Ni kweli ametutoka na tutaendelea kumkumbuka daima, lakini pia ametuachia changamoto kuwa na tahadhari na watu wenye matatizo ya akili hata kama ni mtoto wako wa kumzaa.
Connecticut school shooting: Adam Lanza's mother kept trials of home life hidden
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But while Lanza spoke proudly about her sons and brought them in for breakfast when they were younger, friends say she held one card very close: home life, especially its trials and setbacks, was off limits.
Now, the secrets Lanza kept are at the centre of the questions that surround this American town, grieving over the slaughter unleashed by her 20-year-old son Adam, who investigators say killed his mother Friday with one of her own guns before murdering
26 children and teachers at a nearby school.
"Her family life was her family life. She kept it private, when we were together. That was her own thing," said Louise Tambascio, who runs the warmly lit pizzeria and bar with her own sons, and became a shopping and dining companion of Nancy Lanza's.
Friends had met Lanza's younger son, who stared down at the floor and didn't speak when she brought him in. They knew he'd switched schools more than once and that she'd tried home schooling him. But while she occasionally expressed concern about his future during evenings at the bar, she never complained about anything at all.
"I heard her as a parent. I always said that I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. But I thought, ‘Wow. She holds it well,'" said Tambascio's son, John.
Friends told NBC's "Today" show on Monday that Lanza was a devoted mother, especially to her son Adam, and that shooting guns was simply a hobby for her.
Russell Hanoman said Adam Lanza was "clearly a troubled child."
Hanoman said Nancy Lanza told him she introduced guns to Adam as a way to teach him responsibility.
"Guns require a lot of respect, and she really tried to instill that responsibility within him, and he took to it. He loved being careful with them. He made it a source of pride," he said.
California resident Ryan Kraft told KCAL-TV in Los Angeles that when he was a teenager he lived a few doors down from the Lanza family and used to babysit Adam Lanza, then nine or 10 years old. He said the boy "struck me as an introverted kid."
"His mom Nancy had always instructed me to keep an eye on him at all times, never turn my back or even go to the bathroom or anything like that. Which I found odd but I really didn't ask; it wasn't any of my business," said Kraft, who lives in Hermosa Beach. "But looking back at it now, I guess there was something else going on."
Despite the challenges, the trappings of Lanza's life in Newtown were comfortable. When she and then-husband
Peter Lanza moved to the central Connecticut community in 1998 from southern New Hampshire, they bought a brand new 3,100-square-foot colonial set on more than two acres in the Bennett's Farm neighbourhood. Nancy Lanza had previously worked as a stock broker at John Hancock in Boston and her husband was a successful executive.
When the couple divorced in 2009, he left their spacious home to Nancy Lanza and told her she would never have to work another day in her life, said Marsha Lanza of Crystal Lake, Ill., Lanza's aunt. The split-up was not acrimonious and Adam spent time with both his mother and father, she said.
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All three of the guns that Adam Lanza carried into Sandy Hook Elementary were owned and registered by his mother - a pair of handguns and a .223-caliber Bushmaster rifle, his primary weapon.
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But while trips to shooting ranges gave Lanza an outlet, she returned home to the ever-present challenges of raising a son with intractable problems.
At Newtown High School, Adam Lanza was often having crises that only his mother could defuse.
"He would have an episode, and she'd have to return or come to the high school and deal with it," said Richard Novia, the school district's head of security until 2008, who got to know the family because both Lanza sons joined the school technology club he chartered.
Novia said
Adam Lanza would sometimes withdraw completely "from whatever he was supposed to be doing," whether it was sitting in class or reading a book.
Adam Lanza "could take flight, which I think was the big issue, and it wasn't a rebellious or defiant thing," Novia said. "It was withdrawal."
The club gave the boy a place where he could be more at ease and indulge his interest in computers. His anxieties appeared to ease somewhat, but they never disappeared. When people approached him in the hallways, he would press himself against the wall or walk in a different direction, clutching tight to his black briefcase.
Marsha Lanza described Nancy Lanza as a good mother.
"If he had needed consulting, she would have gotten it," Marsha Lanza said. "Nancy wasn't one to deny reality."
But friends and neighbours said Lanza never spoke about the difficulties of raising her son. Mostly she noted how smart he was and that she hoped, even with his problems, that he'd find a way to succeed.
"We never talked about the family," John Tambascio said. "She just came in to have a great time."
Connecticut school shooting: Adam Lanza