Sidney! Things are not what they seem always.
Being with Amar has not been always an a ride in the park. Ofcourse there was the time he raped me, i cant call it exactly rape let say he forced himself on me. And i was only 14 by then imagine. Maybe if i had never met him mylife would have been different. I should have stuck with my decision.
Baada ya lile tendo lisilo la kibidamu, nilirudi nyumbani nikasema naumwa, nikalala wiki nzima. Sitaki kwenda hospital siaki kwenda popote. Mama nae nilikuwa sina, hospital sijaenda basi asubuhi nakunywa supu, mchana wali maini, jioni chipsi kuku, mgonjwa tenaaaa. Yaani i cant explain how i felt.
Joey baada ya kutokutokea kwenye kidate, na shule wiki nzima akaamini kweli naumwa. Akajitoa akili akaibuka mpak home, japo kwa wsiwasi ila ndo alijua maza mshikaji tu. Baada ya Joey kuja nikapata ahueni ya kwenda shule. Siku hio ndo kwanza nimerudi shule ananiambia juzi nilienda kwa Amar. Roho ikafanya Paaaaah! Nikanyamaza, akawa anasema hajakuona siku nyingi na yeye, nikamwambia unaumwa, akasema ukipona rudi kazini. Nikamwambia kazi nimeacha. Joey hakufatilia sanaa. Akabull shit tu.
Sikurudi kazini wala Amar sikumuona tena kwa kipindi kirefu sanaa. Joey aka grauate na kuniacha mi naingia Form 3, wali gradute mwaka mmoja na Amar. Joey akaenda boaring shule ya mkoa huko. Life was easy, nikasahau kabisaa ufirauni wa Amar. Maisha yakaendela. Joey tukawa tunawasiliana tu vizuri, na likizo tunaonana, tunaenda Disco, na shemu za starehe kama kumbi kumbi.
Siku ya kumpa mzigo akakuta hamna kitu, na hakuuliza kwanini sijui imekuwaje na mimi nikajikausha wala sitoa explanation yoyote ikapita kibishiii hivo hivo. I must admit game ya Joey iko chini sanaa ukilinganisha na Amar. Yani hampai hata robo. But i liked him nyway tukawa tunaenda nae hivo hivo kibingwaaaa
Nikiwa form 4, nikiwa ATM nikamuona Amar nae akiwa kwenye foleni ya ATM, na mimi niko kwenye foleni hio hio. Sikjali wala nini. Nikajifany sijamuona wala nini na yeye akajifanya hajaniona. Baadae kila mtu akasepa na mishe zake, mjini hapa hamna mda wa kubanana. Ile anaondoka nikaona Amar kaondoka na gari kali hatariiiii. Like ilikuwa kama gari yake. Nilistuka ila sikupatiliza.
Nikamaliza form 4 na Amar akawa kamaliza form 6, hatukonana tenaaa toka ATM. Nikiwa nimemaliza form 4 niko na Joey nikaja kugundua kumbe A level HG na Joey walikuwa wanasoma shule moja, na wanatoka. Ndo maana barua zikapunguaaa kabisaa, na Joy haishi sababu kila siku. Roho iliniumaaa sanaaa, sanaaa, sanaaa. Nikamwambia choose between us, akamchagua HG. Roho ikaniuma mara 3 yake.
Nikawa nip tu sina bwana wala mtu. Kutoka naona kama adhabu maana Joey yupo kule na HG, ukienda viwanja unawakuta, usipowakuta unawakuta washkaji ambao wananipa ishu mwanangu umepigwa kibuti naskia, pole, Joey yupo na HG, sijui nini. Yaani balaa juu ya balaaaa. Nikawa kama digi digi mtaani.
Mungu si athumani nikapata bwana Polisi. Police msidhani labda inspector general, au police coplo, sijui sajenti hakuna bwana polisi uchwara tu. Na yule polisi nilitoka nae kutokana na ukame wa bwana niliokuwa nao haukuwa mdogo. Maana Joey aliwa ni best choice, sasa ningetoka na mtutu yoyote level za wanafunzi ningeonekana nime downgrade.
Polisi mwesnyewe hakuwa mkubwa kihivo umri sawa u na kina Amar, sema yeye alivomaliza form 6 akaenda police collage na ndo akawa amerudi rudi tu. Uzui watu walikuwa wanaogopa kuchonga maana nilipitisha biti ole wake atakaechonga akija kupewa virungu asishangae, ajue amejitakia.
And by then i thought it was cool, sababu he had a gun, ambayo hakuwahi kunipa niishike japo hata dakika 2, he had his place hakuwa anakaa kwao, and he was so proud about his work. Kila siku ananisimulia kilchotokea kazini like kuna kesi hii na hii nahii na ataisimamia mpaka haki itendeke. Kwa kumsikiliza nikajua sio polisi mla rushwa kabisaa wala mpiga deal. Ni wale wasimamia haki. He was so proud of his uniform, akivaa ile migwanda anajiona ndo kila kitu.
