real that believe me you kila ambae yupo in a marriage after this thread is looking at his/her marriage with a fresh eye. Aksing one's self if what you have posted is happening to them, i have read all the comments from different members are they are really constructive inputs... Great inputs i should say - thus a lot has been said....

I should only add that bana new love is very exiting.... ile mbaya! Kwa mtu mshamba aweza hata ona the spouse alo nae ni taka... kwa mtu muelewa anajua it is because you do not spend 24/7 with your new love... never seen her/him in ugly situations... and in most cases in perfect shape (forgetting that your wife's change has also been changiadi na wewe making her pregnant once in a while) and forgetting that your new love has no pressing issues to make her look tired and older than her age all the time... I believe the best man in my life ni yule ambae kaona nafaa kuwa his wife mpaka kunihalalaisha na kujulikana kua i am the wife... no matter madhaifu... and it should be the same for men... kua the best woman ni yule kakubali kua mkeo no matter the madhaifu....

Well said Pal

I think the moral of this thread should remain kuwa ile question ya balance between oneself na partner, new life experience, changing environment, unexpected "guests" na mara nyingi nizile tabia za nje e.g work colleagues etc

How do you manage a channge in behaviour of a spouse... i will tell you one case

some of the long term relationships end up being just sexual, others being just family and some end up being being on social gatherings

Would you cherish those lives?? would you bring logic and realism into these lives??

I am torn between love, life and future... and it has to be resolved now

dear, oh dear!!

 

[AshaDii]

Well said Pal

I think the moral of this thread should remain kuwa ile question ya balance between oneself na partner, new life experience, changing environment, unexpected "guests" na mara nyingi nizile tabia za nje e.g work colleagues etc

How do you manage a channge in behaviour of a spouse... i will tell you one case

some of the long term relationships end up being just sexual, others being just family and some end up being being on social gatherings

Would you cherish those lives?? would you bring logic and realism into these lives??

I am torn between love, life and future... and it has to be resolved now

dear, oh dear!!

Well one thing I have observed is that those who get into marriage as a result of love are more in trouble of maintaining the excitement inside a marriage than those who get in to it out of need… When I say out of need -- it is that both of them where interested in one another because of what they would expect/would be expected of them once they become a couple – this as a result of minimum demand of from one another, (which sometimes are so minor but frustrating&#8230 building some unwritten understanding… which may draw them together as time goes on mpaka they can not bare the thought of a separation….

In blue… it depands on the nature of a person… if one is appreciative of all the good things no matter minor - s/he will realize that that relationship whether based on sex or social gatherings is a part of his/her life… Thus no need of even using logic for it is already real….

In red... you don't have to choose between the two - for they go hand in hand... with love ... life is woderful!! BUT you have to be careful if you are married kuepuka a new love... ni DISASTER!!!

 

[King’asti]

ashadii,umemaliza! waswahili wanasema usiache mbachao kwa msala upitao! niliwahi kuona mwanaume ambaye alikuwa anam-mistreat mkewe hadi aibu! mkewe akafariki kwa cancer. baba wa watu alilia kama mtoto mdogo, saying 'i never thought u will ever leave me, i thought saying sorry wld keep u forever'. since then, i never take pple for granted no matter what!

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

MJ1 kusahau hapo ni kutokumisi...
BB what if maisha ya kwanza hayakua yangu bali ni default tu?? umeshasikia the first love who was lost, mtu akaoa after 20 year akakutana na first love and everything changed completely??

Well, hayo mambo yapo.... do you remember your first love??

That is if I ever had one!!! LOL

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Second marriage ni disaster rafiki, maana unaona ushaweza kuacha kwa hiyo na huyo akileta unaanza tu, kwa msemo ule "nilimwacha fulani, itakuwa huyu nimekutana nae nishaanza kuzeeka" kuwez a kuwa na true love tumepewa mara moja tu duniani hapa, sasa inategemea kama kwa ndoa ya kwanza ulilazimisha then ikaja ya ukweli, au umetoka kwa true lover wako wa ukweli unaenda kwa mwingine ambae unajilazimishia tu au tamaa ya mpito

Duh maneno mazito haya........so kuna uwezekano mkubwa kuwa watu wengi huingia kwenye dunia hii na kutoka pasipo kuexperience true love maishani mwao eh?!! Naogopa

 

[AshaDii]

ashadii,umemaliza! waswahili wanasema usiache mbachao kwa msala upitao! niliwahi kuona mwanaume ambaye alikuwa anam-mistreat mkewe hadi aibu! mkewe akafariki kwa cancer. baba wa watu alilia kama mtoto mdogo, saying 'i never thought u will ever leave me, i thought saying sorry wld keep u forever'. since then, i never take pple for granted no matter what!

Hio King'asti makes you a great person... No person is completely useless in this world.... NO ONE... Kila mmoja ana umuhimu wake no matter how minor the role... you just have to look the positive side of a person radher than madhaifu....

