Family Pressures.. Ushauri Pls!!

Here are my honest answers to Terere's questions tetere Kaunga


SWALI LANGU: Una mwanaume/wanaume wanaodhani wewe ungefaa kuwa mama/mke??? No, I cant think of One
Ulishawahi kuwa na Uhusiano wa muda mrefu na mwanaume - how did you find it?? OK, as It had it's ups and downs
Was it a good experience you would have wanted to repeat?It was great at the beginning but not so jolly towards the end
* Have you ever think of yourself as a lesbian or think that you are sexually challenged person?? Lesbian No, Sexually Challenged Not really. My biggest challenge as I prefer to think, is Men don't understand me and/or vice versa
* Do you believe in sexual sanctity? And that kama hutazaa au kuolewa - you will forever keep it sacrilege?As per my religious beliefs I do believe and am required o follow sexal sanctity. However whether or not I can abstain for life, I dont think so
 
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Negatives: Selfish,Uncompromising, Impatient , semi- feminist**.
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Hapa ndio pa kuanzia kufanyia kazi kwa gharama yoyote ile.
Wala usijipe moyo juu ya haya madude, hata tutoe ushauri kiasi gani tutagonga mwamba.
 

Ahahahaa,Thanks ticha....Nimeelewa. Nitaomba ofa ya kiepe karibu na maeneo hayo...bila shaka hutajali
 
Kiranga said:
Gangamala kwa kutumia hizo ulizoziita negatives zako kueleza msimamo wako wazi.

Ila ujue biological clock ina tick.
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Kiranga
Nigangamaneje jamani? If I could change I would. Do you not agree that a kid in some way is the next best thing, kama mtu usipokuwa na familia
 
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Babu Dark City ndoa is more than just reproducing au siyo? Kuna love, respect, beliefs, goals and so on. While me na jamaa we share an amazing bond, unfortunately siyo ya mume na mke otherwise we wouldnt have had this thread.
 
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Nadhani kuolewa au kuoa sio guarantee ya kwamba you will not end alone au guarantee ya kusaidiwa...

Marriage is a choice and commitment ni upendo na uvumilivu wa kukaa na mtu mnayeendana hizo ndio sababu kuu any other reasons will be a marriage for the wrong reasons and may not last at all...
 
Nemo said:
Kiranga
Nigangamaneje jamani? If I could change I would. Do you not agree that a kid in some way is the next best thing, kama mtu usipokuwa na familia
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How about 'the third way'?
jaribu kuishi na mtoto hata wa ndugu kwa miezi kadhaa ujione kama uko tayari
halafu utafute sperm donor tu uzae...
 
Nemo said:
Babu Dark City ndoa is more than just reproducing au siyo? Kuna love, respect, beliefs, goals and so on. While me na jamaa we share an amazing bond, unfortunately siyo ya mume na mke otherwise we wouldnt have had this thread.
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Nemo i like it binti akijisimamia anachoamini kiasi hiki!
but issue ya kid ni heri uwe nae ukiwa taayari toka ndani yako sio kwa kuwa mama anataka na a sister anakwambia muda umeenda!
 
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Nemo....

The choice is yours... angalia usifanye kitu chochote kwa shinilizo la mtu hususan ndoa sababu inahitaji commitments, wanaokwambia utasikitika ukubwani na kukosa raha (wakumbuke kwamba familia au watoto sio antidote ya kukosa raha) unaweza kuwa na furaha au huzuni either way..

Cha maana follow your feelings wala usikimbizane na miaka you might end up making wrong choices na kama hutaki partner ila unataka mtoto you can always adapt na kama hutaki vyote nobody can tell you otherwise follow your heart
 
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Nemo said:
Babu Dark City ndoa is more than just reproducing au siyo? Kuna love, respect, beliefs, goals and so on. While me na jamaa we share an amazing bond, unfortunately siyo ya mume na mke otherwise we wouldnt have had this thread.
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Unajua nini Nemo,

Dunia yetu na yenu ni vitu viwili tofauti...Sie kwetu ndoa ilikuwa kitu ambacho ni lazima kwa kila mtu na ililindwa na kila mwanajamii...

Kwa hiyo vitu kama respect na goal havikuwa shida sana...pia upendo (siyo love mnayoongelea nyie) ilikuwa na guarantee!!

Ndiyo maana hata watu ambao hawakuwahi kuonana hadi wanakutana bedroom wakiwa watu wazima na tayari kwenye ndoa, waliweza kuishi pamoja hadi uzee wao!!

Kwa vile vipimo vyenu ni tofauti, labda ndiyo maana wengine tunapata shida kuwaelewa!!

Babu DC!!
 
NEMO, thanks for your response.