Tatizo la kujifanya msimamia haki hela alikuwa hana kila sikuuu, and i liked finer things and finer life. Nilimuomba simu ya camera ilimchukua miezi 8 kunipa aisee. Nilishafika Form 5 term la 2 ndo simu ikatoka. Jamaniiii. Aaaaaaaah. Hela ya kutmia nayo ya awazo hatari. It was not so cool having him as a BF. In bed likuwa anajitahidi compared to Joey lakini Amar kwa kweli nililala nae mara moja ila ulikuwa ulalaji wa kihistoria. I wished to do a rematch with him one day.
Police alikuwa ananipendaa yule sijapata ona. Kila siku yupo kwa ajili yangu. Kwanza nilimdanganya nina miaka 18 kumbe 16. Afu alikuwa muaminifu sanaa, anaweza kukupa simu ukae nayo hata usku mzima. Alichokuwa ananikeraa ni kujifanya kama mzazi wangu. Anajifanya concerned, hamna kutoka usiku, kutoa ni kwenda kwake kuliwaaaa. Mtasepnd the night togther, utakula unachotaka hivo. Mambo ya kuzurura zurura kumbi za starehe hayakuwepo kabisaaa, Akitoka kazini anapumzika.
Tatizo lilikuja kutokea siku moja niko na Afande akangangania twende wote kwenye harusi, mi nikawa sitaki, i never liked wedding anyways. Akakomaa, basi kama mi siendi nae haendi, wakati ilikuwa shereme ya mfanyakazi mwenzao. Na kilichofanya nisitake kwenda kingine ni kupigwa marufuku kunywa pombe. Nikiwa nae nikagida maji ya dhahabu hawezi kukubali kabisaa. Namwambia mi nimezoea, nasema unaweza kuacha vile vile.
Kikweli Afande alikuwa hana vikubwa, ila kidogo alichokuwa nacho nilikilaaa kwa kweli. Atajitahi akupe vikitu vikitu japo vya bei poaaa ila it makes you know he was thinking about you. Afu availability hata mchana ukimuhitji atakujaaaa. Hana mambo mengi ya kupinda pinda. Akikupa big dreams zake, isingekuwa kukaa na Amar kujua the world is not fair i might have believed in him. Honestly life was boring with the Mr. Policeman.
Joey alikuwa mwanafnzi but he could afford some good times and quality life. He always drove fancy cars za kwao, he dressed classic, he smelled classic, he gave me expensive gifts.Kuna siku alinipa cheni ya Tanzanite sijui almpiga bi mkubwa wake sijuiii. Kukaa Amar alazima nae alikuwa kajizi kadogo dogo. He had friends who knew how to have god times, who respected quality times. Mki hangout nao mnaona baridaaaaaa. Maisha si ndo yale. Mnaenda kwenye majumba yao wine za kumwagaaa, nini utaipendaaa. Club usiku lazima muonekane lasivo mnaulizwa kama mnaumwaa.
And with Joey we had that chemistry to die for. Tunaweza kukaa hivi akapita demu, akaniulizaa huyu demu bombaa? Namwambia kimtindooo, anasema nimjaribu kumtongoza kumpimaa tu. Anamtongoza demu akikubali anamwambia au nimeghairi nina demu wangu yule palee. Hahahaaa! Life can be cruel. Demu analowa kama kanyeshewa na mvua.
Siku ya kwenda kwenye hio harusi, tunajiandaa naona katoa suti yake from fundi Juma, zile suti za ovyoo, hazina fittings za kueleweka, unakuta bega moja kubwa, kama unachomekwa unapaa, alafu kilichonikeraa atleast ingekuwa plain, ina mistari stari iko checkered patterns, yaani lichoka mwili na oho. Nikamwambia huwezi vaa hio. Anagoma navaa nachotaka, a man should be defined by his brains not clothes. Jamaniiiiiiiiii. Nikasema hili balaa. Tumeenda nimenunaa sio kidogo.
The wedding was so boring, kwanza ya kilokole kumbe, no alcohol. Jamaniiiiii. Mapambio hayo sasa Rose Muhando alipatikanaa mbona. Nikiwa nimeborekaaa, ananiambia njoo tucheze, sasa mimi na mapambio wapi wapi, nikamwambia naumwaa, asiniletee ujinga. Just at the point nimewaza i was gonna die, ikaingia timu hioo kwa mbwembwee hatari.
Kuangalia hivi Amar yumo kwenye ile team. Wamekuja na maji yao, wanachanganya na pepsi mara coca, nikajua mshenzi kaja na konyagi zile, kiu kimenibanaa hatariii. Nimekunywa pepsi 2 kiu hakikatikiiii. Najitahidi nisiangalie ule upande nashindwaaa. Bahati yangu yule Afande alikuwa kamati hakai sana pale.
