SirAlfred006
JF-Expert Member
- Sep 21, 2020
- 516
- 1,241
When I fucked up big time after being warned by two noble men, I tried to get evasive with them, but reality always catches up with you. Like reading from the same script, both men when they zeroed in on me, later told me, in more or less the same words,
"Don't be hard on yourself kid, disobeying our advice wasn't bad, your fucking up is the school fees you pay so as not to repeat the same mistake. That is how men learn."
That was truly humbling.
Advice is really a strange thing. Even we who peddle advice, pseudo or otherwise online for a living, sometimes don't take our own advice. A few years back, while having a pint with one of my editors, and one of the finest Kenyan writers, we got around to talking about women. I recounted how I had simped for some chick, disgracing the altar of masculinity. You know those beery confessions you shouldn't tell even if someone pulled all your teeth from the gums, with no anesthesia... The befuddled editor, who had handled my column on my masculinity asked me, "do you normally read your own stuff? Because, everything you did wrong, you have written against it."
It called for a moment of reflection.
I have come to know one thing about advice and advising people. It has four steps. If you dish it cold and hard like me, it takes four steps for it to sink in.
A man will come to me and say, "my wife disrespects me, we have not been intimate in a long while, and I suspect she is cheating, what should I do?"
I will coldly tell the man to leave at the earliest opportunity. And I always explain to them why. I even put some of my more open-minded female friends on loud-speaker and ask them the same question the dude has asked me so that he can hear it from the horse's mouth. The women will recount the same things I have told the man, and the man will be in disbelief. It is almost scientific that once a modern woman, with her own money, starts disrespecting you openly, denies you conjugal rights with no medical or known psychological problem, and you are squabbling every day, she is questioning your manhood... she is on her way out. It is a train you can't stop, whether you man up, make trillions of cash, or do whatever the hell you think will make her stay. It Dedan Kimathi who said, if your own dog (bitch) barks at you, someone is feeding it better. If Dedan didn't say it, then he should have.
But cold facts go against our good nature. Maybe she used to love you, and now, you can't process how love became not just hate, but abnormal contempt. Your sight triggers her worst nature. So, you go to your uncle who is a simp and he tells you, "my son, marriages are hard, adjust, do ABCD, and she will turn around."
You will talk to her more prayerful aunt who is your friend, and she will calm down a bit. Maybe there is her brother or sister who is sane and rational. They will all tell you "vumilia, do this and that. And finally, you may go to a pastor or a counselor. Nothing wastes a man's time than seeking marital counseling from a preacher or a professional counselor. No woman believes in either. Ever.
So, the same man will choose the advice of the pastor or relations and forget the redpillers, and if things go back to working briefly, he will say, people like Silas, are home wreckers, anti-marriage, blah blah blah.
It is usually crazy for these men, if the wife, for a moment becomes good, gets into some temporary self-reflection, and decides to focus on her marriage. This can happen if her boyfriend breaks up with her midway through her exit strategy and she didn't have a plan B. Or whatever final piece of the puzzle she wanted doesn't fall into place in time. So, the man will go back, settle, and lose his guard.
Nine months later, issues will emerge, but this time round, it is so bad, the man is completely paralyzed. He will again start running around helter-skelter. But he can't come back to Silas or Jacob. If self-aware, he will count his losses, take the L, and move out. If he is not self-aware, he will be kicked out of his home, or the wife will call a big canter, pick up whatever she bought into the house and she will move out, leaving the man, like an old piece of contemptible rag, lying on the balcony rails.
Therefore advice takes four stages to work.
1. You are told the truth by someone you don't like or trust. You consider it, but because it is too radical, and rattles you out of your comfort zone, you try to get advice that comforts or aligns with your expectations. At this stage, you don't know the depressing gap between reality and the fantasy in your silly head.
2. You go against the good advice and pick the advice that mostly aligns with societal expectations e.g fight for your family, fight for your kids, wins your wife back, etc.
3. It works for a while, but only if her plan has not materialized. But if it has, she will execute it ruthlessly, so fast, and there is nothing you can do. Some simps when cornered resort to violence, which is the last refugee of the clueless. In this stage, if the man is self-aware, he can salvage whatever dignity she has left him with. But if is clueless, here is where she will kill his spirit, for good.
4. Stage 4 is where you go back to agreeing with the bad cop from stage 1, and you take an L. You will be bitter about the time you wasted. If you quickly adjust, you will be fine. But if by the time you were seeking advice, the wife or girlfriend had dented your dignity by 50 percent, when you go back together to patch up things, she finishes you up to 100 percent. Nobody breaks a heart proper than someone you forgave and even lowered your standards for.
But whether male or female, that is the price you pay when people warn you, when people tell you, to leave that abuser, dump that cheater, leave that manipulator, and you fool yourself that they can change if you adjust certain aspects of your life. Abusers, cheaters, and manipulators will get you to do more, to simp more, to pay more, because they are savages, utterly malicious and if you are their victim, they will derive maximum pleasure.
Good advice always goes against our good nature and how we were programmed. It is like sour/bitter medicine or chemotherapy for a bad tumor. It hurts, and it is painful, but without taking it, the tumor consumes you.
