Ndoa za zamani vs. sasa hivi

Here we go again!
Ni muda mwiingi sana naingia JF, nachungulia, halafu naondoka bila ku-comment kwahiyo nimeona bora nianzishe haka katopic ili tuweze kujadiliana kwa uwazi swala la watu kulinganisha ndoa za Siku na ndoa za baba zetu na bibi zetu.

Jambo linaloudhi ni pale topic linapoegemea upande mmoja, Mara nyingi ni wanaume wamekuwa wakilalamika Kuwait wanawake wamebadilika, hawana heshima, nidhamu wala mioyo ya kukaa kwa amani na waume zao, hivyo husababisha ndoa kusambaratika.

kwa upande wangu mimi, naweza nikatoa sababu kadhaa kueleza sababu inayowafanya wanawake waonakane wamekosa uvumilivu na nidhamu:
- tumeshuhudia vya kutosha kupitia mama/shangazi/bibi zetu mateso waliyopitia kwenye ndoa zao. Ni vigumu kwa wanaume kujua baba zao walikuwa wanafanya mambo gani sababu by nature ya wanaume (at least wanaume wa kipindi hicho) walikuwa wasiri mno. Wa Siku hizi wanapenda kuanika mambo hadharani ( see topic 1000+ zinazohusu michepuko, kutongoza hovyo, etc). Just because mama didn't say anything doesn't mean she respected you, she just didn't have anywhere to go. Now that we women are independent, you cannot treat us like garbage and expect to be treated like a king in return.

-Men did not appreciate the good things they had. Wanawake walikuwa wanatunza bikra lakini tukaja kugundua Kuwa bikra haimaanishi mmeo hatachepuka, haimaanishi atakuheshimu zaidi. There just is no guarantee. They want to be the first to open your box, but they're ok with other open boxes as long as they're not married to it!


- wanaume, you think you can behave the same way your fathers did and get the same results they did. You are wrong. Women changed, and so must you.


*nitarudi, gotta get my family ready for the weekend***

Sijui vitabu vya dini vinasemaje kuhusu suala hili.

So on your glimpse, women are so clean, right?

Kuna kaukweli hapo kwamba wanaume tunapenda kuwa wa kwanza kufungua box but still tunaendelea na other box ambazo hata hatujui mfunguaji ni nani na ilifunguliwa lini na hata idadi ya waliochungulia hiyo box hatuijui ila tunafeel ok.

Ndio maana mnafanya ndoa za gharama na baada ya miezi miwili ndoa zenu huvunjika; msiwe mnapoteza fedha za watu kuwachangia ndoa zenu huku hamjui maana ya ndoa!!

umesema wanawake wamebadilika, labda utuelezee mwanzo walikuwaje na sasa wakoje, halafu umesema na sisi wanaume tubadilike, mabadiliko gani unayozungumzia?

Tarime one said:

Kuna kaukweli hapo kwamba wanaume tunapenda kuwa wa kwanza kufungua box but still tunaendelea na other box ambazo hata hatujui mfunguaji ni nani na ilifunguliwa lini na hata idadi ya waliochungulia hiyo box hatuijui ila tunafeel ok.

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pia mara nyingi tunaingia Chunvini kwa zile zilizofunguliwa, tukikuta haijafunguliwa hatuingii chunvini.

HoneyBee said:

Here we go again!
Ni muda mwiingi sana naingia JF, nachungulia, halafu naondoka bila ku-comment kwahiyo nimeona bora nianzishe haka katopic ili tuweze kujadiliana kwa uwazi swala la watu kulinganisha ndoa za Siku na ndoa za baba zetu na bibi zetu.

Jambo linaloudhi ni pale topic linapoegemea upande mmoja, Mara nyingi ni wanaume wamekuwa wakilalamika Kuwait wanawake wamebadilika, hawana heshima, nidhamu wala mioyo ya kukaa kwa amani na waume zao, hivyo husababisha ndoa kusambaratika.

kwa upande wangu mimi, naweza nikatoa sababu kadhaa kueleza sababu inayowafanya wanawake waonakane wamekosa uvumilivu na nidhamu:
- tumeshuhudia vya kutosha kupitia mama/shangazi/bibi zetu mateso waliyopitia kwenye ndoa zao. Ni vigumu kwa wanaume kujua baba zao walikuwa wanafanya mambo gani sababu by nature ya wanaume (at least wanaume wa kipindi hicho) walikuwa wasiri mno. Wa Siku hizi wanapenda kuanika mambo hadharani ( see topic 1000+ zinazohusu michepuko, kutongoza hovyo, etc). Just because mama didn't say anything doesn't mean she respected you, she just didn't have anywhere to go. Now that we women are independent, you cannot treat us like garbage and expect to be treated like a king in return.

