Please Advise...

Theodora

Theodora

JF-Expert Member
Dec 20, 2009
802
570
Hello wanaJF.

Nina rafiki wa muda mrefu ambaye amenisaidia sana nilipokuwa kwenye kipindi kigumu maishani - and knows almost everything about me. And we have only and only been friends. Mwaka jana alienda Uingereza where the spouse is. Infact, I advised on this decision.

Huwa ananipigia simu mara kwa mara - (and its ok maaana we are long time friends), na wakti mwingine niko tight kazini na sipokei - baadaye akipiga na nikapokea , ataniuliza maswali kama ushampata mtu anakukeep busy ndo haupokei cm zangu au vipi? Kila mara lazima aulize swali hili or another which may border to be more personal, or even send somebody with some message to pass on. Is this normal from a friend b'coz its getting me upset and tired of this. But this is a friend I do not want to lose. What should I do? I have already mentioned this to him but the queries do not dissappear infact they increase...
 
oh, hii inanikumbusha mbali, kipindi miaka ile naanza maisha nilipokuwa jangwani, Mungu alinipitisha jangwani nizoee jangwa na baadaye akanikalisha kaanani kwenye maziwa na asali. nawapa moyo wale walioko jangwani kwasaba, ukiona uko kwenye hali kama hiyo, don't lose your faith in Jesus, kuna kuwa na majani mabichi mbeleni.

kwa mtoa mada, nafikiri nyie ni watu wazima, pengine alijua mko zaidi ya friend with you..however, ogopeni dhambi ya zinaa tu mtakapokutana, kwasababu mtu kama akiongea hivyo ina maana amekuweka moyoni hata kama wewe hautaki. ogopeni zinaaa.
 
Theodora said:
Hello wanaJF.

Nina rafiki wa muda mrefu ambaye amenisaidia sana nilipokuwa kwenye kipindi kigumu maishani - and knows almost everything about me. And we have only and only been friends. Mwaka jana alienda Uingereza where the spouse is. Infact, I advised on this decision.

Huwa ananipigia simu mara kwa mara - (and its ok maaana we are long time friends), na wakti mwingine niko tight kazini na sipokei - baadaye akipiga na nikapokea , ataniuliza maswali kama ushampata mtu anakukeep busy ndo haupokei cm zangu au vipi? Kila mara lazima aulize swali hili or another which may border to be more personal, or even send somebody with some message to pass on. Is this normal from a friend b'coz its getting me upset and tired of this. But this is a friend I do not want to lose. What should I do? I have already mentioned this to him but the queries do not dissappear infact they increase...
Click to expand...

Boys will always be boys. Dude probably has a crush on you. And being that you guys were so close to the point of letting him in your innermost personal life he probably developed an attachment to you that is love-like.

See, we guys think differently because we are wired differently than you women. It's hard for me to fathom a red-blooded normal manly man not having an 'I wish I could smash that one day' thought in the back of his mind when he is so close to a female like that (of course, the female has to be at least half way decent). That's why I don't buy this idea that a man and a woman can just be friends. In your mind you may think that you are just friends but in his mind he probably hopes he'll get to smash it one day.

So here's what you should do. Tell him that you see him as being one of your closest friends and you can't picture yourself with him in any other situation other than that. Draw the line in the sand and make it crystal clear to him. If he gets out of line check him by reminding him that you and him are just friends, nothing more and nothing less. And just like you said, tell him that you value his friendship so much that you don't want to lose him as a friend but if he continues with his questioning you gonna cut him loose. Sometimes it's good to just tell it like it is. Good luck.
 
Ahsante ndugu yangu-I was facing the same situation here. Nina rafiki pia ambaye nilibahatika kujua mambo yake mengi ya kimaisha. Na kwa bahati nzuri hata kwa girlfiend wake alinitambulisha as afriend. But any way,to cut the story-now he return back and he want the love friend ship but after he breaks up with his girlfriend.

Nilipata courage ya kummwambia ukweli kuwa I will never take u as somone else to me more than a friend .It was real hard for him but I told him i value ur friendship. I did not want to waste my time or either his tyme.Tell the truth then you will be free. I hope he will understand.All the best
 
Theodora said:
Hello wanaJF.

Nina rafiki wa muda mrefu ambaye amenisaidia sana nilipokuwa kwenye kipindi kigumu maishani - and knows almost everything about me. And we have only and only been friends. Mwaka jana alienda Uingereza where the spouse is. Infact, I advised on this decision.

Huwa ananipigia simu mara kwa mara - (and its ok maaana we are long time friends), na wakti mwingine niko tight kazini na sipokei - baadaye akipiga na nikapokea , ataniuliza maswali kama ushampata mtu anakukeep busy ndo haupokei cm zangu au vipi? Kila mara lazima aulize swali hili or another which may border to be more personal, or even send somebody with some message to pass on. Is this normal from a friend b'coz its getting me upset and tired of this. But this is a friend I do not want to lose. What should I do? I have already mentioned this to him but the queries do not dissappear infact they increase...
Click to expand...

It is inadvisable to be close friends with a married man even if you were friends before he was married. You helped him through a hard time in his life and you were there for him. He opened up to you and you opened up to him. What did you expect from the closeness? f you choose to keep the friendship be ready for the consequences. Baadae kikitokea chochote don't put all the blame on the guy or act oblivious to the situation maana dada zetu hamkawii kulaumu kila kitu wanaume.
 
Make it clear to him; and he is not worth your friendship if he won't value that! Come clean!
 
There is no such thing as "friendship" between men and women, for it is only in the conclusions... their reasons are always different...
 
Friendship is only what a person perceives it to be. You can see a person as just a friend but it doesn't mean the feeling will be mutual.
 
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