I love every Friday.

[Gorgeousmimi]

mimi49 unakubaliana na hili hapa chini?

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Kenyan Man

On phone;

Gal: Mambo swits?

Boy: Poa sana hun,,, Uko wapi?

Gal: Niko 2 hapa hom niki watch moviez,,,,,

Boy: Hata mi nko kejani 2 nimeboeka yangu yote,,,, Si naeza kam huko 2rilax pamoja??

Gal: Brilliant idea! By the way beib ukikam unikujie na yoghut packet moja na ka black forest cake,,,,

Boy: Khai! Yoghut na hii baridi yote??
Aki my dear staki ukue mgonjwa,,,,

Gal: Sawa basi kam na keki pekee,,,,

Boy: Uuuuiii,,,, Hun nlikukataza kukula hizi vitu za sukari mob,,,, Meno zako zita spoil,,,,

Gal: Gosh! Sasa utakam na nini??,,,,
Basi pitia kwa Baba Kim ununue maini nusu then ukam nayo tupike,,,,,

Boy: What??? Swity hukuona news juzi??? Hizi nyama za skuizi haziaminiki! ,,,, Unaeza dhani ni nyama poa kumbe unakula tumbili,,,,

Gal: Nkt! Basi nikujie na mahindi chemsha ya ten bob!

Boy: Woow! That's my beiby ,,,, Nakam
nayo sahizi!


***********************************************************

Nigerian Man

Gal: Babe why don't you come over and I'll make you dinner. On your way here could you pass by the grocers and pick up some chicken?

Boy: Abomination! A gal like you shouldn't be dirtying herself up in the kitchen. Why don't I pick you up at 7 for dinner?

Gal: That's so sweet of you. I had a long, exhausting day at work and really appreciate the gesture. 6:57 pm..door bell..ding dong.. Gal: *squeals* hi babe, so nice to see you. You smell great! What's that cologne you have on?

Boy: Just something I picked up at Macy's..

Gal: come on in... *Naija guy unleashes a fresh bouquet of red roses that he was holding behind his back.
Are those for me?

Boy: They're for my beautiful princess. Look at you. I love your hairstyle, it suits you well. It must have dented your your wallet at the salon. Here is Kshs 20,000.

Gal: aaaah, you know I can't take it.

Boy: what now? Ok, here is 50,000. Is that better?

Gal: aaaahhh, okey thanks! You didn't have to...Would u like something to drink?

Boy: No wahala, I already made reservations so let's be on our way..

Gal: Really?? Aww...you are too much. Where are we going? Naija guy: It's a surprise, I'm sure you'll love it! Naija guy and gal exit the apartment and head to Hotel Sankara.)​

Hahaha huyo mkenya YAHYA....

 

[Gorgeousmimi]

Mashosti tule na kasomo hapo chini

4 Things You Should Never Tell Your Boyfriend

​

1. Your girlfriend secrets
This is one of the things that you MUST NEVER share with your boyfriend. Your friends confide in you and expect you to keep that confidence. After all, they do the same for you right? So try and keep their trust intact. Apart from this, guys generally do not understand the kind of talks girls do, so it's best you keep him at bay.
2. Your password
This is a big NO NO when it comes to sharing something with your boyfriend. Even though you might trust him a lot and also love him beyond words, but there are certain things like passwords that you should never share.
3. Your dislike for his family
It is best you keep this secret to yourself and not let this one out either to him or your friends. There will always be some who cannot get along well with their boyfriend's mother or sister. You need not tell him this. Not only will it make him sad but it might also ruin your relationship.
4. Your past….in detail
Well even if you've mentioned about your ex boyfriend to your current one, make sure you do not give out too many details to him. Keep this a secret. It does not mean that you are cheating on him. It just shows that you do not want unnecessary trouble.
​

Mhhh I wounder why couples cant share passwords?Hamuaminiani?
Hizo siri za shogaako hahitaji kujua isitoshe shoga ni wako wewe yeye inamuhusu nini!!
Kama kuna mtu huelewani nae katika familia yake inapaswa ajue ili ikitokea mtafaruku ajue chanzo cha matatizo na upande gani anaweza kuegemea...
Kwenye hizo dhana kuna usiri mwingi sana na sikubaliani kwmaba ni kitu kizuri kwenye mahusiano...Au we unaonaje vivian?

 

[ladyfurahia]

niko ofisini mpendwa wangu na nikitoka hapa naenda kwenye shughuli binafsi si unajua
tena huuu ujasiriamali nikitoka huko narudi home kupumzika, ila kesho sasa ndo
nitatafuta mahali pa kujiachia waonaje twende maisha

ladyfurahia uko wapi saa hii mi naelekea Jakis masaki

 

[Arushaone]

CC Maddam B

where did you do the research?

Hizo twaziita kopi'n-pest. Vipi mdada?

Afu huyo ulomuita aitwa Madame B na si vinginevyo.

 

[Lady doctor]

vivian naomba umtake radhi babe wangu figganigga.......

wii hebu twendzetu kwa mwenyekiti tumfungulie vivi mashtaka, haiwezekani atudhalilishie huyu mtu kiasi hiki

 

[Chocs]

Chocs huyu Heaven on earth ni besti yangu wa ukweli sitaki apotee kwa kuingia kwenye commitment ambayo itamgharimu baadae

Hivi unajua Heaven on earth ametoka wapi na figganigga

 

[Judgement]

Duuh!
Kumbe @figganiga ndiyo huyu!
Keshakula mihela yangu sana!
Mara motaveko, fayaekstingwisha, wepa , bima, afu mambo ndo haya?