-Men did not appreciate the good things they had. Wanawake walikuwa wanatunza bikra lakini tukaja kugundua Kuwa bikra haimaanishi mmeo hatachepuka, haimaanishi atakuheshimu zaidi. There just is no guarantee. They want to be the first to open your box, but they're ok with other open boxes as long as they're not married to it!


- wanaume, you think you can behave the same way your fathers did and get the same results they did. You are wrong. Women changed, and so must you.


*nitarudi, gotta get my family ready for the weekend***

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i beg to differ. i am great bliver kuwa all that is wrong with todays marriages stems from the fact that pre-marital sex has been glamourized and extolled. kama kweli wanawake wangukuwa wanabakia kuwa mabikra basi ninauhakika mambo yangekuwa safi. dont get me me wrong men have contibuted too to this quagmire.

ila ukweli ni kwamba tungekuwa tumebakia katika ile dhana na kwamba tenfo la ndoa lifanyike baina ya wanandoa basi mambo yangekuwa mwake.

Kwahyo unataka kusema wanaume ndo chanzo cha mahusiano kuharibika?

cerengeti said:

Sijui vitabu vya dini vinasemaje kuhusu suala hili.

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Kwenye swala la vitabu vya dini, haijalishi vinasema nini. Hiyo ni Kati ya wewe, mkeo na mungu wenu. Ni makubaliano Kati yenu so huwezi apply Sheria zako kwa binadamu wote duniani

Tarime one said:

Kuna kaukweli hapo kwamba wanaume tunapenda kuwa wa kwanza kufungua box but still tunaendelea na other box ambazo hata hatujui mfunguaji ni nani na ilifunguliwa lini na hata idadi ya waliochungulia hiyo box hatuijui ila tunafeel ok.

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Thank you for your honesty

Bulldog said:

Kwahyo unataka kusema wanaume ndo chanzo cha mahusiano kuharibika?

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Sijasema hilo. Nilitoa sababu kadhaa kujaribu ku explain tofauti kati ya wanawake wa sasahivi na wanawake wa kale. Things have changed very quickly sababu wanawake wana uwezo sasahivi, huenda haijawahi kutokea wakati ambapo wanawake walikuwa na nguvu na mamlaka Kama wanaume, and as a result wanaume hawajui jinsi ya ku react.

Imagine, dunia / jamii nzima iliyopangwa kwa mfumo dume. Yaani tangia utotoni watoto wa kiume wanapewa special treatment, hawachungwi, wanapelekwa shule no matter what, dada zao wanafanya kazi za ndani na kuwapa heshima, simply because they are male. Halafu kuongeza kwenye Hilo tatizo vitabu vya dini vinachambuliwa na misemo mingi inatumika kuhalalisha hii special treatment na kukandamiza wanawake. Misogyny .


Sasa fast forward 2014, wanawake wako juu, mnafanya nao kazi, huenda wengine ni maboss wenu, hawakuhitaji muwa-support, na mkiwakwaza hawakawii kuwatupilia mbali. Kwa kifupi, women are now like men, and men cannot deal with this because it it forces them to see the double standard they have working at their advantage since the beginning of time.

Naomba kukujulisha kwamba weye kusema atii huna haja wala huoni faida ya kuficha box mpaka mwenyewe muhusika aje kulifungua mwenyewe basi umepotoka kweli kweli.
Bikra ya mwanamke ni hishima ya kutosha kabisa. Hata asubuhi mamako akija kukujulia hali, kuwa je ulipona?? Ilikuwa furaha ya mamako tena alipiga vigelegele kuwa mwanangu alinihishimu. Mumeo alikuwa anatoa zawadi kwa mamako kuwa aksante kwa kunilindia box langu mpaka nikalifungua mwenyewe.
Nakusihi usibishe kuwa Bikra ni hishima kubwa kwani ingekuwa si hivyo mchina asingetengeneza hizi za kuzugha. Tatizo ni pale majitu yanaenda kufanya ngono vichakani halafu yanatangaza ati wamefanya tendo la ndoa.Ptyuuu!! Tendo la ndoa au tendo la kikahaba??? Hiyo ni ngono tu na Mola wetu haitaki wala haruhusu. Tena anasema Mola wetu kuwa afanyaye hayo hana akili kabisaaa.
Turudie hali yetu ile ya zamani jamani ndipo mtaona hishima na utamu wa ndoa. Unaoa, siku ya harusi unaagiza mpiga picha, kumbe ndiye aliyevunja jungu kuamkia leo. Ptyuuu.
Ningetamani kama huyo mwanamama anakupenda kweli na ameamua kuachana nao, akueleze ni wa ngapi wamepiga mpini hapo na wako wapi ili msipitishe magari yenu na honi za pi pii pii kitaani kumbe gari ya mbele tu ni mume mwenza. Inauma sana atiii