I would like say something on 1. SACRIFICE 2. PAYING TOTAL PRICE
There are soo many things we do in life that we dont need any past experience to assure us of success. One of this is relationships and raising up children. With relationships and parenthood you need to go back to basic principles of life. Most people find that application of the acquired knowledge/experiences doesn't apply in their personal circumstances. Hivyo wengi tunakuwa hatuna pa kuanzia. Lakini suala hapa ni moja.
(a)Namna ya kumpata mwanaume ambae anaweza kuwa baba wa mtoto wako/mume

Nemo, what are you ready to sacrifice to get a man/child OR what are you NOT ready to sacrifice
* You will sacrifice in exchange for what??
* What do you expect from a child/man?
* Does it worth it???

nemo, naona ukiendelea kujiuliza haya maswali utajijua zaidi, kuwa shida ni perception yako ya relationships. i think you need to deal with the perception by dealing with the negative picture that is in your mind. Sijui kama naweza kusema kuwa uko na Prejudice nyingi na you have a very high opinion over yourself (but then i don't know your past experiences which might have contributed!(sorry if im judging you). lakini nimependa sana your point of view and your courage to face it head on.
 

sidhani kama kupata mtoto ni guarantee ya kuepuka upweke uzeeni au ni insurance ya matunzo hapo baadaye.
hii enzi ya digitali haitabiriki ati.
 
kama hutaki kuolewa zaa........
Kiafrica watoto ni asset.....

Unadhani nani atakutunza baadae? Au unataka kusumbua watoto wa ndugu zako kukuanika juani???????? Bongo hakuna makazi ya wazee....


Zaa usije kusumbua watu baadae
 

Ahsante sun wu. For sure marriage is not an antidote ya happiness nor is watoto. Ila kuhusu kukimbizana na miaka, i have no choice. As you know kwa maswala ya mtoto kuna time/age based limitation. Sooner or later a choice will have to be made, it is just unfortunate that currently fore me it is more of soon or sooner


PS:Im sure when it's all said and done hata mama pia angependa nieolewe, but the fact that she is willing to overlook that as mzazi and a christian na kunishauri nizae despite having a husband. Lazima atakuwa ameangalia mbali hence my concern and dilemma
 
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Yaani sio tu utegemezi wa mtoto, kama unaona huna mapenzi na watoto ni bora kutokuzaa kabisa kuliko kiumbe cha watu kije kuteseka.
Utayari wa ndoa inabidi ujiangalie wewe zaidi sio kuangalia family inasemaje. Kama haupo tayari, tulia zako.
 
BADILI TABIA said:
kama hutaki kuolewa zaa........
Kiafrica watoto ni asset.....

Unadhani nani atakutunza baadae? Au unataka kusumbua watoto wa ndugu zako kukuanika juani???????? Bongo hakuna makazi ya wazee....


Zaa usije kusumbua watu baadae
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watoto wenyewe wa siku hizi hawachelewi kuwa 'liability'. Usitegemee malipo kwa mtoto maana anaweza fanya tofauti na matarajio.
 
Pole sana kwa hizi pressure za kimaisha kutoka kwa wanandugu. Bahati nzuri unajifahamu msimamo wako katika maswala ya ndoa na pia kuwa na mtoto/watoto. Kwa maoni yangu katika dunia ya leo usifanye chochote kile ili kuwafurahisha wazazi/wana ndugu. Fanya kile kitu ambacho roho yako inapenda hata ukiona umekosea huna wa kumlaumu ila wewe mwenyewe. Mtoto/watoto ni vizuri wapate mapenzi ya wazazi wote wawili.

Kama sikosei umebahatika kupata mapenzi toka kwa baba na mama. Je, kama ungeambiwa katika malezi yako ya utotoni ungelelewa bila ya mapenzi ya mmoja wa wazazi wako ungejisikiaje? Kwa umri wako pia ile biological clock is ticking hivyo inabidi ufanye maamuzi haraka ili kama utaamua kupata japo mtoto mmoja basi umtafute mtu ambaye kwanza utaridhika naye akupe uja uzito na pili naye ataridhika na msimamo wako kwamba pamoja na kuwa mtazaa naye kama mkijaaliwa lakini hakutakuwa na maswala ya ndoa siku za usoni. Na uja uzito nao kwa wenye bahati zao wakigusa tu basi mambo yanajipa lakini wengine huchukua muda mrefu mpaka wafanikiwe. Kila la heri katika kufanya maamuzi yako.
 
BAK
Muchly appreciated for this very solid advice. Ila naomba ni fanunue kuhusu swala la ndoa. I have nothing against it na pia hata mimi ningependa kupata chereko chereko na mwenza wa maisha. That said Ndoa to me is
  1. Not accepting my a man's infidelity in the name of uvumilivu- Id rather be uncompromising
  2. Not a** kissing wakwe, and a bunch of people in the name of adabu na heshima- Id rather selfishly be myself
  3. Not cooking, house cleaning and labouring for a grown man in the name of mke mwema - Id rather be called a feminist
I cant stress how many close people (women I used to respect), I have seen being treated like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,losing their dignity and respect in the name of the so called ndoa. I know watu watanirukia or sio ndoa zote, or blah blah but show me 1 on solid man and I'll show you 10 that are,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. Hizi habari za "oohhh ataenda atarudi mie ndio mke halali", "hata mfanyaje sijui nikonae ndani, and blah blah is just not my cup of tea

PS: Pole if I seem to rant but duh! Some marriages are a JOKE!
 
Naaahhhhh! Nemo you don't have to worry about this. Please remember that this is JF where we dare to talk openly. Goodluck and all the best in your decision making process.

 
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