Alivoondoka nikamuita muhudumu, nikamwambia nenda meza ile mwambie Amar, Sidney anaomba kilimanjaro nzitooo. Jamani Simba akizidiwa anakula majani, after all it had been years. Muhudumu hakulet, akaja na jibu kasema hakujui, kwani wewe nani unaomba omba wanaume za watu. Nilisonyaaaaaaaaaa. Nikamwambia asante kaka. Nikaiona harusi chungu. Nilijuuuta kushobokaaa. Nikasema huyu mbwa kumbe hajabadilika kitu. Sasa nilivochefuka ndo uhitaji wa pombe kujipoza ukawa sio ombi bali lazimaaa. Nikasema kwani namuogopa nini subiri.
Nikanyanyuka mwenyewe, nikaenda mpaka kwenye il meza, nikawasalimia habari zenuuu, kwa bashasha, nikawapa mikono kasoro Amar, wakawa wanashangaa huyu dada vipi tena, nikawakaribisha asanteni kwa kuja kwenye sherehe yetuuuuu, Mostly welcome. Wakajua labda mi kamati kasoro Amar ofcourse. Wakati naondoka nikachukua chupa ya maji yenye konyagi ndani, nikawaaga mbakie na amani ya bwana. Nikarudi mezani nikawa nainywa kidogo kidogo. Amar ananiangalia hatariiii.
Pombe si chaiii, nikachangamka hatari, nikaanza kucheza mpaka mapambio yanapanda tu. Tatizo lingine la pombe lazima uende chooni kuchuja lita. Nimeenda chooni sina hili wala lile natoka namkuta Amar, mxiuuuu, nikataka kumpita kama ukuta sio kwa shushuo lile. Akanidaka mkono. Nikauuliza we kaka vipiiii, kushika wanwake za watu. Sasa ana nguvu akanivutia kwake, akaniambia lets hangout tonight. Daha alivokuwa angaaa. saaa la maana, kiatu cha maana, unyunyu wa maana, afu mzuri na nikikumbuka mambo anayawezaaa na ile kongagi ishakimbilia chini nikabaki sijatoa jibu.
Akaniambia get rid of that trash nije nikuchukue home sawa. Hahaaaa. Nikawa nimenyamaza kwanza kimyaa. Sielewi i missed him, au pombe tuuu au shetani tu, sielewiiiiii. Basi nilivordi ndani ndo nikazidi kumuona Afande kituko, nikaona i am denying myself a good life. Wadada wanajitupa kwa Amar mi nagaa sharubu tu, akili ikawa imevurugika kabisaaa.
Afade akagundua nimekunywa, akanunaaa, akanirudisha home, njiani namwambia mi nina nyegee mwenzio kimojaaa tu hataki kimoja wala nusu. Nimefika home Amar anapiga wakati namba sikumpa, nikamwambia mi sitoki tena hata kama muelewa huko kutakuwa kumpima imani. Kesho na yo siku tutatoka. Ikawa kama nnimemkubaliaaa. Asubuhi sms 5, mchana sms, kufik hio jioni saa 12 huyu hapa. Aaah. Afande nikawa nimempanga naumwaaa, naenda kwa shangazi maana asingeshindwa kuja.
Gari kaliiii, hela zimetapakaa kwenye gari, mar style, akaniambia kwanza naenda wapi na wewe na hio mitumbaaa uliovaa, lets get you something decent, botic, nunu nguo za hatari na nywele za maana. Tukaanza hoteli tumekaa kidogo akasema hakuhappen, twende live band, lisaa kubwa, haku happen, twende dinner, kumaliza kula, twende beach party, hatujakaa, twende club, kukaa kidogo twende lounge, yaaani ilikuwa kupita tuuu na kuonekana. Mwisho tukiwa longe akasema tumechoka sanaaa twende kuna simu nataka nipige we uoge, change into something decent kuna sehemu tunaenda kwa vigogo kuwezi kwenda hivo na hizo nguo za club. Utavaa ile nguo ya nyekundu tukafanye ishu moja.
Nikajua Amar akiwa na kazi hatakagi distructions. so huko room atakuwa busy na hio simu. Nikajua tu he is in deeper shit that selling stollen phones. Nikakubali kwanza nilishachoka. Tumefika amekaa na simu busy kabisaa, ila sikumuamini nikaingia kuvulia nguo bafuni, nikataka kuloki bafu la kioo jaccuzii hizi haziloki, Afu tushakuwa watu wazima sasa. Nimevua nimefungua shower, maji yananikoleaaa, huyu hapa anafungua mlango anaingia na yeye mtupuuu kama alivozaliwa. Nataka kuuliza jamani vipiii yakheee kuvamianaa kaniwahi kuninyamazisha na denda.
ITAENDELEA KESHO SAA 10 JIONI.