Naomba kuuliza, zawadi kwa mwanamme kwa mwanamke ni nini? Je, utajuaje kuwa mwanamme ni bikra ukizingatia hana hymen? Bikra ina politics zake, sababu jamii zingine inaonekana kero, na zingine ziinasema inaleta heshima kwa mwanamke na familia yake. Inafika wakati wanawake wanaweza kuuawa wakikutwa hawana bikra, ndio hizo biashara za kichina zinakuja kuokoa maisha ya mwanamke. Yaani, hadhi yako inapimwa kwa kuwepo au kutokuwepo kwa kanyama kwenye uke?? Imagine! Na wengine hawazaliwi nayo, au inaweza kutoka kwa kufanyishwa kazi ngumu, kuendesha baiskeli n.k. Fikiria ni wanawake wangapi wameuawa or kurudishwa kwa wazazi kisa hawakuvuja damu baada ya tendo . Ni uonevu wa ajabu.

Karne hii wanawake wanatakiwa kuheshimiwa kwa kilichopo kati kati ya masikio (ubongo) na si kati kati ya mapaja. Narudia, ,sisemi bikra haina haja, bali nauliza kwanini umtunzie bikra mwanamme ambae hatakuheshimu baade? Inatakiwa mwanamme akuheshimu whether or not you have it. Huyo ndie anaekufaa.Mwanamme pekee ambae ana haki ya kudai mke wake awe bikra mpaka wafunge ndoa ni mwanamme bikra. Full stop.

mangatara said:

Naomba kukujulisha kwamba weye kusema atii huna haja wala huoni faida ya kuficha box mpaka mwenyewe muhusika aje kulifungua mwenyewe basi umepotoka kweli kweli.
Bikra ya mwanamke ni hishima ya kutosha kabisa. Hata asubuhi mamako akija kukujulia hali, kuwa je ulipona?? Ilikuwa furaha ya mamako tena alipiga vigelegele kuwa mwanangu alinihishimu. Mumeo alikuwa anatoa zawadi kwa mamako kuwa aksante kwa kunilindia box langu mpaka nikalifungua mwenyewe.
Nakusihi usibishe kuwa Bikra ni hishima kubwa kwani ingekuwa si hivyo mchina asingetengeneza hizi za kuzugha. Tatizo ni pale majitu yanaenda kufanya ngono vichakani halafu yanatangaza ati wamefanya tendo la ndoa.Ptyuuu!! Tendo la ndoa au tendo la kikahaba??? Hiyo ni ngono tu na Mola wetu haitaki wala haruhusu. Tena anasema Mola wetu kuwa afanyaye hayo hana akili kabisaaa.
Turudie hali yetu ile ya zamani jamani ndipo mtaona hishima na utamu wa ndoa. Unaoa, siku ya harusi unaagiza mpiga picha, kumbe ndiye aliyevunja jungu kuamkia leo. Ptyuuu.
Ningetamani kama huyo mwanamama anakupenda kweli na ameamua kuachana nao, akueleze ni wa ngapi wamepiga mpini hapo na wako wapi ili msipitishe magari yenu na honi za pi pii pii kitaani kumbe gari ya mbele tu ni mume mwenza. Inauma sana atiii

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I do not see anything wrong with pre-marital sex, as long as you are in a committed, respectful relationship. One night stands and promiscuous behaviour is another thing. what are you referring to?

mzabzab said:

i beg to differ. i am great bliver kuwa all that is wrong with todays marriages stems from the fact that pre-marital sex has been glamourized and extolled. kama kweli wanawake wangukuwa wanabakia kuwa mabikra basi ninauhakika mambo yangekuwa safi. dont get me me wrong men have contibuted too to this quagmire.

ila ukweli ni kwamba tungekuwa tumebakia katika ile dhana na kwamba tenfo la ndoa lifanyike baina ya wanandoa basi mambo yangekuwa mwake.

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HoneyBee said:

I do not see anything wrong with pre-marital sex, as long as you are in a committed, respectful relationship. One night stands and promiscuous behaviour is another thing. what are you referring to?

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well i can see all that is wrong with pre-marital sex.

