Furahi Daya aka Ijumaaa

1. Can u cry under water? 2. Do fishes ever
get thirsty? 3. Why dont birds fall of trees
when they sleep? 4. Why is it called
building when it is already built? 5. When
they say dogs food is new and improved,
who tastes it? 6. If money doesnt grow
on trees then why do
banks have branches? 7. why does round
pizza come in a square box? 8. Why
doesnt glue stick to its bottle? 9. "I Love
You" is not a question then why does it
need an answer? there will be wrong
answer 4 this but what are the
true answer 4 this question?
 
A lady with very big BOOBS entered a bus.
She has a rosary round her neck with the
cross btw her big boobs.
Akpos was sitting beside her and couldn't
help staring.
The lady knowing akpos has been staring
for over 15mins then asked "Are you
looking at Jesus Christ whodied on the
cross?
Akpos replies : NO! Am actually looking at
the two thieves beside him.
 
vivian ndo nini aise kutuletea mambo hizi aise
 
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The Lecturer said, "let's begin by reviewing
some
Nigerian history." The Lecturer asked who
said, "I
shall return to die in the land of my fathers?"
She
saw a sea of blank faces, except for Akpos,
who
had his hand up. Akpos replied: "King Jaja of
Opobo, 1875""very good!" said lecturer.
Then she asked again, who said, "The land
use act
will feed the nation?" Again, no response
except
from Akpos
h: "Obasanjo, 1976."
The Lecturer snapped at the class; "class, you
should be ashamed. Akpos, who is new to our
Country, knows more about our history than
you
do."
The Lecturer heard a loud whisper: "Ghana
must
go". "who said that?" she demanded, Akpos
put
his hand up, "Buhari 1984."
At that point, a student at the back scornfully
said; "Hmmm, you think you are smart?" The
Lecturer glared and asked; "All right! Now,
who said that?" Again, Akpos
said,"Babangida to Abiola, 1992."
Hmmm, a Student at the back smilled " I dey
laugh ooh" Akpos smilled back and said
Obasanjo
to Atiku 2001.
Now furious, another student yelled; "Oh
yeah!
Eat this!" Akpos jumped out of his chair
waving
his hand and shouting to the Lecturer, "Indian
mistress giving an apple to Abacha, 1998"
Now, with almost mob hyseria, someone
said;"You
little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Akpos frantically yelled at the top of his
voice;"Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!"
The Lecturer fainted, and as the class
gathered
around her on the floor, someone said; "Oh
shit,
we're in Big trouble now!" Akpos
whispered; "Chimaroke Nnamani, Ayodele
Fayose
and Lucky Igbinedon 2007"
Someone angrily said; "Dont answer him, he is
a
fool" Akpos smiled replied; "Obansanjo to IBB,
2011"
Now the Lecturer manage to get up and asks
Akpos; pls, who're you? Show your
self..Akposjumped, yelled and said; Jonathan
to
BOKO HARAM, 2012
 
Akpors was busy writing while
the Teacher was talking
Teacher : Akpors what are you
doing ?
Akpors : I am writing a letter.
Teacher : To who ?
Akpors : To myself.
Teacher : What's inside the Letter.
Akpors : How the hell am I
supposed to know, I haven't
received it yet!
 
Omo, police don upgrade oOh, dis na d call center numba 112... There was a robbery in my neighbour's house and I called them... next thing I heard was . Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center.. for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3. Then I pressed 1... then another voice came up....For car accident press 1, for armed robbery press 2, for boko haram please hang up.... Den I pressed 2, anoda voice came up.... If they're with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK 47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bomb press 5, all of the above press 6... Then i checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6... anoda voice came up sayin.... Hmmmm...! ALL OUR AGENTS ARE BUSY ATTENDING TO OTHER CUSTOMERS PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER?
 
A man escapes from prison where he has
been for 15 years. He breaks into a house
to look for money and guns and finds a
young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him
to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed
he gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his
wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look
at his clothes! He probably spentlots of
time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in
years. I saw how he kissedyour neck." If
he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain,
do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no
matter how much he nauseates you. This
guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets
angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love
you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't
kissing my neck. He was whispering in my
ear. He told me he was gay, thought you
were cute, and asked me if we had any
vaseline. I told him it was in the
bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you
too!!"
 
FOR THE INTELLIGENT
Looks simple but very
easy to fail. Infact,
higher % of people
might fail it. Here we go:
When I was 2 years old,
my sister was HALF my
age.
Now I am 100 years
old,how old is my sister?
(Answer in less than 10
seconds after reading)
 
vivian said:
Happy friday






Click to expand...
vivian mbona umewaingiza watu majaribuni?unajua wengine kwa kuona hizo picha za hiyo mizinga umefanya waanze kuiona hangover ya jumatatu hiiiyoooooooo.Jamani chonde msifanye jtatu zenu zikawa real Blue monday kwa hangover,weekend njema jamani.
 
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Nitakuwa maeneo ya Brewester's Brickworks, Drighlington......kwa atakaekuwepo aniPM tulewe.....
 
Blue G said:
vivian mbona umewaingiza watu majaribuni?unajua wengine kwa kuona hizo picha za hiyo mizinga umefanya waanze kuiona hangover ya jumatatu hiiiyoooooooo.Jamani chonde msifanye jtatu zenu zikawa real Blue monday kwa hangover,weekend njema jamani.
Click to expand...
Blue G what is your Favourite. Mi yangu hapo hakuna
 
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Preta said:
Nitakuwa maeneo ya Brewester's Brickworks, Drighlington......kwa atakaekuwepo aniPM tulewe.....
Click to expand...

huko kwenye kazi za matofali(Brickworks) ndio wapi? Preta
 
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vivian said:
huko kwenye kazi za matofali(Brickworks) ndio wapi? Preta
Click to expand...

Ha ha......Vivian.....niruhusu nikusajili kwenye bata system.....hutajutia.....bata mwanzo mwisho.....no matter where in this monde......
 
Preta said:
Ha ha......Vivian.....niruhusu nikusajili kwenye bata system.....hutajutia.....bata mwanzo mwisho.....no matter where in this monde......
Click to expand...

ehe shostito utaratibu wa kusajili unakuwaje? hebu tupia hako ka Number 0713236800
 
vivian said:
Namanga mtu chake ulizia Emilys pub. kuanzia saa tano usiku ni marragae balaa. kila ijumaa tu
Click to expand...
..ok..hiyo nimeambiwa mchana huu..pia nasikia kuna nyingine inaiitwa Buddhablue nako kuna "riddims"..za kutosha..leo napita kote huko..wewe utakua pande vipi. vivian
 
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