Going by the results of a recent Ipsos Synovate survey in Kenya, one would be forgiven for assuming that men would tolerate unfaithfulness in their wives/girlfriends over having them wear miniskirts.
In the nationwide survey conducted in June this year to find out what irks each gender about the other, unfaithfulness topped womens list of the most annoying male habits/things, with 44 per cent naming it as their pet peeve.
On the other hand, most men found it annoying for women to dress indecently; only 7 per cent of the men polled thought unfaithfulness in women was annoying.
However, digging deeper, the possible reason for mens apparent indifference could be that men do not imagine that their women can cheat. The thought of unfaithful women does not even cross most mens minds, especially if the women in question are their wives.
Men refuse to believe that their women would do the unthinkable, something that Keziah Mwende* can attest to. The 33-year-old mother of one cheated on her husband Lucas* but he never found out. She strayed because her husband of four years no longer found her sexy.
After I got my baby our sex life suddenly changed because Lucas no longer saw me as a woman. He saw me as just a mother to his child, whom he did not want to touch or make love to. He did not even acknowledge my beauty like before, she sighs.
Regaining self-esteem
Keziah was trying to get back into shape and be more desirable but he neither encouraged nor acknowledged her efforts. What hurt her most is that whenever they bumped into any of his female colleagues the first words out of his mouth would be, You look beautiful, words that she could not get him to say to her.
To make matters worse, he would steal side glances at beautiful women who passed by.
I tried talking to him about how unattractive his behaviour made me feel, but he dismissed me and told me to focus on the baby. That is when I decided to do something to validate myself as a woman.
I continued dressing up, working out at the gym, and got more sociable with men and funny enough many men, with the exception of my husband, took notice of me, she recalls.
She says she did not mean to cheat on Lucas but a man she met at the gym liked her and appreciated her curves, and one thing led to another. I loved it. It reaffirmed that I am still desirable to men, but I regret it.
I have not done it again and I am trying to get Lucas to notice me, but now I know that if he does not want me, there are many other men who are keen to have me. Keziah was never caught, and if her husband is like other men, he would have said that other women may cheat but his own would never stray.
28-year-old businessman Jacob Ochieng is one of them. From his informal observations of the social scene, he knows that while women cheat as much as men, he cant imagine his own partner being part one of them.
Women are very discreet which a good thing because if a woman is cheating a man should never know. The outcome can be very nasty if he finds out. It is also very difficult to find out if a woman is cheating unless you enlist the services of a spy to catch her. They fool us very easily into thinking that all is well while they are busy fooling around with someone else, he says.
Insatiable women?
Jacob adds that it is especially difficult to figure out that a woman is cheating when she appears to have it all. He wonders why financially stable career women would want to cheat, but on second thought, offers that while they seem to have it all such women lack affection which they seek from outside, leading to cheating.
Women are insatiable and no matter how well you take care of yours, there could still be something which you are not doing that she could decide to seek outside. And unlike men, who get caught easily, a woman will only get caught if she wants her husband to find out.
In the nationwide survey conducted in June this year to find out what irks each gender about the other, unfaithfulness topped womens list of the most annoying male habits/things, with 44 per cent naming it as their pet peeve.
On the other hand, most men found it annoying for women to dress indecently; only 7 per cent of the men polled thought unfaithfulness in women was annoying.
However, digging deeper, the possible reason for mens apparent indifference could be that men do not imagine that their women can cheat. The thought of unfaithful women does not even cross most mens minds, especially if the women in question are their wives.
Men refuse to believe that their women would do the unthinkable, something that Keziah Mwende* can attest to. The 33-year-old mother of one cheated on her husband Lucas* but he never found out. She strayed because her husband of four years no longer found her sexy.
After I got my baby our sex life suddenly changed because Lucas no longer saw me as a woman. He saw me as just a mother to his child, whom he did not want to touch or make love to. He did not even acknowledge my beauty like before, she sighs.
Regaining self-esteem
Keziah was trying to get back into shape and be more desirable but he neither encouraged nor acknowledged her efforts. What hurt her most is that whenever they bumped into any of his female colleagues the first words out of his mouth would be, You look beautiful, words that she could not get him to say to her.
To make matters worse, he would steal side glances at beautiful women who passed by.
I tried talking to him about how unattractive his behaviour made me feel, but he dismissed me and told me to focus on the baby. That is when I decided to do something to validate myself as a woman.
I continued dressing up, working out at the gym, and got more sociable with men and funny enough many men, with the exception of my husband, took notice of me, she recalls.
She says she did not mean to cheat on Lucas but a man she met at the gym liked her and appreciated her curves, and one thing led to another. I loved it. It reaffirmed that I am still desirable to men, but I regret it.
I have not done it again and I am trying to get Lucas to notice me, but now I know that if he does not want me, there are many other men who are keen to have me. Keziah was never caught, and if her husband is like other men, he would have said that other women may cheat but his own would never stray.
28-year-old businessman Jacob Ochieng is one of them. From his informal observations of the social scene, he knows that while women cheat as much as men, he cant imagine his own partner being part one of them.
Women are very discreet which a good thing because if a woman is cheating a man should never know. The outcome can be very nasty if he finds out. It is also very difficult to find out if a woman is cheating unless you enlist the services of a spy to catch her. They fool us very easily into thinking that all is well while they are busy fooling around with someone else, he says.
Insatiable women?
Jacob adds that it is especially difficult to figure out that a woman is cheating when she appears to have it all. He wonders why financially stable career women would want to cheat, but on second thought, offers that while they seem to have it all such women lack affection which they seek from outside, leading to cheating.
Women are insatiable and no matter how well you take care of yours, there could still be something which you are not doing that she could decide to seek outside. And unlike men, who get caught easily, a woman will only get caught if she wants her husband to find out.
