If you ran as much as you run your mouth, you would be in great shape.
People say that beauty is on the inside, but I would prefer a pretty face over a pretty kidney.
Fathers should teach their sons how to earn money because mothers teach their daughters how to spend it.
True friends do not judge each other, they judge people together.
Facebook should have a limit on how many times a relationship status can be change ... after 3 times it should be change default to UNSTABLE!
Good girls are found in every corner of earth. But unfortunately earth is round.
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
If someone throws a stone at you. Throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, but if you want something sweet I'm right here.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
You will never realize how wired your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.
Laughter is the best medicine. But if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine.
Opportunity tends to knock once, then it's gone...temptation, however, likes to stand there and lean on the damn doorbell!
Women are like a computer virus... they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer your money, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile and hang your life!
Some people are just like some schools during summer, they have, NO CLASS.
When times are troubled, SMILE. When disaster threatens, LAUGH. When asked your age, LIE.
I used to care what people think about me until I tried paying my bills with their thoughts.
You say I'm a bi**h? Well a bi**h is a dog, and dogs bark, and bark is on trees, and trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful, so thanks for the compliment
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
They say milk gives u strength. Drink three glasses and try moving a wall. You can't. Drink three shots of vodka and it moves all by itself.
That awkward moment when your crush is absent from school, and you wasted a really cute outfit.
Ways to die: steal my food, touch me, look through my phone.
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
Those who work hard are rewarded with more work!
I'm really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don't care.
The strongest relationship are never built by perfect people
"I Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation" — Wisdom or Contempt?
One major reason humans invented the concept of God is to cope with life's pointlessness