So, tomorrow evening, join me and Chomba Njoka as we unpack 7 Things (triumphs) Men Have to Deal with as they age, and how best to prepare for them. Hapo kwa poster kuna details.
"Don't be hard on yourself kid, disobeying our advice wasn't bad, your fucking up is the school fees you pay so as not to repeat the same mistake. That is how men learn."
That was truly humbling.
Advice is really a strange thing. Even we who peddle advice, pseudo or otherwise online for a living, sometimes don't take our own advice. A few years back, while having a pint with one of my editors, and one of the finest Kenyan writers, we got around to talking about women. I recounted how I had simped for some chick, disgracing the altar of masculinity. You know those beery confessions you shouldn't tell even if someone pulled all your teeth from the gums, with no anesthesia... The befuddled editor, who had handled my column on my masculinity asked me, "do you normally read your own stuff? Because, everything you did wrong, you have written against it."
It called for a moment of reflection.
I have come to know one thing about advice and advising people. It has four steps. If you dish it cold and hard like me, it takes four steps for it to sink in.
A man will come to me and say, "my wife disrespects me, we have not been intimate in a long while, and I suspect she is cheating, what should I do?"
I will coldly tell the man to leave at the earliest opportunity. And I always explain to them why. I even put some of my more open-minded female friends on loud-speaker and ask them the same question the dude has asked me so that he can hear it from the horse's mouth. The women will recount the same things I have told the man, and the man will be in disbelief. It is almost scientific that once a modern woman, with her own money, starts disrespecting you openly, denies you conjugal rights with no medical or known psychological problem, and you are squabbling every day, she is questioning your manhood... she is on her way out. It is a train you can't stop, whether you man up, make trillions of cash, or do whatever the hell you think will make her stay. It Dedan Kimathi who said, if your own dog (bitch) barks at you, someone is feeding it better. If Dedan didn't say it, then he should have.
But cold facts go against our good nature. Maybe she used to love you, and now, you can't process how love became not just hate, but abnormal contempt. Your sight triggers her worst nature. So, you go to your uncle who is a simp and he tells you, "my son, marriages are hard, adjust, do ABCD, and she will turn around."
You will talk to her more prayerful aunt who is your friend, and she will calm down a bit. Maybe there is her brother or sister who is sane and rational. They will all tell you "vumilia, do this and that. And finally, you may go to a pastor or a counselor. Nothing wastes a man's time than seeking marital counseling from a preacher or a professional counselor. No woman believes in either. Ever.
So, the same man will choose the advice of the pastor or relations and forget the redpillers, and if things go back to working briefly, he will say, people like Silas, are home wreckers, anti-marriage, blah blah blah.
It is usually crazy for these men, if the wife, for a moment becomes good, gets into some temporary self-reflection, and decides to focus on her marriage. This can happen if her boyfriend breaks up with her midway through her exit strategy and she didn't have a plan B. Or whatever final piece of the puzzle she wanted doesn't fall into place in time. So, the man will go back, settle, and lose his guard.
Nine months later, issues will emerge, but this time round, it is so bad, the man is completely paralyzed. He will again start running around helter-skelter. But he can't come back to Silas or Jacob. If self-aware, he will count his losses, take the L, and move out. If he is not self-aware, he will be kicked out of his home, or the wife will call a big canter, pick up whatever she bought into the house and she will move out, leaving the man, like an old piece of contemptible rag, lying on the balcony rails.
Therefore advice takes four stages to work.
1. You are told the truth by someone you don't like or trust. You consider it, but because it is too radical, and rattles you out of your comfort zone, you try to get advice that comforts or aligns with your expectations. At this stage, you don't know the depressing gap between reality and the fantasy in your silly head.
2. You go against the good advice and pick the advice that mostly aligns with societal expectations e.g fight for your family, fight for your kids, wins your wife back, etc.
3. It works for a while, but only if her plan has not materialized. But if it has, she will execute it ruthlessly, so fast, and there is nothing you can do. Some simps when cornered resort to violence, which is the last refugee of the clueless. In this stage, if the man is self-aware, he can salvage whatever dignity she has left him with. But if is clueless, here is where she will kill his spirit, for good.
4. Stage 4 is where you go back to agreeing with the bad cop from stage 1, and you take an L. You will be bitter about the time you wasted. If you quickly adjust, you will be fine. But if by the time you were seeking advice, the wife or girlfriend had dented your dignity by 50 percent, when you go back together to patch up things, she finishes you up to 100 percent. Nobody breaks a heart proper than someone you forgave and even lowered your standards for.
But whether male or female, that is the price you pay when people warn you, when people tell you, to leave that abuser, dump that cheater, leave that manipulator, and you fool yourself that they can change if you adjust certain aspects of your life. Abusers, cheaters, and manipulators will get you to do more, to simp more, to pay more, because they are savages, utterly malicious and if you are their victim, they will derive maximum pleasure.
Good advice always goes against our good nature and how we were programmed. It is like sour/bitter medicine or chemotherapy for a bad tumor. It hurts, and it is painful, but without taking it, the tumor consumes you.
So, tomorrow evening, join me and Chomba Njoka as we unpack 7 Things (triumphs) Men Have to Deal with as they age, and how best to prepare for them. Hapo kwa poster kuna details.