 

[Shantel]

Ni kipindi cha mpito tu vumilia MTM and all will come back to you nice and fresh, wote walokuwa kwenye mahusiano watakubaliana na mie kwamba kuna muda ukiwa na moyo mdogo unaanza, na wapo walioanza then wakarudi nyuma, wengine wana bahati wanakuta nafasi zipo, na wengine wanakuta milango imefungwa

 

[TIMING]

Well one thing I have observed is that those who get into marriage as a result of love are more in trouble of maintaining the excitement inside a marriage than those who get in to it out of need… When I say out of need -- it is that both of them where interested in one another because of what they would expect/would be expected of them once they become a couple – this as a result of minimum demand of from one another, (which sometimes are so minor but frustrating&#8230 building some unwritten understanding… which may draw them together as time goes on mpaka they can not bare the thought of a separation….

In blue… it depands on the nature of a person… if one is appreciative of all the good things no matter minor - s/he will realize that that relationship whether based on sex or social gatherings is a part of his/her life… Thus no need of even using logic for it is already real….

In red... you don't have to choose between the two - for they go hand in hand... with love ... life is woderful!! BUT you have to be careful if you are married kuepuka a new love... ni DISASTER!!!

Wow... I love yah really

Hapo upoweka red, actually i amtorn between three and not two.... in management we say time, people and quality.... hapa sasa ni kasheshe. And to be honest to you and MJ1, its not about new love or replacement

Its just that sometimes the elastic limit has been reached more and more frequestly that the need for two become more secondary than primary

 

[TIMING]

ashadii,umemaliza! waswahili wanasema usiache mbachao kwa msala upitao! niliwahi kuona mwanaume ambaye alikuwa anam-mistreat mkewe hadi aibu! mkewe akafariki kwa cancer. baba wa watu alilia kama mtoto mdogo, saying 'i never thought u will ever leave me, i thought saying sorry wld keep u forever'. since then, i never take pple for granted no matter what!

thanks King'

Have you ever thought of those who take you for granted??? would you stay with them?

 

[TIMING]

That is if I ever had one!!! LOL

well i had one

and i have finally found out where she is after 18 years

 

[AshaDii]

Wow... I love yah really

Hapo upoweka red, actually i amtorn between three and not two.... in management we say time, people and quality.... hapa sasa ni kasheshe. And to be honest to you and MJ1, its not about new love or replacement

Its just that sometimes the elastic limit has been reached more and more frequestly that the need for two become more secondary than primary

And you say it is not personal?? Come on Pal.... Enways..
at least mention the three things tearing you down...

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Hiyo ni kweli kabisa. Na tusidhani kuwa wanaodumu kwenye ndoa 50 years kuwa ndoa zao zilikuwa na furaha kipindi chote. Wamedumu kwa kuwa waliweza kukabili challenges zao. Ukijua tu ya kuwa ndoa ni sacrifice hutadai divorce no mater what; you will work as hard as possible ku solve your differences.

Yes watoto wanaweza kuwa affected wakikulia nyumba yenye maugomvi. Lakini wana uwezekano mkubwa zaidi wa kuwa affected wakiishi na step parents.

Nilisoma mahali mtaalamu wa ndoa alikuwa anafanya experimental research akawauliza watu wamwambie ni familia gani kati ya zile alizorecord zili end up in divorce. Watu wakachague familia ambazo zilionyesha maisha yasiyo na mikwaruzo. But the fact was zile familia ambazo wanandoa walikuwa wana argue most of the times ziliweza dumu mpaka uzee na zile ambazo walikuwa wako makini kutokukasirishana ndio zili end up in divorce.

Mtaalamu akasema wale ambao wana ugomvi wa mara kwa mara with time wanazoea na kujifunza kasoro za wenzao unlike wale ambao wako makini wasigombane. Wale wasiogombana ikitokea ugomvi mmoja tu tayari watu wanadaiana talaka kwa kuwa hawajazoea.

Divorce pia zinafanya watoto wachukie wazazi. Am sorry to say mum and dad divorced. As a result mimi nampenda mama zaidi though we stayed with dad na hatukupata tabu yoyote. I still remember that he is the reason for divorce. Na wala mama hakuwa na muda wa kupandikiza chuki but this is what I feel.

Na chuki kwa watoto inakuja pale utakapooa tena. In most cases mothers hawaolewi wakiachika, hence they look more commited kuliko wababa na ndio chuki inapoanza.

Wakati mwingine inabidi tu hold back our prides.

Lizzy mtu aliyeacha mara ya kwanza ni mwepesi ku move on mahusiano yanayofata yakimboa tena, sababu aliweza tu kuthubutu kufanya kitu ambacho wengi wanashindwa kukifanya, then mtihani anakuwa amemaliza, hapo ndio nilimaanisha mimi,kuna wanaojifunza sana kutokana na makosa, but hata wakiacha au kuachwa maumivu si kama yale ya kwanza, wa kwanza ni wa kwanza tu

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

well i had one

and i have finally found out where she is after 18 years

My my my ............oh my Gosh so finally.............. ehmmm! then I don't think if there will be a spare hapa mydia.

 

[nyumba kubwa]

To me I always feel the first love to my last/current love

That is if I ever had one!!! LOL