 

[figganigga]

Madadiito na Mashostito. Kama mlikua hamumjui figganigga Leo nimewaletea Picha yake ya ijumaa iliyopita.

Nilikua naye alipo lala nikamuacha solemba. Kijana alikunywa kilimanjaro tatu hoi. Nikahisi alikua anachanganya na viroba akijua atanikomoa.

Ha ha ha ha ha ikala kwake mazima.

Nilikua nakusoma tu nione janja yako. Nlijifanya nmezima ili nikutege tu. Hakatwi mtu hapa. Mia

 

[figganigga]

Nisemeje sasa? Kodi zetu au rushwa zetu? Zilizomfikisha hapo!

Mkuu wala usihofu. Hizo mbwembwe tu. Mia

 

[figganigga]

halafu huyu bado yupo kazini

Leo nipo off nambie inakuaje?. mia

 

[figganigga]

My wii Heaven on earth ukuje huku uone mumeo anavyodhalilika

Mmh!. mia

 

[figganigga]

Wii huyu Vivi anantafuta huyu........

Kama vipi mfanyizie.

vivian naomba umtake radhi babe wangu figganigga.......

Tena afanye haraka.

Habari bureee....!
figganigga nae teena
cc Heaven on earth

Mkuu huyu vivian atakua anataka kunigombanisha na mke wangu. Wewe unaonaje?

he he he he Shosti kumbe sikukupa umbeya. Habari ndio hiyo nakwambia hapa huna mwanaume

akili za kuambiwa changanya na zakwako.

Chocs huyu Heaven on earth ni besti yangu wa ukweli sitaki apotee kwa kuingia kwenye commitment ambayo itamgharimu baadae

Mbona ulisema utatunza siri?

wii kumbe umepoza moyo wako kwa figganigga?!?!?!

Huyu kazima kinoma. Ukweli anayajua mambo tatizo lake hatunzi siri wakati anajua mimi mume wa Heaven on earth.

Lady doctor yaani huyu sio mwanaume wa kukubali kuolewa naye

Jitahidi kumkatisha tamaa Heaven on earth ili uchukue nafasi yake.

my dear Paloma nilikua namchuna tu. Si unaona Uniform. Mzee wa favour ha ha ha ha ha

Saa hii yupo kazini hawezi kuingia humu ngoja atoke uone fujo zake

Mimi sina fujo. Tulijifungia chumbani ndo maana sijaonekana.

niko ofisini mpendwa wangu na nikitoka hapa naenda kwenye shughuli binafsi si unajua
tena huuu ujasiriamali nikitoka huko narudi home kupumzika, ila kesho sasa ndo
nitatafuta mahali pa kujiachia waonaje twende maisha

Wapi umemuona mathematics? mwambie namtafuta.

Hizo twaziita kopi'n-pest. Vipi mdada?

Afu huyo ulomuita aitwa Madame B na si vinginevyo.

Mkuu umenitenga sana. Huyu dogo tulikua tunakula naye ndovu kitaa nashangaa habali zote anazileta huku. Niendelee naye au nimteme?

wii hebu twendzetu kwa mwenyekiti tumfungulie vivi mashtaka, haiwezekani atudhalilishie huyu mtu kiasi hiki

umeongea point sana. Mia

 

[figganigga]

Duuh!
Kumbe @figganiga ndiyo huyu!
Keshakula mihela yangu sana!
Mara motaveko, fayaekstingwisha, wepa , bima, afu mambo ndo haya?

Unachezea rungu la dola wewe kijana? nitakuaresiti. Mia

 

[figganigga]

Hivi unajua Heaven on earth ametoka wapi na figganigga

Ajulie wapi. Miss u sana mkuu. Mia

 

[Chocs]

Ajulie wapi. Miss u sana mkuu. Mia

Mekumiss pia shem.mia

 

[Chocs]

Aisee hii mambo tupa kuleee we endelea na mkeo.mia

Kama vipi mfanyizie.

Tena afanye haraka.

Mkuu huyu vivian atakua anataka kunigombanisha na mke wangu. Wewe unaonaje?

akili za kuambiwa changanya na zakwako.

Mbona ulisema utatunza siri?

Huyu kazima kinoma. Ukweli anayajua mambo tatizo lake hatunzi siri wakati anajua mimi mume wa Heaven on earth.

Jitahidi kumkatisha tamaa Heaven on earth ili uchukue nafasi yake.

Mimi sina fujo. Tulijifungia chumbani ndo maana sijaonekana.

Wapi umemuona mathematics? mwambie namtafuta.

Mkuu umenitenga sana. Huyu dogo tulikua tunakula naye ndovu kitaa nashangaa habali zote anazileta huku. Niendelee naye au nimteme?


umeongea point sana. Mia

 

[mayenga]

Huyu afande si anaongoza magari pale kwenye mataa ya Selander!Hapa naona ni baada ya kazi pevu!

 

[Bishanga]

Mia
Elfu
Laki
Kamilioni!

 

[Mamndenyi]

Mia
Elfu
Laki
Kamilioni!

Siyo pesa ni namba tu hizo meeku.

 

[Mamndenyi]

Kwangu ni weekend nzuri sana. nimeitamani.