To summarize it all, dunia imebadilika na watu wake wamebadilika pia na ndoa zimekua kimeo vile vile. So kila mtu afe kivyake.

HoneyBee said:

Here we go again!
Ni muda mwiingi sana naingia JF, nachungulia, halafu naondoka bila ku-comment kwahiyo nimeona bora nianzishe haka katopic ili tuweze kujadiliana kwa uwazi swala la watu kulinganisha ndoa za Siku na ndoa za baba zetu na bibi zetu.

Jambo linaloudhi ni pale topic linapoegemea upande mmoja, Mara nyingi ni wanaume wamekuwa wakilalamika Kuwait wanawake wamebadilika, hawana heshima, nidhamu wala mioyo ya kukaa kwa amani na waume zao, hivyo husababisha ndoa kusambaratika.

kwa upande wangu mimi, naweza nikatoa sababu kadhaa kueleza sababu inayowafanya wanawake waonakane wamekosa uvumilivu na nidhamu:
- tumeshuhudia vya kutosha kupitia mama/shangazi/bibi zetu mateso waliyopitia kwenye ndoa zao. Ni vigumu kwa wanaume kujua baba zao walikuwa wanafanya mambo gani sababu by nature ya wanaume (at least wanaume wa kipindi hicho) walikuwa wasiri mno. Wa Siku hizi wanapenda kuanika mambo hadharani ( see topic 1000+ zinazohusu michepuko, kutongoza hovyo, etc). Just because mama didn't say anything doesn't mean she respected you, she just didn't have anywhere to go. Now that we women are independent, you cannot treat us like garbage and expect to be treated like a king in return.

-Men did not appreciate the good things they had. Wanawake walikuwa wanatunza bikra lakini tukaja kugundua Kuwa bikra haimaanishi mmeo hatachepuka, haimaanishi atakuheshimu zaidi. There just is no guarantee. They want to be the first to open your box, but they're ok with other open boxes as long as they're not married to it!


- wanaume, you think you can behave the same way your fathers did and get the same results they did. You are wrong. Women changed, and so must you.


*nitarudi, gotta get my family ready for the weekend***

Click to expand...

Why Mum and Dad Can't Help

If you were born before 1960, you grew up watching
your parents behave towards each other based on the
ancient rules of male and female survival. Your parents
were repeating the behaviour they learned from their
parents who, in turn, were copying their parents, who
mimicked their parents, and back it goes to the ancient
cave people in their clearly defined roles.
Now the rules have changed completely, and your
parents don't know how to help. The divorce rate for
newlyweds is now around 50% and, taking defacto and
gay relationships into consideration, the real breakup rate
for couples is likely to be over 70%. We need to learn a
new set of rules in order to discover how to be happy and
survive emotionally intact into the 21st Century.

From the book:
Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It – June 19, 2001


by Allan Pease (Author), Barbara Pease (Author)


pakua hapa http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...=KYE4LzQI-KEgRmryAeyFYQ&bvm=bv.70138588,d.cWc

Wanawake mnapojaribu kuvaa u-anaume matokeo yake ni majanga. Hear me right dear; men will always be on top. Hii ni sheria ya Mungu. Haijalishi umesoma kiasi gani au una fedha na mali kiasi gani. Wanawake hamkuumbwa kuwakalia wanaume. Ninyi ni viumbe wasaidizi kwa mwanaume. Ndoa hazikai kwa kuwa ma-checksister wa siku hizi wengi wao ni much-know. Just because you are educated, you earn a decent income it doesn't mean you can do what you please. Angalia wadada wengi wanaodumu kwenye ndoa.Wengi wao hujishusha. Let me give you a piece of advice; ukitaka uheshimiwe na mwanaume, respect and pamper his ego.

Ukileta mashindano utaishia kuvunja ndoa yako na kuumia bure. Jamii haimuheshimu mwanamke aliyeachika kwa uzinzi au kiburi. Sio kwamba baba zetu walikuwa malaika, la hasha, ila mama zetu walikuwa na busara (not to say hawakufanya yao). Sasa nyie unagombana na mumeo kidogo ushapost status facebook "I'm done!!!I hate him!" he he he he unategemea utatunza ndoa hapo. Kutwa you are on social media flirting with other dudes and you expect your hubby to just "give you space" ha ha ha. Acheni u-magharibi wa kwenye soap za kifilipino. You end up ruining your lives, become bitter and worse yet psychologically *** up your kids.

This song jaman;wengi wameolewa na machungwa lakin ndoa zao wameshindwa kuzitunza,thaman ya mwanamke si chenza ni mwenyewe jinsi alivo..